It's spring, people are starting to think less about shoveling snow and more about exercising for fun. It's time for the first annual exercise review.
Not sure which exercise is for you? The experts at Cranky Fitness have reviewed some of the most popular forms of exercise. But their answers were boring and informative, so I gave them the boot and did the review myself.
Pro: Good for people who have joint problems.
Con: People will see you wearing a bathing suit.
Tip: When purchasing swim goggles, find a pair that comes with thick black frames and a false nose, so no one will recognize you.
Pro: Supposed to get you into shape quickly.
Con: Requires good shoes and a box.
Tip: Before you kick the box, make sure it has not been filled with books, big heavy rocks, or nitroglycerin.
Pro: Good for people who have weight-bearing issues.
Con: Lack of front and side airbags is a real drawback.
Tip: Wearing a helmet is very, very smart.
Indoor (stationary) bicycling
Pro: You don’t have to worry about cars.
Con: You do have to worry about going insane from boredom, plus the stationary bicycle design was lifted from an old idea first developed by the Spanish Inquisition.
Tip: Wearing a helmet will scare people off, so you won’t have to bother with making conversation.
Pro: So easy, even a toddler can do it!
Con: There are a lot of toddlers out there; you might trip over one. Watch out.
Tip: If walking is too non-strenuous, try race-walking. You get more exercise, plus you will provide innocent merriment for passersby.
Pro: Great aerobic conditioning.
Con: Who cares? You’re puffing like a steam engine and some little old lady in a walker is passing you!
Tip: If new to running, make sure to avoid running near nursing homes, day care centers, and other places where being passed would prove especially humiliating.
It doesn’t matter which form of exercise you choose so long as you keep moving. You know that. I know that. I know you know that… I’d better stop before I get even more confused. All this terrific* advice notwithstanding**, what is your favorite form of exercise?
* Oh, humor me, would ya?
** I try to throw in the occasional polysyllabic word in a post; I like to think it adds a bit of class and culture to the blog, and maybe even impresses Crabby.