Cruisin'

We always say we're not "Cruise People." We object to their environmental impact. We don't like crowds, long lines, cheesy faux-Broadway musical productions, gluttonous buffets, smoky casinos, or traveling in packs like water buffalo, ruining the ambiance of otherwise charming port destinations.

Yet clearly we must be "Cruise People," because somehow we've been on an embarrassing number of them. We get tempted by bargain prices, by the convenience of packing and unpacking just once, by the notion of not having to shop, cook, or clean anything, and by the efficiency of scouting out multiple destinations we might someday return to at a more leisurely pace.

We know a lot of people who are cruise enthusiasts, who love everything about them, from the fancy formal nights to the lifeboat drills. But we totally sympathize when others who are decidedly not cruise people and have no desire to travel that way.

So why am I posting about cruises all of a sudden?

Why yes, you guessed it! Right now we are aboard a Spain/Portugal/Morocco cruise for our 35th anniversary.

WTF Is Your Problem?

 

Do you ever feel like the different parts of yourself aren't lining up properly?

In this case, I don't mean anatomically, I mean psychologically. As in: the "smart" part of you is going "I really need to do this Thing, I'll get right on that tomorrow! (ie., exercise/quit smoking/schedule a colonoscopy). And the other part of you, the part that is stupider but is actually in charge of what you end up doing is all "Ha! Like THAT's ever gonna happen!"

Of course, there's always the helpful motivational slogan popularized by Nike, "Just Do It, Asshole." Hmm. I may be remembering that slightly wrong.

But what if you'd really really really really really really rather Just Not Do It?

I've been struggling with a bad case of of the WTFIYP's myself. I asking myself what my problem is... but it's not the right question. It doesn't actually matter what the problem is. It matters what the solution is. What will get me moving again?

So I'm trying a new approach that's really an old approach that I've talked about a million times in different ways. But what the hell, I wasn't doing it, and maybe you're not either.

Since this is a blog called Cranky Fitness, you can probably guess what it is I've been avoiding.

That's right, blogging. (The Fitness thing is less of a problem).

But it occurs to me that the solution I wasn't using before and am now is equally applicable to exercise avoidance, and many other sorts of avoidances as well.

Mystery Trip!

By Crabby McSlacker

So one might wonder: where the hell did the Crab go? She barely got back to blogging before skipping town yet again, not managing even one meager blog post in the last two weeks. And sorry, this is one of those disjointed rambles accompanied by random photos. Longtime readers may recall this is customary after I come back from a trip having left half my brain cells behind.

Anyway, we actually went to a couple of different destinations...

On the Road Again...

 By Crabby McSlacker

Are you ready for a blog post chock full of healthy travel tips, amusing anecdotes, surprising discoveries, inspiring advice, and breathtaking photos of scenery and wildlife?

Oops, sorry! You probably want to type a different URL up there in your search bar. Did you not realize this was Cranky Fitness?

As it happens, I've done some decent "on the road" posts before, both of the "holy crap look how pretty this is" variety, as well as the "here's how to exercise at gas stations even if people think you're a psycho" kind. But we've only got a brief layover on this, our eleven thousandth cross-country schlep, and there's laundry to do and email to catch up on and other miscellaneous shit to take care of while we're not rolling down the road at 75 miles an hour.

But for today, I do have at least a few hiking pictures and one Important Cross Country Road Trip Lesson Learned.

Whazzup? Crabby Checks In

By Crabby McSlacker

Hey there!  So here is yet another post packed with slow-to-load photos that has nothing to do with health and fitness. Even though this is theoretically a health blog.

I mean, sure, I could try to turn this post into some sort of preachy "how to stay fit when life gets distracting" thing, but my advice would suck.

Because here's the secret to how I manage to keep up my exercise routine in the midst of many adventures and distractions and upheavals: By stubbornly prioritizing exercise, slacking horribly on other self-care and creative endeavors I should be pursuing, barely earning any income at all, and relying on the pragmatic, emotional, and financial support of my super-achiever, long-suffering wife.

Unless you've won the lotto or managed to procure a spouse like mine, I suspect my advice wouldn't be too helpful.  If I lived a normal life and wasn't so ridiculously blessed with undeserved good fortune, I'd probably have gotten about 3 minutes of exercise this year, and coped with stress and/or excitement by repeatedly sticking my head in a pail of Toll House cookie dough and washing it down with a vat of Two Buck Chuck. Instead, I've been hiking, ellipticalling, biking, swimming, doing HIIT, weight training, and even my own invented frighteningly weirdo exercises. I've been pretty much keeping on track fitness-wise, even if I do tend to undo most of it by eating like a pig.

So yeah, this isn't going to be advicey, just chatty. And as usual, it's just to put something out here to say hi, and try to entice some of you into letting me know down in the comment section what you've been up to and what you might be planning and what's on your minds these days. I miss you guys!

Anyway, what's been so distracting that I've barely made an appearance on my own damn blog in months?

Where the Heck is Crabby?

By Crabby McSlacker

So we're on the first hop of our journey... and as I threatened, I thought I'd see if there are any good guessers out there who could figure out where I am. 

Adventures and Delusions

Art: George Grie (via wikimedia)

By Crabby McSlacker

Life is getting way interesting again lately... and most of it is pretty fun to think about.

