Photo credit: Marion Doss
Here at Cranky Fitness we spend most of our time devoting ourselves with sleepless dedication to a tireless quest for the latest in
Photo credit: pheezy
All this hard work... seems to me that we've been getting a bit serious around here, what with pesticides causing toxic fat and cell phones causing cancer in semi-hypothetical situations and all that kind of stuff.
Not all science has to be completely serious. For instance, we're proud to report that the 2008 Ig Nobel prizes were handed out on Friday. These are frivolous prizes awarded for research that was actually undertaken by serious scientists. When I first heard of these, I thought it was mean to make fun of researchers who are sincerely trying to find out new truths... and then I read about the research studies in question.
The Ig Nobel Nutrition prize went to "a pair of researchers who showed that manipulating the sound made by eating Pringles crisps can fool people into thinking a stale crisp is perfectly fresh."
The Ig Nobel Biology prize went to some guys who discovered that "fleas that live on a dog can jump higher than fleas that live on a cat."
The Ig Nobel Chemistry prize went to two teams of doctors: "one team discovered that Coke is an effective spermacide [sic]; the other team discovered that it is not." (Yep, that sounds like science to me.)
Anyway, what I was thinking was -- why should scientists have all the fun? I figure the time has come to put forth another Cranky Fitness Dictionary post. It's time to explain all that tedious medical terminology that you always wondered about, but were too busy to ask.
Besides, as Dr. House (or at least Hugh Laurie) would testify, medical terminology is tricky. Hopefully the following list will
BMI -- what a plastic surgeon drives early in his career, before he's worked his way up to a BMW.
Cardio -- what daddy-o hands to his daughter before her shopping spree at the mall.
Cellulite -- (alternate spelling "sell-u-light") a marvelous marketing opportunity for unscrupulous snake oil salesmen.
Co-pay -- what the patient has to pay. As opposed to no-pay, which is the usual response of an insurance company.
Cough syrup -- what you should take when you're feeling cough-ful.
Diet -- the Japanese parliament, of course.
Doctor -- something you should never do to a drink.
Fat -- (to a fashion model) being .05 mg overweight.
(to a sumo wrestler) Huh? What's wrong with the way I look?
High-blood pressure -- a normal physiological reaction to getting a letter from your insurance company.
In-patient -- the hip, cool kind of patient, who typically wears the latest in hospital chic.
Knee-jerk reaction -- a reaction where you want to knee the jerk.
Nurse -- something it's okay to do to a drink, especially if you're the designated driver.
Phat -- a shining example of how changing the spelling of a word can turn an insult into a compliment. According to the Wiktionary, Phat means excellent, sexy, or "rich in texture" [referring to music].
Speculum - a speculative device that medical personnel use to explore parts you'd rather they didn't.
Vegetable -- 1) something you're supposed to eat a whole lot of 2) an unkind term for a patient in a coma. Those two definitions look really creepy next to each other.
Is there any other aspect of medical terminology that you think needs a new definition? If there is, leave it in the comments, hopefully with a new definition as well. (I have to say, the best definitions are usually in the comment section.)