[By Merry]

Still, if you have to go ... I mean come on ... Death by chocolate milk...

It's Friday!
I've survived this week without defenestrating a single project manager!
Life is good.

In fact, it's too good to post any scientific studies. You don't want to read those on a Friday, do you?
Oh, you do?
Okay then, just one.

We must be pretty smart, eh Crabby?

Apparently you have to have a fairly sophisticated brain to grasp sarcasm. A group of Israeli researchers published a study in the journal Neuropsychology, which states that "People who have trouble understanding sarcasm also have trouble understanding social cues, empathic response and emotion recognition."

I can understand that grasping sarcasm would require an effort by several different parts of the brain. The language areas of the left hemisphere deal with the literal meaning, areas of the frontal lobes and the right hemisphere handle intentions and emotional content, while a part of the brain known as the right ventromedial prefrontal cortex integrates the two. Still, it's a pretty complicated system when you stop to think about it.

The Israeli researchers wrote, “Understanding sarcasm requires both the ability to understand the speaker’s belief about the listener’s belief and the ability to identify emotions.” Apparently to understand sarcasm you have to be able to perform "sophisticated social thinking."

I like the idea of being thought sophisticated.

Especially if I can be sophisticated without having to wear uncomfortable shoes and chase after somebody named Mr. Big.




Sure they're pretty... to look at...

Death by Starbucks

Ever wonder if you're drinking too much coffee? This website, Death by Caffeine, figures out how much espresso, or cherry coke, or chocolate milk it would take to do you in. (Death by Chocolate Milk? Even Agatha Christie never thought of that one.)

The solution to the high price of gas?

I think this idea of a retro-fitted electric bike is really cool. If a fully electric car is not in the foreseeable future, this might be a solution. I mean, for around a thousand dollars, you can get a vehicle that goes up to 35 miles per hour. That's enough for getting around on a lot of city streets.





From the 'I don't believe it's making a comeback' department: useless exercise equipment

Yes, just when you thought it was safe to go to the gym, it's back. The vibrator machine! One of those machines that has a vibrating belt that is supposed to 'jiggle' all your fat away. It could be yours for a mere $4,900. Get one today before they're all gone!

I swear, I can't believe someone is selling these again. Or that anyone is buying one. Somebody must. (Note: if you really feel the need to buy one of these, I have this swampland in Florida that you're just going to love.)

From the 'Weird and Wacky Humor' department

A T-Shirt you probably shouldn't wear at work (unless you're a plumber):
Crack Kills.

This is another T-Shirt that made me smile, though I'm worried that not everyone might remember the reference.

Warning: play this video and you will be hearing this song All Day!


And finally, thanks to Boing Boing, there is this video. It's a wacky Thai commercial that seemed really bizarre to me.

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Or, Tips for Slackers on Keeping Up a Life-long Strength Training Program.

[By Crabby]

In the exercise world, let's say there are tortoises and there are hares.

The hares get insanely excited when they take up exercise, and they attack their challenging workouts with vigor and ambition. They enter races and break personal records and lift heavy weights and aspire to great things!

Fig. 2: Hares in their natural habitat.

Hares have high expectations and they work their (harey) butts off to achieve their goals... for a while. But sadly, many burn out or injure themselves within a few years. And after that? Well, exercise becomes something they "used to do."

The tortoises, on the other hand, are pleased with themselves for getting out the door and accomplishing anything at all. Even if it's a walk in the park or a few bent knee push-ups.

Figure 3: Migrating Adult Tortoises.

Yet these unambitious tortoises often keep exercising for year after year--ensuring themselves lifelong fitness, even if they may never break any records.

(Of course this is a dumb analogy, because there are couch spuds who never attempt anything at all, and there are tons of folks (the horsies?) who can sprint like the wind but also keep at it year after year. Many horsey-type overachievers actually read this blog, though God knows why. Anyway, it's easier to pretend there are just two kinds of people. Fables and blog posts work much better that way.)

It's my belief that over the long haul, it's better to be a tortoise than a hare. Those of you who came out as a Dan Dogged in Merry's exercise quiz may well agree with me.

I am particularly plodding and unambitious when it comes to strength training. I don't like it. I never have. I never will. But I know it's good for me, and I love the way I look and feel when I do it.

After a couple of false starts in my twenties, strength training finally stuck. It's been somewhere between 15 and 20 years now that I've been doing it, whining and bitching the entire time.

How could a Crabby Tortoise like me manage to keep it up for almost two decades?

(Thanks, TK for the image!)

Here are the things that have worked for me. Your mileage may vary, especially if you are not by nature a Tortoise:

1. Set laughably attainable goals.
After an initial year or so of respectable strength gains and even a bit of buffedness, I shifted my goal to this: attempt to maintain that level of strength every year until I croak. Now my fantasies (at least the ones I can print) may involve continued strength gains and looking like a female action hero from a Hollywood movie, but my goal is to just hang on to what I accomplished that first year.

Some things I actually do better now than I did then, but this is a bonus, not an expectation.

2. Aim for strength training three times a week--but admit that never happens and settle for two.
Or sometimes one. Or sometimes zero.