And yeah, this is one of those "meta" blog posts acknowledging that as life gets more eventful, the blog will continue to slide into further slackitude. My contributions are already getting more sporadic and weird, and I'm relying more on generous guest bloggers to keep this thing going.

I ain't ready to commit blogicide just yet. But be forewarned, its going to be kind of up and down for the forseeable future and may have sort of a "Dear diary" tone to it, plus more travel pictures and on-the-road type posts.  Even worse is the unforgivable failure to engage as much as I'd like with beloved readers and other bloggers, a state of affairs that makes me feel really shitty.  But I'm hoping at least some of you will keep hangin' in there.

By the way, HUGE THANKS to all you folks who keep visiting and commenting no matter what the state of the blog. I especially love those of you who reply to other's comments and foster such a feeling of community. Lately I've totally sucked at that. (Though while I don't always pop in to reply, I never miss reading a comment!)

And an additional huge thanks to the very cool site Healthista, which is hip and full of great content and speaks with an adorable British accent. It's got the feel of a major media outlet in terms of shiny professionalism, but manages a fun down-to-earth tone. Plus, how can I not love a site quirky enough to include Cranky Fitness in a "best health blog" sort of list? Be sure to check it out.

Anyway, so here are some of the things coming up on my calendar... how about yours?  What sort of adventures, quests, chores, ordeals, long-shot dreams or sensible goals are you looking ahead to?

Further Adventures of Death Ride Grandma: Costa Rica!

Cranky Fitness "regulars" may recall that Death Ride Grandma came to fitness late in life, but eventually got into bicycling in a big way.  She is a treasured blog commenter here, and has been generous enough to share several of her challenging rides with us--allowing us all the vicarious thrills without the airfare charges, sunburn, or burning thighs. Curious about what it might be like to bike across Costa Rica?  Here's a chance to find out! --Crabby

Guest Post By Death Ride Grandma

Well, what did you expect?

A bit of history: several years ago, we went on a fairly small boat in Costa Rica. We had naturalists on board, and saw incredible wildlife and beautiful places; it was enough to make us realize we would love to know more about what may well be the eco-tourism center of the world. So when, 11 years later, I spotted the Companions Wanted ad in a cycling magazine (no, not Craigslist!), not a commercial ad (no reason to expect that the writer knew anything) seeking a few like-minded people to ride bikes from coast to coast in Costa Rica, we decided to do it.

Crabby's Back!

By Crabby McSlacker

So some of you clever readers may be fearing that the title of this post has a double meaning.

Is it called "Crabby's Back" because Crabby is finally back from an Awesome European Adventure and ready to start torturing you all with trip photos?

Or is this going to be another post about "Crabby's back," which was the cause of much cursing, whining and bitter resentment last week when she went into spasms so brutal she couldn't even get herself coffee?

Well, fear not, readers!  My back has gotten SO MUCH BETTER over the last few days that I will have to bore you with the details of that minor miracle in a future post.  Not that I'm 100% yet, but definitely doing better.  Thanks for all the kind wishes in the comments, I think they helped!

Nope, instead, let the torture begin with...

Some Highlights from the Swanky Viking Grand River Cruise + My Solo Stay in A Cheap-Ass Budapest Apartment!

London: Visitor's Guide to Healthy Food & Fitness

photo: karmetic peace at deviant art

Guest Post by Helen Foster

So this is the last of the great guest posts for a while--I'm heading home from Budapest tomorrow. And I'm looking forward to boring the snot out of you all with tales and pictures, many of which deal with the very same theme: trying to find healthy food and exercise options while traveling.

London was not on my itinerary this trip, alas, but it is an amazing and wonderful city and a popular travel destination. It's a hell of a lot more likely you're going there someday than Budapest, right?  So Helen's got you covered with some great tips!  And there are many more over at her informative and hilarious website, Health-e-Helen, because she's British and lives and breathes this health and fitness stuff.

If her name sounds familiar, it's because I wrote about her awesome (and cheap) fitness ebook Gymspiration a while back, in a post about a one-question personality test which I stole from her. Plus she's on the blogroll, and I'm hoping some of you remember to click over sometimes when her posts come up.

Anyway, I've been having a grand old time, and I will eventually have lots to share about that when I get back to blogging. Whether that's a promise or a threat is an open question.

So please welcome Helen!--Crabby

When I found out Crabby was needing guest posts I was jumping up and down waving my hand in the air faster than you can say ‘yay, I get to write for my blog idol’. Of course then the doubt set in – what can I write about? What do I know more about than Crabby? What have I done? Can I feign amnesia?........then Crabby gave me the answer herself.

I’m British and on my blog health-e-helen I’d written about a delivery service in London offering low-carb, broccoli bread pizza and Crabby was coveting a slice. The word visit was mentioned. Aha, I thought – if Crabby wants to come to London and eat low-carb pizza so might Crabby’s readers! And they might want to do other healthy stuff too while they’re here. And that I know about. See no longer is London a wasteland for the fit and healthy. Yes, we all still drink like fishes and have slightly wonky teeth but we’re catching up when it comes to the healthy stuff. So , here we have it, The Health-e Guide To Healthy London.

Whining: New and Improved!

It wouldn’t be Cranky Fitness without whining, would it?

Five bucks? TOTALLY worth it!

Yet in my recent personal development quest (goal: transform from worrywart crankbucket into radiant beaming flower child filled with love and joy and all that crap) I’ve been trying to think a bit more positively.

