9. Merry's having an air-conditioner crisis during a heatwave (when else?) and is consequently hot, sweaty, and cranky-beyond-belief. She writes crappy posts when she's h. s. and c-b-b.
8. Your boss is looking over your shoulder right now.
7. He's trying to decide who to keep and who to lay off. (Kinda like Santa trying to choose who's naughty or nice, except that you can't bribe him with a glass of milk and cookies by the fireplace, plus you really shouldn't sit in his lap and tell him (or her) what you really really want this year.)
6. By the time you've read this far, you could have done 20 situps, 10 pushups, or eaten 1 chocolate éclair.
5. Big List of Giveaways is giving away a Strider bike (for 1-5 year olds).
4. For that matter, Short Pump Preppy is giving away a heart rate monitor.
3. Hell, forget the exercise stuff, Will It Change You is giving away $50 to a random commenter. Or at least, he says he is. There might be some fine print that says you have to sell him your soul or make telemarketer calls to people during dinner time, but I haven't seen any catch yet.
2. What, you're still reading this? What can I say. I had a bad day. Nobody loves me. Everybody hates me. I'm going to go sit in a corner and whine. If you throw in some cheese I'll even wine. I'm not proud. Just hot and annoyed. (Which is not nearly as much fun as being hot and bothered.)
And the number 1 reason not to read this...
Oh hell. It's too late now. You've read it.
Please forgive me for failing you. I promise that I'll make it up to you, with lots of Ask Cranky Fitness posts, Flowcharts, quizzes, and generally snarky posts.
Until then, I understand if you want to leave lots of comments complaining about what a bum I am, and telling Crabby how much better you could do this job. (I'll still sniff and feel Deeply Hurt, but I'll understand. Don't mind me...)