December 09, 2011

Elliptical Madness, Losing Your Nipples, and Barbell Babies

Not that pasties don't make a cute nipple alternative...

Yep, it's that time again, when the weekend's almost here and attention spans are short. Who wants to read a long blog post all about one subject, anyway? Actually, the more relevant question is: who wants to write one?  And the answer: Not me!

So, for those with short attention spans, you can find out what odd experiment has Crabby been undertaking at the gym, discover stuff to avoid if you want to keep your nipples from falling off, and learn where you can get instructions for turning your baby into a barbell, as well as catch up on other miscellaneous health and fitness news you might have missed.

Oh yeah, and if you haven't yet checked out the Kuru Shoe Review and Giveaway and want a chance to win a nifty pair of Chukkas, hustle on over there and add a comment!

Around the Web:

Want to know what the latest trends in weight loss are, from the sensible to the super-stupid? Charlotte has a nifty slideshow round-up over at Shape.

Find out a simple (and free) trick to boost the growth of your house plants at Living Healthy in the Real World.

An alternative to coffee? That's heresy! But if you're the DIY type and want to roast your own, Leah has the how-to's of roasting your own coffee alternative over at The Goat's Lunch Pail.

Curious about a FitBit for a possible holiday gift (or to snag one for yourself)? Check out the comprehensive (and amusing) FitBit review by Sinner Ella De'Ville, who won one here and was kind enough to share her thoughts, pictures and ratings.

Crabby's Wild Experiment! Want to Try One Too?

So if you, like me, have already started sliding a bit down the slippery slope of holiday-related overindulgence and slackitude, it might be tempting to give in to negative thinking.

"Darn it," you may say, (or, if you're like me and have no manners, then "F@#ck it,")... "I already screwed up big time, so what the heck, I'll just enjoy the holidays and get back to that healthy lifestyle thing come January 1st."

Whatever! No judgments here. If you insist, go right ahead and undo as much of the hard work you've done all year as you can in the next few frenzied weeks.

But while you're at it, how about trying one or two healthy new experiments? It's a proven fact, or else something I just made up, that a little bit of positive progress can help you recapture your forsaken identity as a Motivated and Resourceful Health Fiend.

I've been trying a bunch of new things lately, which may end up being posts in themselves at some point. But I'll go ahead and share the most insane one of them now:

Four Minute Elliptical Triple-Tasking!

So, I have really sucky balance, but never seem to spend time working on balance training.  Another thing I frequently skip? Exercise cool-downs! I know I'm supposed to do 'em, but it's so much more tempting to go full blast and then jump off my machine and pretend sauntering to the locker room constitutes a proper post aerobic transistion.  And the most shunned self-improvement task of all?  That has to be my frequent promises to myself to spend at least a few minutes every day doing some sort of mindfulness and/or meditation and/or focusing.

A quick answer to all of this slacking? I now perform the last song on my elliptical playlist with my Eyes Closed. (And no holding on to anything either).

I started off doing just four beats at a time, then built gradually up to fairly continuous eye closure.  In order to keep from flying off the machine and wounding innocent passers-by, I have to concentrate on a focal point.  (I chose my pelvic floor muscles, because I need to work on locating 'em anyway for post-hysterectomy PT exercises. TMI? Er, sorry! Feel free to find your own G-rated focal point.)  But anyway, as soon as my thoughts stray, I get wobblier and wobblier. The real-time bonus of not catapulting off the machine is a great incentive to return to my focus before I accidentally kill myself. And all the while I'm getting a nice cool down before I hit the locker room. 

Note: Should you try this too?  No, 'cause I don't want you to sue me! It's an incredibly stupid idea and may cause injuries. Do not try to suddenly add extended periods of eye closure to your regular exercise routine, particularly if you are a cyclist or downhill ski racer. However, you may want to think about trying something new, is all I'm sayin!

And now, for the laziest portion of our round-up:

Stuff Copied from Crabby's Twitter Stream:

Study says simpler diets easier to stick to.  Hmm, mine has a million exceptions (aka excuses) but works ok for me.

Several studies warned against multivitamins so I stopped. Now new study says they may fight memory decline.  #researchsucks

Fight brain tumors, MS, etc: Research says curry and other spices have kick-ass neuro-protective effects.

Creepy: "Smokers Risk Losing Nipples With Breast Lift." Seriously: they could FALL OFF. Smoking + Considering Breast Lift?  = Think Hard.

Study: upping fiber more crucial than nixing saturated fat to avoid metabolic syndrome. Thus the rise of bacon kettlecorn?

