In fact, I almost titled this post “Hot Cougar Secrets for Any Age!”
Mrs Robinson was a Cougar before it was even trendy.
Wanna know why I wanted to go with that theme? Let’s do a multiple choice question and see if you can guess the answer:
1. “Cougar Secrets” sounded steamy and fun, unlike my usual tedious musings about middle age, and Cranky Fitness is not above screwing with a blog post title to goose the google. (And so now that we've got Steamy, Cougar and Screwing all in one paragraph? I’m sure folks searching for those words will be quite delighted to find this is actually a health and fitness site, and that we will soon be discussing the results of functional neuroimaging studies).
2. I support Cougar Pride (if there is such a thing), as I’m all for saying the hell with traditional expectations about age and gender. If a confident middle-aged woman wants to go out and grab herself a younger studmuffin, I say go for it!
3. Cougars are on my mind lately, because after I announced to friends and relatives that the first Cranky Fitness exercise book was just out, they became curious about my Jan Graham Amazon author page. But where did they end up instead? At the page of a much more popular Jan Graham... who has a whole series of books about cougars! And not the sort found prowling around after dark devouring squirrels and bunnies. (Unless “devouring squirrels and bunnies” turns out to be a euphemism I haven’t heard of for something else entirely).
This Kind of Cougar is Pretty Fierce Too
4. All of the above.
So yeah, the answer is 4, but I went with the 50 thing anyway. Because that's kinda all I got on cougars except: go get 'em gals!
Did I just turn 50 myself? No! Though I will not be surprised if someone skimming this post goes ahead and wishes me a happy 50th. ( I always feel bad for the skimmers, especially ones who arrive all optimistic about winning giveaways that expired three years ago).
Actually, my post with thoughts on turning 50 is now two and a half years old -- you do the math! However, inspired by Jody’s thoughts about turning 55 and Karen’s inspirations about turning 50, and the general awesome attitudes of so many 50ish bloggers like Big Girl Bombshell I was reminded once again all the things that totally rock about this decade. Especially if you (a) are lucky (b) plan ahead and (c) take advantage of all the stuff that research says you are BETTER at in middle age.
I just did a post on why exercise in middle age is awesome, so perhaps I'll say a few words about the psychological benefits of getting older.
But first off, a few words of annoying advice for young people:
PLAN AHEAD. You will be arrive here sooner than you think. If you've spent some time in previous decades making exercise a habit, cultivating a taste for healthy food, seeking treatment for nagging medical problems, saving some money, getting out of crappy careers you hate or crappy relationships that make you crazy or crappy places to live that drain the life out of you, you will arrive at midlife ready to kick ass.
And second off--which isn't a real phrase but the hell why isn't it?--a caveat:
YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY. Sometimes life is arbitrary and unfair and you may have done all these things and you might still be dealing with a whole stinkin' pile of problems not of your own making. The weird thing, though, is that many folks at midlife dealing with burdens I would think would be enormous and depressing, somehow seem to find as much joy, peace, connection, meaning, and gratitude as those of us sissies whom the universe has decided aren't quite up for big life challenges. Go figure.
And third off--some research stuff:
Here's where the functional neuroimaging studies come in!
Because while you tend to hear all about the areas of brain function that decline as people age, it's only been recently that researchers have discovered all the ways in which it improves. There's a good round up of brain strengths at midlife over at the American Psychological Association, and an excellent and fun book about this stuff called The Secret Life of the Grown-up Brain: The Surprising Talents of the Middle-Aged Mind.
Some research highlights:
- People become more positive during middle age, and this “positivity effect” is most pronounced in those with strong cognitive skills.
- There are a few areas of declining function (memorization and perceptual speed) but the due to the positivity effect, I'm not gonna say a bunch about that, 'cause screw it, that would be negative.
- People at middle age are calmer.
- They are less neurotic.
- Folks at midlife are smarter about social interactions like judging the true intentions of others.
- They also have more economic understanding and make better financial decisions.
- Middle aged adults have bettter verbal abilities, spatial reasoning, simple math abilities and abstract reasoning skills. Suck on that, youngsters!
- Midlife adults show more bilateralization (using both hemispheres) and use other areas of their brain like the prefrontal cortex for tasks that younger folks don't. And the more they do this, the better they perform.
- However, cognitive ability is more variable in middle age. Some folks perform better and some worse than when they were younger. ( One study showed that middle-aged adults performed better on four out of six cognitive tests than they did when younger, hooray!)
- People who show the most cognitive improvement in midlife also tend to be more physically, cognitively and socially active than those who don’t fare as well.