Here's the dilemma: how can I work towards more joy and optimism in life while still indulging in a favorite habit (bitching), so that I still get to savor a little self-righteous indignation every now and then?

Well, I learned a handy trick from one of my many self-improvement books! (And no, not The Power of Going on Oprah Now; this is a bit too unenlightened and thinky for our pal Eckhard Tolle).

This tip is easy-peasy.  So care to watch Crabby use Whining 2.0 to handle any negativity surrounding the mostly awesome cross-country trek she just finished taking with her spouse and favorite traveling companion, the Lobster?

The Trick to "Positive" Whining:

This is one you probably already know, but just pretend along with me that it's a new idea, okay?

First go ahead and try to take a negative or ambiguous situation and reframe it as a positive one. (Oh goody! This 40 mile traffic jam will give me a great chance to catch up on 7 months of missed kegels!)

But if your inner bullshitometer goes off the charts and you realize you are SO not buying it, consider the next best alternative:

Go ahead and bitch, but be sure to end with a shiny positive thing. (You can always find something).

For example, instead of:


"We're staying at a hotel because our plumbing system backed up and our our house is full of raw sewage and we're totally devastated and who knows when we'll ever get our lives back..."

Try:

"Our plumbing system backed up and our house is filled with raw sewage, can you f--cking believe it?  But we're staying at a hotel and now we don't have to wash our sheets or vacuum or empty the trash or scrub the bathroom because the cleaning people do it all!"

Or, instead of:

"It was a great graduation party until uncle Bernie got drunk and barfed in the punchbowl."

Try:

 "Well, Bernie got drunk and barfed in the punchbowl, but it was a great graduation party!"

See the difference? Since our brains are so clueless, we tend to remember the last thing we told ourselves and feel more upbeat about the exact same situation.

As it happens, I don't need to do any fancy reverse-bitching technique to convince myself that we had an awesome time driving crosscountry in Fran the Van.   But there are always a few little nitpicks, right?

Like:

"Hey Planet Fitness in Elyria Ohio that charged us 20 f--cking dollars each for day passes (the cost of two months of membership) and then only had those sucky Life Fitness elliptical machines and not one of my beloved Precors and also had no soap in the showers... nice job on the bright colors!!!

Um, "no critics?"  Good luck with that.

(On the other hand, kudos to the Bozeman Montana Gold's gym which was luxuriously well-equipped, had reasonably priced day passes, and was stocked full of the most buffed fitness freaks I've ever run across, many of whom were actually friendly. And how cute is Bozeman?!?)

Or another example: too bad my crappy photography skills meant I missed pictures of a fox, a moose, a buffalo, a ton of beautiful birds, and even the bizarre appearance of a mink crossing a busy urban street in Seattle...but hooray, I caught one of the nineteen million prairie dogs in Theodore Roosevelt National Park in North Dakota!

And yes, it was standing up in a much more adorable pose until I got the camera out.

OK, so now I'm having to stretch a bit as there weren't a lot of legitimate whining opportunities to exploit...

Too bad about that state campground outside of Coueur D'Alene that was supposed to be open wasn't, damnit! But instead we ended up staying right on a river in a different campground in which we were the only campers there and had a lovely time.

The Lobster and Fran the Van down by the riverside.

And now I have to abandon all pretense of feeling the least bit cranky about our trip. We had lovely weather the whole way and loads of fun. Some random pictures follow which should really be posted on my personal Facebook page instead of here, but every time I try they end up upside down or something. I have some sort of weird Facebook Incompetency Syndrome for which there is apparently no cure... um, but think of all the time I save not posting there!

Toodling around in Seattle...

I'm the brawn, she's the brains--works out perfectly.

We saw lots of cute old mining towns, which we were too lazy to try to photograph, but the Lobster couldn't resist this sign:

And blah blah blah more frolicking along the way...

Until we arrived in Provincetown Massachusetts with tons of dirty laundry, boxes to unpack, stacks of mail to sort, accumulated dust and leaves and weeds to clear out, furniture to haul from the basement and shed, overflowing email boxes and other miscellaneous items that needed attention...

This lovely specimen had a grand old time in the back of our cupboard while we were gone.

...but it's GREAT to be back!!!

Missed you guys, since obviously my efforts to stay in touch with the online world were a total FAIL. But can't wait to get caught up with what you've all been up to!

Any thoughts on reverse-whining, or interesting stuff that happened while I was gone, or just wanna say hi?


Whining sign photo credit: Russell Reno
Planet Fitness shot stolen from the Planet Fitness people, please don't sue me!

Road Trip Report and Les Mills Pump Giveaway Winner!

Yes, we have a giveaway winner! But just to be annoying, how about I announce who won the Les Mills Pump DVD giveaway  at the very very bottom of the post, after a bunch of tedious paragraphs about our road trip, the history and implications of our migratory habits, trip pictures, and other stuff you really didn't care to know?

Ahem.... WAKE UP!

There, that’s better. Now go grab a cup of coffee before you proceed to scroll right down to the bottom past all the miscellaneous rambling to see if you won the giveaway.

So it's true we haven't event started east yet, just north, but here are:

Four Road Trip Discoveries So Far:

1. The whole saying goodbye thing sucks.


Regular readers know that the Lobster (beloved spouse) and I have a freakish bicoastal lifestyle in which twice a year, we pack up a bunch of our crap and migrate to the opposite coast.

