Helpful Hints after Weight Loss

OK, Maybe Some Hints are Not So Helpful

Guest Post by Heather Lee

Remember the awesome guest post back in August called "Goodbye Girls?" Well, Heather Lee, a favorite Cranky Fitness commenter, succumbed to my pleading and whining and has penned another post for us, hooray! She also has a lovely blog of her own, The Spotted Cat so it's really not fair of me to exploit her talents over here, but whatever--I'm kinda ruthless like that. She's so dang nice I couldn't help taking advantage of her good nature. 

So please welcome Heather Lee!  --Crabby

If you hang around the weight-loss world long enough, you’ll probably see lists along the lines of “Things Nobody Told Me Would Happen as the Weight Comes Off.” Having been on this road for a while now, I can verify a lot of them through personal experience. Some are vexing, most are funny, and all are worth it.

But why do so many of us get blindsided by these things? For me, it’s because I looked at The Start Point (overly rotund!) and The End Point (fit and sleek!) without bothering to think about that whole Middle Part. You know: The Hard Work. Most of us don’t want to think too much about that part, and that’s when we get surprised.

So here is my list, both in the interest of helping other Cranketeers and because I like to make lists. Enjoy!

Your Heart Likes it When You Swim

photo: wikimedia commons

This guest post by Becky Flanigan comes at a perfect time. I've been doing more swimming than I'm accustomed to, and I'm pretty crappy at it, and am thus accumulating a rather long list of swimming-related grievances. (Which you will probably be hearing about soon). So it's great to discover that the research on health benefits of swimming is way more inspiring than I realized!  As you may recall, Becky also taught us some useful stuff about getting started with aqua-aerobics earlier. Thanks Becky!--Crabby

We know that hearts can’t actually talk, but they can sing, and nothing makes a heart sing louder or more heartily than being strong and in good health. If you are looking for a heart-strengthening, low-impact, yet effective alternative to the usual suspects like running or aerobics, it may be time to think about swimming your way to heart health. According to current research, swimming is one of the best things you can do to keep your heart strong.

Deciding I Don't Want to Die

Photo: Ann Larie Valentine

By Genie; posted by Crabby McSlacker

I am seriously psyched to bring you this guest post--it’s quite inspiring and motivating, as you shall soon see. And another cool thing? This was sent by a heretofore anonymous “lurker,” who challenged herself to tell her story in a more public venue. 

However, I need a favor here. I'm hoping that when you get to the end and think to yourselves: "I want to hear more from Genie, she should have a blog of her own!" that you keep your big traps shut about that, ok?  Say instead, "I hear starting a new blog is kind of a pain in the ass, but you should really keep contributing posts to Crabby's blog!"

Got that?

OK, I'm off gallivanting in NYC but I leave you in good hands today; please welcome Genie!

--Crabby

When Crabby sent out an invitation for guest posts, I thought, “Why the hell not?” So I mustered my courage and sent out an email with a short version of my story. Her response was so warm and immediate, I had to “screw my courage to the sticking place” (apologies to Lady Macbeth) and do it.

For better or worse then, this is the short version of how I decided I didn’t want to die anymore.

Jack Rocks the Boat One Last Time

image: wikipedia

Yes, this is our last "Man Overboard" post by guest blogger Jack Sh*t, but fear not!  You can Jacked Up to your heart's content by visiting his excellent blog Jack Sh*t Getting Fit. Thank you so much Jack for taking us along with you on your journey these past months, and we wish you smooth sailing and sunny skies on your lifelong voyage! (Though life being what it is, don't forget to pack plenty of pepto bismol and dramamine)---Crabby

This is the final installment of my Man Overboard series. If you’d like to see the other posts in this series, just click on this link (Ha! Did you really think I was going to go dig up those posts and create a super-convenient way for you to access them? Well then, you don’t know me very well!).

