December 24, 2007

Cranky Holiday Chat

[Written by Crabby]

Yep, the holidays are here, and we do intend on spending a good deal of it away from our computers. So instead of writing posts, we thought we'd leave up an "open thread" post. This means it's going to sit here awhile.

However, even though it may look deceptively quiet, don't go away! Mary and Crabby and other folks may well be dropping in and chatting down below.

What will we be talking about? Really cool secret stuff.

Stuff too lurid and shocking and unspeakable to be up there in a main post for everyone to read.

(Okay, so we can always hope.)

We want to hear if anything cool and heartwarming happened over the holidays. Or, what awful or wonderful Christmas presents did you get? Did your boss try to grab your ass at the company party? And what was it ditzy Aunt Enid said to Cousin Johnny about labia piercings right after she downed her fourth martini on Christmas Eve?

If you find you need to vent, or share a funny joke, or tell us something people don't generally know about you--cool! It's just us here. If you have a blog, you know you have to be careful what you say 'cause your husband or kid or mother in law might see it. But it's pretty much guaranteed none of those people will find you down here in the comments at Cranky Fitness.

If you're new here, or especially bored, check out some of the "typical crabbiness" posts, or wander randomly through the archives. What was the blog this weird when it very first started? Gosh, just think of all the fun you could have.

(And no, we won't be devastated or offended if no one stops by. It's the holidays--have fun with your families! But if you need a little break, the comments will be open for business. Please stop by and keep our page views from going completely down the toilet say hello!)

We both appreciate of all of you folks so much--the amusing clever friendly commenters as well as those of you who stop by regularly to read our ramblings. Thank you all SO MUCH! So best wishes to you all and your loved ones, and hope your holidays (or your regular old weekdays, if that's the case) are happy and peaceful and joyous!


  1. So I'll start!

    We had an early Christmas celebration with the Lobster side of the family, and opened presents last night. And I got a very cool Crab paperweight from my mother in law--it's really quite fetching! I'll have to take a picture of it and post it when we're back.

    I'm at less liberty to share all the lurid Crab/Lobster goings on since there is at least some remote chance that my family members might wander down into the comments. So the chandelier swinging and strippers and explosions and illegal substances and appalling misbehavior you can't even imagine will just have to go unmentioned.

    However, others of you are completely safe down here!

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  3. Ooo, we're having our family party tonight. But they're generally pretty g-rated cheesy affairs. Can't wait though!

    I just got back from some last minute Christmas shopping and found my boys had unwrapped some gifts under the tree from Grandma. Apparently there was some miscommunication about "tonight" and "right now."

  4. Damn, was hoping for some lurid, naked chandelier-swinging stories!

    So far, it's been pretty tame up here in the frozen north. Well, except for...oh, um, gee, at least one of the Bag Lady's relatives reads this, so better not share THAT she was saying...all's quiet on the northern front! (oh, and that story about how much Rudolph was drinking the other night is greatly exaggerated!! His nose is red because of his allergies. Honest.)

  5. Not much happening here right now. One present still hasn't arrived from Amazon, although I've been assured it woll be here. I'm getting a little nervous because everything else is ready to go.

    I'm feeling like I didn't get Dan enough, but I may just buy him a credit at iTunes or something to assuage my guilt.

    Right now I'm sitting here with chemicals in my hair so my father won't have to see me with gray in my hair tomorrow and feel like he's old.

    Now I just need to see if I can get out of having to do stuff with the in-laws tonight. People who claim to see visions of the Virgin Mary make me twitchy. :-(

  6. I'm doing Christmas eve dinner for my ex, kidlets and cousin. Two Jews and two half Jews.. what's wrong with this picture? I'm just much better with turkey than potato latkes.

    I'll check back later when the chandeliers are in motion.

    Happy holidays all! :)

  7. Sadie and I are visiting Karen's parents. Things have been quiet. I'm about to go and take a nap under the Christmas tree.

    -- P

  8. So far I've survived 3 visits from the relatives. Kinda hard to find any moment to do things like access important blogs, or floss, or stuff like that, but lots of celebratin' going on.

