May 01, 2017

Mystery Trip!

By Crabby McSlacker

So one might wonder: where the hell did the Crab go? She barely got back to blogging before skipping town yet again, not managing even one meager blog post in the last two weeks. And sorry, this is one of those disjointed rambles accompanied by random photos. Longtime readers may recall this is customary after I come back from a trip having left half my brain cells behind.

Anyway, we actually went to a couple of different destinations...

These Vagabond Shoes...

One of the places where they're always longin' to stray, well it's not all that mysterious, it's New York City. Short visit this time but a blast just the same.

While my superachiever spousal unit toiled doing Important Corporate Things, I wandered the modern art museums, roamed the 'hoods, sipped cappuccinos and of course stood in line for obligatory half-price theater tickets.  We went to the Carole King one this time, Beautiful, which couldn't have been more fun even if it wasn't exactly Checkov or Kafka or Pinter. (We weren't in the mood for anything disturbing or surreal or angst-provoking, we have the evening news for that). Instead we opted to be blissfully happy, hearing dozens and dozens of old songs we love, and basked in the bubbly afterglow for several days afterwards.

But I didn't take any pictures in New York this time. I've been there a lot and already have a bunch.

It's funny, the more I travel and the more ancient I get... the less time I want to spend taking pictures and the more time I want to just immerse myself in the experience of being somewhere. Which would make a lot more sense if one of my favorite hobbies wasn't blogging.

But this curious aversion meant I was practically the only one in the whole city not staring either at my phone, or through my phone, every goddamn second.

Museums were especially weird, with visitors compulsively taking photos of each painting as though compiling some sort of catalog. Is it really possible to absorb the wonder of it all through a lens? I mean, sure, a photo or two so you remember where you were, but... holy fuck, all those Kandinsky's at the Guggenheim? So powerful in real life, hanging there big and brash and bursting with color and emotion, and I wanted some companionship in Awe, damn it! (I love it when I see others as swept up as I am). But, alas, snatching phones out of people's hands and screaming at them to just enjoy the art... I'm afraid it's frowned upon. So I didn't.

It's possible I might have been drinking a few too many cups of coffee during my visit.

Oh and I'll mention that I dutifully hit the hotel gym every morning, and just generally walked my ass off, since this is at least theoretically a health and fitness blog.

But what about the other destination? It was farther away and I do have a few random photos from it, thanks mostly to The Lobster who is a little more sensible about chronicling our wanderings.

Wanna drag this thing out and guess where we went? I don't know why in my mind that makes for a more legitimate blog post than just putting up random photos, but I did it for Hong Kong and several of you figured it out, so what the hell, let the guessing begin.

Hint Number One: Fancy-Ass Resort Location

It was one of those opulent corporate events meant to reward people who worked hard and accomplished great things. Obviously, I was not one of these folks. I just married my way in. Anyway, it is the sort of destination that has a bunch of high end resorts, not the sort of digs we would have stayed in if we were on our own dime.

Yes, each "room" was a two building villa with its own private pool. A truly spectacular squandering of resources that we took full advantage of.

Nice restaurants on the property with indoor and outdoor seating (at resort-hostage pricepoints, making them the sort we only go to if someone else is paying).

Hint Number Two: Pretty Beaches

Hint Number Three: We Went There Before for an Anniversary and I blogged about it.

Hint Number Four: There were Lots of Iguanas

Not pictured are other strange beasts: one that looked like a rabbit-sized rat, another that was a creepy cross between a racoon and a monkey. And cool-looking giant lizards that ran on their hind legs like miniature dinosaurs.

Hint Number Five: Lots of Activities

Swimming and Snorkeling!

Note: if you look closely you can see the faceprint of the snorkel mask in the photo above, and be assured it was still present at the formal awards dinner that night, making a super-suave impression.

Not pictured but also present for our viewing pleasure: fucking amazing fish of all different colors and sizes, manta rays, squealing kids, sunburnt tourists.

Biking and Kayaking!

I grew to love my trusty 1-speed!

Dork alert! Fellow dorks, here's a hint: when being approached by camera-bearing creatures, be sure to raise your arm in an awkward half-wave to indicate you are not at all threatening.

Eating stupid things just because they were free!

My favorite activity by far.

Hint Number Six: Celebrities for Breakfast!

Staying at our hotel, eating breakfast just a few tables away from us two mornings in a row, was a prominent sports figure. While she was there she shared her "baby bump" photo via social media. The Lobster was going to pose herself against the exact same background and share her "breakfast bump" (the buffet was massive and delicious) but opted for discretion.

So, anyone planning any vacations this summer? Or have a guess about where Crabby and the Lobster went before they stopped in the Big Apple?


  1. Wherever it was, it looked like a blast.
    No guesses and I am, and shall always be, clueless.

    1. It was indeed a blast Leah, and "clueless" is the last adjective I'd use to describe you. From my vantage point you are incredibly cluefull! :)

  2. I'm going to guess Fiji. I really have no idea!

    I could hit that bike trail, right now, in my dreams!

    1. Not a bad guess Cindy, there were many things the two destinations had in common. And that bike trail was quite fun, you'd love it. Though it led to much reckless behavior on my part, speeding around blind curves, helmetless, without a very good command of the steering or brakes. Somehow being on vacation makes one feel invincible. Probably why so many tourists end up in emergeny rooms... fortunately I was lucky.

  3. Own private pool...own private pool...own private pool...yeah, I love giant iguanas, but they would have to take second place.

    "The tropics" is kind of a broad guess.

    I guess I need some coffee myself since I just typed today's date instead of my sig.
    Mary Anne in Kentucky. There we are.