I don't freak out if vacations or injuries or a hectic schedule prevent me from staying on track for a few weeks. I just make myself drag my ass back to those weights. However, I do ratchet all the weights back a notch or two and work my way back slowly. Impatience, I've learned, just means hurting myself all over again.

Twice a week really does seem to be enough to hang on to the strength I have. For every layoff, there's usually an equal period of renewed dedication and thrice weekly sessions. Eventually, I always get back to baseline.

3. Avoid exercises I hate.
Sometimes, due to injury or lousy gym equipment options, I will have to incorporate an especially loathed exercise into my routine for a few months. Even if it's just one thing ("wall sits" are an example) I will start dreading my entire workout and start skipping out.

I've discovered that for me, it's better to quit doing one exercise than all of them. Eventually, I'll find a substitute. There is almost no yucky exercise that does not have a less yucky alternative, it just sometimes takes a while to find it.

4. Stick to One Set
I read some research a long time ago (which may be the study cited here) that said 3 sets doesn't help you much more than one does. Instead of adding more sets, just keep lifting heavier weights for better results.

Is it still true or has other research contradicted it? Guess what? I don't f*cking care! Three sets would make me three times as miserable working out. I have achieved the optimum level of miserableness already, thank you. Any more and I'd stop working out entirely.

There is one exception to the One Set rule however...

5. Have One "Fun" Goal

Since I mainly work on a maintenance program, I can get discouraged when I notice that I'm not ever actually getting better at anything. So sometimes I pick one or two things and put in some extra effort and make some progress! It's quite motivating. This may mean additional sets, though I usually then do a different variation of the exercise rather than the same damn thing over and over again.

Note: if I ever achieve an unassisted pull-up, I will certainly let you know.

6. Try new things... or not.
Variety is good, and I like to experiment with things I read about in magazines or on people's blogs. Particularly if they sound easy, or replace something I don't much like, or claim to prevent some injury I'm prone too.

On the other hand, I have certain exercises I almost like. Should I be trying different versions of them? Probably mixing it up would get me better results. But if I keep wanting to come back to my favorite way of doing it, then screw variety. I'd rather keep doing my favorite and hate my workout less.


What about you? Are you a tortoise or a hare or a spud or a horsie? What keeps you going year after year?

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[By Crabby]

Got a Healthy Recipe?

Alert readers of Cranky Fitness may have noticed that we rarely have recipes to share. And when we do, the sharing process tends to include more in the way of bad jokes and whining, and less in the way of helpful instructions for making a tasty meal.

So here's what we're thinking: perhaps readers might like do our work for us share some of their own culinary discoveries?

Please? We're getting really tired of frozen pizza and take-home rotisserie chicken.


What kind of recipes are best?
We are looking in particular for healthy, easy recipes. Recipes with 97 ingredients that use lots of fancy French terms like "en papillotte" or "court bouillon" might make awesome meals but they tend to mess with our heads and make us feel inadequate.

And while we realize that "healthy" has a variety of interpretations, recipes that include huge quantities of sugar, white flour, lard, salt, butter, and bacon will be less favored than recipes that somehow make whole grains, fruits, vegetables, healthy fats and lean forms of protein seem tasty and appealing.

Is there financial compensation?
Alas, no. If you have a blog or a favorite website you'd like to promote, we will be happy to include a link to it in your recipe post. You'll also have our most sincere and enthusiastic gratitude for your contribution!

But Beware:
These recipe posts may be published in a haphazard manner, perhaps in addition to another post on the same day. They could appear on a weekend, or be ignored entirely for months and months and then suddenly pop up long after you've forgotten you submitted it. So please do NOT send in a recipe if you have an emotional attachment to seeing it on the pages of Cranky Fitness in any kind of timely manner.

Not Dissuaded Yet?
Hooray! Because we'd love to hear about what you cook and eat and get some new ideas to share with everyone.

What if I don't have a recipe--Are you still taking other sorts of guest posts?
Yes, we are also still open to general guest post submissions too! Though unfortunately, as with the recipes, we can't guarantee we will publish all of them (and we know they're a pain to write.)

What we especially love: posts around 750 words or less on a health or fitness topic that are kinda funny and haven't been published before. Short videos are cool too since we've never gotten it together to do any of our own. These can be instructional or funny--of course both at once is awesome.

Feeling brave and generous and energetic? Please email your recipe or guest blog post submission to Crabby McSlacker @ gmail . com, all one word.

Thanks!

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[By Merry]

Sometimes only the cyclist has the right

Rules of the road from the driver's P.O.V.

Rule #1 - Merry's vehicle has the right of way at all times. (This rule, for some reason, has not yet been universally adopted. But I am hopeful.)
Rule #2 - Bicycles, joggers, and inline skaters should just get out of the way right now, thankyouverymuch. (Not my personal rule, but one I've observed many times.)
Rule #3 - When you're not sure if there's room to pass the cyclist/jogger/skater, rather than slow down and wait until it's safe to pass, go past them very, very, very quickly. (That rule always bugs me. If you're not sure it's safe, you want to pass quickly so that you'll be far down the road when the ambulance comes?)