If you’re coming late to the party, allow me to catch you up: My name’s Jack and I run a weight-loss and tire repair blog called Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit. Last year, I decided to start a second weight-loss blog because… well, who knows why I do the things I do?

Long story short (I know – too late, too late), I lost my password and had to spike the project. To repay an old family debt (her uncle leapt on a live grenade saving my grandfather’s life during WWI), I granted the Crankster the opportunity to publish these posts and… okay, okay… I can see that I’m losing you. Without further ado…

Pet Peeves at the New Gym--Guest Post by Cindy at Fat Chicks Fitness

So where is Crabby? She's off, yet again, celebrating the marriage of some friends up in Northern California. (They're both lovely women, thus making it a gay marriage--Crabby's favorite kind!) 

As it happens, the celebrations require a couple days of travel back and forth, plus there is a chauffeured wine tasting tour involved--so any pictures Crabby might post today could be blurry, and her words might be slurry, and plus she'd be in a hurry, so why cause any worry or even risk fury when we have a fun guest post on hand?

This guest post is by a favorite Cranky Fitness commenter, Cindy who blogs over at Fat Chick's Fitness!

Enjoy, and I'll be back Monday--Crabby

I wrote this for my own blog but, then I realized it is kind of representative of the foolishness I get up to at Fat Chicks Fitness so why not see if Crabby McSlacker will post it on her site. Save the good stuff for my blog! YEAH!

So I went with my friend to check out a gym that she just started at. I thought it was the one that has the massage chairs but she told me, Nope, not at her location. No comfy chairs at her gym she tells me. You're there to workout, not flake out. Oh, I will flake out wherever and whenever I feel the need. I am not too proud to sit on the floor!

Man Overboard: Jack Keeps Making Waves

Jack is Back!

And not just on Cranky Fitness either; he returned from his reign in Spain a few weeks ago, and he's as funny as ever over at Jack Sh*t Gettin' Fit.  (My recent fave: his 5 Year Anniversary post. Note to self: steal that idea!)  But here Jack takes a different tack, to use yet another nautical metaphor, and shifts tone a bit.

So, as Crabby gets her own lazy post-vacation blog-challenged butt back in front of the laptop to recount a thrilling experience and shocking discovery in the produce aisle (which she will likely bore you with tomorrow), please welcome Jack back! --Crabby

Man Overboard Continued...

By Jack Sh*t

A funny thing happened on my way to creating a super-secret weight-loss blog where I could write seriouser… no, more serious… no, seriousier is right, isn’t it? Isn’t it?

Anyway, I started a blog project called Man Overboard where I could bitch and moan and whine and not be such a goofball like I am on my regular gig (Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit).

Because here’s the thing: I struggle with this healthy-living stuff just like most of you do. I keep my regular site light-hearted for the most part because that’s just the way it’s evolved over the five years I’ve been blogging, but still… I struggle.

Post-Workout Snack Recipes

You gotta figure if the word "recipe" is in the title, this is going to be a guest post--Crabby is not known for her culinary skills.  And snack recipes?  Crabby's is: "grab 1 handful of mixed nuts. Repeat.  Repeat again.  Repeat yet again, adding a few squares of dark chocolate and a heaping portion of self-recrimination.  Approach nuts yet again... stop. Curse. Leave kitchen.  Repeat again in a few hours."

So yeah. Hooray for Steph from a  A Life without Ice Cream who actually knows how to make things!

Steph is an Ottawa blogger who has been living dairy-free for over a decade. Committing to a healthy lifestyle over 5 years ago, she got her butt in gear, learned to love fitness, and lost over 90lbs. Although she has been tweaking and creating recipes for ages, she started A Life without Ice Cream  to document recipes and keep the healthy living conversation going.  Steph is not a nutritionist, just someone who enjoys food and loves creating new recipes!

So please welcome Steph!--Crabby

Hey there Cranky Fitness readers!