1. More connected to what's important and meaningful in our lives.
2. Less likely to give a crap about what other people think of us.
3. More confident of our abilities and coping skills.
4. Cautious when we should be, but generally less far less stressed, anxious, or intimidated.
5. Way less prone to melodrama.
6. More able to let things go and forgive.
7. Less invested in being "right."
8. More adventurous about lifestyle choices.
9. Happier and more grateful.
10. Way more likely to enter a room only to realize we have no idea in hell what we went in there for.
Ah well, nine out of ten ain't bad.
Whether or not you're middle aged, what have you noticed about your brains as you've gotten older?
(Oh and here are the books mentioned in this post, just click on 'em if you wanna buy 'em & I get a tiny commission):
Photos:
Cougar photo: dracobotanicus
Mrs. Robinson: she's all over the web, if I'm the only one who gets sued that would suck.
I'm all for the who cares your age, but unfortunately for me the whole cougar thing doesn't sit well in my head. The first "cougar" I knew well was an aunt who really overdid the animal print, and whole "I'm sexy and I know it" thing as she aged. She wasn't really someone I got along with to begin with, as she was very loud and forceful and I know some people can just pull off confidence and awesomeness, but she delighted in being overbearing and in your face about it all in a way that just turned me off. Her attempts to ladyify young tomboy me did not help I'm sure :) She is the reason that I likely will never wear leopard print anything as it makes me think of her. Wierd how the mind works. :)
ReplyDeleteI do admit tho - if you leave the word Cougar out of it tho, I'm all in about the rest of the idea. The best part of getting older means you come to terms with who you are and can be comfortable in your own skin. I'm hoping my next few years are as awesome as the last few :)
Oh dear geosomin, THAT variety of cougar does indeed sound horrifying and no wonder that image is not exactly appealing!! Acck!!! :)
DeleteFirst off, congrats on turning 50 ;)
ReplyDeleteSecond off, congrats on the new book :)
And I agreee with you completely. Middle age is a great time and I'm not about to slow down. I turned 40 this year and have to say I'm loving it. I see people who are my age who look 60, yet people are constantly saying how I've "aged well." There is a reason for that. I've taken great care of myself over the years and continue to kick my own arse with my workout routines.
As far as the science, if it says middle age is good, I agree. If it doesn't, the science can kiss it :)
Great post once again!
Love this especially Dr. Mark:
Delete"As far as the science, if it says middle age is good, I agree. If it doesn't, the science can kiss it"
My feelings exactly, and sounds like you're totally on track for an awesome middle age... when you get there in 30 years or so. :)
First of all, thanks for the shout out. I am proud of my 50ish status (as well as the cougar reference) When I was first called a cougar (hubby is just under 4 years younger) it threw me off because I too had visions of Flo (yes showing my age)
ReplyDeleteMy biggest impact on my brain is I slow down and happy to draw from experience. With my marriage last year to the younger man, I am blessed with a 10 yr old daughter. Having raising my two older children, 28 & 26, provides me with MUCH more wisdom of parenting.
Hooray for healthy happy 50ish cougary (in a good way) mindful role models like you Jules!
DeleteAnd you pointed out something I hadn't really realized: the SLOWING DOWN makes life so much richer.
What I got out of the link was I am using more of my brain now. Some of the other points are good, too, but ultimately, using more is what I'm going with.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your 10 points, Crabby. What I've noticed with mine is my long term memory is getting better, while my sort term memo....oooh do I smell bacon?
Ah yes the short term memory problem, that's so frustra
Delete:)
What I've appreciated most, and it's captured in and around all the stuff you mention, is that you get less judgmental as you get older. You've met more people with different views, and you've seen more problems that don't have solutions, and you know that not only does everything change, but it often changes back. You come to genuinely accept that you aren't in charge of how things "should" be. It frees you up to focus on yourself, once you stop spending so much time trying to change other people.
ReplyDeleteI don't mean this politically, so much. I know lots of older people very dedicated to social and political causes. But on a personal level.
YES! Thanks Trabb's Boy, because I do think that becoming less judgmental is part of what's lurking behind a lot of my increasingly more mellow, less stressed world view. But I hadn't really recognized that until you said it.
DeleteIt's funny how letting go of the "shoulds" doesn't give you any less power to make things better when you can, but it sure helps feel less miserable accepting the ups and downs.
I mostly got to one through ten by the time I was thirty...but I sure could use some cognitive improvement! I think more sleep would help with that.
ReplyDeleteMary Anne in Kentucky
OK, Mary Anne, I have to confess that is definitely a middle aged challenge for me too. SLEEP! I remember sleep quite fondly!