Rules of the road from the cyclist's P.O.V.
Rule #1 - Merry's bicycle has the right of way at all times. Except when a driver is on a cell phone. Or when the rules of the road give someone else the right of way.
Rule #2 - When another cyclist starts to pass you, be sure to speed up until the impudent upstart has learned their place and drops back behind you.
Rule #3 - If you get a flat tire, stand by the side of the road and look helpless. Some man will stop and change the flat for you. (This rule is generally applicable to the female of the species. Luckily, there are a lot more men on bicycles in the middle-of-nowhere, 'cause most women would tell me to fix it myself.)

Rules of the road from the runner's P.O.V.
Rule #1 - Don't snigger too loudly when passing Merry on the jogging trail
Rule #2 - If someone starts to pass you, be sure to speed up until the impudent upstart has learned their place and drops back behind you. If you feel like your heart is going to leap out of your body, stop to make sure your shoe laces aren't untied. Catch your breath while waiting for the upstart to go around the curve up ahead.
Rule #3 -
um...
.... wait a minute,

Oh all right, I know I need to put up a third R of the R. It's not my fault.

I got distracted.

By:
Graph Jams: pop culture for people in cubicles


And by:
Daily jigsaw puzzle

And by:
An online self-designed kaleidoscope (Dangerous. Easy to get sucked into wasting time with this.)

I know it's not Friday yet. The plain fact is that my brain still thinks it's the weekend. Does anyone have any idea what the third Rule of the Road for Runners is? Please leave a comment if I left out any others, too.

On the bright side, Crabby's blogging tomorrow, and she's got some good stuff lined up.

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[By Crabby]

Memorial Day has come and gone. It's now official (at least in the U.S.): Barbecue Season Has Begun!

This is generally seen as a good thing.

Many Americans enjoy grilled food.

Yes, this is the time of year when 98% of the population says "Yippeeee! Let's fire up the coals and cook us some delicious burgers/dogs/chicken/tofu-veggie kabobs/ostrich patties!"

The other 2% of us? We're the carnivores who love barbecued meat but worry about the HCA's and PAH's.

What are HCA's and PAH's, you might ask?

They're carcinogens. They form when you grill meat. Well-done red meat is particularly problematic.

Carcinogens? Oh dear.

What's the point of stuffing ourselves with boatloads of all those virtuous anti-cancer foods if we're going to cancel out all that virtue with a simple backyard barbecued burger?

All for nothing? Dang!

But I have to confess I LOVE the taste of cancer-burgers and cancer-dogs and cancer-chicken and cancer-steaks. And the mouth-watering smell... How are we meat-eaters supposed to resist that char-grilled aroma when it's hard-wired into our cave-woman and cave-man brains?

(Sorry, all you vegetarians and vegans. But I'm guessing you were long gone at the first sight of that burger picture).

How to deal with this summertime dilemma?


My Previous Barbecue Strategy:

1. Try to limit barbecuing to when we are (a) camping or (b) having company. (Despite the fact that The Lobster* is an excellent and enthusiastic griller of meats).

(*The Lobster=My Significant Other, for those who are new here).

2. When the Lobster is finally permitted to fire up the grill, mention repeatedly at the grocery store (in a whiny voice) that barbecued meats cause cancer. Sigh when approaching the meat counter.

3. Announce that while everyone else might be having steak or burgers, I will make myself have a garden burger or a slab of tofu or a veggie kebab instead. Or maybe at least choose chicken or fish.

4. Think about it some more.

5. Guiltily throw an extra package of burgers and/or steaks into the shopping cart.

6. Once the Evil Meat is cooked, have seconds because it tastes so damn good.

Admittedly, not a particularly effective strategy.

Good thing it turns out there are other ways besides guilt and whining to deal with the grilled meats issue. Who knew? (Well, lots of people apparently, since some of these studies are at least a year old.)

Better Barbecuing Strategies:

1. Marinade! Even a few minutes helps get rid of a whole bunch of the nasty carcinogens, and grocery store dry mixes are apparently fine. This marinade study found marinading reduces HCA's by 87%. The level of reduced HCA's seemed to correlate to the amount of antioxidants present in the marinades.

"The marinade containing rosemary and thyme had the greatest effect on reducing HCAs, but two other marinades with different herbs seasonings were tested and found to be almost as effective. The rosemary/thyme marinade also contained pepper, allspice and salt. Another marinade included oregano, thyme, garlic and onion. A third marinade had oregano, garlic, basil, onion and parsley."

2. Choose wisely: the American Institute of Cancer Research says the grilling of meat is only a small part of the problem--it's what we grill that's getting us in trouble. Because of the link to colorectal cancer, they recommend we limit red meat to 18 ounces a week and avoid processed meats entirely.

3. Pre-cook in the microwave. Then toss out the juice, where a lot of the carcinogens are hiding.

4. Select small cuts of meat, like kebabs.

5. Choose lean cuts of meat and avoid fat dripping on the coals and causing flare-ups.

6. Flip Frequently.



Um, I meant flip the meat.