I’m a long time reader of Cranky Fitness so when I saw the opportunity to share some of my favourite post-workout snacks with you I couldn't resist. Thanks so much for the opportunity!

I wanted to take this opportunity to talk about post-workout snacks. It’s a tricky thing. Sometimes I come home from the gym or a run and could literally eat anything in my way. Wash an apple? Who has time? HUNGRY! Other times I don’t feel even a little hungry, but the next day, watch out. There’s a lot of debate out there about what you actually “need” after a good workout, but my rule of thumb is if you’re legitimately hungry, you should eat something. Even better, eat something healthy that gives you tons of energy.

Aqua Aerobics: Getting Started

photo: wikipedia

This next guest post is by Becky Flanigan, who writes for An Apple Per Day. Becky says she finds it "a fun experience to be writing at her desk, with her calico cat Patches curled up on the corner of the desk supervising her work. When she’s done, it’s off to coffee with good friends." 

So the whole topic of Aqua Aerobics seemed like another great one to leave to a guest poster, as Crabby herself has not spent much time in any sort of pool in the last few decades.  Why not? Well, duh--it's WET in there!

But guess what?  After reading this submission, and then finding herself in a hotel that had a big hole in the ground with heated water inside, Crabby felt unusually inspired. She donned a suit and invented her own weird-ass routine which she may bore you with later you can read about here:
Beginning Aqua Aerobics for Cowards.

But please welcome Becky with a much more helpful post!
  


Tips To Start an Aqua Aerobics Fitness Routine

Several of your friends have raved about aqua aerobics, so you've decided to try it. But other than walking past a water class at the local gym, you don't really know what it’s all about, or how to start.

Here are some thoughts about getting started with aqua aerobics.

Online Health Research Tips

The Good Ol' Days.

 Kinda.

Image: Duke yearbook

Doing health research online is crazy-making enough, even when you manage to find reliable and credible sources. There are so many bickering experts and contradictory findings to sort out!

But most people don't even manage to GET to the reputable sources in the first place. Typing in a random google query can quickly lead to quacks and crackpots, sponsored ads, and forums full of blathering no-nothings repeating something they read "somewhere."

So this next guest post by Dr. Tiffany Reiss, an actual professor with a background in exercise physiology, offers some tips for navigating the interwebs when you have a question about health and fitness.

Say hi to Tiffany!

Dr. Tiffany Reiss serves as an adjunct faculty member for Seattle University, Lake Washington Institute of Technology, American Public University and Walden University. She received her PhD from the Department of Curriculum and Instruction in Health Promotion at Virginia Tech and holds a MS degree in Exercise Physiology from Appalachian State University. She is a contributor for the Sports and Fitness Network and is the co-founder of TheHubEdu: A Learning Library. (More about that later; it's pretty cool and right now it's FREE!)

As for Crabby, she's still off on her South African Adventure and hopes to pop in at some point when there's internet. In the meantime, please welcome Tiffany Reiss .--Crabby

If It Sounds Too Good To Be True....

We live in the information age.  We have more information available to us at our fingertips than any individual can manage to keep up with on a daily basis.  We think because we have access to all of this information, we are better informed.  The problem is, we aren't.

Man Overboard: Castaway

Jack Sh*t over at Jack Sh*t Gettin' Fit is back with another guest post, as Crabby McSlacker frantically packs her bags for her upcoming adventure in the exotic wilds of South Africa and Frisco, Texas.  She flies out tomorrow morning.

Oops, wrong city!

Always did have a crappy sense of direction.

But anyway, Crabby hasn't forgotten that tonight she and the Random Number Generator have a hot date to pick 6 winners in the Rick Hanson's Hardwiring Happiness and FBG's Anti-Diet Book Giveaway!

Winners announced tomorrow so please stay tuned.

Also, Crabby has belatedly stopped by to respond to some of the wonderful and amusing comments on yesterday's Secret Menu post. Thanks for your patience and sorry for the delay!