    Good ole Amazon! Guaranteed delivery by Christmas eve, then sent an email saying 'oops, sorry, can't guarantee nothing.' Before I could get home and cancel the order (can't access Amazon from work), got another email telling me they'd shipped it. Bah humbug, Amazon.

    Note to self: buy online books from Powell's next year.

  9. Am I to infer that Hilary is planning to swing from the chandeliers later on tonight? (What do they put in their eggnog? ;)

  10. Well, the other section of the frozen north is putting chemicals in her hair as well, not to make anyone except herself feel younger. Then she will be wrapping up the few prezzies she has to give and going to her friends for supper.

    She is also waiting for the phone call telling her that Leah is on her way home (or not). I'll let you all know once I get the call.

    Oh, by the way, chandelier swinging happens on boxing day at my friends house, but I'll be back to watch Hilary!

  11. Hey, Hilary, *hic*, get off that chandelier and have s'more eggnog! Sheesh, what did you put in that eggnog, anyway?
    That's it - Baggie's switchin' over to pomegrante juice and champagne...

  12. It's quite obvious the Bag Lady is well on her way to being in the bag -- she can't spell!
    She's also ahead (get it?) of the gals with chemicals in their hair - she did that 10 days ago so she wouldn't look old for her B-day!

  13. You guys are hilarious!

    No hair chemicals here, but plenty of Amazon angst. Also a last-minute delivery that's not here yet.

    And we're gettin' ready to take Fran the Van on a little excursion up to visit friends in Seattle starting the day after Christmas. Going to take it (relatively) slow up the coast and meander a bit. And we're going to take the Moo too, (our aged but good-natured cat) so should be interesting.

    Internet access may be a bit touch and go from the 26-29th, but I'm sure we can find some wireless somewhere.

    'Cause I can't wait to hear how Christmas went for everyone and if they've gotten bag lady and Hilary down of the chandeliers yet.

  14. Don't have a chandelier, but that ceiling fan is looking quite inviting. And its motorized too.

    Which is nice after a few nogs too many because that way I don't have to work extra hard to make an ass of myself - all I have to do is flip the switch and....weeeeeeeee!

    Oh. Uh. The room is spinning. No. Its me. Weee. Woooo. Ooooo. Spinning, not good. Oopf. Uh..someone...anyone...turn it off...good gawd please turn it off.

    You know, come to think of it, I'm not much of a swinger. More of a table top dancer. Yeah that's it. Anyone for a little Jingle Bell Rock? Meet you at the buffet --somewhere between the Jello and Green Bean Casserole.....

  15. I'm not so sure how you all ended up getting ME on the chandelier, but boy am I glad you did. It's fun! I'll step down now and give someone else a go.. besides I'm ready for some more egg nog.

    No hair chemicals here. . ever. I'm one of the lucky ones who hasn't anything more than the rare stray grey. But after that chandelier ride.. methinks they'll accelerate now.

    Let's give Baggie a boost.. she's eyeing the chandelier...

  16. Up you go Baggie - I just had a call from Leah, she tells everyone to have a drink for her & hubby. She got the MRI done and is now waiting for the results. If everything is good, she should be released today. She said she would call me tomorrow with the results.

    Sis, don't you throw up on anyone from up there!

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  18. Sheesh, Reb, this old bag hasn't thrown up due to booze since high school! But she's climbing off the chandelier - gonna go dance on the table with J C Montgomery!
    Glad to hear Leah has had her MRI, hopefully she'll be next up on the chandelier!

  19. Had stomach flu over the weekend (yay), but feel better (YAY!).
    Got a corset from Frederick's. (YAAAAY!!!!!!!)

  20. Is relative-cide considered justifiable homicide?

    This is, of course, a purely hypothetical question. Just asking.

  21. So glad to hear Leah got her MRI and may soon be coming home. Hooray! To celebrate, I think I'll have some of what J.C Montgomery's having! (A little later though, as it's only like 6 in the morning.)