7. Avoid really high heat: Use a gas grill, or if using charcoal, don't cook meat too close to the coals

8. Don't Cook the Hell out of It. This one doesn't bother me, as I'm a medium-rare kinda gal, but those of you who like your red meat dry and brown and tasteless well done should probably indulge in grilling only "rarely," (so to speak).


So what do you folks do about the 'Q? Just sensible gourmet veggie kebabs, or do you grill up burgers and dogs every chance you get?

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[By Crabby]

The Crab is taking a day or two off (from what, you may well ask), and rather than just hang up a "Gone Fishing" sign, it seemed only sporting to direct you elsewhere. We know you can always use more blogs to visit to avoid getting any work done health and fitness resources on the net.

Most of you are probably ahead of me on this--how the heck did I not discover the awesomeness that is The Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl sooner? Like Pasta Queen, (whom we interviewed recently), Diet Girl is hilarious and half the size she used to be. (Another thing she has in common with PQ is she has written a book! I am so jealous. Let's see, first I'll lose half my weight and then get a book contract...hmm).

Coincidentally, one of Diet Girl's posts reminded me of another awesome blog that you should check out if you're not already a regular: Limes and Lycopene. The post that Diet Girl spotted on small impediments to healthy eating is so Crabby McSlacker! Except for the part where Kathryn stops being lazy and figures out a simple solution to her stirfryaphobia. And for vegetarians, she's got a great series of posts on how to get enough iron.

Ready for the worst segue in the history of blogging?

Speaking of Iron, you know how serious weight-lifter people always seem to use free weights instead of machines? And not only that, but they get very judgmental towards those of us who don't necessarily wanna use free weights?

Well, if you're trying to decide which to use, there's an incredibly helpful resource over at 60 in 30 comparing the benefits of free weights versus machines. And it's not the least bit condescending towards people who use machines or mix and match! Check it out.

Have a Great Long Weekend if You Get One!

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[By Merry]

HammockTime

Since it’s the day before the Friday before a holiday weekend (at least it is in my neck of the woods), we thought this would be the perfect time to throw out a quiz. (Because right now we don’t have an attention span long enough to scour the medical journals for the latest fitness news and stuff like that.)

Not sure how you fit into the world of running fitness? Take this handy quiz and become even more confused find out!

(And if you're not a runner? 90% of the quiz is equally applicable to people who walk, bicycle, kick boxes, etc. Besides, you've been working hard! You need a break. Tell your boss I said it was okay.)

Do you:
a) Run whenever you can fit it into the schedule, whatever
b) Run last thing at night because you promised you’d run today and the day’s not ended until midnight, damn it
c) Run first thing in the morning to make sure you don’t miss it
d)Run first thing in the morning because you can’t stand the thought of going more than 8 hours without giving those pearl izumis a workout

Would you rather have:
a) a hammock and a lifetime supply of beer
b) an all-expense-paid week at a luxurious spa
c) a new pair of running shoes that fit you like a dream
d) a run where you pass the fastest runners in the world

Your approach to tracking your progress is to:
a) plan to plan a running schedule, but never actually get around to doing it
b) reward yourself for each goal met
c) track your mileage to see how much you’ve improved
d) note down each time you beat your own personal record

If a fairy godmother were to grant you one wish, would you choose:
a) to be incredibly popular
b) to be extremely fit
c) to be able to run without ever getting hurt
d) to get better the older you get
e) just kidding – there is no e) answer. Pick one of the four above. Sorry.

If your house were on fire, what would you do?
a) Grab the significant other, the kids, the dog, and the dog’s pet goldfish
b) You’ve done enough fire drills with the family so that everyone knows what to do, which means you have time to grab your PDA
c) Grab the significant other, the kids, the dog, the dog’s pet goldfish, and your iPod
d) Hey, the s.o. will grab the kids, and the dog can carry the goldfish bowl – you should make sure about your new pearl izumis!


Score:
Count up the number of a, b, c, and d answers.

Types of runners:


If you responded with mostly a) answers, then your type of runner is:
Syndee Sloth
You're about as interested in being a runner as Britney Spears is in being an underwear model. You’ve perfectly happy with putting off running as much as possible, and catching up on your television watching instead. If everybody else is running, then yeah, you’ll run too. Or jog, anyway. Half-heartedly. Have you ever considered taking up bowling instead? Life’s too short to do something you’re really not into.


If you responded with mostly b) answers, then your type of runner is:
Dan Dogged
You aren’t so much disciplined as you are stubborn. You like the way you feel after a run, even if you don’t enjoy the running itself. If there were a way to get fit and feel good without running, you’d take it. But until you find another way, you’re going to stay fit by gritting your teeth and pounding the pavement.


If you responded with mostly c) answers, then your type of runner is:
Rhoda Runner
You run for the love of running, but you’re not interested in competition. You’re in it for the long haul, are lean but not mean, and will keep running until your knees give out.


If you responded with mostly d) answers, then your type of runner is:
Jack Rabbit
You are an eager beager, can’t wait to run. Can’t bother with jogging, you go for the thrill, go for the kill, you are the epitome of a Pearl Izumi ad runner.

