July 21, 2009

Good excuses to be baaaaad

Ah yes, all the pieces are starting to fit together...
Photo credit: Max-B

Sometimes in my idle wandering through the Interwebs ceaseless search for Truth, I come across some disparate studies that seem related. It's some kind of synergistic convergence, if that means what I think it does. Everything comes together like pieces of a jigsaw, and it's serendipity doo dah, serendipity day.... Or something like that.

Here are three excellent studies that prove you can prove anything if you stage your study right prove exactly what I've wanted to hear: it's okay to give in and be baaad...

- fatty food improves memory
Yes, according to one white-coated researcher, "By helping mammals remember where and when they have eaten a fatty meal, OEA's memory-enhancing activity seems to have been an important evolutionary tool for early humans and other animals.

"Remembering the location and context of a fatty meal was probably an important survival mechanism for early humans."

However, don't go out and order several dozen extra large pizzas yet. The researchers also admit that eating too many fats can result in obesity. (Really? You think?) Maybe just one pizza.

- drinking coffee fends off Alzheimer's
Drinking 3 to 5 cups of coffee daily in middle age can stave off developing Alzheimer's when you're older. Of course, the problem here is that I don't think I'm middle aged yet, even though I'm halfway to 90. (Gasp -- she's how old???) So when should I start hitting the coffee? When I feel middle aged? The study also noted that the group with the lowest rate of coffee consumption scored highest in depression, which might be significant. Sounds significant, even if it isn't.

- Strenuous exercise may be connected to memory loss
I stole leveraged this study from Healthbolt. Thankfully, the study dealt with people who did really strenuous exercise, which means you can still follow Crabby's patented S.H.I.I.T. method of keeping fit. You just don't have to do it for too long.

So, now you can wake yourself up with coffee in the morning, chow down at the barbecue, and go easy on the hardcore workout. (Well, so long as you believe these studies. I figure if you already believe these things, you'll find these studies useful and if you don't believe, these studies won't keep you awake nights.)

You just have to believe!

I'm still waiting for a study that says sitting around reading blogs causes people to get enormous raises at review time, and one that proves spending time in a hammock helps you fit into a skinnier bathing suit. I have a feeling these studies will be along shortly.

I did come across this study:

- blue eyed people are brainier

I really want this one to be true, in the same way that I want to read a study proving that short, round,Irish-American women are statistically more likely to win the lottery, marry George Clooney, and lose 20 pounds on the Chocolate Éclair diet. Except that my brother is also blue-eyed, so it doesn't settle the issue of which one of us is smarter. (He's probably off looking for a study that proves tall Irish-American men who are older than their sisters are smarter.) Even a quick read of the study raises so many questions that I wonder how the researchers could keep a straight face. I still want to believe.

And one last study, that I also want to believe in:

- Swearing is good for you
Apparently someone actually did a study to determine whether people felt better if they swore after hurting themselves. (Um... who funds these studies? 'Cause I'd really like to get going on studying the Chocolate Éclair diet, and I think they'd go for it.)

So, next time you hit your thumb with the hammer, don't hold back on the language. Let it out! You can tell any nearby kids you're doing it for your health. I'm sure they'll understand.

Maybe turn your face away first...


  1. "Crabby's patented S.H.I.I.T. method of keeping fit" - funny because I suspect the results you get out of that are sh*t and the study it self seems like full of sh*t!

    (But look! I'm improving my health here... how f*cking cool is that!)

    Ah anyways. Good reasons to be bad? Naw... how about being bad for no good reason?!

  2. Oh and I should mention the intent for EXTREME sarcasm on my previous comment. It can be hard to tell at times with just text. ;)

  3. Well, I guess I'm one for two with having blue eyes then. I'm supposedly smarter, but I'll always be a slow runner. Eh, fair trade off. :)

  4. I cling to the ALzheimers and coffee thing as we have some in my family (Alzheimers not coffee--tho we have that too).

    speaking of which judging by this lame comment I must need more...

  5. I swear we can make a fortune by putting forward some great ideas for study proposals.

    The chocolate eclair diet - does it need a study group, cos I am volunteering!