    Mary: totally justifiable. I don't know if we're far enough down in the comments to hint that if they arrest you, the Lobster might be in the next cell over after some frustrating family shenanigans.

    And a corset from Fredericks of Hollywood (while not something I can ever quite imagine on myself) sounds like the sort of wholesome Christmas present I totally approve of!

  22. man... am I boring or what... no chandelier, no fan... BUT I DID get a Garmin GPS running watch... I can hardly wait until I load the software, charge the battery, read the manual and go for a run... that should put it off for at least three or four more weeks...

  23. Crabby, EVERYONE looks good in a corset! (OK, maybe not Uncle Frank.)

  24. Hilary keeps pinching my taut, authorial buttocks.

    Can we PLEASE keep her away from the eggnog?

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  26. Sorry, the last comment was a little too whiney and bitchy.

    as to the family homicide, i'm now eagerly looking forward to graduating (college) and moving out. And debating whether or not to come back.

  27. Relatively quiet here at my house. We had my family Christmas last weekend, my immediate family (two kids, one husband) on Christmas day and then my husband’s family next weekend. I think it is good to spread these things out. This way, it gives you time to sober up between gatherings.

  28. Hi all!!! Back at work today - wah. Christmas eve was with the family - lots of fun, but tiring. Christmas day was nice, just me and the cat. Took an early morning run by the Potomac River, at that hour just me and the squirrels...

  29. Ooh, I keep hearing about the Garmin GPS things and I'm jealous! Have fun with it Another Leah.

    Frank, don't cut Hilary off quite yet, we still have to get through New Years! Though you may need to purchase some sort of authorial butt-guard.

    Tricia, I read your previous comment and I could TOTALLY relate. There's something really frustrating about people ignoring what you've said, doing the opposite, and then feeling unappreciated if you don't love the gift!

    Holly, that sounds like a great way to do it. Three Christmases with time to recover in between.

    And ewwww, Missicat, back to work? But Christmas with just the cat and a great run sounds very lovely.

    No amusingly horrible Christms gifts to report this year--everyone did really well. But perhaps the fact that my youngest sister didn't make an appearance had something to do with it. She once gave us a single black pillow case (we DON'T have a black bedroom color scheme). That same year she gave my mom snowboots. Two sizes too large--both left feet. Because that's all the store had left in snowboots and she'd made up her mind that's what she wanted to give.

    So it's time to get going packing up the van. We're heading up the coast this morning. Will definitely be looking for wireless along the way!

  30. And the best thing about Christmas being over is: THE MUSIC IS GONE.

    I can turn on the radio and listen to anything I want and it doesn't jingle or rump-a-pum-pum. I can only say: Joy to the World! ;)


  31. Terrie, the Bag Lady is with ya' on the rumpapumpum...sheesh, that song is annoying! Don't know if the Bag Lady is getting grumpapumpum-ier or if she just did too much chandelier-swinging and table-dancing, but she found almost all the Christmas music annoying this year! The local radio station was playing "country" Christmas music, some of which should never have been recorded in the first place!
    (The Grinch is alive and well and living in the Bag Lady's house...)
    Other than the music, the Bag Lady had a lovely Christmas, and is looking forward to relaxing today.

    Crabby, does your mother live somewhere where it snows? Is she a really, really poor dancer...?

  32. OK, just to clarify, when I said "uncle frank" wouldn't look good in a corset, I was NOT referring to our Frank, he of the authorial buttocks.
    (I'm betting he would look great!)
    (Guess I'm the one who should put down the egg nog and back away.)

  33. Yes, I'm the only one pinching that T.A.B. and he looks just fine in a corset. What he lacks in the T.A.B. area, he fills out just fine up top.

    More egg nog please..

  34. Oh Frank, you love it when Hilary pinches!

    Well, Christmas gifts were great, but Christmas dinner was weird. We went to a friend of my friends and had pale roast beef! How you can cook a roast and have it come out pale is beyond me! But we supplied the scalloped potatoes so all was not lost.

