First off, my apologies for a reduced web presence this week--yet again I am away from home, as I had a chance to join the Lobster on a business trip to New York. I love Manhattan! If anyone spies a confused crab jogging slowly around the reservoir at Central Park or standing in line for cupcakes at Magnolia Bakery, be sure to say hi!
So on to the contest...
Oh my goodness, what a great bunch of entries to choose from!!! The fact that so many of you who don't even eat this kind of stuff composed so many wonderful odes to snacking and desserts made me feel so proud and impressed. What clever readers we have here! Blogging is so much fun when everyone else does the work.
So after I announce the winners, I'll reprint all the poem/haiku entries. I know some readers don't always make it down into the comments, and I didn't want anyone to miss these. And if you see one you like and it has a link, you may want to check out that person's blog. (Apologies in advance to any I inadvertently missed or any links I screwed up.)
So first off, the Random Winner is: KB, who also happened to submit a great haiku about Rugelach.
And the two poetry/haiku winners are: Linda of Fat Don't Wrinkle, and whichever of the clever Grounded Fitness gals submitted the haiku advocating legalized frostitution!
Please email CrabbyMcSlacker @ gmail dot com with your mailing addresses to claim your coupons. Or, if you're not personally into portion-controlled reduced-calorie snack food, you can let us know you'd like to send the coupon to someone else. (Either someone whose address you have, or by having us choosing another winner to replace you). Please check in by Friday night so we can send 'em out or pick new winners.
So, here are the Awesome Snack Food Poetry Entries!
(Author name precedes poem)
Ode to snack
My tummy it's a-growlin'
My PMS is howlin'
Should I throw the towel in
And have a tasty snack?
Which one am I pickin'?
The one that's finger-lickin'
Or stashed up in my kitchen?
Oh where's my tasty snack?
I could eat that one that's real
It has much more appeal
I relish it with zeal
Oh dread for fatty snack.
Then again I could choose
The one that should help me lose
But chemicals it could ooze
Oh zounds - the artifical snack.
I don't house artificial
Now let's make this official
I'm gonna eat a fistful
Of "real food" for my snack.
So if it's for chocolate I am dyin'
Or cake I am-a-cryin'
It's much more satisfyin'
To have a real snack.
I put it in my tummy
Knowing that it's yummy
and heading for my hiney
But I gotta have that snack.
Then to the gym I'm goin'
For liftin' and some rowin'
Some cardio - all owin'
To the eating of my snack.
Snack food, low cal, real
The quandary is on your
lips or on your hips
By Chicken Girl
Tasty and nutritious
would be nicer
with more nutritious
and slightly less tasty
so as to better
ravenous after-work Chicken Girls
The Chocolate Monster.
(NOM NOM NOM!)
Junk is junk
Or so I thunk
But if you must
please don't lust
grab the best
take this test
the real thing for me
just one, not three!
By Grounded Fitness:
Faux twinkie, my love
Your cream coats my soul.
Title: Longing For the Days of When I Could Eat Whatever I Wanted and Never Saw an Ounce of it Appear Anywhere on my Body
Watch weight with cake
The toybox is closed
Doritos, my love
I think of you everyday
Darn your fat content.
By Mrs. Jelly Belly:
The junk food they are hawkin'
Has us fat chicks all a'gawkin'.
Oh! What a great day!
If we could eat this way
And burn it all off by fawkin'.
I used to eat wholesome and felt denied.
I'd act self-righteous while secretly I cried.
During chemo, downing Dove Bars, I gained 30 lbs.
Back on Weight Watchers now, I am 10 down.
Daily I search for a happy medium,
Eating 'fake' foods sometimes quells the dieting tedium.
Oh god, give me cream
And sugar and butter, too
Life is short, eat real.
Once upon a time I was fat,
On my fat ass I always sat.
I loved me some cake,
so that's all I ate,
And then I discovered a 100cal pack.
Now I can fit in my jeans,
(and you all know how much that means.)
I long for a treat,
but healthy I will eat,
as long as the Olestra doesn't cause leakage.
Ode to the Lite
No doubt ersatz components test the gut;
False colorings wreak havoc in the cells,
And it were best to leave the package shut
And steel oneself against the tempting smells;
Ah, choc’late cake and caramel pecan,
And lemon sponge and carrot cake could be
My comforts sweet while parked on my divan,
And partners to a half-assed gluttony;
These meretricious treats do fool the mind,
For one imagines they’re a harmless “vice,”
And giving little thought to my behind,
I help myself to just another slice.
So disappear all into the abyss,
And here I sit in artificial bliss.
Full cal or NO cal
Low cal is less than useless
It means I'll eat TWO!
By Fit Me Pink:
I love cupcakes
I love cake
I love cookies
I love shakes
I love white bread
Yes I do
The problem comes
When it's time to...poo!
Hemorrhoids are my curse in life
So high fiber foods I must bite
But as long as I eat enough good stuff,
I save some room for what I love!
Eat a yummy treat
just a hundred calories?
You have weak tastebuds
By Michelle D:
I love candy bars!
So yummy in my tummy..
Nom Nom Nom!!!
Rugelach, so small,
so real, you are my true friend.
Sorbet, I love you.
There once was a woman so hinky
She asked herself, "Why a fake Twinkie?"
Cause while they look swank
They taste a bit rank
And may never much help you to shrinkie!
Its Gotta Be Worthy
I love me some cake
I love me some cream.
High fructose corn syrup, you say?
Get out of the way---
That's the stuff of my dream.
High fat, low fat,
Real or fake,
I don't really care
When it comes to cake.
But its gotta be worthy,
its gotta taste good.
Three points or less
is preferred, if you would.
By Landry's Mom:
I think that I shall never see
successful sweet treat fakery,
Indeed, until my taste buds stall,
I'll not for faux treaties fall.
An ode to my secret love
Oh 100 calorie bag of popcorn,
You are just right
When I want a crunchy, salty snack day or night
With some seasoning sprinkled on liberally
You fill a large bowl so pleasantly
And I crunch away happily
How can they say our love is wrong?
Why must I hide you in the back
So no one will know how I snack?
Oh the shame!
You are reduced fat
You are a hundred calorie pack!
I have lost 115 pounds but
no one will be astounded that
I along the way
have said so many nays but
I have had a lot of sweets
but they, of course aren't beat
by vegetables and fruit
because they make you poot!
Twinkies, candy and cheesecake
and anything else I can bake
are just so good, you see
they are natural, like pee!
So I will lost my weight with fat
in my daily diet so that,
I am not deprived of sweets
or the butter that I eat.
All hail the great Crabby McSlacker
Giving away treats to all of us snackers
But more than ice cream, cookies and cake
It's Crabby herself that I'd rather take
The wit, the humor, the fresh take on living
That Crabby McSlacker just keeps on giving
While frosting and sprinkles certainly are nice
Crabby is my favorite flavor of spice
So keep your chips, your chocolate and candy
I'll take me some Crabby
Cuz she is just dandy!!!
Aren't these all great??!!! Thanks Everyone who Entered!