December 26, 2011

The Gratitude Thing

Photo credit: Limevelyn

It’s not exactly breaking news that gratitude is a good thing. Psychologists, medical scientists, spiritual leaders, friendly fitness magazines, talk show hosts, your grandmother...everyone seems to be in agreement that you need a whole hell of a lot more of it.

In fact, happiness research studies reveal a bunch of cool benefits you get from feeling grateful. People who consciously cultivate gratitude have better health, achieve more of their goals, exercise more, sleep better, improve their relationships, become more generous, experience more positive feelings, and are way less of a pain in the ass for other people to deal with.

And unlike other reliable sources of mood elevation (i.e. chocolate, music, massages, champagne, sex, naps, double cappuccinos etc) gratitude can be enjoyed any time of day, in almost any situation.  Plus, gratitude is free!

So now that we've got our year-end griping out of the way, some of us are getting ready to embark on New Years Resolutions That Will Magically Turn Us Into Extraordinary Super-Humans.  If getting in touch with gratitude can super-charge our optimism, goal achievement, sleep, relationships, health, motivation, and happiness, that's gotta be handy, right?

Cultivating Gratitude

Some people are naturally more grateful.  It doesn't matter what crappy circumstances they find themselves in, these folks always find plenty of things to be thankful about. (What? Susie got sent home from second grade with head lice? Well that's excellent! Let's both stay home from work, borrow a microscope and make a biology lesson out it while we boil our bedding!) Others of us, sadly, have to wrestle a little harder with our Inner Crabs in order to turn our natural-born grumbling into gratitude.

Some Obvious Reminders about How to Be More Grateful:

1. Make an Effort to Stop and Appreciate Stuff That Makes You Happy

Sure, we all know this is smart, but do you actually make a conscious effort to do it?  If not, don't feel bad: apparently,  due to a neurological negativity bias, we humans naturally suck at this.  Our brains are wired so that all the shitty stuff that happens during the day stands out much more in our minds than the good stuff.  (The evolutionary theory being that if our prehistoric ancestors failed to remember how lovely a sunrise looked or how pretty a flower smelled, it wasn't a big deal.  However, if they forgot which berries poisoned Uncle Throg or what happens if you step on a nest of cobras, those spacey genes had a much smaller chance of getting passed down.)

So tell your hyper-vigilant cavewoman or caveman brain to chill out.  Remind yourself that you haven't noticed any cobras on the subway lately, and it's perfectly ok to be happy and appreciative.  Take half a minute to to savor that excellent cup of coffee, that unexpected compliment, that quiet evening at home, or that $178 million lotto jackpot you just won. (Ok, you probably don't need instructions on that last one, but if it happens and you have any questions, just invite me over and I'll be happy to help).

2. Set Up Some Structure

Hopelessly hokey, right? And I have to confess: just looking at the photo of the "Gratitude Rocks" journal at the top of the post makes me feel a bit barfy.  The only reason I deleted a sarcastic caption was my fear that the woman who took it might google her image and come here and see the caption and get her feelings hurt.  Wait, but what if she came here and actually stuck around to read this far down the post? Yikes!! (I'm so sorry, nice gratitude journal lady!  It's just a little cranky here sometimes, which is all the more reason Crabby needs your fine photo even if its perky sincerity does make her head throb).

Anyway, if you are like me, you may have discovered that a vague intention to embark on a self-improvement scheme rarely results in anything actually happening unless accompanied by a plan and some method of accountability.

So if you want to start feeling more grateful, study after study shows that keeping a list or a journal helps. Other ideas: a bedtime routine of thinking of 5 things to feel grateful for before you close your eyes or a commitment to trade weekly gratitude emails with a friend. (An idea stolen from Jenn and Tish of the Fabulous FBG's). Or how about periodic reminders in your calendar program to take a deep breath and appreciate something? A visit to Leah's or Jody's blogs that have weekly gratitude posts you can connect with and comment? Any system you can come up with that helps you step back and recognize some of the awesome things in life you have to be grateful for is worth a try.

