January 01, 2009

2009: The Cranky Fitness Predictions

Good morning! Gosh you look chipper today. I like that outfit. And I'm impressed that you're able to remain vertical after all that wild celebrating last night.

Oh all right. I'll stop with the Chipper stuff. It's Crabby's fault, anyway. If she's going to devote extra effort to being both funny and anti-cheerful, then dang it, what's a girl to do?

Did you leap last night? Turns out that 2008 was a leap year in more ways than one. Not only did we have a leap day, we had a leap second. Whoever keeps track of these things added on an additional second to keep clocks running accurately. Damn, but I'm glad that's not my job. Have enough trouble making sure the batteries are up-to-date in the smoke alarms.

Ever since Carnac the Magnificent retired, there's been a dearth of really silly fun psychics.

So I've decided to fill in until one comes along. Here are the predictions of Merry the Magnificent (TM) for 2009:

**** Drum roll, please *****
***And may I request silence from the audience?***
***Okay, let me rephrase that, can I actually get silence here, please?***
***Sheesh, audiences these days, really ...***

I predict that...

Bossy, of iambossy.com fame, will start up a blog about the daily life of a cow, titled iambessie.com.

Fit Bottomed Girls will slip up and include some upper body exercises on their blog, causing an outcry and accusations of misrepresentation. Due to pressure from nasty lawyers, they will be forced to change the blog name to Fit All Over Girls.

Due to the effects of inflation, 101 Exercises will end up renaming her blog 1,001 Exercises.

Dr. J will overdo the Special K while watching the L Word and as a result will, by the Alphabetical Law of Inevitability, turn into the new M.

Mizfit will branch out into her own line of fun play equipment for children. Her enterprise will become a fabulous success, Toys 'R Us will devote a whole section to her goods, and people will flock to the aisle of Mizfit Toys.

Crabby will discover a brand of cupcakes that helps heal cranky knees, so she can run more.

Merry will get back into long-distance bicycling, so she can drive less.

If any of these things happen, please remember you read it here first.

Also, if anyone reading this happens to possess psychic powers, could you add a few more predictions in the comments? I'd love to find out more about what's going to happen this year.


  1. I predict a healthier me in 2009. I feel her rising up against this storm.

  2. I'm sorry you're having such bothersome weather. Shoveling snow is great exercise... but it stinks.

  3. Damn it, the scale tells me that I've gained 2 pounds overnight. Why oh why don't they have Diet champagne?

  4. You should go into the fortune telling business. It's only a matter of time... :)

  5. Happy 2009!! Thanks for the shout-out!

    Hilarious Post Merry!

  6. Ooh Ooh Ooh! Do Me! Do Me!


    My only prediction is that Cranky Fitness will continue to be as fab as ever and that I will continue to get my morning dose of laughter from you. Happy '09 everyone!

    word verification: sadis as in sadis not me anymore.

  7. I'll have my diet coke shaken, not stirred! I always liked that volcano science experiment!

    Thanks for the inclusion, Merry!

    I predict your sunshine will help all your friends get more than enough Vit. D to have a very healthy 2009!!

  8. haaaaapppy 2009.

    xo xo,

    MizFit Toyz Inc.

  9. Fabulous predictions!

    Happy 2009! May it be the best ever!

  10. April? My psychic powers see you as becoming extremely fit and svelte, winning the lottery, and buying your own tropical island.

    (And then inviting your blog friends to come over to celebrate ;)

  11. Oh you guys made me giggle so hard!! My favorite was the Dr. J one. Although the MizFit punchline had me laughing out loud too.

  12. Another great post. I liked your reference to the Rudolph special and the misfit toys. It's my favorite Christmas Special of all time. :)

    - Dave

  13. Happy New Year!

    Kelly Turner

  14. I like that prediction, Merry.

    If I do ever win the lottery and subsequently buy my own private island, you are all definitely invited. hehe

  15. LOL... this was cute. I predict that I will actually ESCAPE from obesity this year :)

    Hold me to it...

  16. I predict that Merry will become a popular host on a wildly funny fitness blog.

    What do you mean that's already happened?

    Okay then - I predict that Merry will become an even MORE popular host on an even MORE wildly funny fitness blog!

    I read it in the tea leaves!


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