    It was kind of weird also in that her kitchen/breakfast area was really very close in layout to the one I grew up with, just smaller and they had it laid out wrong! In U shape kitchen, why would you put the fridge and range side by side?
    Oh and the entrance, awkward doesn't even begin to describe it!

    Well, I'm done - thank you Crabby for giving us a place to vent that the people we are ragging on won't find!

    Have a safe trip.

  35. The corset is one of those gifts that are indeed suitable for almost anyone. And receiving two left snowboots as a gift is suitably bizarre.

    Anyone else have any strange gifts that they received? I did get a teddy, but not the lace-covered type. Instead, I was given a large squishy teddy bear. Am I old enough for my second childhood yet?

    Told my brother he couldn't hold teddy, since he stole my last teddy bear forty years ago. Can you believe he still denies doing that perfidious deed? Brothers. Sheesh.

  36. Um... hello? anyone here???
    gosh it really echoes in here when I say that...

  37. I heard an echo and noticed that the lights were on. Mary, I think that's your teddy bear hanging from the chandelier...

  38. My husband left me a surprise gift under the tree...which I totally didn't see...until boxing day.
    And I thought he was in a bit of a bad mood.
    Yup, only I could miss a half meter tall gift in silver paper. DUH.
    It was a beautiful galilean thermometer...sweet guy :)
    I'm in geeky heaven.
    Merry christmas all!

  39. Strippers? - i knew there was a pole at crabby's house!

    I had two nieces tear through my house and nine people tear through a turkey. My house is finally back in order but no chandelier swinging to speak of.

    Although the nieces were hung upside down by their ankles and swung about. Does that count?

  40. Enjoy your trip, Crabby - it sounds wonderful. Hubbie and I are having thoughts about a little campervan (can you fit two people and four dogs in a little campervan?) but I don't think we can afford it.

    Unless ...

    Anyone want to buy four very expensive dogs!

  41. Oh my goodness, I missed a lot of fun stuff the last couple of days--Frank in a corset and young children hurled about by their ankles and Fancy Geek thermometers and scary roast beef and teddies of all different sorts! Oh, and I totally agree, I HATE Christmas carols on any day but Christmas or maybe Christmas eve.

    And Dawn? I'd sell the dogs and go for the campervan, but that's just me.

    Right now we're huddled in the van outside the Gold Beach visitor center borrowing their wireless. Got in a beautiful cliff walk/run this morning, which was good 'cause it's storming like a motherf*cker right now. Got some snow earlier too. The cat is curled up next to me, I'm so glad we brought her!

    Okay, we weren't so glad last night when she crawled in and out of the covers at least fifty times, trying to replicate her favorite spot at home.

    Thanks so much for stopping by, folks!

  42. Happy holidays Cranky!

  43. Happy Holidays all!

    Here's my Holiday novel:

    We didn't have a tree, they are not allowed by the master roommate, but the real motorcycle I got would not have fit under it anyway! I actually got it a couple of months ago, but it cost enough over what I got for the old one (7 years old and used even, it was a grand more) to cover Xmas, Valentine's Day, Birthday, Mom's Day, and a few other days all next year. I got some nice lots of green coffee beans too. The puppy got lots of cool stuff: "The Dangerous Book For Dogs", many squeaky and/or furry critters and some used socks, which he adores.
    Hubby got a book on Dumbbells (:D), a 1:10 scale model 100th Anniversary Harley Davidson Softail Deuce (he rented one for his birthday a couple years ago and loved it) and car models and some Cat Crap. Really. It's for glasses and goggles and motorcycle helmet visors; it cleans and makes the surface anti-fog! I wanted him to be able to say he got cat crap for Xmas... :D

    We did the Xmas eve out for lunch with family from up north and then opened presents, all of which were small, we didn't want to be consumerists this year either. The moto was an exception, but a necessity to keep up with my riding buddy. I don't have a car anymore, but this way I still have 4 wheels (two on my MTB, two on the moto) and a gas powered twin engine, LOL!