Felons! Barbell-babies! Awesome. Weirdest fitness books that actually have good advice.

Why? No one to share the candy with? Women who live alone are 2.5 times more likely to get diabetes:

Do your kids drink a ton of apple and grape juice? Bad idea anyway (high sugar!) but now you can worry about arsenic too!

Not quite the way I wanna get my RDA of minerals: Craisins recalled over metal fragments.

150 minutes a week of exercise helps sleep.  Now could someone tell that to my freakin hot flashes? #menopause #sucks

Great! Now can you get 'em to cook it for me? 5 Sites for Shopping Local Food Online.

Coffee linked to lower risk of endometrial cancer.  Coffee also linked to Crabby being able to function.

Study: "Walking through doorway promotes forgetting." So does being 50+! Put 'em together and lose all hope.

Calcium plus probiotics may help lower bad cholesterol:  Hmm... an excuse to go visit Pinkberry for dessert?

So how's everyone doing with the holidays coming up? Superhero? Slacker? Trying anything new on the life of fitness front?


  1. Well there's a title to jump start your Friday! :)

    I'm slightly over indulging (can you say mother load of Frangos from the trip to Chicago? I knew you could!) but combining that with a renewed determination to drag my sorry @$$ out of bed in the morning and put it on the treadmill. I figure I win both ways - enjoy the holidays AND get my routine back in gear before January. As long as I don't gain more than a pound or two I'll call it a success.

    LOVE the eyes wide shut approach to the eliptical. But lacking said equipment, I instead should be more determined to work in a yoga session once or twice a week. Would probably help my stress levels and give me something "new" to do.

  2. Thank you for the linkage. You're the best. (Or do I say The Crabbiest?)

    "Put 'em together and lose all hope." Made me laugh, thanks.

  3. OMG. I can relate to most of what you had to say about, age, hot flashes, memory, and falling off stuff.

  4. Women who live alone probably don't take the time to cook themselves healthy meals, and that could be the reason for diabetes link. Even though i'm married, i tend to not want to bother fixing my healthy stuff for me after i've cooked for the family. If i were single, i'm not sure i would bother, either.

    So if i never leave this room, i'll never forget anything again?

    Great links, thanks.

  5. "Put 'em together and lose all hope"
    Yeah, that made me laugh too. Maybe because it's got some truthiness in it? If I just read the medical headlines, I'd get depressed. That's why I much prefer getting my medical news from Crabbyland :)

  6. Always glad to hear more good coffee news. And let's hear it for triple-tasking! But if I tried to do the elliptical without holding on, I'd fall off, never mind closing my eyes, so your balance must be pretty good.
    (The nipples-falling-off thing is so creepy I haven't dared to read the article. Good thing I don't smoke OR want a breast lift.)

    Mary Anne in Kentucky

  7. now, there is something to consider...shutting my eyes while working, as I am doing mostly floor exercises to get my hip strengthened I might just fall asleep doing that :)

  8. There's one other thing you can try when it comes to feeling your body, as Crabby described, and it packs two things into one as well: Progressive Muscle Relaxation.

    (And no, I don't advice you to do it on an elliptical, treadmill or stationary bike either).

    PMR has you consciously tense a group of muscles for a couple of seconds, release it, and then as consciously feel that as well.

    Related to well-being and fitness, especially strength training, it serves two purposes: 1. it is incredibly relaxing and 2., you will develop a better sense of your muscles, which reenforces the mind-muscle-connection, allowing for better workouts.

  9. So much packed into your post! I did see the thing on the nipple stuff - on TMZ, no less! ;-)

    I love that you are trying new stuff - we all should learn from that!

    And yes, tired of studies saying one thing & then another. That is why I sometimes take them with a grain of salt.

    As for the hormone crap - you know that I know all too well about that crap! Now I am dealing with all the perimenopause & menopause crap PLUS my periods have decided to come back after almost a year without them.. granted they are light but it still requires some protection - this age stuff sucks! :-)

  10. ugh, i hate reading about nipples falling off. Haha I actually LOL'd though i must say. I always skip the cool down too!!! My husband gets so mad at me but seriously it doesn't make sense to me? Esspecially if i'm moving on to another bike or something. So i'm going to cool-down to get warmed-up again? I just never get it and no one seems to ever explain it to me. I think i'll try doing that method you have suggested and well see how it goes. I won't go backwards, and i won't close my eyes but i'm going to surely try putting a slow song on and see how that goes. Thanks for the supportive words.


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