March 09, 2009

Drill Sergeant vs. Lazy Girl

Photo credit:Joseph Hoetzl

This guest post is by Jill, who blogs over at The Sassy Pear. She blogs about the process of losing weight and getting active - and also whatever she thinks is funny! She describes herself as a "thirtysomething wife and mom who is trying to overcome generations of putting butter and bacon grease on everything, while also trying to become active and healthy. (My people were built for comfort, not 5k races)." Thanks, Jill!

Some days, I feel like I have two distinct personalities living inside my head (my husband would say there are more than that, but that’s a post for another blog) and depending on the time of day, month, or year these two opposing forces can really battle it out. The first personality is the Drill Sergeant – she’s focused, she’s in control, and she doesn’t let anything get in the way of a workout. She gets high off of endorphins and she can totally rock the elliptical trainer. I like Drill Sergeant; I can count on her to get things done and to make me feel like a million bucks.

Then there’s Lazy Girl who, although she appears to love nothing more than to melt into the couch and stare off into oblivion, actually works really hard to derail the Drill Sergeant’s good intentions. When the Drill Sergeant is thinking about how awesome her run will be after work, Lazy Girl will, upon arriving home, sit on the couch and remain there until Oprah is over and the time allotted for the run has come and gone. She’s a sneaky one!

Sometimes the two will have an actual argument that sounds something like this:

DS: Okay! Time to workout!! Shall we do Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred or shall we do 45 minutes on the elliptical tonight??

LG: Yeah either one is great, but first let’s watch American Idol, okay?

DS: No! You know as well as I do that if we don’t get it done now, the workout won’t happen, so let’s go!!

LG: Um, okay but don’t you think we should maybe get a snack first? I saw some Oreos in the pantry…

DS: NO! No Oreos – are you crazy? Just get up and let’s get this workout done, then you can watch all the American Idol you want - that’s why God gave us DVRs.

LG: Sure, I’ll be right there…man this couch is extra comfy tonight. I could go for a nap…

DS: Get up!!! Get up NOW!!! Just think how much better you’ll feel when you have accomplished an excruciatingly difficult workout! You’ll feel like a champ!!

LG: Maybe we could just get up extra early in the morning and work out then…

DS: (hysterical laughter) Oh my gosh, I just peed a little! That’s a good one LG! *wipes tears from eyes*

LG: Okay, fine! *throws down remote* I’ll do the blasted workout, but I won’t enjoy it!

DS: That’s okay. I’ll enjoy it enough for the both of us. Now move it Girlie!!

Disturbing, isn’t it? Most days the Drill Sergeant wins, but some days Lazy Girl just keeps whining until DS regretfully gives in and they both feel awful afterward. As long as DS wins most of the battles, I’ll be in good shape, but that LG can be persuasive, especially when she’s got TOM and Bitchy egging her on and tempting her with chocolate. But like I said, that’s a post for another blog entirely.


  1. Very nice post. You know all of us have those other people are in our heads. I don't know why they want us to slack off and seem to be detrimental to the ultimate goal, but they do get their way from time to time.


    now you have me, oh jill, wondering what it would look like were I about to live in your head.

  3. Good one. My DS isn't much of a DS and my LG can be very persuasive.

  4. Nice one. My LG usually only wins out if I've already showered that day. Although I've been ignoring her then too.

  5. Heh, Awesome Guest post! I wish my DS was as persistent as yours!


  6. Methinks my DS has been on maneuvers somewhere else for too long..... wonder if she'll ever come back?

  7. Hey I used to have both a DS and LG (and a few others too), but I killed off DS in favour of PC (Play child who gets out and just loves to be active and thinks of it as play). That way DS doesn't have to win, because Play Child simply can't wait to get out and get active. Yesterday, PC played for about 3 hours tilling a garden and then later LG took over as I sunk into the couch feeling fabulous.

  8. Oh, me too, me too.

    In fact, the dialog is going on right now.

  9. Ha, I DEFINITELY have these internal arguments! Except my DS is super touchy-feely. She knows that's the best way to manipulate me.

  10. I go into spurts. LG has been winning lately, but the DS wins some weeks. Good post!

  11. Your Drill Sargeant is a badass. And Lazy Girl is an Ultra Underminer!

    My drill sergeant would have been beaten down by all those excuses from your Lazy Girl.

  12. I think the voices in my head and the voices in your head should get together for tea.
    With me it's drill sargeant VS sleep in and miss my workout girl.
    I'm looking forward to the end (oh please oh please) of winter. Sleeping snuggled under the duvet makes it much harder for DS to win...

  13. Thanks Gang!!
    Glad I'm not the only Crazy out there! I loves me some crazy company!!

  14. I got Rambo and Mr. H working overtime. I had an angel, but the RSS feeder has her now :-(

  15. Yup, that was me ALLLLLLL weekend. LG won out. Dang it!

  16. My LG, in an uncharacteristic burst of energy, killed my DS and buried her in the garden.

    Can I borrow yours?

  17. Great post, Jill!
    I think that a majority of people can relate to the opposing voices in the head. (The rest don't want to admit to hearing the voices, methinks.)

    Reminds me of the Mary Lou Weigh scale. It currently has a cheerfully upbeat recorded message, but the next installment will offer one called "Drill Sargeant" instead :)

  18. That last comment would have been a great deal more convincing if the identical message hadn't just been left on The Great Fitness Experiment blog.

  19. too funny!! ! I think we all can relate and have a little of this turmoil going on within ;)

  20. Love this post! I have many head voices.... Drill Sergeant, Lazy Girl, You're not good enough girl, why start when you won't finish girl and thankfully more often these days there's you can do it girl.

    Great job. Will be checking out The Sassy Pear quick smart !!

  21. That's so true! My DS is one and the same as my LG so it looks like she is at least battling with someone rather than just sitting on the couch unchallenged.

  22. Whew! At least now I know from which side of the family the crazy voices in my head come... thanks, Aunt Jilly, I will rest so much easier at night knowing I'm not alone! Love you (and Happy Birthday)

    -The Mini-Sassy-Pear ...and by "Mini" I don't mean smaller, I just mean slightly younger =)


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