December 29, 2008

Boyfriends and Husbands: Health Hazards?

However Can A Gal Resist?
Photo: Plan59

Talk about a subject I know very little about.

But has my complete ignorance ever stopped my from blogging about a topic before? Of course not!

As I have a same-sex spouse, I'd been only vaguely aware of the impact that having a boyfriend or husband could have on a woman's efforts to meet her health and fitness goals.

However, I recently got a chance to peruse a book by Jenna Bergen, called: "Your Big Fat Boyfriend: How to Stay Thin When Dating a Diet Disaster." It's a cute little volume, sort of gifty-sized, combining humor with practical tips for how to stick to your own goals while dating a guy with a terrible diet. (And if you click on the link above, it comes complete with a blog.)

How clueless am I? It never occurred to me that heterosexual dating and relationships could pose such a health hazard! Or at least, according to the book, a dieting hazard. But I tend to mentally translate words like "diet" or "weight loss" into my own goals: "eating healthy" and "getting exercise," since they involve similar challenges.

So while I have a few general thoughts, I thought I'd take the issue to the smart readers of Cranky Fitness, many of whom are real live heterosexuals with actual experience in these matters. Are guys a Help or a Hazard when it comes to women's health and fitness goals?

But first, who is Jenna Bergen? Well, she's a fitness fiend and a writer whose articles have appeared in lots of great magazines. Including an article in Women's Health that mentioned Cranky Fitness--so we like Jenna 'round these parts.

She's got lots of practical tips for dealing with the phenomena that many women apparently experience: they fall for guys who are "diet disasters." (Her boyfriend, for example, went blithely through his adult life thinking that number of recommended calories a day was 20,000.) One of the fundamental messages of the book: if you are a woman, "you can't eat like a man and still fit in your pants."

Having any kind of romantic partner, male or female, can be a strong influence on behavior. (I bet there are studies, and I could look 'em up, but really, does anyone dispute this?)

This influence can be quite positive! I went from a cheeseburger-scarfing meat hog to a near-vegetarian in my early twenties, because my girlfriend at the time was a vegetarian. I learned to enjoy tofu and bean sprouts and kefir and all kinds of "exotic" (for back then) food that I never would have even tried if I'd been with someone more like myself.

And, even now, I can't stand not working out if the Lobster is heading off to the gym, even if I'd already given myself the day off. It just doesn't feel right to be slothful while someone else is sweating. So that's good, right?

But, on the negative side, I also find it extremely difficult to pass up an ice cream cone if the Lobster is having one. Suddenly, I feel entitled to that cone, even if ice cream had been the furthest thing from my mind. (Note: this is just an expression! There is never a time when Delicious Food is the furthest thing from my mind. What about quantum physics, or pre-cambrian flying insects, or Scandinavian love poetry? There is always something further from my mind than food.)

Ever fritter away some time people-watching at an airport or a mall, and notice how frequently couples end up roughly the same size? Do people choose partners who look like them, or do they influence each other into gaining or not gaining weight together? A bit of both, I suspect.

However, I do wonder whether the whole boy/girl thing does complicate matters for women.

I can kind of see how it might be a challenge dating or marrying one of those XY types who can eat an entire extra large pizza in one sitting. Or who can, if motivated, can get slim and buffed in a fraction of the time it takes an XX due to the wonders of testosterone. Or who, if not motivated, doesn't really give a damn what he looks like in a bathing suit.

And is it just a stereotype that women are generally more interested in preventive health than men? It sure seems like one gender is more likely to scrutinize food labels and make appointments for checkups than the other.

My own intuitive guess is that I'd have a harder time sticking to my healthy-eating goals if I were with a guy than with a gal. If he could have a double cheeseburger, I'd want one too.

But wait! Here's a curious fact: Compared to straight women, lesbians are more than twice as likely to be obese. So while being with a guy may seem like a challenge to healthy eating, maybe his guyness is not really the issue?

This brings up the question: why do lesbians get fat? This study said for the same reasons straight women do, which wasn't much help.

Personally, I think on average, lesbians care far less about looking like the current cultural and media ideal--ultra feminine and super skinny. (In the age of The L-Word, I know it may be shocking to hear that many of us gay gals are still old-school and have entirely different standards of attractiveness than straight folks do!) But in rejecting these images as irrelevant, many lesbians also lose the powerful weight-loss motivation that comes with appearance-based goals.

