October 24, 2011

Crabby Works Out With Jillian Michaels, Then Blows Town

So I went to the gym with Jillian Michaels on my arm last week... and wouldn't you think it would have caused a bit of comment?  I thought I might have gotten at least a little bit of attention for it--after all, Jillian is so well-known she's a brand unto herself.

Not fooling anyone, am I? Yes, Jillian Michaels is indeed a brand. And she has lent her very marketable name and image to something called a BodyMedia Fit armband.  It was that personification of Jillian who clung snugly to my left bicep all day.  But hell, I figure if I'm supposed to associate the super-achieving, tenacious, on-your-ass-all-the-time qualities of Jillian Michaels with an armband...then I might as well give in to the marketeers and confuse the two completely. I'm a simple creature!

But even if Jillian is only an armband, it still leads to questions:

How did I end up with Jillian on my arm? What do I think of her? What's causing me to flee New England and abandon Cranky Fitness in the last week of a Blog Popularity Contest in which I could be roundly humiliated? And is all this preamble gonna lead to a freakin' giveaway this time or what?

UPDATE:  Sorry, the giveaway is now over! But if you're curious to find out what it's like to have one of these gizmos, check out the BodyMedia Fit Amband Review. (The rest of this post was written before the giveaway).

There is indeed a Review and Giveaway of the Bodymedia Fit Weight Management System coming up.  But I'll need to test it out for at least a couple of weeks to assess its accuracy.

And it should be a fun giveaway, because Jillian is pretty ambitious!  Check it out:  according to the PR email I got, the armband "captures over 5000 data points per minute using four seriously sophisticated sensors measuring motion, heat flux, skin temperature, and galvanic skin response."

It tracks steps taken, calories burned, physical activity levels and sleep duration and efficiency. It syncs with your computer and lets you set and track goals, note your progress or slackitude, and see all kinds of data about what your body has been doing all day.

So you're all ahead of me here now, right?  Because this means I will be reporting on what it's like to exercise, hang out, do errands, eat, drink, and even sleep with Jillian Michaels!

If the Giveaway Isn't Here Yet, Why the Hell Am I Mentioning it Now?

This is the sort of thing most bloggers wouldn't bother to explain, but because I am something of an asshole and a PR nightmare, believe in honesty and transparency, I'll give you the real reason:

In order for this to be a review and giveaway, and not just a review, I have to post about the BodyFit Media system three times.

So this post is Number One! And then the Review and Giveaway will be Number Two! And then announcing the winner will be Number Three and voila: you guys get one of these things to fight over too.

Will Canadians and Europeans be Eligible?

The good news is Yes! The bad news is that the reason is because they shipped me both units and I'm the one who's going to be schlepping down to the post office and forking over for postage and sending 'em out.

So Why Am I Abandoning Blog Duties and Putting Up a Crappy Post Devoid of Useful Health & Fitness Information Right in the Final Week of the Shape Blogger Poll?

Long-time regulars at Cranky Fitness are aware that the Lobster and I migrate every six months to a different coast. So by the next blog post, we'll be in San Diego. We're flying this year, not driving Fran the Van (she's sitting in a storage lot in Chula Vista behind a furniture store... at least we hope she's still sitting there), but there's still a crapload of things that have to be done to make the transition.  Are we complaining? No ma'am, we are not! We are all too aware how lucky we are to be bicoastal.

However, it means I will not be online much and can not hint, suggest, wheedle, implore, beg, plead, inveigle, or otherwise persuade anyone to help Cranky Fitness or other blogs you like better to a respectable finish in the Shape Blogger Poll which ends the 28th.  (And some people still report being able to vote once every day, which is an annoying twist to the whole thing.)

So anyway, stay tuned for the usual half-assed posts when we get settled on the west coast later this week, and stand by for the upcoming review/giveaway of Jillian's Bodyfit thingy!

 So Jillian... Was I good today?

Yes, Crabby... You were very good!

Awesome... Hey, you busy later?

Right here when you want me, Crabby.

Adios! And as long-timers may recall, I'm a white-knuckle flyer--so wish me luck.  If you wanna leave a comment about anything at all, I'll be sure to at least get online enough to check in. Because if there's anything I love more than pretending to sleep with celebrities, it's reading blog comments!