    Now for the vent; we even had our own Grinch. My ex who died on the 6th left me a small joint bank account that was leftover from our married days, and had always said that when he "went" to go clean it out, that it was for me. I went to check on it, and he had written some recent checks, so I took a little out instead of closing it, to wait to see what else might clear, as I didn't want to bounce anything legitimate. After the funeral a week later I found that the criminally oriented nephew was getting his car, and I was concerned because he always left checkbooks and stuff in the trunk, so I closed the account after another extra week to circumvent potential forgeries, and just stashed the cash to wait to make sure nothing came through the bank later that I might need to cover.

    The multi multimillionaire son called me up on Christas Eve to ask about this account, and I told him how it was set up from our marriage, what my ex had said 10 years ago to do with it, and had reminded me of, and told my Mom about, and that that was how he'd wanted it. The son accused me of being a grave robber, said he needed the money to pay the rent on the assisted care facility (a lie, that had already been paid by his dad), told me that stealing a pension was a felony (his Army pension was always sent to that account), and a lot of other nasty things. He would not believe me that a joint account very simply means right of survivorship to the co-owner. He came to my home which thankfully is a security building, and harrassed me for almost an hour ringing the buzzer with all our guests here, until I went out to reason with him. My 70 year old Mom finally went out and thoroughly dressed him down, just furious with him, and I was so proud of her! She is a very classy and proper lady, all 5'3" and 100 pounds of her! So he finally got back into his new 100,000.00 + Mercedes and drove back to his mansion in the Glendale hills, where he's just finishing up having a $325,000.00 kitchen remodel done, and has $25,000.00 of my artwork that was supposed to go back to me sitting in his other $2.5- 3 million property in Altadena as decoration (which I'll never see again), along with all of my ex's fine art and Native American and Western collectibles and rare books. This guy contracted with my ex (his dad) to pay him $5Gs a month for 2 years for buying out his store and wasn't paying him which added stress to his dad; he carries a $35,000.00 diamond and a rare Japanese gold piece worth 10Gs around in his wallet as "emergency funds" for when he's traveling, but used to regularly bum $100. bills from my ex to take his family out to dinner, because he was "short on cash". He just spent 3 weeks in Hawaii and Japan, and yet had to drive 40 miles on Christams Eve to bully me into giving him $2,000 that was left to me, not to him. Is this a sickness or what? It IS!!!

    I read and hear about people who go through huge estate battles, and my family previously settled a family estate of our own some time back worth about 12 million with a bunch of greedy self absorbed materialistic rich idiots to deal with on the other side who were still more reasonable than this guy over 2 grand.

    I wonder what Paris Hilton and all the 25 other grandkids feel about Barron Hilton's leaving the fortune to charity?? Good for him! :P

    Stuff owns us, not the other way around. I don't have much but it's more than enough (the family estate money did not trickle down to my level, and the govt. got the majority). I don't understand the mind that is so tightly wound up in money and possessions. I resent the buying frenzy that all the commercialism of the holiday season pounds into us, that what we get for or from loved ones isn't "enough"! My health and that of those I love is enough. A roof over our heads and decent food to eat is enough. My Poodle is a HUGE blessing! I have more than one warm jacket and a computer. Just having a computer in the context of the whole world community makes you one of the richest people in the entire world! So I say count all your blessings over and over, have gratitude for all of them, and then count them again, and have compassion for those less fortunate, and compassion for those who have so much more and are lost within it. I have to have compassion for my ex stepson, he is a very unhappy man, because no matter how much he has it is never enough, and some day when he is dying he may finally realize how much time he wasted in the pursiut of wealth and image and self importance, when he could have been spending time with his lovely wife and child. He'll never get that time back, and all of that stuff isn't going with him, unless he has asbestos suitcases to put it in.

    We can't take it with us, and the only thing that survives the grave is good deeds. How we are remembered is what we leave behind that counts. That's it.

    Oh, I also got a cold for Xmas, anyone know where I need to go to return that? It does NOT suit me!

    Happy Holidays and stay safe and well!