So now I'm more confused than ever. It sure seems like being with a guy could present some healthy-eating challenges--what do you folks find? And if you have one of those exotic opposite-sex partners, what accommodations do you make to stay healthy?


  1. I am married to the double cheeseburger kind of guy and it is VERY challenging. He cooks brownies on a weekly basis (which he buys at the store) and then seems confused when I don't want them. (or in reality, ATTEMPT not to eat them).

    He is my enabler, and sugar is my drug. (sigh)

    I have noticed that many couples end up the same size and I'm hoping that doesn't happen to me! :)

  2. If I could just get past the title of that book I might be able to come up with a good response to this but all I keep thinking is: "How to stay thin when dating a diet disaster"... Yea because we all know that the only thing that matters is that we stay thin. Sigh.

    Sorry, I'm a little bit cranky this morning.

    I'd say how about taking some personal responsibility for our health. I've dated the guy that can eat a whole pizza in one sitting & never felt the urge to keep up cause that's not how I eat; even though people assume I do when they look at me.

  3. My husband has influenced my eating but toward the healthy side. He doesn't care for fast food or junk food or the like and prefers veggies to almost anything else. Consequently we eat properly here most of the time.

  4. Ok so I have drafted and re-drafted and re-drafted a post about one of my hardest challenges during my journey to a healthier me is no criticizing my husband (who has gained 65 lbs since we met 6 years ago). Every time I write it, I end of coming off like a huge b!t@h. It’s truly a struggle. Definitely going to check out this book and blog.

    Do you think it’s that big of a difference: the impact on each other for hetro and homo sexual couples? Maybe you don’t perceive it because your wife is more health oriented in general.


  5. My husband is a cook, and will bring home all kinds of tasty treats from work for me to sample. His problem is that he cannot understand the hold those foods have over me. If they are in the house I am powerless to resist. Even though he used to be overweight, he has become one of those people who only eats when they are hungry, and who have no sweet tooth, and he is genuinely perplexed that I seem unable to resist the candies and cookies and cakes he hoards (and never eats).

  6. I used to joke that in a couple, one partner would always be out of shape, but I have seen some exceptions, I'm happy to report!
    (Not where both are-Merry! :-)

  7. I think it depends on the people. I have actually lost 62+ pounds in my relationship to the "skinny guy" who can eat anything. He helps by trying to get me to realize that I can't take food so seriously. He hurts the process by not always realizing that I choose not to eat everything he does, but I plan around it. Also sometimes my exercise gets in his way. I think we all have our selfish needs, mine happen to be obsessing about food and exercise and his are Jeeps and PS3.

  8. Chris is more of a drinker than an eater. He will and has piled my plate FULL of food and said to me, "if you don't want to eat all of it, stop eating when you are full." Where to me, you don't load your plate full of food. I mean THAT makes sense. If he were watching his drinking (watching?) would I pour him a full glass of vodka and say, "stop drinking when you are full." So we have those differences. I'm not sure we look alike though. He has a bit more fur on his face than I but only a bit. His goatee is more goateey.

    On the other hand, my sister who just had WLS has a husband who's sort of blamed her weight for his feelings of misery and since she had her surgery, he seems to have gone off the deep end with buying food. I laughed thinking that maybe we'd discover that he too had an eating disorder, filling the fridge with meats, cheeses, and gallons of ice cream where she cannot eat any of it and he must consume all of it. As a couple they need more than WLS, like a good counselor is in order.

    When I lived alone, I realized that if I bought a gallon of ice cream and it disappeared, I'd have to pay for that later. I don't think that he realizes this yet. He has fluctuated on his idea of support during this very trying food-frenzied season of eating when my sis cannot indulge after 53 years of being an indulger. It is interesting to observe and I am thankful I don't live with them.

    For the most part, my bf is very supportive of all my efforts though he's a little clueless at times but that could be that big glass of vodka I just poured for him.

  9. Wow, this is a hot topic of discussion in our household! My husband and I started out fat together, got fatter, and are now working on getting thinner together. Ok, so he's working on maintaining and toning his new thinness, and I'm still working on losing my last 30 pounds, but hey, we're doing it together!

    My husband gets Really pissed when ladies in our WW meetings talk about their husbands "sabotaging" their eating by bringing home double cheeseburgers or brownies or whatever. He wonders if people have forgotten that they didn't *always* try to eat healthy, and that from the husband's point of view, he's not attacking the diet so much as he's "trying to live the way he has for the last X amount of years while you've suddenly turned into a screeching banshee!"

