October 01, 2007

Random Crab Facts, Part One: Names!

Note for those of you who are not regular readers: This is not a Typical Cranky Fitness post. Crabby is on vacation and is throwing any old crap up on her blog because no one is reading this anyway using this opportunity to introduce herself a bit more to curious readers! For those of you interested in actual health reporting, don't worry, it will return as soon as she is back. And we have plenty more guest posts to come during her semi-absence wherein actual Information will be Shared!

So the first shocking revelation: "Crabby McSlacker" is not Crabby's real name. If you went to Crabby's house and peeked into her mailbox, right before Crabby had you hauled off and arrested you might notice that none of the bills or junk are addressed to a person (or crab) known as Crabby McSlacker.

But here's where it gets even weirder: Crabby has not one, but two other names. She "writes" under one of them, and is known by this name among her writer and internet friends. She will even tell it to you now: she is Jamie Graham. For some reason, she likes this name. It feels like her "real" name. She has been using this name in various writerly and internetty settings for over a decade.

However, it is not the name she was born with. It is not the name she is known by among her long-time friends and family. She would perhaps like it to be, but she knows this ain't happening. Do you know anyone who has tried to change their first name as a middle aged adult? Crabby did not want to go there. Instead, she decided she would rather have Multiple Aliases and hence sometimes Multiple Personalities.

On the other hand, having multiple names can also be convenient. For example, the fact that Crabby's driver's license and the deed to the Crab and Lobster house and all kinds of other legal documents are in a different name than her blog? Sometimes very handy. Every now and then 'Crabby' encounters a Crazy Person who leaves nasty comments or emails. This would be a hundred times creepier if the nastiness were addressed to the name by which she could easily be located.

Do any of you have more than one name or identity? Do you have loved ones who have switched what they are known by and was it weird? Any other thoughts? (And Crabby has been so pleased (and amazed!) that nice readers are leaving comments even though she is in Slacky Vacation mode. Thank you all so much!)


  1. Gasp! Crabby McSlacker is not your real name? The Bag Lady is shocked and dismayed at the deceit. The Bag Lady can't understand why someone would want to use an alias. The Bag Lady...ummm, the Bag Lady does it, too!? So what wonderful things has Jamie written that we should know about? Will the real Crabby/Jamie ever stand up? Is she famous in Real Life, too? Now I suppose you're going to tell us the Lobster isn't a real name, either? Sheesh.

  2. AKA, Dr.J
    As Crabby/Jamie/???, already knows, I've loved basketball for a long time!! Playing with a group in Ohio, the guys gave me the name. Dr.J after the 'slightly' more famous real Doctor J.
    Don't need to sign this one...

  3. Noooo! And now I suppose you're going to tell us you're not a real crustacean?!
    My world is upside down.

  4. oh no. I think I'm going to have to go back to bed. I wasn't really ready to hear the truth about Crabby's name not being Crabby. Give me a minute to gather my thoughts.
    [paces the floor, eats a pint of ice cream, paces some more, sits down to type, can't type, gets up and eats a box of chocolate chip cookies]

    Ok! I'm back. :-)

    Seriously, I do haved a name issue but it's not because I'm doing it for writing. When I was born, my parents named me something that they didn't even like! (long story to that one) So, I was called the dutch version of my middle name.
    Then, I got married but in Quebec, we can't (are not allowed!) to take on our husband's name unless we go through the whole legal name change process. BUt, I'm stubborn and I figure no-one can tell me what I can do with my name, so I hyphenate the names.

    All this to say, if I get a phone call for [real first name] Vroomen, I know it's something official or I'm in trouble. If I get a call that is horribly mispronouced and any combination of my last names, it's someone who doesn't know me.

    Now, having tried to explain that, I think I need to go have a drink.

  5. I understand your pain. I desperately want a nickname, but don't have one. Never have. Probably never will. Because alas, one cannot give oneself a nickname. (Can one?) If I could make a nickname happen, my nickname would be Lee (second syllable of real first name) or maybe something cool and cute like Sparky. But it ain't gonna happen, darn it, cuz you just can't give yourself a nickname. Darn.

  6. Please please please

    tell me the name on your bills reads:

    Ellen Degeneres.

    That would make my day.

  7. I use a pen name for all things related to writings, although I don't post much on the web--it's more when I'm actually published (I'm working on calls for submissions and the likes, until I manage to finish a real, complete novel). It's kind of transparent, but as long as a person con't try to look into it, it should be enough to fit my purpose. (It's a work-related purpose, by the way.)

  8. katieo said...
    Please please please

    tell me the name on your bills reads:

    Ellen Degeneres.

    HaHa!! That's great!! But we all know that Crabby is a much better dancer!