3. Play "It Could Be Worse"

This one rarely works for me, but I'll pass it on because so many people use it successfully. "Oh you got talked into rollerblading against your better judgment, and broke your leg in three places? Well, be grateful they didn't have to amputate!"

It's true that things could always be worse, and keeping this in mind makes many people feel grateful for their relative health and happiness. It's just that for me, reminders that Even More Horrible Things Could Happen tend to make me anxious that they're on the way instead of grateful that they haven't arrived yet.

4. Find the Silver Lining.

OK, so back to the example of breaking your leg in three places.  What if this most unwelcome event results in you fearing weight gain from not doing your normal routine?  And so you finally feel motivated enough to institute a new healthy eating program that you've been meaning to do for years. And then let's say during the recovery period you're introduced to all kinds of physical therapy tricks, cross training methods, stress reduction techniques, and positive-thinking habits that you would have blown off if you weren't feeling all frustrated and desperate.  It could be that by the time you're healed from your broken leg, you find yourself in a healthier, happier, more balanced place than had you not had the Stupid Crappy Event happen to you in the first place.

The older I get, the more I've become convinced that Silver Linings are not just for the naturally optimistic. Because these happy accidents are reality, not just positive thinking! Depending on how they're handled, even "obviously" awful things can result in more positive consequences than negative ones.

Have you ever witnessed a heartbreaking divorce that led to much happier marriages for both parties? Or a totally unfair layoff that instigated a depressing job search... that landed a much more exciting job elsewhere?  Or a health scare that led to major positive lifestyle changes?  Smaller, boring, everyday examples abound: you miss your usual bus and end up sitting next to someone who tells you about a one-day sale at your favorite clothing store, and you stop there after work and get a winter coat you absolutely love for 85% off!  Noticing and appreciating the good things that come from bad things gives you more to feel grateful about. And as a bonus, this mindset makes "bad" things seem far less depressing--because you realize there could actually be sneaky positive outcomes down the road even if they're not immediately apparent.

5. Create More Things to be Grateful For

What if you're going around trying your hardest to find things to be grateful for, but they're mighty few and far between in your current situation?  You hate your job, your apartment is noisy and depressing, you're constantly bickering with your significant other, you're a City Girl living in a sleepy suburban bedroom community or you're a tree-huggin' mountain-climbing outdoorsy type penned up in a tiny studio in a ugly concrete neighborhood...

Well, in addition to the "attitude adjustment" piece, it's possible that you might want to look at some long-range planning to get more good stuff in your life so that you naturally feel more grateful and don't have to work so hard to appreciate those little golden nuggets of unsuckiness.

Start with looking at where you want to be a few years from now.  How might you make that happen?  What are your options?  What steps will you take to get there?  What will you do TODAY to propel yourself in the right direction? The more specific you get, the less chance you'll still be complaining about the same crappy situation decades from now.

(And, um, that brings us to a tacky reminder that if you need some help in this process, we know of a Life and Wellness Coach who has special Half Off life coaching rates! But sadly, the Big-Ass discount is due to expire in a few days.  Folks who email to set up an intake before January 1st 2011 can get in on the old rates, though if you're not quite ready--fear not! There will still be some sort of Cranky Fitness reader discount going forward, just perhaps not as large).

6. Start Appreciating Things... Right Now!

Heck, it'll only take you a few seconds to think of something.

I'll go first!

Because while I'm a notoriously cranky, whiny human, I would have to be a total moron not to realize how lucky I am. For me not to be grateful on a daily basis would be a ridiculous squandering of good fortune. (I also harbor a suspicion that if I fail to be properly grateful for things, the universe might up and take 'em away to teach me a lesson).

So my list could easily be a hundred items long and we ain't got all day. I'll just grab a few off the top:

1. The Lobster (wife of 21 years and IMHO the finest human on the planet);
2. A weird and wonderful bicoastal lifestyle (San Diego and Provincetown, two amazing places to live);
3. A happy career transition to Life Coaching, complete with Totally Inappropriate Marketing Platform and awesome, inspiring, amazing clients;
4. A supportive and kind family;
5. Clever, fun and generous friends, both near and far;
6. An amazing online community of bloggers and readers who inspire me and crack me up, as well as big funny successful sites like College Candy that kindly include me sometimes in their link roundups;
7. Mostly Excellent health;
8. Access to nutritious and delicious food as well as Inexcusable but Delightful Junk On Occasion;
9. Time and resources to exercise a lot and feel all energetic and strong; and finally,
10. Coffee, without which nothing else would be possible because I'd remain curled up in the fetal position all day.