    Having said that, I will now say that it is a LOT LOT LOT easier to stick to a healthy lifestyle when everyone in the house is onboard and going in the same direction. There's no guilt for me, feeling like I'm depriving him of food he loves simply because I can't stand to cook something I'm not going to eat. There's no temptation in the house, because neither of us is buying it. We're also built-in motivators for the other.

    All in all, I'm glad we decided to do this together, and that we decided it independently, because that's also important. It's horrible to be "dieting" only to please someone else, because it's very hard to succeed that way.

  10. My husband is ALL about the 'all-you-can-eat-buffet'. Taco Bell, greasy chinese, you name it, he's all over it. But I could never fall privy to that behavior because frankly, it just disgusts me. Patooey.

    On the other hand, his sweet tooth rubs off on me in a big way. Luckily, my workout routine has been a huge influence in his life as well and we now have found our fine balance between brownie satisfaction and workout frenzy!

  11. Wow, I was so excited when I saw this post in my reader (even decided to delurk for the occasion)! My boyfriend is not the least bit fat... but if I ate ANYTHING like him I'd gain about 50 pounds. Living in New York, a lot of people eat a lot of takeout, but I make a really strong effort to cook 95% of my meals so I can eat better and control what I'm eating. Not only does he get takeout, but he'll get the most unhealthy foods you can find on a takeout menu. At Dallas BBQ, he'll get an order of barbecue fried chicken AND an order of chicken fingers. At the Chinese restaurant, he'll get sesame chicken and a few egg rolls. When we order pizza, he'll eat most of the pie (at least it keeps me from eating more than a piece or two).

    What I REALLY don't get, even more than the eating, is that he works 80-90 hours/week (he's one of the "lucky" survivors in investment banking). This means he not only doesn't have time to go to the gym anymore, but he's also sitting at a computer 15 hours/day and getting no physical activity. And yet, his chest/arms are still totally cut!

    Meanwhile, I have two weeks off from work and am working my butt off at the gym and eating healthy... and I'm struggling to even get any definition in my arms. Last night, he said I seemed tired/not in a good mood, so... he took me to Magnolia Bakery! Great influence...

    I need to close by saying all of this aside, he is amazing and incredible and I'm so happy with him :)

  12. Like you pointed out, I think gender is less significant than simply the fact of living intimately with someone who has different health goals, eating and exercise habits than you do. I know that in college when my roommates were eating disordered, it made me more so. I also know that when I changed apartments and lived a bunch of girls who relished food and did a weekly fried chicken night I ate a lot more fried food.

    Besides - I really like April's comment. Yeah, what she said!!

  13. Well... on the one hand, I eat considerably better now that I'm married to someone who need to lose weight than I ever did (many years ago) when married to super skinny guy who didn't really understand the whole diet thing at all (although I have to say, he also did not give a damn what my weight was, which was pretty charming. One of the only charming traits he possessed, unfortunately.)

    On the other hand... my husband desperately wants to lose weight without seeming to either put together what the components of weight loss are (yes, honey, the banana still has the same number of carbs that it did yesterday) or accepting that food does not always have to be something that you absolutely desire at that moment in time. Especially if you're not cooking it yourself, sigh. So... while on the whole, he's probably more of a help than anything else, he's also a major source of aggravation.

    My only lesbian data point is my (extremely thin compulsive exerciser) sister and her (not at all thin possibly compulsive eater) partner, which actually remind me more of me and my first husband than anything else. So I think that there's nothing scientific to infer from that!

  14. My husband is a total hindrance in my journey to become healthier. With him I eat out too much and I eat the wrong things. I am talking about a guy who loves mexican food, burgers, and ribs. I try to get to a place where I can eat a soup or salad and it's like I smacked him in the face.

    At home I can control what we eat because I am the sole cook, but once we leave the house, it's a different story.

  15. I know from personal experience, having lived for 10 years as an out lesbian with a woman and 10 years after that with a man in a hetero relationship, that it makes no difference -- partners are partners and can support or sabotage, regardless. I gained over 100# with the woman and have lost about 50# with the man -- and it could just as easily been the other way 'round if the people involved were different. (I'm bi, not "cured" or anything like that ;-))

  16. My husband overall is a good influence. Except for one aggravation -- he THINKS he knows a lot about diet and fitness and he ends up dishing out some bad advice. Insistent advice. Grr.