  9. i do enjoy that although my birth name is Marie, I will answer to mouse (and too many variations of it to mention) without flinching.

    it is a bit lame that there is a mouse in my signature as well, although bank tellers and cashiers think it's cute.

    but I am crushed that you're name is not Crabby McSlacker...what next? truths about the tooth fairy, santa and the easter bunny?

  10. I have a cousin who changed her first name when she was in her thirties, over 20 years ago now. It took about a year to start thinking of her as Sahra (Saw-rah) and not Shirley, but she's definitely only known by her chosen name now.

    I think if we peeked into your mailbox we'd see that your first real name is Shelly.. or Clawdia.. or Alegsandra..

    I'll stop now.

  11. :)

    "Quito" was the name given me in my fifth grade Spanish class. My Hawaiian name is Kili, and when I visited Russia, I was called Болшая Рыба ("big fish") because my name, when said in Russian, sounds like their word for "whale".

    I want to know how the Lobster got his name, though...

  12. Hi Crabby, (that's your name and I'm sticking with it.)

    My memory is just not good enough to remember aliases.

    Terrie is however a nick-name. Birth name Teresa. There you go!

    Here I am a member of the women of mystery blog and I cannot be anymore mysterious than a nick-name? Oh the shame!

    Why can't I have a great name like Marijke? I could write about a million mysteries just using stories about her name(s).

    And, Marijke, next time please bring cookies for everyone. I'd ask for ice cream too, but it would probably melt.

    And Bag lady, don't you go playing with our heads. I think "bag lady" is a perfect handle for you. (Even I'm groaning at that one.)


  13. 30 lashes with a wet handle, Terrie. You only have one nickname? What about Ter, Tess, Treez, I could go on and on. I think I have 11 different nicknames (one of them was Conchita - my mom's pet name for me - apparently from a song on the radio when I was a baby) I always knew I was in trouble when they used Teresa, though.
    Hilary, what's with changing your photo? I almost didn't recognize you! Sheesh, first Crabby's not Crabby, now Hilary's not Hilary...my world is turning upside down!

  14. I feel like such a wet blanket - I don't even have a nickname!

    And Crabby will always be Crabby.

  15. Hey Bag Lady.. I'll just have to switch it around more often and keep you on your toes. At least SOME of us have only ONE name. ;)

  16. Bjork only has one name ;)

    I'm with Marie; it's crushing to know that you're not really Crabby McSlacker. And it's confusing. With this new revelation of your Scottish side, I'm now picturing you as a crab wearing a kilt. (Sorry to say, I don't think it's a look that will catch on.)

  17. When I was in High School I tried to give myself a nickname once, but as Leslie pointed out, you can't give yourself a nickname. I wanted to be called Pete because I had a terrible perm and I thought it looked liked Peter Frampton's hair on the "Frampton Comes Alive" Record.
    It didn’t work. The only nickname that I have is…hold on…wait for it…Hollister J. Finklefart.


    My husband was very annoyed that I could address him as PATRICK instead of his usual Pat when I was upset with him. Holly, was just plain Holly no matter what the mood. So in a moment of frustration…well, my middle initial is J, and I am very artsy farty and I think that about wraps things up in Crabby’s Blog of useless information!

  18. What... you're not a crab?



    Thomma Lyn is my given first and middle name, but IRL, nobody calls me that, and nobody ever has. IRL, I go by "Thomma." I turned to "Thomma Lyn" as my writerly name. ;)

    I hope you're having a great vacation, Crabby!

  19. So I didn't anticipate how weird it would be to miss out on the great discussions down here! It's been pretty busy in Crabland but sometimes I can sneak over to my laptop and peek in and giggle. Promised myself I'd keep my own participation to a minimum but it's really hard to attend to the folks in my living room when there's such great silliness going on down here.

    And the names! Vroomen, Sparky, Big Fish... and Hollister J. Finklefart!

    Oh, and Quito--the Lobster is a Her, and was so named because "my wife" tends to weird people out, Most Significant Other was getting too cumbersome, and Crabs and Lobsters do seem to hang out together, at least at the fish market. However, I do not call her "the Lobster" in real life.


    Thanks everyone--got to dash for today, but I'm hoping before too long to get to do some blog visiting myself. I've been missing what's going on at your places!

    More guest posts and useless Crab Facts to come. And possibly a "real" post or two if I ever get the chance.

  20. I considered writing under a pen name and even had one I fancied based on the name of a couple small villages in southern Ontario: Innerkip Drumbo. Rolls nicely off the tongue don'tcha think?

    But frankly, I confuse easily. I could just imagine the headaches from trying to remember which name to use when cashing cheques and signing books etc. Plus I'm a Gemini and already have to deal with certain personality issues. (Do not!)