Warning: there will probably be some travel pictures posted along the way during the next few weeks, with or without the usual pretense that they have anything to do with health and fitness. But on the plus side, there are some great guest posts in the works too!

And now, heeeee'res Jack! ---Crabby

Jack Heads to the Deep End: Another Super Secret Blog Post

Blah blah blah blah blobbity blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blobbity blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blobbity blah blah blah.

There! Now you're caught up.

Here's the next in my series of super-secret blog posts that somehow managed to find their way over to Cranky's site.

Oh, yeah. One more thing: blah blah blah.

Up (Jack) Sh*t Creek: More Secret Blog Ramblings

Photo: WI Dept Nat Resources

Yet again Jack sneaks off from his own amusing blog Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit and clues us in to the Secret Struggles of the Man Behind the Sh*t!

Welcome again, Jack! --Crabby



Here we are again.

This is my ongoing series from my super-secret weight-loss blogging project called Man Overboard that I started and abandoned (much like many of my diets) last year.

The Crankster has been kind enough to give me a new forum to run the posts.

Hope they float your boat.

Jack Gets Deep-More Secret Blog Ramblings

photo: wikimedia.org

Yep, the series continues as Jack sneaks off from his own amusing blog Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit and shares some "behind the scenes" goings on with us here at Cranky Fitness. And note: Jack's down with the flu so you might want to wish him well and thoroughly disinfect your hands after scrolling through this post.

Welcome again, Jack!
--Crabby


So...

Where were we?

Oh yeah. Even though I spend a lot of time talking diet-y over at Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit, I had this really dumb idea last year to start another weight-loss blog, a super-secret little-more-serious one called Man Overboard where I didn't feel compelled to act a  fool every other day.

Then I went and misremembered the password, so like my childhood pet Grapey, it died on the vine.

Anyways click here to see what you missed (nothing), and keep reading to...well...JUST KEEP READING, OKAY?

Wine Not? A "Happy Hour" Workout Video Packed full of Antioxidants!

Posted by Crabby McSlacker

This guest video was prepared for us by special request by Kim over at Day With KT (with help from her awesome and talented son the videographer). And yeah, I'm posting it first thing in the morning, sorry, but somewhere in the world it's gotta be happy hour, right?

We are all big fans here of Kim's blog, which is not only fun and inspiring, but contains great exercise videos. She's got all kinds of moves to help you mix up your workout, but each video is short and simple--though not necessarily easy. (In fact, many of the moves are hella hard, which makes sense because Kim runs ultra marathons between meals like we might mosey into the kitchen to get a snack, and I believe she can bench press grand pianos and dead lift freight cars and she wrestles grizzly bears and killer whales just for her post-cardio cool-down.)

Anyway, in figuring out how I could exploit her talents over here at Cranky Fitness, it occurred to me that like Crabby, Kim is a fan of a nice glass of wine in the evenings. Yet unlike Crabby, she has a respectable blog.

And thus a workout video idea was born!

Do not fear, there is no blaring soundtrack as is the case with many workout videos. It's all quite civilized.  (But note: if you are in recovery and trying to avoid triggery reminders, you may wanna skip this one).

Otherwise, enjoy! --Crabby

Beginner's Workout Routine!

photo: wikimedia commons

This week's guest post was by special request, how cool is that?  It's meant to be short and practical, just like the awesome Beginners Workout it features.

People often google in to Cranky Fitness looking for help getting started working out, and yet they tend to land on an ancient post that tells them how not to get on my nerves at the gym. Which is perhaps not really what they had in mind.

So I asked Personal Trainer and Fitness Expert Dave Smith to bring us a no-equipment series of exercises for people who want to get strong and fit but are new at it and a bit overwhelmed by all the complicated options out there.

You may recall that Dave was the most reliable regular back when we had an "Ask the Personal Trainer" column, so it's great to hear from him again! And btw, I have heard great reviews of his program from Cranketeers who have signed up in the past.