  17. Hi Crabby,

    Individual responsibility aside, I have always found it difficult when the man in my life is either a saboteur or a guy who likes to indulge me in what I like to eat, rather than what is good for me. Either behavior leads to annoyance or resentment on my part, and pouf! the guy is gone.

    The ones who last are the ones who leave my food decisions to me.


  18. I'm learning so much from these comments! It really does sound like for many women, male eating habits can be a challenge, and it works best to have a guy with similar health goals. But also that many of you can stick to your goals no matter who you're with. I'm not sure I could be so strong.

    And welcome, Laura, thanks for delurking! My sympathies on trying to navigate the many temptations of NYC with someone who can pig out without packing on pounds. (We once lived in the same neighborhood as Magnolia Bakery, and even with the best of healthy eating intentions, we ended up there many a night!)

    And thanks anon, for the helpful bi perspective! Interesting that your experiences were so different with each gender, yet it sounds like it didn't feel like the gender was the reason, just the particular people.

  19. Hm. When Aaron and I are on the same "track" whether it be dieting / exercising /training for whatever race- It's awesome. It's really really fun..almost competitive. I love it.

    However, having said that, even when we have the same goals, he reaches his much faster than me. (Partly because he's a guy, partly because he aims so much lower, lol)

    And he cooks. Which, while I'm trying to lose and maintain weight, is a major pain in the butt. I try to ban him from the kitchen but it never works (Because frankly, I love that he cooks).

    I echo the folks who preach personal responsibility no matter who you live with or whatever the circumstances. Although there are unique challenges to living with a partner who doesn't see eye to eye on everything "health," sometimes those people can still be really great support systems.

  20. No boyfriends or girlfriends here, but I grew up with my allergy diet and my mother's allergy diet not overlapping much, and then when I was in high school my father's low cholesterol diet started, so there were three of us eating almost completely different foods. So by the time I had roommates I was used to ignoring what the other people in the kitchen were eating. I suspect the mental intimacy of a partner is different, though.
    Mary Anne in Kentucky

  21. I find it's only really a problem with my husband when we order something to split. Then I get all psycho and start eating more than I need because I need to get my "fair share" even though I'm a foot shorter than he is so my proportional share should be less than his.

    Luckily, he's usually pretty healthy, and since I'm a vegetarian and he's not we don't split meals very often.

  22. I do just fine during the week. A few pounds fall away by Friday and then my SO arrives for the weekend bearing gifts and it's game over. I'm fine if there are no temptations in the house. I'm very week to the dark chocolate anything that he found on sale or even the opportunity to eat out. By the time Monday rolls around, I'm back up those same pounds that I'd lost through the previous week, if not more. I stink at willpower.

  23. Okay my hubby is not even close to being healthy. He smokes, lies around refusing to exercise, and eats garbage. If its green or leafy, he wont even taste it. Mmm mmm, midwest cookin!! He and my sons all harbor the belief that mom doesnt really ever eat anything and they couldnt tell you one food I like, because they wont eat the healthy foods I do and I wont eat the foods they do. Of course I am the enabler, I do all the cooking. Its not really hard for me to stay the health course, when I sit there watching him struggle to breathe and get fatter and fatter. I am just sad that some day I will be a (super hot)young widow.

  24. I am the smaller one in my relationship. My BF is fantastic, don't get me wrong, but he fell off the workout wagon in Mid-October and hasn't looked back. He was very diligent for 2 months and lost 15lbs for his efforts. Then mid-terms happened and that train derailed. Me, I LOVE to workout when I am stressed with exams and assignments because it helps clear my head. He just finds it a distraction.

    I have told him that as much as it'd be lovely to have lunch with him, that's MY GYM TIME and I need to make that a priority. He is still a little hurt by this statement, but I'm not willing to compromise my workout for nachos and an episode of Californication.

    He is hoping to get back on the workout wagon in January and I hope he does. *Fingers Crossed*

  25. I think a lot of the problem people get into with relationships is that they become enmeshed with the other person to a degree that isn't always smart. Just because you're married (or similarly partnered) doesn't mean you have to eat together, eat the same things if you do eat together, do all the same activities, sleep in the same bed all the time (if he keeps you awake snoring, find another bed), etc, etc, ad infinitum.

    Pick the parts of your life where doing the exact same thing is really important and let the rest go. My husband and I rarely eat the same things or even at the same time. It's how our marriage of nearly 13 years has evolved and we're okay with that.