Sort of like this, but with more chocolate.

We both hail from the San Francisco Bay Area, which we love, but we also fell under the spell of Provincetown Massachusetts, which is an amazing place to live… for about six months of the year.

Not this six months.

Our love for Provincetown led us to sell our bay area house and spend half the year on the east coast. But saying goodbye to family and friends is hard! Each time, we'd leave half our hearts behind.  Though it makes for lousy song lyrics, don’t you think? “I left half my heart… in San Francisco.” Nope, doesn't have quite the same ring.

Then to further complicate things, we found ourselves seduced by Hillcrest, a cute little  neighborhood in San Diego that was more affordable than the bay area yet still driveable to see our families. After two winters in Hillcrest, we now have a found some great pals whom we will miss greatly until we return in the fall.

The bottom line (sheesh, willya get to the point, Crabby?): Our biannual migrations allow us to see people we care about whom we haven't seen in a while. Hooray! But alas, multiple “homes” means we have to say goodbye to people we’d rather kidnap and stash in the back of the van if we had enough valium and duct tape and any chance of getting away with it.

2. ButtAerobics!

I’ve blogged before on road trips about using rest stops as an opportunity for calisthenics, (which looks and feels even weirder than it sounds so I simply pretend I’m invisible), as well as taking along suspension trainers and improvising exercises on trails by lifting enormous boulders.

The downside? These methods all involve leaving the vehicle! What about all those hours speeding down the highway where stepping out the door at 70mph isn’t quite practical?

Introducing: ButtAerobics! Put on some bouncy music, and get your freak on while driving with chair wiggling and head bobbing and sporadic awkward fist-pumping. If you're the passenger person, you can add stretchy band exercises, knee lifts, and seat-reclined hip thrusters! (And please do this last one while passing bored truckers if you want to feel like a total asshole).

3. I am totally pathetic when it comes to blogging on the road.

The sad thing is that I've actually been trying! What did me in was that I started the book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. (I had no choice after FOUR different people recommended it to me in the space of a month. Which would make sense if it were a hot new trendy best-seller, but the book came out way back in 1997 when poor Eckhart was probably writing by candle light with a quill pen.)

Anyway, my error was in trying to write a blog post with actual content while traveling.

Did I admit defeat? Yes ! But sadly, not soon enough. I spent countless hours composing, writing, adding, deleting, rewriting, abandoning, and starting over. And each time I'd end up with the textual equivalent of:

Photo: andidigress

And ironically, what was the title of the post that I spent so much time over-thinking that I became a babbling incoherent puddle of frustration incapable of stringing two words together? It was: "Is Thinking Bad?"

Sigh.

(Apparently, Eckhart thinks we should spend a whole hell of a lot less time thinking, live exclusively in the present and spend more quality time sitting on park benches feeling blissed out. It's a fascinating read but a STUPID IDIOTIC CRAPPY CHOICE for a blog post on the road.)

4. The Pacific Northwest Rocks!

True, we hit the timing just right: the weather was sunny and pleasant, yet it was pre-summer enough that everything was mellow and friendly and uncrowded and flowers were blooming everywhere and it was green and gorgeous.

Is Ashland Oregon not a totally adorable town? We didn't see any plays as it was just a lunch stop, but it had an awesome park on a river to stroll through, cute shops and restaurants, a food co-op with amazing healthy lunch offerings, and happy looking people of all ages running around looking intelligent and outdoorsy and creative and friendly. Or perhaps Ashland itself is secretly one big play with a utopian theme, and all those those cool townsfolk were just paid extras?  Either way, it was a great show and we felt like applauding at the end when we hit the road again.

The Lobster in The Nice Park In Ashland

 With the Name I of Course Can't Remember

And Silver Falls State park?

Holy Crap it was purdy!

And now let's rejoin the folks who skipped straight down to the bottom to reveal that...

The Les Mills Pump DVD workout set winner is...

Kim!

Congratulations, Kim, and please email crabby mcslacker at gmail dot com and let me know your mailing address by May 24th!

And thanks everyone for stopping by, wish y'all were here hanging with us!

So how is everyone doing?  Anyone else find their brain melts on road trips?  Any random thoughts about anything?

Best Laid Plans...

So we're back from our camping trip... and pretty much nothing that happened the entire 5 days bore any resemblance to what we'd carefully planned.

And isn't this so often the case in life?

In a health/fitness context, it happens all the time: the yoga class you planned your day around is cancelled because the instructor has leprosy or couldn't find a babysitter for her pet iguana; the healthy restaurant you suggested for lunch has a line of hungry vegans packed birkenstock-to-birkenstock for half a block and your coworkers all vote for Hooters instead; or all the ellipticals at your gym are being monopolized by skeletal exercise addicts who will never, ever leave voluntarily and must instead be forcibly peeled off their Precors and wrestled into a secured facility, and you're not feeling up to the task.

Or to use another completely arbitrary example... let's say the beautiful national park you were looking forward to camping in, the one with all those awesome hikes that was forecast to have pleasant sunny weather during your trip?  Suppose the forecast changes just as you are packing up and now features a decidedly less welcoming array of possibilities, from ice-cold winds to downpours to snow and/or thunderstorms.