DeleteI'm hoping when menopause is done f--king with me I'll get a little better at it. Good luck!
Does that research factor in menopause? Because I feel like I'm getting stupider by the day. No, seriously, I've been told that once my hormones settle back down, I'll stop leaving the water running in the kitchen sink for 20 minutes while I wander off to do something else, and I'm choosing to believe that. Aha--positivity!
ReplyDeleteLOL. :)
DeleteOh yeah, I'm with you malevolent andrea, I think my "positivity" bias is contributing to my big-ass denial about the impact of hormone fluctuation.
DeleteOn the other hand, I'm the sort of space cadet who was doing that kinda stuff back when I was twenty. It has gotten a lot worse though.
BTW, LOVE YOUR BLOG!!!!!! How did I not know about you before??
I just turned 31, and I've always been one to leave the sink on and wander off to other things. I don't know what that means for me in the future :/
DeleteI came into the comments section for some reason... oh yeah.. Happy 50th! Nah, I'm messing with you. Mostly. :)
ReplyDeleteI do notice some of those improvements you mentioned. I'm more inclined to notice things I wouldn't have given much thought to before. Small cogs in the big wheel are far more interesting than I had ever believed in previous decades. I think that's why photography has become a newish interest. But yes, forgetfulness has increased. Sometimes I even forget to finish my senten
Photography is only a newish interest? Wow, I would have thought you were born with at least an instamatic in your hand, you are such an amazing photographer!
DeleteBut yeah, it's funny the beauty I can see around me that I never would have noticed with a younger more ambitious brain always thinking about itself!
hi crabby,
ReplyDeletefun post, as usual! if you just turned 50 :) im hopeful for myself. still have to get that cougar-attitude though... maybe sleeveless tops when not training? another tatoo? i guess i wouldnt even think that questions once i turned 50??
take care,
puja
Sleeveless tops when training and another tattoo sound like an excellent plan, Puja. Go get 'em! And believe me, questions like that still occur to me after 50. In fact, I lost some muscle definition while traveling and eating my way through Europe over the summer, and damn it, I WANT IT BACK! I could pretend it's only functional fitness I care about and not vanity, but that would be a lie.
DeleteI am 49 and a 1/2 and not looking forward to the big five oh. Although I already have the mind set of everything you mentioned in top 10 list. Plus, I exercise and eat fairly OK. So bring it on,
ReplyDeleteYou will ROCK the big 5-0 Mary, I have absolutely no doubt!
DeleteAnd I think you'll be pretty pleased what you find on the other side. See ya in six months and welcome!
At my age, I don't give a damn if you walk into my bedroom and shriek when finding me butt ass naked (again). You shoulda known I'd be naked in some form or capacity. It's my bedroom, dammit! ((...says YumYucky to her children))
ReplyDeleteAw shoot, just your children, Yum Yucky? I was having rather fun visions of neighbors and friends parading through your house unannounced.
DeleteLOVE your attitude! As always.
Great post. I'm counting on my 50-ness attitude and humor to see me though some family craziness in the near future...thinking that if I take the tack of "why waste energy trying to change some things" life will be a little calmer. Of course I won't be 50 until next June, so there might be some rough waters still. But on June 2, mark my words - I'm gonna be like the Dude in the Big Lebowski.
ReplyDeleteWait, Shelley, you are close to 50? I had no idea! Thought you were closer to 40!
DeleteI wonder how many other 50ish fitness bloggers I've been thinking were a decade younger?
It's official - you're my FAVORITE BLOGGER EVER!!! Yep, Ima have to change the sub-header on my blog in June...
DeleteI have #10 down pat. #2 - I conquered in my twenties. #4 - I don't think I will ever stop being anxious, although I am very hard to intimidate, mostly because I am a know-it-all and have no sense of self-preservation. Yes, anxious and fearless at the same time...that's me.
ReplyDeleteReb, you do seem fearless to me the way you deal with things, so didn't really know about the anxiety underneath!
DeleteI've only gotten rid of (most of) my anxiety over the last couple years. Took a bit of work but I think my middle aged brain was finally able to be flexible enough to rewire itself.
Stay tuned for tedious blog posts on that in the future, no doubt. :
Excellent post. I think the greatest thing about being in my 50's is that I've learned to reason more as opposed to acting impulsively.
ReplyDeleteAh, that's a good one JP. Impulse control is indeed a handy skill; I'm confess I'm still workin' on that one!
DeleteLOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have not mastered a lot of what I should have by being 55 & older but who the hell cares, I can beat the crap out of a lot of them! ;) ONLY KIDDING!!!! Thx for the mention too!!!!