    A marriage that can't survive one person eating a salad while the other eats hamburger is a marriage that sure has heck can't survive any big catastrophes. And if you get tempted? Well, learn to enjoy treats vicariously. ;-)

  26. I dated a guy when I was younger that was a heavy weight powerlifter. When he stopped lifting & kept eating (and drinking), I did my best to keep up with him. And gained 90 lbs. In one year.

    When I met the architect, I was hugely overweight, but he was so active, so it had the reverse effect, and now, not only am I at a healthier weight, I can outrun and even occasionally outhike him. :) I suggest looking for someone healthier than you - that's a good motivator!

  27. It's tempting to try to find someone to 'blame' for all of the things that are wrong in our lives, but ultimately, we are responsible for our own behaviour.
    That said, there's nothing that pisses me off more than watching my hubby eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants and never gain an ounce, whilst I gain weight simply watching him eat! sigh. Metabolism must count for something.

  28. I must admit, I'm surprised at how many of the women on here, who claim to eat healthy, are with partners that eat very poorly. Just the doctor thing: It will not be good for them in the long run.

    I think it's much easier to live with someone who is on the same menu.

    PS the word verification was "ALLFIT" How do you do that Crabby? :-)

  29. While I agree with April, the point is NOT to stay thin, but to be HEALTHY, I also know the pitfalls of dating someone who was a big challenge to not just my fitness but mental health too. It was just an unhealthy situation all around. He was a body builder, who liked to eat nothing but large quantities of meat when training. When not training he would large quantities of everything. He thought I should work out like he did. That is SO not for me. My current relationship is so much healthier, with a runner for a husband who likes to do most things in moderation and is supportive of my weight loss efforts without making me feel fat. He is a GIFT.

  30. Such an interesting discussion!

    I think that this can be said for anyone who has an amount of influence in our lives- parents, roommates, and significant others.

    My ex used to try to help when I got overly obsessed with eating healthy by impatiently telling me to "relax and just eat already!". It made my orthorexia worse.

    However, having spoken to him since, he has told me that its aggravating because now he pays more attention to what he orders at restaurants and instead of drinking 3 iced teas before the meal arrives, he's more aware. Hehe. We can't help but be influenced by how others relate to food/exercise when they play a big part in our lives. Am glad I'm single right now though- I'm too selfish to want to have to bother with trying to control my eating when the person I'm with can eat whatever they want:)

  31. I think it depends on the people; I've had varying experience with past boyfriends. My husband and I both enjoy food tremendously...and became tremendous-sized together. But after some mid-life health crises for both of us, we're now getting healthy together. We both still have a weakness for bacon, though, so I do love that picture at the top of the blog!

  32. THE STORY OF MY LIFE. My big problem is that ScottieDog does most of the cooking. And he only wants to cook things that are various shades of brown. And the occasional package of frozen peas or corn. :-(

    No wait, I did teach him to broil zucchini and he'll do that now. Plus open a bag o' salad.

    He has eaten like a fiend all his life, never exercised, and though his figure has stayed fairly svelte, the eating and sluggitude is now starting to catch up with him as he sails into middle age.

  33. Interesting post, Crabby!
    I must be old-fashioned; I still remember (especially in high school and on first dates) the compulsion to 'eat like a bird' when on a date. When I'm in a relationship I never overeat. When I'm on my own, on the other hand, I tend to overdo the food. (Which is kind of a catch-22, I suppose, since the more I weigh the more unsexy I feel and the less I'm inclined to socialize.)

  34. Cranky, Gay, or Straight - here are some great ideas to stay fit in the New Year -

  35. Merry, I actually feel pressure to do exactly the opposite. It seems like guys are so conditioned to think that women can't eat anything good and that they're going to get a salad, that if you eat some REAL food they get impressed. Interesting how that works...

    Also, Crabby, just wanted to let you know that you inspired a post on my own blog about this phenomenon :)

  36. This is such perfect timing Crabby that it just brings a tear to my eye. I almost ripped the hubs head off the other day because I'm so tired of him sitting on his fat ass telling me how proud he is of me when I head off to the gym! His words are supportive and some of his actions (he cooks us lots of fish and broccoli) but he just won't work out with me. I am trying to get better at accepting him for who he is but in reality, I wish he was a hottie who loved the gym as much as me. But alas, he is who he is and besides not working out, he is pretty damn spectacular so I just put on my big girl panties and deal with it. :) Thanks for the timely post. Can't wait to order that book and sink my teeth into that blog. Lucas needs some support!