How did you do? I must confess I'm hanging my head in shame ... move over Syndee...

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[By Crabby]

Here is a sad story:

A couple weeks ago, I biked to the beach to go for a run. For several days, there'd been a large pod of rare Right whales just off the coast. And I was in luck, there were three of them just offshore! The beach was empty first thing in the morning and it was just me and three whales. I was psyched.

But then I reached into my pocket and discovered I'd forgotten my iPod. I nearly burst into tears.

My run was ruined.

(Sure, the whales helped--they were awesome. But I still spent most of my run sulking over the fact I had no music).

Hello, my name is Crabby McSlacker and I have an iTunes addiction. Are there any fellow addicts out there who can no longer do aerobic exercise without music?

Most of the time, it's not a problem. Like when I remember to bring the iPod and the battery is charged and I have a playlist full of good tunes, life is good. Exercise becomes far less of a chore--and is sometimes even fun.

And hey, exercising to music is good for you!

However, due to my technological stupidity and a certain amount of Evilness lurking behind the cheerful exterior of the iTunes Empire, often things go wrong.

(Not everyone has problems. My current difficulties come from trying to move my iTunes library over and over--from laptop computer to desktop computer to new laptop computer to new external hard drive, etc. It also didn't help that I bought a new iPod, even though I had to to replace a satanic one that used to spontaneously change languages and play all sorts of other pranks.)

I had originally thought for this post I might put my whole exercise library of Eight Awesome Workout Playlists (sorted alphabeticially by song title, for maximum randomness) up on iMix for everyone to laugh at check out. I even managed to publish the first one, but it turned out crappy because I forgot to delete the songs off it that I didn't like myself. I set out to do a much better job on the next seven... and that's when iTunes turned stupid and mean.

It decided it couldn't find any of my songs anymore.

"Hey iTunes," I said, calmly, "the songs you are looking for are are right here. Remember? I told you I moved them to an external drive. Recognize them, please? There are 300 songs and I paid you for all of them."

"Songs? What songs? I see nothing but exclamation marks."

"Right here! You knew where they were five minutes ago, and I haven't moved them!"

"Songs? Nope. Sorry! Can't find 'em anymore. But hey, if you need tunes so bad, you can always get your butt over to our iTunes store and buy 300 more."

When it's Crabby vs iTunes, it's not an even match.




So half a day and many attempts at fixes later, I still can't get the library working again--which means I can still play things off my own iPod, but I can't share playlists.

Which is just as well because you'd hate the songs. Other people's favorite workout music always seems surprisingly sucky.

So I have to apologize again to all the googlers who come to Cranky Fitness looking for "workout music" or "exercise iTunes playlists" or "best iPod cardio tunes" or "aerobic iTunes suggestions" or whatever--and just get a lecture on how everyone has different tastes so go look somewhere else.

One way to do it: go to iTunes or your own favorite retailer, and search people's shared playlists until you find music that doesn't make you barf.

At iTunes, you can go to the regular iMix section and search for "cardio" or "spinning" or "aerobic" etc. There is also now a special section called Nike Sports Mixes. It's not just corporate stuff, there's a section that includes workout iMixes made up by real people--real people who know how to get to their own music libraries and share playlists.

Does anyone else have a love/hate relationship with their exercise music technology? Or any awesome suggestions for workout music we can disagree over?

(Note: For alert readers who noticed that today's post was exceptionally lame, there's a reason: the Crab and Lobster have house guests this week. Crabby's posts should return to the more accustomed level of lameness next week. There may or not be Time Off involved--we'll see. Thank God for Merry and for patient readers!)

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[By Merry]

It's spring, people are starting to think less about shoveling snow and more about exercising for fun. It's time for the first annual exercise review.

Not sure which exercise is for you? The experts at Cranky Fitness have reviewed some of the most popular forms of exercise. But their answers were boring and informative, so I gave them the boot and did the review myself.

Swimming
Pro: Good for people who have joint problems.
Con: People will see you wearing a bathing suit.
Tip: When purchasing swim goggles, find a pair that comes with thick black frames and a false nose, so no one will recognize you.

Did you spot the one person in this flickr photo NOT wearing the glasses?

Kick boxing
Pro: Supposed to get you into shape quickly.
Con: Requires good shoes and a box.
Tip: Before you kick the box, make sure it has not been filled with books, big heavy rocks, or nitroglycerin.

Outdoor bicycling
Pro: Good for people who have weight-bearing issues.
Con: Lack of front and side airbags is a real drawback.
Tip: Wearing a helmet is very, very smart.

See? Wearing a helmet makes people happy.

Indoor (stationary) bicycling
Pro: You don’t have to worry about cars.
Con: You do have to worry about going insane from boredom, plus the stationary bicycle design was lifted from an old idea first developed by the Spanish Inquisition.
Tip: Wearing a helmet will scare people off, so you won’t have to bother with making conversation.

Walking
Pro: So easy, even a toddler can do it!
Con: There are a lot of toddlers out there; you might trip over one. Watch out.
Tip: If walking is too non-strenuous, try race-walking. You get more exercise, plus you will provide innocent merriment for passersby.