Thanks Dave!

--Crabby

What's a simple beginner's routine for someone just starting off?

Man Overboard-Can Jack Swim Back?

How lucky are we?  Not only is this a guest post by Jack from Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit, but it's the first in a series!

If you don't know Jack... he's a weight loss blogger known 'round the world for his clever parodies of songs and nursery rhymes.  He is also a notorious abuser of adorable puppies.  

In this series, which begins with an introduction many times longer than the post itself (a practice of which I heartily approve, because that whole "getting to the point" thing is totally overrated) you will notice something kind of exciting:

Jack gets real.

Stay tuned, I think this is going to be awesome.

--Crabby


This is a true story.

And when I say, "this is a true story", I don't mean it the way I normally do when I say "this is a true story"; I mean this is actually true.

Late last year, I started a super-secret project: a second weight-loss blog that had nothing to do with the one that I'm most noted for,  Jack Sh*t Gettin' Fit.

"Why Jack? Why a super-secret weight-loss blog, you magnificent bastard?"

That's a great question.

Somewhere along the line, it dawned on me that my blog had lost its mojo Sure, it had enough fans to keep me from shutting it down, but it wasn't pushing me along toward my health goals. Truthfully, it had become more of a writing and comedy exercise. It was still fun to work on, but not really helping me with my weight-loss efforts.

And I was struggling.

Fitness Communities: Whaddya Think?

By Crabby McSlacker

Photo: German Federal Archives via wikimedia commons.

So, yeah--these may well be fit and happy Nazis.

In case you were hoping this a post might be a thorough round-up of all the new interactive apps and websites that encourage people to become part of a healthy community:  um, sorry, no.  At least not yet. That would take a lot of work, and the brand new Cranky Fitness Research department is not quite open for business yet.

This post, when I eventually get to the point, is mostly a follow up to the "help wanted" plea of a couple weeks ago, and an update on some forthcoming blog changes! For all (none) of you out there who are dying of curiosity.

Because one of my sneaky schemes for 2014 is to try to make this blog more of a "community" site and not just one middle-aged grouchy blogger prattling on to herself about health and fitness annoyances. (Not that I plan to stop that any time soon.)


But meanwhile...

Why Grouchy Loners Like Me Tend to Hate "Communities"

Photo: icanhazcheezburger

Guest Bloggers Working for Peanuts--Review and Giveaway

What's way better than one of Crabby's weird product reviews and giveaways? How about an even weirder one by the infamous Sinner Ella DeVil? She will be telling you about MV Best Virginia Cocktail Peanuts and is hosting our giveaway if you want to win some. (And sorry, U.S. mailing address required, dang it).

If Sinner's name sounds familiar, it's either because you've caught one of the rare posts at her amusing blog No Illusions Here: Fitness Reality, or because you've wandered down to the Cranky Fitness comments and thought: OMG, WHO THE F--CK IS THIS WOMAN??!! And I mean that in the nicest of ways. She's awesome and her call her writing "original" is an understatement.

Are you guessing the Virginia Cocktail Peanuts people are getting a tad nervous by now?

You’re gonna LOVE my nuts!

by Sinner Ella DeVil

Greetings, Cranky Fitness readers! I’ve come to tell the tale of some delicious nuts and grace you with the chance to win your very own can of them for the low and amazingly awesome price of FREE!

You may be asking yourself, “Who is this crazy woman spouting the word synonymous with male reproductive parts?”

Let me assure you, I have plenty of wit and sarcasm to share, but for the purpose of this post, I will tone it down a LITTLE bit. I do run a half-assed fitness based blog that is sparse on post updates and will be plagiarizing myself to double post on my own blog. Let’s just move along, shall we?

