By Crabby McSlacker
This post has a secret sneaky agenda: to encourage readers who can actually cook to think about sending me their awesome healthy recipes and accompanying pictures!
So let's set the bar on the low side shall we? Here is a quick photo-guide to making...
Krabby's Krapload of Kale Scramble!
What's awesome about this recipe: it yields a huge-ass filling plate of food for a little over 200 calories, it's full of protein, and it consists of mostly healthy things plus a couple of more questionable ingredients that I'm fine with but others might think are poison that you can freely swap out or omit.
Note: if you don't eat kale or are vegan or allergic to eggs, don't bother swapping things out... just say screw it and go have a poptart or a bowl of Lucky Charms with soymilk or something.
But before we start, say hello to Kale!
There are so many kale health benefits you could die of boredom just reading all of them. Which I guess wouldn't make it so healthy after all?
There are so many kale health benefits you could die of boredom just reading all of them. Which I guess wouldn't make it so healthy after all?
I won't pretend that if you hate kale you will love this recipe. If you hate kale, use something else green, though green M&M's may be of questionable nutritional value.
Ok, here we go with the..
Krapload 'O Kale Scramble:
Serves: 4.
(Keeps fine in fridge for a few days for make ahead breakfasts, but won't freeze well.)
Step One: Remove Stems (unless you like 'em) and Chop Up A Bunch of Kale.
I hold the stem in one hand and run a sharp knife along the sides of the stem--not pictured, because have you ever tried to take a picture of something you're doing with your hands with a camera phone?
I hold the stem in one hand and run a sharp knife along the sides of the stem--not pictured, because have you ever tried to take a picture of something you're doing with your hands with a camera phone?
Note on quantity: the weight vs volume of kale thing is a huge mystery to me. A grocery store kale bundle yielded about 10 cups of chopped kale leaves and weighed 180 grams or about 6.3 ounces. But kale is supposed to weigh about 67 grams per cup which is 670 grams. WTF? 180 vs 670??? I used the actual weight for figuring out the nutritional info. I'm thinking maybe its the stems/no stems thing or our scale is fucked up. Whatever, the difference is not that big per portion and these are kale calories, which by definition do not count.
If you are impatient like me you can sprinkle with water and nuke for a few minutes to save cooking time and brave whatever horrifying transmutations microwaves might inflict on the poor kale leaves. Otherwise just cook longer.
And hello to you, EVOO!
Using a nonstick pan, it doesn't take much oil, a teaspoon works fine for me.
Saute kale.
Notice how we are skipping all kinds of wonderful healthy ingredients like onions or mushrooms or bell peppers? This is because chopping the kale seems like enough effort for one meal. If you are less lazy, more veggies=more virtue.
Add Two Small or One Large Carton of Egg Whites
If you are paleo/primal, you'll want real eggs with yolks and all, and will probably want to throw in a big slab o' pig meat and yak butter and who knows what else. But I've seen relatively recent research that still says go easy on yolks. Plus, you get to eat a whole lot more eggs and protein if you just go with the whites.
But I can't do the bright white "egg white only" thing, they freak me out. I like the yellow kinds with a few extra ingredients to make them more like real eggs.
Add 8 tablespoons (1/2 cup) Cheese that Doesn't Upset or Offend You.
Pecorino Romano is my choice because (a) it does not come from cows and is easier to digest and (b) it has lots of CLA and there are reputed health benefits for Percorino Romano cheese.
Plus it's salty and yummy and more than makes up for any No Yolks feeling of deprivation.
OK, we are almost done. Just stir it around and cook until it looks edible. Dump on plate
Wait, something's missing...
Something that claims to be "natural" but probably contains some sort of evil carcinogens because if something tastes smoky it's got to be bad for you, right?
Personally, I think it tastes more like barbecued potato chips than bacon, but, who knew? Barbecued potato chips are actually not a bad flavoring for eggs!
Note: this is a full sized dinner plate, so a serving size is not skimpy.
Want a better idea of what to do with eggs and kale? Roni of Green Lite Bites has another quick Kale & Egg video:
Do you guys eat cooked breakfasts? Any thoughts about recipes, kale, eggs or anything else?
I rarely do cooked breakfasts (I'm lazy like that!) but this looks so good and easy!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd, I love this - when I clicked on your link and saw a recipe I couldn't click over here fast enough!!!
It looks scrumptious, Crabby. I'm an unrepentant whole egger myself and would go full on yolk if I did this. I have swiss chard around, but no kale. I'm currently in a scrambled egg mode and I may try something similar in a few minutes. Thanks for this.
ReplyDeleteI would say 75% of the time my breakfast is of some sort that needs heating. I like savory breakfasts, so this kind of thing would be right up my alley. I recently discovered a recipe for doing a frittata in the crockpot that is so stupidly easy I can't even deal with it.
ReplyDeleteChop up whatever veggies you want (original recipe called for jarred roasted peppers and canned artichoke hearts, I threw in some sun-dried tomatoes - when I made it again last week I used scallions, roasted peppers and threw in half a bag of baby spinach) and throw it in the crockpot. Pour a container of eggbeaters (or egg whites or a bowl of whipped whole eggs if that's your deal) over the veggies. Cook on low for 3 hours. Add some feta if that's your jam.
Dang, wish my crockpot wasn't on the wrong coast OTF, because that sounds awesome and easy! Do you need oil to keep it from sticking or does it come out ok?