Running
Pro: Great aerobic conditioning.
Con: Who cares? You’re puffing like a steam engine and some little old lady in a walker is passing you!
Tip: If new to running, make sure to avoid running near nursing homes, day care centers, and other places where being passed would prove especially humiliating.

They both look ready to kick my butt...

It doesn’t matter which form of exercise you choose so long as you keep moving. You know that. I know that. I know you know that… I’d better stop before I get even more confused. All this terrific* advice notwithstanding**, what is your favorite form of exercise?

(Um... that you can talk about in public.)

* Oh, humor me, would ya?

** I try to throw in the occasional polysyllabic word in a post; I like to think it adds a bit of class and culture to the blog, and maybe even impresses Crabby.

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[By Crabby]

[Photo credit: Plan 59]

Here at Cranky Fitness, we're all about revealing those Secret Sneaky Tricks that successful folks use to achieve their goals. True, after a big fat buildup, these "secrets" and "tricks" always turn out to be the same old boring stuff you've heard a thousand times before--but by the time you realize that, you're already halfway down the page!

(And lets face it: it's harder to get people to read blog posts called "Yep, It's That Same Old Self-Help Crap You Know Already.")

So what's today's Magical Solution to your health and fitness and life struggles?

(Is it a pill? Please? A nice cheap pill I can order online?)

Sorry, no.

It's just this simple advice:

Think About The Consequences of Your Actions and Make Conscious Choices About What You Do.

Isn't that a great idea? Can you imagine how much more successful you'd be if you did that?

Gosh, thanks Crabby. I'll keep that in mind.

Yeah, it is kinda obvious. Even if few people actually do it. Perhaps we need a catchier name?

How else can we turn the obvious into a series of self-help books and lucrative seminars? (Hmm, seminars--in Hawaii, say? Or the Caribbean...? Right on the ocean, with a four-star restaurant and a luxury spa and snorkeling and stuff? )



Sorry, what was I saying?

A catchier name, right!

So our new Miracle Fitness Solution? Let's call it:

ChooseCarefully!©

(Uh oh, maybe we didn't choose too carefully ourselves. Apparently someone has already copyrighted this name. But it's just some "legal services" company. Screw them. What are they going to do, sue us?)

So why do you need to ChooseCarefully?©

Because most dumb decisions happen when we pretend we aren't actually "making" decisions at all. We just do stuff or we don't do stuff--and then we pretend that if we don't think about consequences, there are none.

People who are successful at losing weight or writing books or climbing the corporate ladder or running marathons? They recognize that the decisions they make everyday are important, so they make them consciously.

So how to stop floating around and start deciding? Here are some tips to on how to ChooseCarefully©:

1. Create Opportunities To Make the Right Decision

This is a hard habit to learn, but is worth training yourself to do it. Buy yourself time before giving in to temptation.

Get in the habit of waiting, even if it's only a minute or two, between a tentative impulse to give in, and actually doing something there's a good chance you'll regret.

So if a simple "no I don't need that brownie," isn't working, then tell yourself: "Well, maybe I do need it, but not yet. First I'll go get a drink of water, and then check my email, and then maybe stretch my hamstrings, and then I'll decide if I really want it I can have it. At least some of the time, you may actually change your mind and talk yourself back out of it.

Note: If it's a Big Decision, like whether to have plastic surgery, or buy an expensive sports car, or marry some guy who's really sweet, deep down, just misunderstood so he acts crazy sometimes, then you may need to buy yourself more than a few minutes.

Mom, I swear You'll Learn to Like Him!

2. Visualize Consequences.

This another obvious but effective trick when you remember to do it. Tempted to skip your workout? Don't just ask yourself "do I want to go to the gym now?" Because of course the answer is "hell no!"

Instead, ask: do I want to try to fit in an extra workout later in the week? Will I feel like it more then? How do I feel after a few missed workouts? Do I really want to lose momentum and feel guilty and like crap? How virtuous will I feel afterwards if I just suck it up and exercise?

When considering a big-ass bowl of super-premium ice cream, do you ask whether it's worth an extra five to ten miles on the treadmill in addition to what you normally do? If you eat it, will you feel satisfied or will you still want another bowl of ice cream when the first bowl is gone?

Successful people ask themselves questions like this all the time. (They don't always get the answer right, because imperfection is inevitable and even necessary. The trick is to never stop asking).

3. Little Decisions Add Up

Merry had a great post about this, but it bears repeating.

Suppose you have a very cherished but challenging goal, like saving money for a house. You may realize, theoretically, that it's going to take a lot of effort, but do you make all the small decisions you need to in order to get there?

Because you'll never get there if you forget the house whenever you're faced with an amazing expensive pair of shoes or an evening at a Chi-Chi bar where cocktails are $15.

Too many people won't acknowledge that life is about Trade-Offs. You don't get to have everything. Pretending this isn't true can mean losing your house or your education or your financial security to a steady supply of designer clothes and Starbucks Frappucinos.

4. Not to Decide is to Decide

If you often think wistfully, "I'd love to take a karate class someday" or "I bet I'd be good at selling real estate" or "I'm lonely and could use more friends and there's this knitting class that meets on Thursdays" but instead of doing anything you sit and watch television every night instead?

