December 01, 2009

Atilla's Most Torturous Moves, Version Two-Point-OW!

Atilla just keeps comin' on up with stuff. We started this week with a full-body, cross-training, intervalic (it's a word now) wonderland of yowza. Because I care, and because I want to complain and she's sick of listening to me, I hereby share part of that workout with you. This is one circuit we did today. Between the second and third exercises, I ran on the treadmill until I felt like dying. You can have a brownie instead if you want; Atilla didn't bring any, so I had to run instead.

Ready? Get warmed up, and here we go!

1. Evil Step Squat Thingies She Just Made Up Last Night:

First, grab a pair of hand weights and a step. The hand weights don't have to be heavy (I used eight-pounders for the first two sets, then ten pounds for the last) and the step doesn't have to be very high.

Place your left foot--with your toes pointing straight ahead--on the step. With your right foot, step forward into a lunge. Then step backwards into a wide-stance squat and curl those hand weights up. Straighten your arms back down and step backwards into a reverse lunge.

That's one.

Do it nine more times. Start screaming at about rep seven. Switch legs and do it all over again, with screaming.

2. Nasty Tricep-Press and Bench-Press Combo

This is what you'll do as the second part of your circuit. Lie back on the step and have somebody hand you a bar with, say, twenty pounds on it (if you're me). Bend your elbows so the bar is slightly behind your head and your forearms are parallel to the floor, as though you were actually in a tricep-press machine.

Now press the weight forward until it's even with and above your nipple line.

Now press it up as though you're doing a bench-press. Bring the weight back down and press it backwards over your head again to the starting position.

That's one. You only have nineteen more to go... ... your first set!

3. Foul Shoulder Horrors

After you've run as fast as you can for thirty seconds, grab a pair of fairly heavy-for-you weights.

Assume the squat position, feet shoulder-width apart. Bend over slightly while tightening your stomach muscles. Love this position, because that's where you'll stay.

Bend your elbows to a slightly-less-than-ninety-degree angle, and bring the weights up to even with your shoulders before you swing them back again, elbows still bent, in a controlled manner back to your sides.

Whimper slightly. Do nineteen more.

4. Aaaaand repeat!

I guarantee after this is all over that you'll feel wonderful. It's helpful to have somebody with you, because--and I can't say this strongly enough--it's *vital* that you have somebody to cuss at remind you to keep your toes straight during the lunges and have a spotter at the ready to catch the weight during the tricep/bench press thing in case your muscles give out.

I am now going to go eat a brownie.


  1. Ouch! This does not look comfortable! One of my clients who is 48 and an ex-balerina can do something along these lines....

  2. Cranky...I just knew there was a reason to avoid torture of this kind. Thanks for reminding me what it is! Me? Not that I was in any danger of forgetting, mind. I'm avoiding Atilla at all costs in favour of playing and having fun...and that works for me. So to all you brave 'Atilla'ites' out there...I feel your pain!

  3. I thought my trainer was tough but this circuit is one I would not want to think about, let alone mention out loud, in case somehow it got to his ears. Most definitely - ouch! And kudos to you for accomplishing it!!!

  4. Wow, that's intense. I'd need an Atilla to force me to do this routine--because I think I'd poop out somewhere around the first exercise. Way to go for you, though!

  5. Good lord.
    I think I need a parsonal trainer. I feel like I'm prancing mildly through a field of butterflies and flowers in comparison to what you do :)
    BTW - I'm stealing the phrase "intervalic wonderland of yowza". Just cause...

  6. Holy Crap! Is your trainer a former bootcamp instructor? This sounds really sadistic.

  7. I am LOL-ing at your exercise names. :) Too funny. Enjoy that brownie. I'm assuming it's low fat, high fiber, low calorie, low flavor one?

  8. HA! I love reading these...I feel like you and I have the same trainer. The last time I went to the gym we did a circuit series involving the jumprope, doing jump squats, lunges, shuffles all with the jumprope...I not only was exhausted but originally I thought I was coordinated. After doing that jumprope class I realize how NOT coordinated I really am.

  9. I love when you share your torture, I mean workouts with us! The crazy part is I have been stealing some of these moves to torture myself with LOL.

  10. I would just flat out break! I love the way you describe all of it, lol.
    At least you do feel wonderful when it is over :)

  11. There is no way I could keep up. My hat is off to you, and if you want cookies, I have an almost flourless chocolate cookie recipe I could share with you. You would deserve to eat them.

  12. Can you send Atilla my way. I love tough workouts & would love someone to push me past the already uncomfortable zone I go to!

    Great workout!

  13. Your posts about Atilla always make me laugh in sympathy and wonder if we've got the same trainer. I've learned to fear the words"I thought up something new earlier".

    When I started with my own Atilla she promised me value for money, thats one way of looking at it I guess!

  14. I love reading about Atilla - it makes my trainer seem like a pussycat compared to her, lol!

  15. I loved what Geosomin said: "I feel like I'm prancing mildly through a field of butterflies and flowers in comparison to what you do."

    You and Atilla are HARDCORE!

    Makes me wanna cry just reading about it.

  16. I had plantar fasc also and this is the splint that finally broke the spell of torture for me.

    I had my foot injected twice with steroids and so on with no success past a few days but I wore this thing once I found it through a fellow nurse and it finally fixed me after wearing it for a few months.

    I highly reccommend it and have kept mine for when I have that sensation coming back again...

    Good luck with this condition and I do have to say that you will need to be proactive early on or the foot will put you through a special brand of hell before it will let go..........LeShea

  17. I have a love/hate relationship with my trainer who does similar things with me. Hate him during, but love the way my arms are shaping up.

  18. Wowsers. I'm sure you'll be the strongest, fittest woman any of us know! I'll, um not be doing all of that. Atilla deserves the name!
    Good for you for sticking with all of this!

  19. Love it! Thanks for sharing :) I could read this stuff all day! Cross-fit style training is super cool and highly effective I just worry about neural pathway damage when using isolation exercises - which Attilla hasn't really done here - mixing the triceps extension with the bench press made it compound and the raises, although only shoulder are not terrible :) Win!


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