ReplyDeleteThere are definitely things better at this age & yes, some not so but I just try to keep om trucking on. I can say that cause I am old! ;)
I do resemble your #10 for sure!
Jody you are suck a freakin' role model for healthy awesome middle age!
DeleteWell, I have made it from 50 to 51(well actually in a few days). I don't know about the calmer part, but I only just exercising at 50 and have never felt better. Go 50's Go!
ReplyDeleteGo YOU, Katrin!
DeleteFrom everything I've read, you're on target with jumping on the exercise bandwagon, it's pretty much the best anti-aging strategy out there!
you
ReplyDeletejody
joyce
you make me NOT FEAR AGAING>..
And you make me ALMOST not fear getting tattoos!
DeleteYou will make an awesome 50 something Miz, you have all the wisdom already that so many of us took longer to get to.
About the forgetting stuff when you go in another room, have you read the research about how it's the door? Our brains see going through a door as a time to wipe the slate clean and do something different from what we were thinking of before, or something like that.
ReplyDeleteOh, and i'd jokingly wish you happy birthday, but Hilary beat me to it!
Yes! Thanks for mentioning that messymimi, the door thing is pretty fascinating. I wonder if we started practicing pausing at the threshold of rooms if that would help? Yet if I could remember to do that, I could probably remember what the hell I was wanting to do in the first place!
DeleteAs a happy cougar (BF/soulmate of 2.5 years is 10.5 years my junior), I wholeheartedly agree that taking care of your physical and emotional health with nutrition and exercise is key. I am in the best shape of my life at age 43 and have no plans to go in the opposite direction, EVER!
ReplyDeleteAnd as I recall from your blog, you are incredibly KICKASS and awesome with your goals. You are gonna totally rock middle age!
DeleteI misread #5 as "Way less prone to MELANOMA," which seems unlikely. I will have invest in some reading glasses for reals, apparently, as I close in on the big 5-0.
ReplyDeleteHope, that is too funny!! I find misplacing my reading glasses makes most of the stuff I try to read WAY more entertaining.
DeleteDear Crabby and all the amazing responders... I, Anonymous here....
ReplyDeleteI feel like I am in great company whenever I visit this site!! Although I'm now much closer to 60 than 50, - most of the stuff mentioned still applies. And, I think we ARE generally wiser, calmer, less 'edgy' once the odometer clicks past 50. Finally, this old car has been properly "broken in" and I know a little more about what kind of fuel makes the engine run better as well as when to push the pedal and when to back off.
The Big Wish about kicking those annoying menopausal symptoms to the curb?.... I was ready to give up and just accept that I would have the mood swings, sweats, loss of fitness and sleep deprivation known otherwise only to P.O.W.s - and then,,,,, very gradually - over time (we're talkin' years) and with diligence to diet, etc... things started calming down/diminishing and even sleep has gotten better. It takes what it takes, but here's hoping the process is much shorter for everyone else reading this!
Hey Anonymous!
DeleteLove the automotive analogy, as having a middle-aged brain and body kinda feels like driving a workhorse type car that may not be as shiny as a new one, but knows its way around and has proven to be reliable if taken care of properly!
And thanks for the good news about the menopausal stuff! I somehow had in my mind that it would be this way forever!
Yeah for you and a great post!! I can't tell you how much I need this right now. I also need to go back and read about why exercise in middle age is awesome... I've been pondering my own version of the "30 things before 30" posts I keep seeing. I just turned 48, so I figure I have two years to finish up the 50 things before 50 I want to achieve. Why does it seem fun? I don't know.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I just bought your book too. It's going to keep me company while I dig in and get my middle aged exercise routine going again. Thnaks!
Hey thanks so much Tree! I believe you singlehandedly moved my Amazon rank from 7 billion to 6,999,999,967! And damn, I haven't done a 30 or a 40 or a 50 things list yet, so I guess I better get off my ass and start before I'm about to turn 60.
DeleteThanks so much for stopping by and good luck on that exercise routine!
First, thanks so much for the shout out, and second, I have to tell you that I got a pingback on my blog with this very post, but it wasn't yours...so I think your post may have been hacked! It was at quickfatlosshq.com
ReplyDeleteAnyway, can't add anything to your list...am loving 50 and beyond. Bring it!
Oh dear. I have no earthly idea how to UnHack a post! Thanks so much for letting me know, eeek!
DeleteLove this post. Will pass it on. My 50 year old self is way more confident - I am already cultivating my, "I can do what I want...I'm 50" attitude. I will be hell on wheels by the time I'm 80. (Well, maybe not "on wheels." It will depend on whether or not I can find my damn keys.)
ReplyDeleteGaye