Well, guess what: you are deciding that you'd rather watch tv than learn karate or get a real estate license or have friends.

These sort of decisions don't feel like decisions, though--partly because if we really put any thought into it, we'd never make them. Would we really squander our precious time on earth doing things like checking our blog stats every ten minutes or watching four consecutive hours of Law and Order reruns?

(And Jen at Semicharmed Wife had a great example of making this process conscious in her blog. "I know I said I’d work on my short story today," she wrote, "but I feel like I deserve to read gossip blogs for an hour instead of working on my life’s dream.")

5. Still Making Dumb Decisions? Shrink Yourself!

No, not physically. Psychologically. Better yet, if you can afford an actual shrink, go see one. They get paid to do this because some of them are actually good at it.

Because if you're making a lot of bad decisions, maybe it's not just a question of willpower. You may have one conscious agenda ("to eat healthier and get in shape!") and a whole different unconscious one ("to never, ever feel deprived," "to distract myself from my feelings," "to stay invisible" or whatever).

Here's where it's helpful to look at patterns. In what situations do your actions typically contradict your intentions? Do you always overeat after a visit with your mother? Do you overspend when you're angry? You may be telling yourself all kinds of silly things to encourage these self-defeating behaviors, and it's helpful to learn how to tune into these conversations. Once you can hear what you're telling yourself, you can start questioning some of the idiotic things you carry around in your head-- so you can ChooseCarefully© instead!

So this is just the first five of a list that's probably at least 100 items long. But, well, this post has run long enough and Cranky Fitness isn't going anywhere. We can talk about the other 95 later on... perhaps someday at a sunny self-help seminar at a fancy resort!

Plus, many of you Smart Readers have much better suggestions about how to make conscious choices about important things rather than flailing around. So if you do, please share!

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This is a Special Guest Post, Hooray!

It's by Ali Hale of The Office Diet. Have you visited there yet? It's a great resource for busy full-time office workers who still have the nerve to want to stay healthy. There are all kinds of sneaky tips and recipes and such. (Plus, she's funny!) Ali is also a contributor to Diet Blog.


How to Keep Healthy and Stay Sane if you’re a Grumpy Office Worker


Nothing induces crankiness quite like being stuck behind a desk all day, in a room full of people whose presence you’re indifferent about at best, doing a job that makes you seriously consider whether watching kettles boil and paint dry would be more stimulating

Welcome to the world of Grumpy Office Workers, who face various challenges in maintaining some semblance of health and fitness in an environment tailor-made for comfort-biscuit-scoffing and slumping in front of a computer screen for eight hours straight.

The real world came as a cruel shock to me after a degree in English literature (when nine am was deemed “really early”, afternoon naps were almost mandatory and lectures were optional.) After a year and a half in tech support I am almost ready to throttle the next person who can’t use a ‘Forgotten password’ button have just about figured out some ways to manage a (mostly) healthy diet and vague stab at fitness.


Escaping from your desk – move those legs!

If, when you stand up, you see dazzled spots dancing before your eyes, and your legs wobble, you just might have been sitting still for too long. The routinely ignored advice for computer-facing workers is to take a break every hour. Boring, right? But it’s a good excuse to slack off, wander around for a natter with a colleague, and accomplish the twin goals of “being the most popular person in the office” and “being the thinnest” by offering round cakes (see below).

You may suspect that your boss will be irked by seeing you meandering around in an un-busy sort of way. In this case, I suggest briskly striding up and down the corridors with a determined gleam in your eye, as though heading off on some company-crucial mission.

And as a side benefit, you actually fit in some activity that doesn’t feel like exercise. Bonus.


Insist on your full lunch hour and get away from your desk

When lunchtime finally rolls around, many Grumpy Office Workers want nothing more than a decent sandwich and a chance to chortle over Crabby and Merry’s latest post without having to constantly Alt-Tab at the sound of the boss’s footsteps.

However, spending your lunch hour at your desk guarantees a successive stream of clueless co-workers asking “Do you remember where we put the Very Important File?”, “Have you got a few minutes to spare today to fit in a teeny weeny extra task?” and “Is that the third cookie you’ve eaten today?” The second-best answer to such questions starts with N, ends with O, and has two letters. (The best starts with F and ends with Off....)

Rather than lingering at your desk, like the smell from your colleague’s egg sandwich, drag yourself out of the building at lunchtime. Escape to the quiet forest, the green hills, the peaceful lakes … or if, like most Grumpy Office Workers, your surroundings consist of the local high street, escape to the gym.

Yes, I get a nice intense half-hour workout in, and yes, I go back to the office feeling totally de-stressed (until I fire up Outlook again) – but the real reason I am known as the company’s “gym bunny” is because it’s darn peaceful there. No-one from the office has ever bothered trekking to the gym to accost me on a treadmill and ask an “urgent” question.