Sigh. Hypothetically.

So then what happens?

As regular readers are probably tired of hearing, Crabby has been trying to rewire her brain over these last months to become less of a whiny worrywart, and more of a go-with-the-flow sunshine girl. And what is one of the hardest challenges to this new frame of mind? It's trying to find the positive and discovering new opportunities when things do not go as expected.

Let's Pretend This Post is About Exercise Since this is a Fitness Blog!

I actually have a fairly good track record of taking workout "tragedies" and turning them into opportunities to mix things up a bit. Many of my now-favorite exercise activities only came about because my customary cardio or weight routines were suddenly not available due to injury, closures or cancellations, equipment failures, or competition from other annoying butthead gym-goers who got there first and took the Thing I Wanted.

But I'd come to realize I had two alternatives: give up and not exercise, or get the f--k over myself and go try something different.

And then, lo and behold... I'd find the new thing was not nearly as icky as I'd thought, and it became either a new mainstay, or at least a comfortable back-up plan the next time something my preferred workout routine would gang aft agley.*  Now I have many back-up plans, and consequently, have far fewer temper tantrums.

Exercise tip for the day: Use unexpected Fitness Detours as a forced opportunity to mix up your routine.

Duh!

Okay, Let's Stop Pretending this is a Fitness Post Now.

So yep, the trip required navigating some logistical challenges, which we handled by swearing, griping, moaning, and panicking re-assessing, brainstorming, scrambling, and shifting gears.  Over and f--king over.  There were a series of misadventures too boring to relate, but plans were made and re-made and re-remade many times as circumstances changed.  But in the end we had an awesome time! I do think the brain re-wiring project is helping, because I was not even moderately pissy throughout the chaos that was our camping trip, and I suspect before I would have had quite a few meltdowns.

Anyway, here's where we thought we were going:

And here's the main place we ended up going instead:

Did I mention that the Lobster and I are not big fans of the desert? But one thing it did have going for it: relative proximity. That plus the fact that it contained the only campsite within 2000 miles that was not either booked or under 10 feet of water.

The campground we thought we were staying in:

Where we ended up:

Not pictured but within inches: Boombox blasting Lynyrd

 Skynyrd; barking dogs; and 14,372 screaming children.

Actually, we also stayed on the coast, enjoying lovely beach walks, and went to the nearby mountains for a hike with friends. And the ugly desert campground had several hot springs you could soak in. Some of the trails seemed frankly a bit dreary, but I had one lovely morning hike that was downright magical. Perhaps it was because of the rabbits and birds and whimsical cactus and ocotillo and other exotic desert flora and fauna? Though I suspect the huge quantity of caffeine coursing through my veins and a steady diet of self-improvement brain-washing tapes had something to do with it.

Of course there are no pictures of the pretty morning hike, so just imagine something pretty and desert-y.  K' thanks!

Oh, and meals!  We'd pictured dinging around the campfire, or perhaps picnicking on the trail:

But due to our many changing venues and our desire not to burn our neighbors tent to the ground (since it was millimeters from our fire pit), we had to improvise.  So while in the coastal area, we were forced to make do with the most amazingly delicious whole grain pancakes ever at the Naked Cafe in Carlsbad.

(Actually, these were the Lobster's but she let me steal some bites.  I had the pesto eggwhite scramble with greens and it was also quite delicious.  But the meal was so healthy it caused nearby light to bend in amazement and so the photo of it is all blurry. Weird how physics works, isn't it?)

Oh, and there were other culinary adventures too:

Wait... what's that weirdly familiar blue hue?

 Is it? ... No, couldn't be... Nah...

Eeek!  Who would roast innocent Peeps on a campervan stove to make S'mores?

(Personal aside: hey, thanks JanV for the sacrificial offering! The Camping Gods were apparently appeased as we survived the trip). 

And there was hiking too!

And don't be fooled by these two fresh-faced innocent-looking hiking companions who led me and the Lobster on a hike.  Turns out, they have wicked snow-ball slinging skills, and are fearlessly undeterred by fresh (and gigantic) mountain lion tracks, Border Patrol agents with large firearms taking suspects into custody, and shoe-soaking snow drifts that left us all drenched and in desperate need of cocktails to warm us up.  (However, it turns out these hardy hikers are afraid of seaweed snacks!  I'm hoping mountain lions have a similar aversion, should we ever come face to fang with one).

Was that a rambling mess of a blog post or what!  But going back to the pretense that this is a fitness blog...

Do you ever find new cool things when you run into Fitness Detours (or any detours for that matter)?
 

**If Wikipedia is to be believed, the whole "best laid plans of Mice and Men" quote comes from a line in a Robert Burns poem: "The best laid schemes o' mice an' men / Gang aft agley." See? Wasn't that highbrow?  And aren't you feeling smug you read all the way down to the bottom of the post?

Photo Credit for Detour sign: Stumax 

Personal Day

This is to announce that Crabby is taking a "personal day" today.

Yep, I'm taking off from the blog in order to fly cross-country on personal business***, so I'm gone, but it's not quite vacation. And I hate hate hate to fly. I'd actually rather be home surfing the web for health news and fielding PR pitches for vitamin water than sitting in an airplane... go figure!

But anyway, it's also a "personal day" in the sense that I did an interview with the nice folks at A Weight Lifted, and they're running it today over at their blog.