DeleteAt last I can deal with my fear of the Frittata! Stupidly easy works for me! Thanks
DeleteNertz - replied in the wrong spot. Spray that bowl with some nonstick spray, is what I did.
DeleteThis sounds like motivation to buy a crock pot with a timer, so I can put this in at bedtime and have it ready when I get up. At which point I will sprinkle some grated cheese over it. Drooling now!
DeleteMary Anne in Kentucky
I am so in love - I would ditch the cheese but everything else, sublime!!!!!!!! :D My problem is that I would probably want to KEEP ON eating... And make a round two! LOL!
ReplyDeleteWell, espcially without the cheese Gigi you could go two rounds and not do much damage at all and have room to eat a few celebrities for dessert!
DeleteMy kind of meal right there! ;)
DeleteI can't tell what thread I'm replying to with this interface, but y'all will figure it out. I just sprayed the crockpot bowl with some nonstick spray. BOOM.
DeleteThank you for a warm breakfast recipe that contains foods I can actually eat! I am looking forward to this one!
ReplyDeletethanks Cindy and welcome! And looking forward to hearing about your "100 days"!
DeleteSo I need to buy a non-stick frying pan and an egg flipper thing. I have a dull knife already and apparently i should get a crock-pot. Next I have to unearth my stove from under collection of plastic grocery bags.
ReplyDeleteIt isn't actually that bad at my place. I mean everything I just said is true but its not that bad!
Kale frightens me outside of juicing it in my green juice. But I make a similar omette, I do a tablespoon of coconut oil, 2 cups packed of baby spinach, 1/2 onion chopped, saute the spinach and onion until reduced down, use 1/2 cup egg whites and just sprinkly on a tsp of parmesan cheese at the end. It will keep me full for HOURS and it's so tasty.
ReplyDeleteKale is so good! It might even be possible to get my Sweetie to eat it like this.
ReplyDeleteI have to suspect that this is a fake video... I mean what moms look that cute, have a sparkling clean kitchens AND a quiet, well behaved kid?!
ReplyDeleteCrabby - I prefer scrambles to omelets anyway - plus the addition of CHEESE - well... let's just say that if I were closer than an entire coastal shore away, I'd be over for breakfast at your place!
Both these dishes have everything going for them in that the actual cooking part is not intimidating - there is actual chopping involved (which I now LIKE to do), manageable number of ingredients and hefty portion sizes. What's not to love?????????????
Anon
Anon, thank you! And, um, you LIKE to chop? I find it tedious! We definitely gotta find a way to beam ourselves quickly to the other side of that vast coastal shore, because your help at breakfast would be most welcome!
DeleteHmmm yeah, so I got motivated by the gadget post, that I downloaded a free ('cause I'm "frugal" that way) pedometer app and I love it! It was way fun and it DID motivate me to move a bit faster.
ReplyDeleteI'm off topic (again), aren't I ? OK, just so I have a sense of belonging, I LOVE cheese! I am willing to have some eggs and olive oil with my cheese. If I ate breakfast and if I ate kale, I am sure I would be all over this thing, because it really does look good! :) On the bright side, no poptarts, either.
On second thought, maybe I should read up on kale. If it helps with my "condition", I may consider
an IV infusion.
So glad you found a free app and even gladder about the "belonging" thing dlamb!
DeleteAnd yeah, you kinda gotta like kale to consider eating this stuff--but kale is rather awesome nutritionally. Sneaking it into fruity creamy sweet smoothies sometimes works, but the supersensitive aren't fooled by that either. :)
LOVE!!!!! Easy enough for me!!!! I can't so cheese but the rest is awesome!!!!
ReplyDeleteKooking with Krabby! You can read that first word any way you choose. Thanks for the cooking post...I am fan of ham and scram as I call it and I cook that big mess up in coconut oil. Not sure how I feel about kale in there, but I do like the krispy kale you can buy in the bags...kind of like chips, but more virtuous.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kimberley! And I will assume "kooking" rhymes with "puking!"
DeleteCrabby, thank you so much for your kindness re. my mortifying "disability".
ReplyDeleteYou work kale into a coconut cake recipe and I'm your taste test Cranketeer, reporting to duty!
oh man, I have missed reading you!! that is the funniest recipe tutorial I have ever read (and I read a LOT of them!) I'll totally make that. Kale is actually something my 6 year old loves. I don't question it... she needs it with Tamari however. But she'll eat a huge bowl and I get to feel like a great mother.
ReplyDeleteThis looks great and you addressed all my thoughts (microwaves and yolks...) thanks for this.
xoxo
Tree!!!!!
DeleteSo psyched to see you back! And wow, a kale-lovin' 6 year old is one for the record books, that's awesome.
Kale is for Kows is my motto, but this is not too different from my old reliable microwave spinach quiche. Which I will be having tomorrow as my oven broiler is being temperamental about lighting, and I have a service call to look forward to. (My other breakfast favorite is cheese toast.)
ReplyDeleteMary Anne in Kentucky
Ah, toast! I remember toast! (The low carb crab recalls wistfully...)
ReplyDeleteThere, there! It's the cheese part that makes it worth getting the broiler fixed. If I think of a convenient way to eat hot cheese without bread under it I'll let you know.
DeleteMary Anne in Kentucky
When I'm not too lazy: cauliflower pizza! It actually tastes far better than it sounds. :)
Delete