Now, I’ve reeled you in with my 4th grade "You're Going to Love My Nuts" joke. What’s it all about? Well, I hope everyone here has heard of the former Slap Chop guy turned Sham Wow guy turned alleged criminal via some very bad choices. (Note from the Crab: if not, you can check out his  SlapChop infomercial, or to blast a few extra calories, dance along to the remix version)). He uses the slap chop to beat the tar out of some peanuts and use them for the infomercial. I’m not touting the amazingness that is the slap chop or the creepiness that is that dude. I am, however going to grace you with the glory that is MV’s Best Virginia Cocktail Fine Virginia Peanuts.

I had the pleasure of sampling the Cajun flavor, as I’m not big on sweet stuff. (Yeah, I know I’m a freak.) These aren’t your typical peanuts. They’re quite large and don’t have that peanutty oomph to them that we’re all used to. While they do still have the peanut taste, it’s not as strong as you would expect. And you may see that the label shows what some may think are really spicy ingredients, but I assure you that they are not “make your eyes water” spicy. The spice is quite mild and enjoyable.

These nuts are pretty big.

I have fairly large, borderline man hands.

Had I been able to stop shoving them in my face long enough, I would have chopped some up (with my knock off version of a Slap Chop) to put on a salad, but alas, I was hungry and they were MMMMmmmmmmmm Gooooooood.

There are a variety of flavors to choose from. They currently offer Sea Salt, Toffee, Jalapeno, Milk Chocolate, the above mentioned Cajun and Unsalted flavors on the Virginia Cocktail Peanuts website.

I am looking forward to trying the toffee flavor next, despite my give or take attitude toward sweet foods. And at $5 per tin, they’re reasonably affordable for that next get together on your calendar. (Or your gluttonous venture into the world of sweet and savory nuts.)

Now, if you’re allergic to nuts, avoid. DUH! But, if you like a variety of flavor, texture, and trying new stuff, I HIGHLY recommend these cocktail peanuts.

(This is me, post 4 mile run, about to stuff my face and make inappropriate yummy noises while I beat my children back with sticks and tell them to go eat fruit roll ups. After all, this is for research purposes):

Now, on to the BEST PART!!! For a limited time, you’re able to comment here, on the Cranky Fitness blog to enter to win your very own tin of delicious nuts. Below, in the comment section, just leave a note, sentence, a 4th grade joke with or without innuendo, a line of prose, or whatever letting me know what flavor you’d be interested in trying from MV’s Best and we’ll draw a winner via the ever popular and GREAT AND POWERFUL RANDOM NUMBER GENERATOR. (say this out loud with the “Wizard of Oz Wizard voice” or it’s not as entertaining).

Once the winner has been drawn, we’ll announce it here and/or my slacker blog on Tuesday May 1 as well as possibly send an email to you (if your address is ascertainable), and you’ll have until Friday May 4th at around noon (give or take 3 hours depending on which coast you live on) to respond to one or both of us with your US mailing address.

Disclaimer: Should the Great and Powerful RNG decide to be a pain, one of us will just pull out a commenter from the list and notify them.

Have great day, Cranky readers and go have an adventure!

Drill Sergeant vs. Lazy Girl

Photo credit:Joseph Hoetzl

This guest post is by Jill, who blogs over at The Sassy Pear. She blogs about the process of losing weight and getting active - and also whatever she thinks is funny! She describes herself as a "thirtysomething wife and mom who is trying to overcome generations of putting butter and bacon grease on everything, while also trying to become active and healthy. (My people were built for comfort, not 5k races)." Thanks, Jill!

Some days, I feel like I have two distinct personalities living inside my head (my husband would say there are more than that, but that’s a post for another blog) and depending on the time of day, month, or year these two opposing forces can really battle it out. The first personality is the Drill Sergeant – she’s focused, she’s in control, and she doesn’t let anything get in the way of a workout. She gets high off of endorphins and she can totally rock the elliptical trainer. I like Drill Sergeant; I can count on her to get things done and to make me feel like a million bucks.