Now if you're anything like me, you might have a slight resistance to clicking the link. Because you came HERE, and now I'm sending you SOMEWHERE ELSE for today's post. I know I hate to follow a blogger over to a guest post elsewhere. And I have a cable modem, so it's not even about loading time... it's the principle of the thing! People shouldn't be wandering all over the web making you chase after them, dagnabbit!

Anyway, sorry about that. But if you don't mind clicking over to A Weight Lifted for the Crabby McSlacker interview, they're very nice folks over there and they ask fun questions! Remember Marsha, the Dietitian with Dark Dirty Secrets? That's where she blogs.

And as to my "personal business," it's one of those things that's really interesting if you're the person actually conducting the business, but not so interesting if you're not. But if you're bored this morning and want to know what it is...

***Crabby's Personal Business, Explained:

We might be buying a condo.

See, once upon a time, the Lobster and I had a home in California, in the San Francisco Bay Area. But we sold it and downsized into a condo in Provincetown, Massachusetts--one of our favorite places on earth.

The problem? Winter time. In freezing-ass cold weather, Provincetown is not such a favorite place anymore. It's not only cold but lonely. Almost nothing is open and only a few hardy souls hang around.

We don't do hardy.

We are aware that some people, on contemplating a move from a year-round home to a summer place, might think about winter plans before selling their house. But we decided hey, it's a good time to sell in CA, so what the heck! We'll take it a year at a time.

Last winter we stayed with relatives in the SF Bay Area, and this coming winter it looks like we have a house-sitting arrangement lined up in our old Rockridge neighborhood. Hooray!

But at some point we'd like to have a more permanent winter home. So we're attempting to buy a condo in San Diego where it's warmer than the Bay Area, but still close enough for frequent family visits. We found a place we are very excited about (in Hillcrest, near Balboa Park) and put an offer on it. However, we are planning to rent it out for a year or so until we're sure we can actually afford to live in it.

So I need to fly out and make sure the place is not radioactive, or infested with rats or rattlesnakes, or riddled with toxic mold, or located next to a meth lab or a vampire lair or something.

Be back sometime Wednesday morning. Thanks for your patience!

--Crabby

50 ways to lose your blubber

[By Merry]

Oh come now -- you know full well that I do not have an attention span long enough to list 50 ways to lose fat. Besides, Cranky Fitness is not a Weight Loss blog. It was just a cheap trick to make you click the link. Which you have, so I'm happy. You can go away now.



Crap. You're still here. I suppose that means I've got to follow through on what I started.

Have you noticed those '25 things to do before I die' lists that people have been making on their blogs? This is an example: 100 things to do before you die.

One thing that most of the lists have in common is that the activities listed are frequently ones that would cause you to lose fat and gain muscle. (Climb Mount Kilimanjaro, ski down Everest, wrestle a sabre-toothed tiger.)
What could be better?

Go forth, spake I to myself, and create a list of things you really want to do before you die. Scan the list for things that would cause you to lose fat. Do these things. What could be simpler?

Oh, so now you expect me to follow my own advice, do you? Want me to publish such a list just to show I'm not a chicken? Fine. See below.

***********************************************

Before you get to my list, a couple of things to bear in mind.
Something that these lists have in common is that the lister really would like to do these actions. So from my perspective, that meant scratching anything that involved heights, depths, or cats the size of sanitation trucks.

Another similarity with many of these lists is that some of the tasks on them are frankly... well, they read a bit like those Christmas letters you get from someone you don't know very well, in fact you've forgotten the names of their children, but the letter tells you that the 10 year old has been accepted into Harvard and the 3 year old won the Turner prize for Art. One of those letters. I am not convinced that some of these people really have any plans to ride the space shuttle, drive coast to coast in a red convertible with a hot blond, or ask their boss for a raise. They probably couldn't come up with a full 25 without some padding.

My list, as it stands now, is only composed of things that I really want to do and that are within my capabilities, physical, emotional, financial.

***********************************************
My List:

1. Ride a century (100 mile bike race).
2. Run one of those -- what do you call them? A 401k? Oh, right, a 5k. (Knew it was something like that.)
3. Get my house organized
   
4. Ride with a regular cycling group, (Currently my pace is a bit too slow for the groups around here.)
5. Become thin-and-fit, ready to embark on a career of World Domination.
   

Looking at this list, it's a bit depressing that I can't think of 25 things to do before I die. Really, I'm not planning to go for several more decades. Time to start thinking of things to do. Because I think the worst thing I could do would be to drift through life and only realize at the end that I could have enjoyed myself a bit more.

One way to come up with ideas is to try this: Tackle any issue with a list of 100. I'll have to see if I can come up with more things to do.

Or if you have any suggestions, please let me know. What's on your list?

If you still need a '50 ways' fix, might I suggest 50 ways to get fit for summer? It's still useful information at any time of the year.

Photo courtesy of flickr. For some reason, "swim with dolphins" was on every single To Do list that I saw.

Yoga and Wine: Together at Last?

Cranky Fitness has been alerted to a surprising new development: did you know you could combine yoga practice with wine tasting? Crabby sure didn't!

The New York Times was on it many months ago (registration might be required), but Crabby missed the boat and needed a nudge from the helpful vital juice folks, who emailed to let her know about it. Apparently there is not just one venue, but several, that offer both activities together.