    Do so!

    So, I decided one name would just have to do. I don't plan on becoming famous enough to attract TOO many weirdos. Apart from Hilary I mean.

  21. Katieo, I'm ME at last check... albeit a very confused me at the moment. I've only switched my blog photo, and Bag Lady commented on that. I'm not Crabby (most of the time) if THAT's what you were thinking?

    Darn, who let Frank in? Quick..hide the cupcakes!

  22. Oh! Please apologize to the Lobster for me (although, the truth be told, I'm not sure how one determines the sex of a lobster. At least, not without risk of receiving a nasty pinch).

  23. Sorry Hilary. Just refering to your new blog photo. I didn't recognize you!
    (but I like the new picture!)

  24. If I didn't know better, I would think you were my sister (living in Georgia with HER lobster) But, since you write everything and anything about health and nutrition issues (with fun and crabby fantasies of the opposite ) I know you're not either one of them......but you sound veerrrryyy familiar. AND your vacations are occurring at the same time...hmmmm. I'll bet you know them anyway. Now I have you wondering who I'm talking about, don't I? They have a cool nickname that's been around now for years thanks to MY "tipsy" humor one night...The Spartons. (Parts of their last names joined together) They even had a wooden plaque made to hang on the mailbox so the mail would be delivered just in case the P.O. thought the wrong name was on it.) Your crab and lobster thing is really a cute idea too...I take it you pinch harder than your girl...or do you walk sideways? Just kidding!

  25. Okay, so late on this one... I can only imagine how life would be for you if Crabby McSlacker was your real name... I can picture if you had crabby siblings growing up... The teachers would say "Oh look, another McSlacker kid..... great." ha ha.

    As mentioned once before, i'm actually named Meghan (with that lovely h) not Meg. But very few people ever call me Meg..

    Sometimes really bad and inappropriate jokes pop into my head about the Crab and Lobster thing, but alas, I'll keep to myself.

    You really don't seem like a Jamie at all to me... Though the Jamie I knew best seemed to always be pregnant and was always cranky because of it.... She's also married to a man and not a crustacean from what I can tell...... So I can only wonder what your real name is..... I'm so with Katieo though that if your name was really Ellen Degenres, that would be pretty great...

  26. Okay, Ms. Leslie up there creeped me out and raised my pulse for how long it took to check her profile... because I had a Leslie in my life who would gladly have killed me over the person who nicknamed me "Sparky" for a few months... PTSD is not funny! (Yes, Leslie, *I* believe it's fine to pick your own nickname, just get a bud to pick one too, and then the two of you start using them, they will catch on! :D)

    On a lighter note, like the lovely Bag Lady I also have about ten different nicknames not counting online aliases, as it seems there's some twisted gene that runs in the family, and almost everyone else has a nickname or ten as well. The dogs and horses all end up with multiple variants of their own. One horse went from Sport to Snort to BUBBA, and a great dog went from Jasmine to Jazz to Jazzy to Jazzy Boo to Boo to Bee Boo to Beez to Beezer and finally to simply "Z". Bogart became Bogus (to my disdainful mother, who considered him more accessory than dog, but is changing her mind as he grows bigger more handsome every day) after he was neutered; and just recently and suddenly he aquired a full faux "Latin" name of Bogus Aurelius Curlius Negris. I swore that I would never let this happen to him! And that's not counting his registered name which is much more dignified, and has Jazzman in it in honor of the Jasmine we lost and as it was also his dam's name. He too gets BUBBA on occasion. So does the DH when he does something dumb. DH is also referred to as a crab because has Cancer as his rising sign and he is a wee passive aggressive and sneaky and shy, and will run out from under his rock to pinch a morsel of something that does not belong to him, then run sideways back under his rock to savor it, hopefully without ever being caught... No offense at all to Crabby!

    My Mom also used "Mouse" on me when I was small, and strangely my uncle still calls one of his sons the same, I suppose from "quiet as", but I did not encourage it. With groups of new people over the decades I have learned to answer to pretty much any combo of two consonants and take no offense. When people asked what TK stands for I used to reply that it's short for TKO because technically I am a "Knock Out" in the looks dept. Now at my age I just tell them the truth.

    Even the vehicles have nicknames. The sleek white minivan is The Great White Shark or Bruce for short (after the mechanical shark in "Jaws" as he is also full of mechanical gremlins, when he waves his front wipers at us out of the blue, we automatically respond in unison "Hi Bruce!"). Bruce is AKA The Adventure Vehicle when traveling, and he most often waves when just starting out on a road trip, and sometimes chimes his low fuel bell too if he is very excited to be getting out of town, even if we have just topped him off.
    Usually everybody knows who we're all talking about though, which is convenient.


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