Anything you feel especially grateful for today? Do you have a regular gratitude practice or any plans to start one? Ideas for feeling more appreciation? Or heck, be a week late and be completely disgruntled instead, it's all good!


  1. I'll admit I tend to be an annoyingly upbeat person. I do have a lot to be grateful for even though there are a couple areas where things are out of my control to improve. Finding a volunteer situation where you're helping a group of people who are less fortunate than yourself is a good way to cultivate gratitude. For me, nothing takes my mind off of me more than focusing on someone who has bigger issues.

  2. Good post, Crabby. I am grateful for the link.

  3. That was a great post. Me and the hubs try to live that life. Everything happens for a reason and all that. The silver lining for us on two crappy divorces, was finding each other. (Ahhhhh) I am grateful everyday for the hubby, my family, and good health. And being able to enjoy the small stuff in life.

  4. I've believed for a long time that gratitude is really key.

    I frequently say how grateful I am for how my life has gone! There are times, however, that I wonder if my memory is accurate :-)

    Either way, it does seem to help.

  5. Damn, I was all set to feel grumpy today. How was I supposed to know you'd write something upbeat, funny, and realistic that would totally make me feel more cheerful?

  6. Well, for starters, i'm grateful for you!

    Right now, i'm being prodded to pick a New Years' Resolution (even though i don't really see the use of them, this person is very persuasive). So i think, after reading your post, i'll resolve to list one thing a day for which i'm grateful.

  7. After my dad died two years ago, I started keeping a gratitude journal (list five things once a week). It does sound VERY hokey, but it was actually really helpful, and even though I'm in a much better place emotionally now, I still do it. Sometimes I don't feel like I have much to be grateful for, and the journal forces me to do the mental work to realize how fortunate I am. (I got the idea from a book called "The How of Happiness," which I liked because it relies on actual reasearch.)

  8. I try to remember to be grateful, and it really does help.

    My father once told me, "Every advantage in life has a disadvantage, and every disadvantage has an advantage." I've found that to be true, and it helps me to put things into perspective.

  9. I started writing daily gratitude again a couple of months ago. Some days it feels hard, but I think it helped get me through the holidays and will help me through my upcoming job loss/change. There are have been times in my life I have returned to daily gratitude and it has always resulted in positive benefit.

    I am grateful to be healthy and strong and I am grateful for the inspirational blogs I regularly visit.

    Good post. In the past I have struggled with some of the cheesy aspects of a gratitude routine at times but I have never regretted trying. :)

  10. I'm so glad you mentioned Leah in this post. I'm incredibly grateful for her weekly reminders when she shares what she's grateful for.. You're right about how gratitude happens more naturally for some than for others. And I could use these nudges. Thanks for that.

  11. the older I get and the more friends I lose (uh to death. they're not abandoning me or at least at a rate I can assess) the easier it becomes to simply be grateful for WAKING each morning.


  12. LOVE this Crabby & thank you for the link. That Gratitude Monday I do really helps me & I am with Miz too. I am losing so many loved ones.. I have to learn that gratitude is what makes the world go round.... I did a lot more bitching when I was younger but I am trying to be more grateful.

    Love your list too!

  13. My best New Year's resolution ever - once a week I called someone's manager (or parent in the case of something a child did) and reported what a good job someone had done, or how impressed I was with something they had done.

  14. Hearing such a clever & articulate bunch of folks endorse the whole gratitude practice makes me feel even more enthusiastic about formalizing it.

    Though I suspect I'd be more likely to scrawl in an unadorned notebook or even create a spreadsheet than use a rainbow covered "Gratitude Rocks" journal. But to each her own!

    Thanks guys, this is inspiring me to be even more grateful. (And as usual, I am eternally grateful to people who stop by and comment here!)