On hearing this, Crabby was at first confused. How can you sip wine if you're standing on your head? Or what if you're bent over at the waist, or crouched on all fours, or flat on your back? Crabby is capable of dribbling wine down her front when seated upright at a table in a nice restaurant. How on earth could people do their tastings during yoga class?

But then Crabby realized: Oh. Probably they both don't mean at the exact same time. Probably they mean do the yoga first--then taste the wine.

Got it now! You go on a retreat or to a workshop that features both yoga and wine tasting, but not simultaneously.

Still. Do they belong together?

Crabby has lots of opinions. Problem is, her opinions totally contradict each other. Perhaps she needs to do a sun salutation or pour herself a glass of Sauvignon Blanc and meditate further on what it all means. Or, better yet, she may have to ask her Smart Readers what to think.

So please help Crabby sort this out. Here were some of her first impressions:

1. Smart marketing! Lots of people like both wine and yoga, and many of these folks have $$$ to spend on retreats.

2. How crass! Yoga isn't just an exercise, it's part of a spiritual practice. What's next--Yoga retreats combined with tummy tucks? Or with seminars on "How to Profit from Real Estate Foreclosure Sales?"

3. But most people don't do yoga as a religion. They do it for exercise. Why should they have to get all picky about what they combine it with?

4. So what if "most people" only dabble? You shouldn't subvert the deeper nature of the practice by treating it as some consumer product to exploit.

5. "Deeper nature?" What do you know about the "deeper nature" of yoga? You've never even been to a yoga class!

6. Well, I saw a video once. Some nice pony-tailed man with a cute British accent kept talking about his "sit bone." Anyway, it still seems kind of cynical. I bet most real yoga people would object.

7. So they can stay home! Think about it--gentle stretching and mellow people and wine? What's not to like?

8. Hmm. Would there be, like, a really nice restaurant? And a spa with deep tissue massage?

9. Sure!

10. What was the question again?

Please help the bewildered Crab.

Yoga + Wine Tasting. Yes? No? Maybe?

Random Crab Facts, Part Two: Places

Regular readers are already aware that Crabby is away on vacation, and is doing half-assed posts about nothing in particular until she gets back. Thank goodness for guest posts! Normally Crabby at least pretends to write a health blog, and she promises someday soon she will be pretending to do that again.

But today it's more random Crab Facts! This works well for vacation time, because it doesn't require Crabby to do any research other than rummage around her own musty dusty brain. She can do that while sipping chardonnay and sampling dark chocolate and enjoying an unusually balmy fall evening on the patio outside a lovely hotel room.

So why should you care to know more about Crabby and the boring details of her real life?

Because... well, because... damn. She can't really think of a reason.

But anyway, Crabby gets asked every now and then where she lives. She used to avoid answering that question, but now she's kind of thinking what the hell. None of you is going to hunt down "Crabby McSlacker" and threaten her with bodily harm just because of some stupid thing she wrote on her blog. You have much better things to do. So Crabby will go ahead and answer that question.

Crabs tend to be fond of coasts. Right now Crabby lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, in a nifty walkable neighborhood called Rockridge on the border between Oakland and Berkeley.

She has lived other places in the Bay Area, like San Francisco and San Anselmo. She also lived in San Diego, in Madison, New Jersey, and in New York City (in the West Village. That was really fun). She has visited Provincetown, Massachusetts and Washington D.C. for long enough to feel almost like she lived there. She is a very lucky crab to have gotten to experience all these great places.

Sometimes the Crab and Lobster ponder the possibility of relocating again. This is a favorite past-time whenever they travel. Wouldn't it be fun to live here someday? How about there? Isn't this a cute street? What a nice park! The beach is how many blocks away? Look at all those restaurants!

Canada comes up quite a bit. Vancouver, particularly; a vibrant beautiful city. But then there is the whole citizenship thing. Plus, it rains there a lot.

Right now the Crab and Lobster are in Provincetown, Massachusetts, a favorite vacation spot. They are perhaps even as you read this looking longingly at some of the condos there, whistling nonchalantly as though they didn't even notice all the Price Reduced signs. There a quite a few of those signs these days... again, not that they've noticed.

It would be a huge leap... the logistics are daunting... the two coast are so far apart! Part time on one coast with family, part time on the other coast? How would that work? A crazy idea. Completely insane. Right?

It's not like Provincetown is the only beautiful, artsy, beachy, historic, amazing, incredible, seductive town in the world.

(But the Crab and Lobster can't recall one they've ever liked better).

Does anyone else do this when they travel? Do you imagine your life in new places? Do you move around much? Or does your current home feel like it will always be "home" to you?

The Next Few Weeks: Don't Go Away!

Yes, it's true that Crabby will be posting less frequently and even more lazily than usual from now until Mid-October. Sorry!

At first she will be busy because a passel of Crab Family Members are winging (on Special Crab Wings) their way to Washington D.C. for a visit starting today. They will be staying at the not-very-spacious Crab and Lobster temporary residence, so this should be interesting! The plan is: get out of the tiny apartment as often as possible. Then, after the visiting Crabs all scuttle back to their own stretch of sand, Crabby and the Lobster will be heading off for a vacation of their own. (To one of their favorite places, hooray!) When that's over, they will be packing up and resettling back on the West Coast.