  6. I have an excellent memory of all the fatty food I used to eat. At the time, the memory center was my hips.

  7. Hmmm, I am liking all of them like the swearing one (I am a potty mouth!), the coffee one since like MizFit, Alzheimer's is in my family, maybe if I eat more fat I will remember things better.. now what was I saying!! OH, and FJ's last comment does not surprise me a bit. He likes to be a "bad boy"!

    Thx for the fun this morn!

  8. Yay for coffee! I could so do the coffee and chocolate eclair diet...

  9. Ooh, that's a good point. We should study the synergistic (that word always seems to impress people) effects of coffee and chocolate eclairs together...

  10. High fat foods...they really should destinguish between the omegas and not. Otherwise we'll all be justifying our delicious french fries as a daily need. Or is that just me? Ok, daily twinkies and oreos?

    What do you do when cafine makes your heart and bp skyrocket? Which is better, heart attack or Alzheimers? I want to prevent both!

  11. Hey - we both covered the strenuous exercise/memory loss research:) That study has been bugging me ever since I read it!

  12. re: strenuous exercise and memory loss...when I'm really mad at a family member (and I have the luxury of time), I'll walk/run until I forget what I was mad about...or I'm just too tired to care anymore.

  13. I suspect the blue eye genius thing would be considered moot if blond hair was involved, yes? (This coming from a green eyed brunette, of course).

    Love all your suggestions and even blogged about the swearing thing yesterday. I don't just write about it - I live it!

  14. Whywhywhywhywhyyyyyyy?!

    We could spend time/effort on things that are actually USEFUL rather than conducting studies for things that are just plain ridiculous.

  15. I am personally planning to conduct a study on the effects of fresh basil and tomato sandwiches for the next several weeks...with mayo...and salt and pepper...on fresh sourdough bread....

    {{sound of me frantically jumping out of chair and dashing to the kitchen for "2nd breakfast"}}

  16. "...you can still follow Crabby's patented S.H.I.I.T. method of keeping fit. You just don't have to do it for too long."


    As a blue-eyed, non-coffee drinking disciple, I'm happy to hear it! Now where did I put those sticks of butter...

  17. Yay for "scientific" studies! And man those are some amazing images you found!

    And whenever you find funding for the Chocolate Eclair diet study, let me know so I can sign up ^_^

  18. All those photos were done by the same guy. If you click on the link, you can scroll through a lot more photos that he's done. I think they're really cool :)

  19. I'm waiting for the study that shows that occasionally slamming your face into a plate full of fried food, self-waterboarding with beer and/or taking a weekend to lie uselessly on the couch and do nothing leads to you NOT ending up in a clock tower with a sniper rifle.

    Good lord, we should be healthy, but if we try to be puritanical we'll have a high-speed psychotic meltdown.

    P.S. Love the S.H.I.I.T. method.

  20. Love the photos, and what a great research round up!

    I'm pretty depressed about the strenuous exercise thing though. My memory is already crap, and I'd always heard that exercise HELPED cognitive function. If this turns out to be true, I might have to seriously rethink my exercise strategy.

  21. I read an interesting thing in the new book "How Cooking Made Us Human, Cathing Fire" and on Pg 77 (in case anyone gets a chance to check it out) it talks about how the same item (and presumably the same caloric value) is totally different if the texture changes. So much for 'calorie' as a reliable measure of intake.

  22. This is so f*cking exciting, what a great study! And let me know when you find that one on short, Irish younger sisters... I want to prove, once and for all, that I've got the brains over my older brother!

  23. Where am I? Who am I? Why am I here?

    - Lost puppy

    (must be all the running, lack of coffee and chocolate, brown eyes, etc.).

    p.s. i really just wanted to drop the F-bomb to make myself feel better. but i restrained myself just for you, Merry!

  24. Yep. I definitely enjoy studies that say that diets always fail, and I get depressed every time they have the Calorie Restriction Society people on the news(=anorexics that have found a STUDY to back up what they enjoy doing.)

  25. okay.. a cuppa starbucks, a dish of java chip ice cream and i'm ready to rock and ride :)

    happy trails all

  26. I've got the coffee and swearing parts down perfectly then.

    But my word verification is cluing me in that I'm probably not going to benefit from the chocolate eclair diet, it's tumumm.


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