  44. I'm sorry, that was really more of a soap opera, wasn't it?
    And I wish blogger would add spellcheck to comments... ;)

  45. Yeah, I get the first comment for December 28th. This Christmas has been special for me because my sisters and I planned a surprise birthday party for my father (who turned 75 a few weeks ago). All 4 of his children and all 10 of his grandchildren (plus a few boyfriends/partners/live-in) are here.

    The party is tomorrow, and so far, he doesn't know a thing about it. I can hardly wait.


  46. Wow, reading the comments for the past 20 minutes sure has been entertaining. I haven't posted here before, but I read all the time. You guys and gals are pretty funny! Nothing extraordinary happened here this Xmas, but it was nice just the same. I have to say that I'm SO glad it's over (well almost, my side of the fam is coming over tomorrow to 'do Christmas'). For whatever reason I just couldn't get into the Christmas spirit this year. I tried everything from listening to way too many carols, lighting yummy candles, baking to shopping & wrapping - nothing worked. I have vowed that next year I am either making all the gifts I give, donating in honor or buying from Etsy. I'm tired of all the gift giving just to be giving something. KWIM? Anyhow, it's over and life can return to its somewhat-lopsided normal state.

  47. Life back to normal? Hmmmn. That would be a concept, Melanie. I would like to try a little normalcy, just to see what it's like.

    TK, all I can say is -- wow! Sonds like this holiday season is going to be an interesting chapter in your memoirs. Hopefully you'll get a chance to experience a little normalcy too. Yikes.

    Hey Lisa -- let us know how the party went! Enquiring minds (okay, nosy minds) want to know!

  48. Hi Mary,

    I think life is mostly like that Chinese curse "May you live in interesting times."

    I don't believe there is any such place or thing as "Normal", I think it's mostly a lie we tell ourselves as a survival tactic, as in "When things get back to normal...", but normal doesn't seem to last for more than a day or two! LOL!

  49. Sheesh, all that talk earlier about throwing up must have jinxed the Bag Lady! She came down with a nasty flu (so did most of the other celebrants from Xmas day). Feeling much better now, just in time for the next family celebration tonight! Might have to forego the chandelier tonight, though.

  50. Hooray, I finally have internet again! Am staying with friends though, so it might be a bit antisocial of me to spend too much time down here.

    But wow, TK, what a story! And what a creep that guy is. Good for you for taking the whole thing philosophically. Greedy materialism is not the way to happiness--you'd think people would figure that out by now.

    Happy holidays to you, Chocmoon!

    Melanie, I'm with you, I find the whole "Christmas spirit" a bit elusive sometimes. And what a great idea to step out of the gift-buying frenzy! Thanks so much for stopping by to comment, we'll be back to normal pretty soon and there may actually be something new to read.

    And Lisa what a cool thing about the surprise party! Hope it turns out great.

    And Hiya Mary, hope the house thing gets back on course soon!

    Oh, no, Bag Lady, stomach flu is the worst!

  51. We are on to phase three of the family Christmas adventure. We are venturing from Michigan to Minnesota. We’re staying at the great equalizer. The INDOOR WATERPARK! We happen to be at the Kalahari, the world's largest indoor water park. Folks, if you are feeling overweight, out of shape or just generally depressed, you need to come here! There are people worse off than you! What I am really taking away from this trip is that there are few women on the planet that have perfect bodies. I need to stop trying to hold myself up to such an impossible standard!

    So, health and fitness in the comments. Somebody needed to bring this thing back around! HA! Honestly, they serve jumbo margaritas in the pool area. How awesome is that!

  52. Holly, that sounds like a perfect Christmas vacation destination. Warmth, water, Jumbo margaritas, and no svelte skinny super-model types to make one feel crappy!

  53. Melanie, there's a web site called When you buy something from it, the money goes to fund a part of a mammogram, food for underdeveloped countries, help rescue animals, keep children healthy (depending on which "store" you shop at). It's where i do a large part of shopping for any gift. It does put you in a better mood.

  54. Thanks for the tip Tricia--that sounds like a great resource!

  55. I had a family party last weekend, it was really enjoyable, great to catch up with everyone, and in these troubled times, family and friends are all we can rely on.


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