  37. It's an interesting question. I don't know about all men, I can only speak about my husband who is dead set against exercise and not all the interested in nutrition. He's just not concerned. Even if he were, he is a foot taller than me, so he'd always be able to eat more. And I do find that when he is eating, it is hard for me not to, even if I don't want/need to. Meals tend to be communal affairs, so if he's eating lunch he assumes I should be eating lunch, even if maybe we had a late breakfast and I'm not actually hungry. It can definitely be a challenge.

  38. I'm fortunate that my fiancee is just as interested in fitness, health and nutrition than as I am. In past relationships, that was a big challenge. We both follow a no sugar, gluten-free diet, eat pastured meats, fish, TONS of organic fruits, vegetables, making juice, wheat grass, sprouts, fasting and so on.

    My ex wasnt into fast food, sodas or anything like that, but he was all about the Trader Joes processed food and so-called "healthy" snacks. That was a big weakness of mine

  39. After the birth of our first (high needs- very stressful) child my husband came home almost every day with conciliatory his and hers pints of premium ice cream. Guess which one of us gained 60 pounds AFTER the baby was born?

  40. Well let's see now, when I met my hubby 25 years ago, he was a 3x a day red meat and potatoes man and loved rich sauces. Honestly he was! He'd go to a restuarant and order by asking for whatever their biggest steak on the menu was. Now he eats grilled fish at least twice a week, steak probably twice a month and has steamed veg with zero sauces. On the plus side though, when I met him I was an absolute couch potato, he was a marathon-running fitness fiend. Well it took me under a year to run my first marathon and from doing zero days of exercise a week, I probably do 5-6 days exercise. We wear about the same size clothes, although he's slightly taller than me. So are you any less confused than before?

  41. I've seen this work both ways. I turned my husband into a dessert freak and he turned me from sweet tea to unsweet tea.

  42. Great question! I lost 110 pounds on Atkins, then met my boyfriend, fell off the low-carb wagon and regained 70 of them.

    I joined WW, and have lost 50 of them again — but it's hard work, especially when the Boyfriend is great at sabotaging my diet. He likes to put food on my plate (or eat just half of his own dinner and want me to finish the rest).

    He's a tennis pro ... but he could stand to lose a few, from his beer belly. Even so, he's on the tennis court for hours a day, so he eats pretty much whatever he wants ... and when I'm with him, I tend to eat like he does. (The foods he wants always look better than the ones I know I should be eating.)

    We have the "I need your help" talk every so often, and he's better for a while ... but he always goes back to his food-pushing behavior. He says, "You just need to exercise more."

    I could spend 3 hours a day working out and it still wouldn't allow me to eat all the crap he does. :P

  43. I am partners with one of those men who eats thousands of calories a day, but also spends an hour or so at the gym a day. The result is that he looks great and I'm slowly gaining weight.

    What's good is that we are both health conscious, but we also can influence the other to do what we want (i.e. if I'm feeling not so healthy that day he'll go along, and vice versa).

    Makes sense that people become the same size- when they eat together all the time!

  44. My husband is a construction worker and I am an office worker. He eats whatever he finds, and eats a lot of it. When he isn't careful he has a tendency to be 5 - 10 lbs overweight, but can drop it all in no time just by not having the third hot chocolate every night. If I cook healthy, he eats healthy -- all four helpings. I am 100 lbs overweight. For me, it is the "entitlement" thing so many other people have mentioned.

  45. I don't think it really matters whether or not a woman is with a man or with another woman... It has more to do with the person you are with. My fiance is very accepting and supporting of me no matter my size, and we both love ice cream - so you do the math. But when we truly make the effort to eat healthier, it works. In my experience, it has to do with your relationship, not the sex of the partners. I have a lesbian friend that was married to a man prior and she has had weight issues when she was with him and now that she is with her girlfriend. Who knows???

  46. i don't think of brandon as a health hazard and i sure hope he doesn't think of me as one. we just try to keep the other in check.

    for the most part though, i think we help each other more than hurt each other when it comes to our health.

  47. It is interesting to know there is a study that says lesbians are more likely to be overweight. I had noticed this anecdotally among my lesbian friends, but whenever I thought it I felt bigoted.


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