    1. That sounds very Zen, Mary Anne, date instead of name; there is no "self," right, just "now"?

      And omg, own pool, no suit... heaven. Wish I coulda taken the pool (and the weather) back home with me.

      --5/1/2017 6:32 pm edt, or um, "Crabby"

  4. I have no idea where that is & don't care - well I do BUT I just want you to adopt me!!!!!! I need to run away to that!!! Whatever your wife does - I should have done that!

    You won't have to change diapers with me cause I can change my own Depends at this age - well for a few more years! :)

    AND I did not get notifications of your other posts - I don't know why! BOO!

    You guys look fantastic!!! I will carry your bags next time!

    1. Jody would so LOVE to take you along! You'd be a blast to hang with!

      There was a gym too, fairly well equipped, which I actually visited quite a bit. But no one in there was nearly as fit as you!

  5. I remember that picture from the previous trip for some weird reason, but I don't remember the specifics. The Bahamas?

    My husband and I like to travel in Spring (mostly) or Fall, not during high seasons. So as it happens, we're leaving on Saturday for our big trip of the year - a week in Iceland! I am very excited.

    1. OTF, yay, Iceland is amazing, you will love it! We went in the height of the season, just due to the Lobster's vacation schedule, and even then it was fun but this should be even better!

      Hint: restaurant prices are pretty steep, we ended up with a lot of grocery store meals, fruit and cheese etc, and if you drink, make sure to stop at Duty Free at the airport. And prepare for some AMAZING scenery!

      And the Bahamas was a good guess too! But no one's got it yet...

  6. You went to a wonderful place, and you are right to put the phone away and enjoy the scenery. A scientific study i read about somewhere a while back (note how i don't take notes!) said that when people are too busy taking pictures they actually tend to forget more about the event than if they put the phone down and pay attention.

  7. Crabby McSlackerMay 1, 2017 at 8:30 PM

    Thanks Messymimi, I like the sound of that! I have no scientific studies to justify my lackadaisical attitude towards taking photos, but I'm glad they exist.

  8. I know where so I won't guess! Although appearing to be clever does have its appeal.

    Awesome shots and I am thrilled about the private pool!

    I need to back to NYC as I need to go to the Guggenheim. I missed it on my one and only trip to the BIg Apple. Just like I missed the Louvre as it is closed on Tuesdays. My excuse is it was 1989 and Google wasn't a thing.

    1. Well you still get clever credit Kimberley, plus bonus for not revealing the answer.

      Guggenheim can be hit or miss on the temporary exhibits, but this one was FANTASTIC, a retrospective. And heck I think the Louvre is overrated so don't feel bad. I'm often finding myself at museums when half the galleries are closed for new installations. But I bet you found other great diversions!

  9. Oh it looks so lovely, relaxing and fun there. I'm glad you enjoyed. I'll guess Costa Rica since that seems to be the spot so many people are headed to these days. Everyone but me! :)

    1. I'd love to go to Costa Rica Hilary, haven't been yet! Not TOO far off though.

  10. Now I am trying to remember tropical locations that you have visited...Hawaii? Wherever it was, it is beautiful and looks like you had a fantastic time!

    Not planning any big trips this summer, but both of my sisters are coming home from the to the east coast this summer. It's been a few years since we've all been together so looking forward to that. :)

    1. Hawaii is a good guess too, because I have indeed blogged about it and it was in some ways pretty similar! But not quite...

      And hope your reunion with sisters is a blast Java Chick!

  11. I'd guess Mexico somewhere...there are so many fabulous beaches and resorts down there though that I'm not sure I could get more specific. It's definitely nicer than Cabo or CanCun though. Tulum? (Only because it kinda rhymes with CanCun...) No matter what, I'd like to go.

    We went to NYC last October. It was my first visit ever so there was quite a bit of camera action. But also a lot of stepping back and just soaking it in. Particularly the Guggenheim because I'm a Frank Lloyd Wright nut. My kids are the ones who are all "MOM! THAT's my favorite painting! Will you take a picture?" And then two seconds later..."No wait! This one is! Take another photo!" We struck a deal during a visit to maybe the Art Institute a few years ago that once they decided which one was REALLY their favorite, I buy them a postcard of it. That keeps them from asking for quite so many pics. Although one of my absolute favorite photos of our time in NYC is my daughter at the Guggenheim in front of Degas' "Dancers in Green and Yellow" imitating the pose of the main subject. (She's 7 but she's big on Degas because she's big on dance. I just happened to catch her in the act and took the picture without her even knowing.)

    1. Bingo bdaiss! The Cranky Fitness judging panel says close enough--it was Playa del Carmen, between CanCun and Tulum. Though the resort (Banyon Tree) was outside of the town, better to hold you hostage to their $5 sodas and $160 massages, If it were just us we'd stay in town again.

      And it sure sounds like you show a lot more photo-restraint than anyone I saw in NYC, especially if your kids actually wanted them! Nothing wrong with photos, I just got the feeling that most people taking them were never going to look at them, and meanwhile they were missing the "real life" engagement with the art. Sure sounds like you guys didn't. Love the whole candid Degas capture, that sounds like SUCH a great picture that you'll always treasure, capturing an adorable moment of sponenaiety, a word I cannot for the life of me spell.

  12. Well...your public isn't so picky that we won't be happy with whatever we can when you can...we are all free to come and go! It's still a free world here - so far!

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  14. I love the format of this post! I'm sorry but I'm not sure where it is, looks amazing though! Can't believe you saw Serena Williams, love my tennis. We have a couple more trips planned this year and we're hoping to go camping a few times once the weather improves.


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