Skanky Fitness

[By Merry]

No, not that skanky, thankyouverymuch.

Look, if you've come to this blog looking for intelligent, perceptive comments about health and fitness, then please let me direct your attention to Crabby's thoughtful, insightful, and well-written post of day gone by. But that was Crabby. To mis-quote Senator Lloyd Bentsen, "I've met Crabby McSlacker, and Merry's no Crabby McSlacker."

In other words, lower your expectations down a few notches. And your sense common decency as well. That opening photograph was but a mere foreshadowing of skankiness e'en yet undiscovered.

In the interest of looking busy while avoiding housework Being Helpful, I was looking at the search keywords that led people to this site. A lot of people in Finland seem to be looking for fitness porn. Or maybe it was people in Poland. Or Cleveland. Definitely somewhere that ended in 'land' at least.

What are they hoping to find? Hunks in trunks? The Swedish Bikini Beer Team? Pictures of people performing sleazy acts on treadmills? People performing sleazy acts with treadmills? (Hell, I'll believe anything. I stopped being shocked with the story last year of the man who was having an affair with a bicycle.)

Skanky never sounded like a particularly pleasant word to me. It conjures up pictures of a woman who's not overly fussed about details such as hygiene, halitosis, or herpes. But on the positive side, at least people are concerned with fitness!

Clearly there's a need here. I'm not proud. I'll write a post on Skanky Fitness. Crabby always said this place doesn't have standards.

Okay then, listen up. Classy posts have gone the way of the dildo dodo.
This will be worse than Vanilla's pickup lines for runners.
Worse than Crabby's Porn for women.

We're hitting ... um... bottom.*

Hunks in trunks!

These outfits were clearly designed to let you focus on their sexy knees

These hunks in trunks look like they've been doing drugs (but medicinally, so it's okay)

Women in unusual poses on bicycles!

One way to tell if a man's too cheap to buy a tandem...

Women riding bicycles in unusual costumes!

Well, she's not wearing a helmet. That's unusual.

Pole dancing peep shows!

Actually, I think that's rather sweet...

Anyway, is that the sort of thing people are looking for? Do Google keyword search results give a skewed representation of what people are craving when they click on a link labeled "Cranky Fitness"?

Trying to figure out Google searches is enough to create a certain feeling of Crankiness, but it's not doing much for my fitness, so I have to ask. What are you looking for?


*And no, no matter how many jokes there may be in the phrase 'hitting bottom', I absolutely refuse to write a post about Spanky Fitness. No, I'm sorry. Even if the well of inspiration runs dry and lol cats go 404. Ain't happening.