Then there’s Lazy Girl who, although she appears to love nothing more than to melt into the couch and stare off into oblivion, actually works really hard to derail the Drill Sergeant’s good intentions. When the Drill Sergeant is thinking about how awesome her run will be after work, Lazy Girl will, upon arriving home, sit on the couch and remain there until Oprah is over and the time allotted for the run has come and gone. She’s a sneaky one!


Sometimes the two will have an actual argument that sounds something like this:

DS: Okay! Time to workout!! Shall we do Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred or shall we do 45 minutes on the elliptical tonight??

LG: Yeah either one is great, but first let’s watch American Idol, okay?

DS: No! You know as well as I do that if we don’t get it done now, the workout won’t happen, so let’s go!!

LG: Um, okay but don’t you think we should maybe get a snack first? I saw some Oreos in the pantry…

DS: NO! No Oreos – are you crazy? Just get up and let’s get this workout done, then you can watch all the American Idol you want - that’s why God gave us DVRs.

LG: Sure, I’ll be right there…man this couch is extra comfy tonight. I could go for a nap…

DS: Get up!!! Get up NOW!!! Just think how much better you’ll feel when you have accomplished an excruciatingly difficult workout! You’ll feel like a champ!!

LG: Maybe we could just get up extra early in the morning and work out then…

DS: (hysterical laughter) Oh my gosh, I just peed a little! That’s a good one LG! *wipes tears from eyes*

LG: Okay, fine! *throws down remote* I’ll do the blasted workout, but I won’t enjoy it!

DS: That’s okay. I’ll enjoy it enough for the both of us. Now move it Girlie!!

Disturbing, isn’t it? Most days the Drill Sergeant wins, but some days Lazy Girl just keeps whining until DS regretfully gives in and they both feel awful afterward. As long as DS wins most of the battles, I’ll be in good shape, but that LG can be persuasive, especially when she’s got TOM and Bitchy egging her on and tempting her with chocolate. But like I said, that’s a post for another blog entirely.

Gym Bunny? Or Not?

This Guest Post was written by Cari Corbet-Owen: Clinical psychologist and author of 'The Mind over Fatter Programme' and 'The Joy-Filled Body: Eat! Play! Love and Live!' Catch her over at her website, Ditch Diets, Live Light!


I'm trying to think of the most sensible thing I've done.... and you know what, I had to conclude it was resigning from the gym - and feeling relieved about it. WHAT? I can just hear the .... and she thinks that's sensible??? Hold on, hold on, I can explain.

One upon a size xxxxl (that followed the period when I had been not so sensibly anorexic and thin enough that you could have faxed me) I signed up zealously at the gym. Yip - I was going to exercise this fat bod into submission, even if I got exercise bulimia, (which I thought from experience was a vastly more sensible option than anorexia, I mean I could eat loads doing the weight loss thing this way) um... even if it killed me. It nearly did.

Now, look to my credit, I had gone out and invested in leggings and a headband that matched my leotard, you see if there was one thing I knew for sure it was that I wasn't going to be fat AND unfashionable! I my fantasy life I just knew I was going to be one of those 'cool-as a cucumber, hardly-raising-a-sweat-types' who arrived in pristine makeup and left looking the same way.

So I try to make myself as invisible as possible. But Houston we have a problem. My breasts alone are about the size of the Grand Tetons and if I unleashed them two black eyes would be my lot. I'm only about double the size (even if it was only in my mind) of every other thinderella there. How come they all seem to have that cucumber coolness while I'm more um.... well let's just politely label it 'beet puce'. and I'm breathing as if in labour.

Everyone else's makeup seems run-proof. Mine - ( I don't usually wear any but I made an exception for gym - I mean that's sensible isn't it?) well it's sweated itself everywhere and to cap it all, I've got about as much rhythm as a broken windmill. When everyone else's leg is up - mine's the only one still down. The instructor tries smiling at me and I want to slap her. Why does she have to notice me. She (that's me) shuffles, look down....I mean, I'm a psychologist, that's a rational reaction isn't it???? Please say 'yes'.

