Guess what? The experts have decided that it's official: we're in a recession.
Gee whiz, really?
Being an economic forecaster is something like being a weatherman reporting on yesterday's news. It's much more interesting to be a blogger, especially on a blog like this one.
How's your economic attitude?
Rather than writing a serious, perceptive, and intellectually challenging post about the economy, it seems like a much better idea to present you with a pop quiz. You've read all about the economy -- if you haven't experienced a layoff, you've probably felt the chill breeze of one pass nearby. Are you prepared, attitudinally, for this economic climate?
A) Your boss calls you into her office and says that you're being downsized.
Your response is to:
1 - Go home, curl up in a dark room, and whimper.
2 - Go out and eat a dozen brownies. (Sugar is good for shock, yeah, that's the ticket.)
3 - Ask her, "Does 'downsize' mean I'll fit into my skinny jeans?"
4 - Put on your running shoes and do a long run... as far from work as possible.
B) The company has decided to enforce time off during Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's holiday weeks. In other words, you're taking the time off whether you have vacation time saved up or not. You decide to:
1 - Buy a bunch of stuff at the mall to cheer yourself up.
2 - Eat your way steadily through all the Thanksgiving leftovers, chocolate Advent calendars, and even aunt Agnes' deadly annual fruitcake. It's wasteful to throw away food, plus there's less clutter that way.
3 - Decide to use the time to finish your Great American Novel (or Great Canadian Novel, Great Peruvian Novel, you get the idea). That way, when the company actually does go under, you'll have a book ready to be published.
4 - Spend the time off working out three or four hours a day. Hey, it worked for Madonna.
C) Because of the relatively low cost of gas, your grandmother, mother-in-law, and your aunt Fanny each expect you to drive to their house for a holiday dinner ... on the same day. Do you:
1 - Forge a doctor's note and try to convince the relatives that you're suffering from lethargy, lumbago, and leprosy.
2 - Drive from one house to the next and eat three full dinners.
3 - Delegate the
4 - Annoy all three by deciding to do what you want to do instead.
Add up the numbers to determine how prepared you are, attitude-wise, for the recession.
3 points. You have a sensitive soul, which in this economy means you're probably going to be toast. Need to try the emotional equivalent of boot camp to toughen up -- or else marry a billionaire until the recession is over.
4 - 6 points. Using food as an emotional band-aid is a bad idea when you're supposed to be tightening your belt. Can you try another approach for dealing with turmoil? (And if so, could you let me know what it is?)
7 - 9 points. You have a nice combination of optimism and sneakiness. If you can find a way to throw in some ruthless cunning and guile, you might make it through this downturn relatively unscathed.
10 - 12 points. Given the fact that people who are obese encounter more job discrimination than people who are fit, you're probably in pretty good shape in both senses of the phrase. Of course, you're going to feel pretty silly about all that exercising when the sensitive soul goes out and marries a billionaire, but that's life.
Well, how did you do? Should I do a post on the number of single billionaires in the world today, or do you think you'll get through this okay?