December 24, 2008

Christmas Eve, Blender Winners, and Poetry

Photo credit: Plan 59

On the night before Christmas
Cranky Fitness went quiet.
No posts about fitness,
Or improving your diet.

The Crab must confess
She's a holiday shirker.
But y'all knew already,
She's not much of a worker.

Is she off buying presents,
Instead of manning the blog?
Busy trimming the tree?
Or just sneaking egg-nog?

Thinking further ahead,
She could've penned enough prose
To plan for the holidays.
But whoops! That's how it goes.

For bloggers have families,
After all, 'tis the season.
Crabby hates to be missing,
But she's gone for a reason.

Please have a great Christmas
If it's a holiday for you,
Or if not, let this Thursday,
Be an awesome day too!


Oh dear. There's a reason I leave the poetry to our creative readers instead of attempting it myself!

And speaking of which, no, I haven't forgotten to announce the two winners of the Vita-Mix Blenders.

The random winner was: Lillian's Mom.

And the Poetry/Haiku winner was Liz Turtle!

Here was her entry:

Lite margarita
Splenda, lime, and self-pity
Martyr's bitter cup!

There were SO many great poems and haikus it was hard to narrow it down to three. Here are just some of the finalists I chose from to get the final three, which I then handed off to the Random Number Generator. But there were many, many, other worthy contenders. It really frustrates me that we can't give a humongous prize to all the great poets out there! Do go back to the poetry contest post to check out the rest.

Here are just a few of the many clever entries that readers submitted:

Rhymey Poems:

Here is my best answer.
I read those cure cancer.

Blender, blender whirring might,
in the kitchens day and night
what eager cooking with hand and eye
could master thy fearful energy?

O VitaMix! O VitaMix!
How many are your functions!
You give me lovely smoothies bright,
To tempt and please my appetite.
O VitaMix! O VitaMix!
How many are your functions!

O VitaMix! O VitaMix!
How grand are your concoctions!
With yummy soups and ice cream fun,
You really can please anyone.
O VitaMix! O VitaMix!
How grand are your concoctions!

This Vita-Mix giveaway's splendid
But the outcome may be unintended
Because if I won
The blades would be spun
'Til each thing that I own had been blended

We're not a blended nation,
And never shall we be.
At best, we're individuals
Who work towards unity.

Just look at Cranky Fitness:
There's happy Merry Sunshine--
On the other hand, there's Crabby-
And all SHE does is WHINE.

But her whining is SO CHARMING :-)
I'll cherish and defend her.
Why sucking up so much, you ask?


Monica went on a bender
Put everything into her blender
Went one step too far
With puree of new car
But relished her relish of fender

Heck yeah, I need me that blender!
Two months I'd be nothing but slender.
A frenzy of smoothies -
It would all be so groovy!
And without even being a big spender!

Oh Vita-mix, Oh Vita-mix,
How I want to win thee!

Oh Vita-mix, Oh Vita-mix,
Please Crabby pick me!

You'll crush my ice,
You'll kneed my dough.
I'll use you twice,
A day you know!

Oh Vita-mix, Oh Vita-mix,
How I want to win thee!

Mixes fast, mixes well.
Will I win it? None can tell.
If I do, I will not sell.
Those who lost can go to ...


Made some fudge; got soup.
Recipe said five ounce can milk,
Not fourteen ounce. Damn.
-- Jackie B

Purring like a kitten,
Or roaring like a lion in heat,
Wish I had a Vita-Mix!

The cookies are burned
I need to be supervised
This habit costs lots.

I last blended soup
And sadly melted my hand
Now, my blender sleeps.

My Vitamix brings
All the boys to the yard, so
Suck on that, milkshake

Yesterday with old blender
Strawberry explosion
Cleaning now is endless

Making smooth soup is
Easier if the blender
Still has a bottom.

A summer yard sale
Vitamix calling to me
Woe. I didn't hear.

Slayer of blenders
Three have fallen before me
Stop me, Vita Mix
--Smoni Smo

blue margarita
like absent sun in winter
blender to rescue

Thank you, all who entered!

Lillian's mom and Liz Turtle, please email us at Crabby McSlacker at gmail dot com with your name and mailing address by midnight EST of January 2nd to claim your prize.

Thanks everyone for your wonderful poems on a tough topic--I laughed out loud too many times to count.

And have a great holiday or a great rest of the week! Peace and Joy and All kinds of good stuff to you and your loved ones. Cranky Fitness readers are THE BEST.


  1. Merry Christmas and have a very Happy New Year.

  2. What fabulous poets!

    And yes, that includes Ms. Crab ;)

  3. For those who celebrate it, Merry Christmas.

    For those who do not, happy National Pumpkin Pie Day. Or happy Isaac Newton's Birthday, whichever you prefer.


  4. Hey Cranky, Merry and everyone else whose posts I've enjoyed so much - thanks for the many laughs. Enjoy all the festivities and come back well rested and whatever you do, don't leave those humours under the Christmas tree - you'll need them for 2009!

  5. Hooray for the winners and for the poets among us.

    Merry Christmas
    and a joyful New Year.


  6. Happy holidays! So much good poetry.

  7. Nice rhymes!!! Sorry I missed the poetry contest, I was out and about working and freezing my buns off .

    But Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone!

  8. dang - I missed the contest! I so need one of those!
    anyways, fab poem. Sending lots of holiday wishes and love and hope for a great 2009!

  9. Super great lines of poesy! Glad I did NOT enter! Thank you Cranky Fitness for your fab blogs - as I go out into the world each day, it is a little better filled with your tips, superb writing, fun, games and generosity. Merry Christmas or Happy ______(?) - may 2009 be good to you! Miche

  10. Happy holiday's to y'all! Celebrate safely!

  11. Happy Kwanzachristmakkah to all of you and yours. :)

  12. Whatever! That was an awesome poem - and informative - bonus! Happy Holidays to you and yours!! I hope it's colder where you are then where I am (70 degrees - blah).

  13. I am shocked that rhyming answer with cancer didn't get me a blender.
    What do I have to do to get things blended around here!?!!?


  14. Congrats, you lucky blending ducks!

  15. Wah! My internet here is giving me trouble. I will email you when I'm back home tomorrow :). This is rocking my little world, thank you!! Happy holidays!

  16. oh random number generator.. you DO love me! :)

    Merry Christmas to those that celebrated it!

  17. Laughters!! I like this post.


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