  1. I was really hoping you weren't flying this time! So, can you get Jillian to whisper in your ear and take your mind off it?

    Mary Anne in Kentucky

  2. Well Mary Anne, Jillian does sing when I put her on my arm. But she has an oddly beepy voice!

  3. I normally have Bob in my ear during workouts but Jillian has been at my ear and ass lately in the metabolic department. She is why I am currently 5 days w/o artificial sweeteners. I love/hate her today.

    I am flying to Medellin, Columbia next week and I, too am a gripthearmofthepersonnexttome type of flyer - but I am getting better one flight at a time.

    Looking forward to your next post!


  4. Crabby, I'm sure the flying will be fine. Take a few deep breaths here and there.

  5. I don't mind the actual flying part, but every time I fly out west something seems to go wrong - delayed flights, missed connections, lost luggage - so I tend to approach the trips with trepidation.

    Hope you have an uneventful trip!


  6. I will miss the travel posts, but at least you'll be on the "right" side of the country quicker!

  7. You have my sympathy, i think flying is for birds, literally.

    Looking forward to the review.

  8. Jealous, jealous, jealous. Not of Jillian, but cause you are going to San Diego. Love it there.

  9. Hope the flight goes well -- I'm not a fan of flying, either.

    (And I am completely jealous of your "winter" home!! Might have to come visit you this winter!)

  10. Crabby, I am sure you will manage the flight just fine. Take a good book along to read and you will back on the ground before you know it.

  11. I saw these for presale online and was curious if it worked well (before I fork over way to much money :)) I can't wait to hear what you think of it after you get a chance to use it for a while.

  12. Are you there yet? I don't fly anymore...very limiting, but it keeps me grounded. LOL! I had to laugh at myself.

    I can't wait to be declared the winner!

  13. Hey I want a piece of Gillian, too! Oh Crabby, will you please include Australia? Xx Debzillah

  14. Flying is easily one of my biggest fears, but Jillian as my personal trainer might rank right up there. ;)

  15. LOL... the pictures are the best part of this post! Made me smile!

  16. Can't wait to hear how it works for you!!

  17. I'm really looking forward to the review of this device. It sounds really interesting. Good flying!


  18. I think you should be a fitness model!!! You look GREAT! I think hormone life change is treating you better than me! ;-)

    So, looking forward to hearing what you think! BTW, how to you manage to live bi-coastal - WOW! Is it Lobster's work or both?

    AND, I know you love Rachel Maddow as much as I & she was part of that Miss Representation documentary I wrote about Monday. She said all her hate mail or most of it is all about her looks. - are they kidding! I think she is beautiful!

  19. Jillian Michaels, Jillian Michaels? Who was that?

    Oh yes, the woman with the lawsuits...


  20. Yay, San Diego! I spent 3 glorious years in grad school there. Living in La Jolla? Yeah, not difficult.
    You'll be fine on your flight. As others have mentioned, take a good book and maybe some trashy magazines and you'll be on the ground in sunny SD before you know it.

  21. I can't believe I haven't heard of this...not sure I'd want it but who doesn't love Jillian? Ok, plenty of people but I'm not one of them :)

  22. you had me at the picture of YOU YOU YOU.

    we need mo' photos of the crab.

  23. I wear a "band-it" on my forearm when playing tennis to prevent tennis elbow. When I first saw the photo I thought that was what it was.

    But no, it's the Rolls Royce of arm band-its :-) Several people at my fitness center wear similar devices. They are all very fit. Of course they were very fit before using their arm bands.

    Be careful with Julian, the Lobster has her limits.

  24. Wait, you are FLYING??

    I'm so proud of you!

  25. Sounds like a great product! Enjoyed your post!

  26. Good luck with the white knuckled flying thing since I share that character trait. My theory is they're children on the plane it's all good -- Don't ask. Looking forward to the review and if you scored with Jillian ..and then we'll expect a review about THAT! :D

  27. Maybe you'll luck out and a get an out of control 4 yo first time flyer in the seat behind you. Does that thing measure blood pressure?!! LOL
    luv luv luv ur pic on this post!

  28. Maybe you'll luck out and a get an out of control 4 yo first time flyer in the seat behind you. Does that thing measure blood pressure?!! LOL
    luv luv luv ur pic on this post!


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