  15. You totally forgot to add in your gratitude for all the free crap you continue to be sent, despite the requests of official testing, reviews and giveaways you rope yourself into. Free crap is the best crap, unless it's dog crap, then it's not so great. Especially when stepped in first thing in the morning.
    Also, thank you for posting this, it is also the main topinc of my upcoming end of year b.s. wannabe fit blog post I will hopefully get around to before 11:59 the night of NYE.
    Anyway, I have plenty to be grateful for in the midst of the Linus-esque cloud of crap that surrounds me and my family.
    While my father has cancer and has now been in the hospital for 20 consecutive days and had his share of crap happen since February, his diagnosis (and resulting anger and grieving out of this horrible bullshit I've been dealing with in my head) have forced me to lose 85+ lbs in a matter of 7 months. It's also shown me how strong our immediate family truly is and despite our bouts of loathing each other for our downfalls, we are truly lucky to have each other. It has also, fortunately or unfortunately (still trying to figure out which), shown us who our true friends really are and how beautiful and crappy people can be when it comes to needing emotional and mental support.
    I am a pessimist, through and through, but no matter how crappy everything gets each day, I know that eventually the Universe comes to a point where her cheeks and stomach are killing her and she can't take laughing at me anymore, so she gives me a few days' break.
    It all works out, usually the day after I need it to or right at the end of the rope/road/work day deadline to pay that bill before some utility is disconnected, but it does. And while the struggle really sucks some elephantitus of the primate junkular spheres, it ends up worth it at some point.
    My motto is officially coined (and copyrighted) by Dee Snyder and Twisted Sister, but I don't care. "We're NOT GONNA TAKE IT!" God dammit!
    I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas/Chanukkah(sp? SORRY!)?Kwanzaa/Yule/Solstice/Holiday, what the hell ever, and I sincerely hope that you were able to spend it with ones you love and that love and annoy the hell out of you.
    Here's to a new year! *raises horrible for you energy drink soon to be spiked with vodka, regardless of the 11 a.m. time on the clock*

  16. P.S. TOTALLY didn't mean for that to turn into a friggin' novel. My bad.

  17. Crabby, are you psychic? I've found myself giving a lot of thought to gratitude the last few weeks. And lifting others up with me. I already have my awesome(but not in that rainbow Gratitude Rocks way. Mine's Greenroom, from Tar-zhay.) gratitude notebook ready to go. I dutifuly kept a journal, part gratitude part whatever was in my head at the moment, for years in college. I'm looking forward to getting back to it.

  18. Every day I try to be grateful that I'm alive. I like to think about how many specific things had to come together for life to even flourish here, and it makes me feel like our tiny existence is truly a miracle.

    Then inevitably someone pisses me off and I wish for them to get a flat tire or diarrhea, but the positive vibes are nice while they last :)

  19. Very good post. I try to be grateful at least once a week, sometimes I am reminded more often than that to be grateful.

  20. I, too, am an annoyingly upbeat person; I don't think in terms of gratitude very often (except when Leah reminds me) but I see the glass as not just half full, but with added sparklies. Wonderfulness abounds.

    [word verification: "butspre". Are the kidding me? Butt spree?]

    Mary Anne in Kentucky

  21. Great post, Crabby! I am generally a fairly upbeat person, but circumstances of late have me a little down. This post has started me on the pendulum swing back to my normal self.
    Happy New Year, rainbow-covered!

  22. Awesome post Crabby! I'm grateful for surviving the many stupid decisions I've made in the past like.. windsurfing across one of the most dangerous Pacific Ocean channels in the world in 10 foot seas alone to get to a neighbor island beach I liked all because I was breaking up with a boyfriend at the time. Idiotic. Amazed and overwhelmingly grateful that I still can walk the planet.

  23. Crabby, I so relate to your #3. I have to pass on that one. It's like daring the void to swallow me up.

    Howevs, I do kind of practice gratitude. At night before I go to sleep, I often remind myself of all the good in my life. I could probably benefit from being a little more specific, but I'm usually drifting off to sleep.

  24. Very well written. Thank you for this uplifting/ positive article that did brighten my day. Will be sharing with others. Regards.


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