And if you've ever believed in this 'no pain, no gain' principle you'll know that you get two stages to stiffness; the first day you're worried you're not going to live and by the second day you're more concerned that you are going to! I went through both these. So, you've got to admit that the only sensible thing to do to avoid future near death experiences of this kind was to turn in my resignation. By that I mean, I buried that gym card in my bottom drawer and never went back.

But it did teach me something of value (I finally locate my sensible cap)- being a gym bunny isn't for everyone. Some people like structured classes. Not me. I'm someone who likes to hop on my bike, throw on my shoes when the fancy takes me and head off on a hike, or dance when no-one is looking. (it has to be when no-one is looking - remember I told you about that rhythm thing)

I'm not someone who does well starting off doing too much too soon. I suppose I have to admit that my masochistic tendencies just aren't developed strongly enough. And if yours are, and your body doesn't take exception, that's cool by me. I discovered my body really does much better with regular exercise that I can increase over time. It really likes getting stronger and fitter slowly, it finds that sustainable and enjoyable.

I hate anything that means I have to dress fashionably (what was I thinking?...in truth I could easily win the award for the worst dressed woman around) - and heck when I'm out enjoying the breeze (I prefer the outdoors too) and the delight of being active, I don't want to have to compare myself with a cucumber cool flawless barbie. I used to aspire to being one, but I've handed in my notice on that idea. Getting older is fabulous - as my eyesight declines, I'm finding it vastly easier to fall in like with myself.

I'm also someone who hates having to get into my car to drive somewhere to exercise - it just robs my day of time. I don't do well on an exercise program that I have to tie my life in knots to fit in. I want being active to just be a natural part of my day. So, I'd rather have a workout walking up the steep hill to the shops with my backpack on. I'm killing a couple birds with one stone.... fitting in my shopping, fitting in some sunshine, smiling at a few people on the way, doing my affirmations, taking a break from work AND striding out. An hour later I'm back at my computer feeling refreshed and invigorated. I somehow never felt that way at the gym.

Yip, I guess, there are many ways of staying fit and healthy and the best way to do it, at least for me, has been to find out what I enjoy and what I know I can keep on doing without it being a bore and a chore and something I dread.

Giveaway Winners and Important Reminders!

Not only do we have a iPosture winner, but we have a NEW winner in the Vado HD Pocket video camera giveaway. Yep, we had to consult with Mr. Random Number generator again because the previous winner did not come forward and contact us with mailing info by the deadline. (Or actually, by the deadline plus several additional days.)

We are indeed strict Prize-Mistresses here at Cranky Fitness. We will REDRAW if a winner does not check in!

Claim your prize or else!

Are you now worried that if you win one of our drawings, an email glitch might accidentally send your email out into an obscure corner of the blogosphere rather than in the safe haven of Crabby McSlacker's mailbox? We worry about that too! So it's actually not a bad idea to also leave a comment letting us know you saw that you won and are sending your contact info, especially if you don't hear back from us in a day or so.


So our giveaway winners are...

iPosture winner: Ruth!

Vado Winner: Sagan!

Winners, please email at Crabby McSlacker @ gmail dot com (some assembly required) and let us know your name and mailing address by midnight Saturday Feb 28.

Guest Post Reminder: Anyone interested in writing a guest post for Cranky Fitness?? I'll be off for a couple of weeks starting March 1 (we're making our way via circuitous route back to Provincetown, MA). It's hard not to notice that Cranky Fitness commenters always have more sensible, witty, and interesting things to say about health and fitness than I do, so it would be awesome if any of you wanted to share your thoughts in a guest post. Fortunately, Merry will still be here, but we still have plenty of room for guests.

Note: a guest post doesn't have to be a boring old essay like the Crab writes. It could be a picture, a video, a cartoon you've drawn, a poem... We'd love to hear from you!