August 18, 2009

Top 10 Reasons Not To Read This

10. Crabby didn't write this post. That should tell you something right there.

9. Merry's having an air-conditioner crisis during a heatwave (when else?) and is consequently hot, sweaty, and cranky-beyond-belief. She writes crappy posts when she's h. s. and c-b-b.

8. Your boss is looking over your shoulder right now.

7. He's trying to decide who to keep and who to lay off. (Kinda like Santa trying to choose who's naughty or nice, except that you can't bribe him with a glass of milk and cookies by the fireplace, plus you really shouldn't sit in his lap and tell him (or her) what you really really want this year.)

6. By the time you've read this far, you could have done 20 situps, 10 pushups, or eaten 1 chocolate ├ęclair.

5. Big List of Giveaways is giving away a Strider bike (for 1-5 year olds).

4. For that matter, Short Pump Preppy is giving away a heart rate monitor.

3. Hell, forget the exercise stuff, Will It Change You is giving away $50 to a random commenter. Or at least, he says he is. There might be some fine print that says you have to sell him your soul or make telemarketer calls to people during dinner time, but I haven't seen any catch yet.

2. What, you're still reading this? What can I say. I had a bad day. Nobody loves me. Everybody hates me. I'm going to go sit in a corner and whine. If you throw in some cheese I'll even wine. I'm not proud. Just hot and annoyed. (Which is not nearly as much fun as being hot and bothered.)

And the number 1 reason not to read this...

Oh hell. It's too late now. You've read it.

Please forgive me for failing you. I promise that I'll make it up to you, with lots of Ask Cranky Fitness posts, Flowcharts, quizzes, and generally snarky posts.

Until then, I understand if you want to leave lots of comments complaining about what a bum I am, and telling Crabby how much better you could do this job. (I'll still sniff and feel Deeply Hurt, but I'll understand. Don't mind me...)


  1. What a bum!
    Incredibly egregious dereliction of duty.
    Shameless hussy.

    Good Lord, Crabby, fire this woman immediately!

    Oh bloody hell, I meant to sign this one as 'anonymous'

  2. As soon as you tell someone 'not to read it', well of course we want to! The forbidden fruit concept. But in this case you must find your own fruit. :)

  3. Hey, if I'd included fruit in this post, somebody would've started throwing it at me!

  4. I have totally flipped too. I am grumpy, but not cranky. Fitness and I are fighting. My motivation turned into a nutty bar.

    Stop the madness! Give the fish a jumpstart and then kick her into high gear. I take nutty bars as bribes. I am also over-tired.

  5. You have every right to be cranky! I hope the aircon gets fixed soon!

  6. No way could I have done 20 situps by No.6! I could have eaten the eclair by then though.

  7. youre never a bum.

    and me? I went w/out a/c for one night this weekend and almost quit my blog and the day job in a panic.

    lack of coooooool coooool air can do that to a Miz.

    have a good day oh Funny Top Ten Lister of Ours.

  8. Well it would take some nerve for the Crabby One to object to this cute post, especially after throwing a rerun post up yesterday!

    It's August, it's hot, and what little motivation there is after work and chores is best spent exercising and eating healthy food-- not blogging about exercising and eating healthy food!

  9. There's no way I could be anything but cranky with no air conditioning. . .

  10. I've lived in south Louisiana without a/c, and I promise I understand.

    Anyone who can makes jokes out of it, much less a whole blog post, is a real trooper.

  11. We'll let it slide this time, but you better straighten up and fly right, young lady.

  12. Let's face it, summer is overrated. Hope you find some relief soon, Merry.

  13. Crap, I don't have AC so I am cranky & crabby a lot.. well of course I am almost 52 & hormone controlled so that adds to it too!!

    Too funny!!

    Well, I just finished my workout & Power PB on toast & ready for some sleep so I will put my cranky to bed, thank you!


  14. Come sit next to me Merry - we can be cranky together! (I've even got AC and I'm STILL cranky!!)

  15. Send me that chocolate eclair and all is forgiven.


  16. No A/C in August is torture - heck, we had no A/C in May for less than a day last year and I was about to lose your cranky post is entirely justified. So is eating a popsicle or twelve.

  17. You coulda at least linked to MY blog instead! Extraneous off-site writing can be a good thing when you're out of ideas! ;)

  18. One of the things I enjoy about Cranky Fitness is how real you both seem and are easy to relate to. There's days when I run a tight ship, and there's days when I've capsized (and days when I want to swim as far from the ship as possible). You're not a bum.

    I just returned from visiting in-laws in France (Alsace). NO ONE had a/c. And NO ONE had screens on their windows...not the in-laws, not the hotel, not the shops (except the grocery store had a/c, thank goodness). They keep the windows open for breezes, but as soon as dusk hits, in come the mosquitoes. As long as the French food kept coming, I was happy.

  19. Aww man! I was looking forward to #1. hahaa

  20. Only 1 eclair? I see that as a challenge... ;)

    Also I totally glanced quickly over my shoulder after reading #8.

  21. It was a memorable post, Merry. I really enjoyed it.
    Very moving.

  22. I didn't read it!

    OK, I did :-(

  23. Would ya guys quit being so nice about it? Somebody yell at me before the guilt gets to be too much! Ack!

  24. Guilt? What guilt? The air conditioner is the one throwing a tantrum! You don't have to grown-up about it, too.

    Mary Anne in Kentucky

    [My word verification is "chess"? How very inappropriate.]

  25. "Oh bloody hell, I meant to sign this one as 'anonymous'"

    Ahahahaha! Busted. :-)

    My word verification says "frestr". On first read I thought it said "fresh". That should give you an idea of my wishful thinking-productivity balance today. At least you got a whole post done.

  26. I can't believe you said not to read it and I read it anyway. Good thing my bosses happen to be my parents or else I would've been fired...LOL.

  27. Is okay Merry! I have hiccups and a recent tonsilectomy. PAINFUL!!! Some days just well, s*&K. Tomorrow will be better, I hope for both our sakes.

  28. Re #3 - no catch at all, also I hate telemarketer calls! Thanks for the plug ;)


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