However, Crabby has some great guest posts lined up! (She can always use more, too, if anyone is still mulling the idea over.) And she will post a few things here and there to entice you to keep visiting. She promises her posts won't be the least bit educational.

There may even be a Surprising Personal Revelation or two, if Crabby doesn't chicken out. She is toying with the idea of becoming slightly less anonymous. (Not that there are exactly legions of Crab Fans pining for Crab Facts. But humor her here, okay?) On the other hand, it is also possible Crabby will re-think this notion and stay holed up inside her crusty shell for a while longer. But--should it happen, only the loyal readers who keep checking in during her "break" will be in the know!

Also, apologies in advance: Crabby is already way behind on blog visits, and will probably have to catch up with everyone when she gets back. And while she will greedily read every comment left on the blog in her semi-absence, she may not be responding much, if at all. Please leave comments anyway, though! Lots of people enjoy them, not just Crabby. And Crabby will giggle to herself as she reads them, even if she may not jump into the discussion herself. You can even respond to each other's comments and pretend you are Crabby, only funnier! That would make her very happy.

Crabby is nervous, of course, that if she's not here as much you will all forget you were ever regulars here. Please don't! A morose crab with no snap in its claws is a terribly depressing thing to witness. No one wants to see that.

So... don't forget to check in tomorrow to see what's up at Cranky Fitness, and thanks, everyone, for your patience!

Out Having Fun?

(Photo courtesy of The Smitten Image)

Crabby hopes you're Out and About, if you live somewhere this particular holiday is celebrated. And if you're at work, try to have some fun anyway! You could start a water fight at the company water cooler! Er, maybe not.

Do people actually hang out at the "Water Cooler" anymore and discuss things? This seems unlikely. Crabby has not worked at an Office Job in a long time.

(All she remembers about Water Coolers was that it was a huge pain in the ass to put the new bottle on. Naturally everyone kept avoiding it, and so thirsty Crabby would often be the one to take it upon herself to do it. She'd open the huge water jug, hoist all 150lbs of it (well it seemed that big) into the air, and then tip it upside down, madly circling the tiny hole of the dispenser trying to center the jug as gallons and gallons of water were spilling all over the break room. Why did they make the jugs so big, the cooler so high, the hole so small? For their own amusement? Crabby hopes water dispensing technology has improved a lot since those days).

Anyway, for those of you at work who want to pretend you're taking a nice walk through the park and appreciating the natural beauty and diversity of your community, our good friend Hilary can take you on a virtual photo tour. (Hers is the picture above). She has a great accompanying essay too and lots more pictures!

And is anyone off traveling in foreign countries? Of course you couldn't wait to get back home to read Cranky Fitness so you're probably huddled at an internet cafe right now. (OK, perhaps not. In fact if you are Cut it Out and Go outside!) Anyway, anyone who's had a recent lousy Passport Photo taken will appreciate this amusing post over at Gadling. And who's that woman brave enough to display her own less-than-optimal results? Why it's our friend Martha! (If you click on her name you'll discover Martha is actually a hottie, so we won't feel too sorry for her).

So that's it for the holiday and Crabby will be back tomorrow. If you have any thoughts about your weekend, the End of Summer, Water Fights, Passports, or Anything At All, feel free to share!

In Flight Entertainment

Sorry, this is not a real post. But Crabby didn't want to turn the lights off entirely at Cranky Fitness as she makes her way to D.C. for the start of her East Coast adventure.

As it happens, Crabby hates flying, so she will not be enjoying the journey all that much. She'll be counting down the minutes and gripping the armrests tightly in order to keep the plane aloft. (Silly pilots think they fly the planes, but really, it is all the nervous flyers back in the cabin who are doing all the work. If any one of us were to relax for a moment--fooom! However, don't worry, we take our responsibilities seriously. There will be no relaxing).

People sometimes give Crabby advice on how to deal with her "fear of flying." However, she doesn't feel that her fear is the problem. The problem is that every now and then, a plane crashes. That's the problem! Just invent planes that never, ever, ever crash--then Crabby will have no fear of flying. The argument that "well, you're even more likely to get killed during the cab ride to the airport" is, strangely enough, not helpful. It just makes Crabby that much more aware of the fact that the cabbie is driving 30 mph over the speed limit and cutting people off right and left and has permanently disabled the seatbelts.

So here are some totally silly things that made Crabby giggle over the last week or so. Since this is Not Really a Post, she'll just throw them around without worrying whether they're health-related or not.

Remember earlier we were talking about sweet little Oscar, the kitty who would cuddle up to dying nursing home patients, as though somehow he "knew it was time?" Well, via Chicken Girl, Mental Floss has the goods on Oscar. (Note: this is dark and weirdly delicious LOLcat humor, something the Crab was unfamiliar with until recently. She is still somewhat bewildered by it all, but she is nonetheless amused).

And in another Cat related post, Lady Rose over Diet Pulpit has a great diet suggestion--and don't worry, it doesn't involve feasting on felines.

This last link isn't cat related unless one wants to get really crude about anatomical slang expressions. We won't. Note, however: this commercial parody is a bit Raunchy, Juvenile, and is possibly Not Safe for Work depending on how uptight your workplace is. It is also Not New. Many of you may have seen it on TV already, but Crabby hadn't. (And it has the word hygiene in it, so Crabby is counting it as "health related.")

You are now free to move about the blogosphere.