Cookies, cakes, chocolate and other office goodies

There’s something about free food, especially free fat-and-sugar-laden food that makes it nigh on impossible to resist. Even when it’s the stale cookies left over from yesterday’s meeting, the dubious looking sweets that someone’s brought back from holiday, or the gooey chocolatey Easter cupcakes dotted with mini eggs……wait. That last one was me.

Because my advice here is not “practise some restraint and ask yourself if you really want that sorry excuse for a treat” but instead “fatten up all your colleagues by taking in gorgeous baked goods to sabotage their diets.” You might still be chubby, but they’ll be even bigger: so what if you have to resort to somewhat sneaky means to be the slimmest in the office?

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(photo credit: kikashi)

You did the right thing.

Awesome. Brave. Much Appreciated.

'K Thanks!

Sincerely,
Your New BFF's,

Crabby & The Lobster

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[By Merry]


Those bloggers are at it again.

Workout Mommy posted different categories of people who adopt a non-supportive role towards your fitness goals. (I love it that this post was inspired itself by Charlotte's post about Sabotage and how catty some people can get when they want to bring you down to their level.)

Damn both of them -- they got me thinking. (I hate it when people do that to me.) What do you do when other people try to drag you down? And what do you do when it's not other people who are bringing you down, but yourself?

Great Theories from D.W.M.s
John Stuart Mill, and a bunch of other 18th and 19th century dead white males philosophers, held the belief that the child at birth is a blank slate. Only, being philosophers, they had to fancy it up by phrasing it in Latin, tabula rasa. According to Mill, your personality and behavior are determined by sensory experience, by sights and sounds from the outside world.

Great Theories from DVDs
I have a mini-theory that when you go to sleep, when your conscious mind clocks out for the day and your subconscious takes control of the night shift, you create a relatively blank slate.

Unlike Mill and the philosophers, I'm not basing this on years spent pondering deep issues in dusty libraries. Rather, I'm basing this on my years spent watching television. Ever fall asleep with the TV on? I don't do that so much now, but for years I'd wake up, after a dream of hair care products or great real estate investments, to find that while I slept a late-night TV show was pouring an informercial into my subconscious. Next time I fall asleep with the TV on, I’m going to make sure there’s an educational DVD in the machine. (Maybe one about great philosophers.)

In either case, I think these Great Theories have some validity. The subconscious mind often acts as a sponge, soaking up all the things that it hears over and over again and then repeating them back to you.

Trash talking to yourself?

Hypnosis, which is used to help people stop smoking or change other behaviors, tries to get past your conscious defenses and directly influence your subconscious. Methinks it works the same with things people tell you repeatedly in everyday life. Subtle insinuations that you’re Not Quite Good Enough will bring you down. Even if these insinuations are coming from that little voice in the back of your head.

An example: a few months ago I had to spend a week with a relative who's steadily grown more negative and nasty the older she gets. One day we went out to lunch. When we walked out to the car together, I pressed the Unlock button on the car's remote device, and nothing happened. The relative snatched the remote from my hand, said "what country are you from?" and tried it herself. When nothing still happened, she didn't apologize, she merely used the key to unlock the car.

After a week of incidents like that, all about how stupid I was, I found myself starting to say it first, just to stop her from saying it. A form of self-protection, as it were, but it was a hard habit to shake off when the week was over and I went back to my regular life. Hearing something repeated over and over was enough for my mind to make it into a recording that the little voice would then play back. I was stuck in a negative groove of trash talk.

Doggone it, people like me!

Next time I’m in a situation where someone’s trying to tell me how stupid (worthless/lazy/inept/insert adjective here) I am, I’m going to fight back. No, not physically. Not even out loud. Arguing with someone that negative is like riding a rocking horse – you never get anywhere.

Whatever the source, even if it’s a negative thought that comes from within, I’m going to counteract it by telling myself positive things. Something along the lines of Stuart Smalley saying ‘… and doggone it, people like me!’ Except meant seriously.

I don’t care if that’s simply a case of countering pointless negativity with pointless positivity. Positive assertions have at least as much validity as the negative ones, plus they’re a lot nicer company to have rattling around in your head.

Don’t try to reason with your subconscious; you can’t counteract negativity with logic. The negative thoughts bring too much emotional baggage with them. It’s like trying to reason with a very young, very tired child. Wah. Don’ wanna hear about dead white males talking dead Romance languages. Wanna lollipop.

Believe it or not, a positive fact about the phone company

There is a twist on this method that some people use to avoid thinking about something. Your brain can only hold so much information at one time. Supposedly, the reason that phone numbers in America were designed to be seven digits is most people can only hold on to seven thoughts at one time. If you think of an eighth thought, one of the others drops out of your immediate consciousness. (And then you usually going around thinking ‘now what was it that I forgot?’)

You can make use of this tendency to get rid of self-trash talk. To distract yourself from an unwanted thought, think of seven different things instead, as fast as you can. Try counteracting the negative thought with seven positive ones, no matter what they are. It works!

Don’t worry. Be perky happy.

Don’t worry about becoming too annoyingly perky using this approach. If inertia doesn’t restrain you, other people will. With straitjackets, if necessary. Excessively cheerful people are as annoying as excessively negative ones. And negativity has its uses. When the cavemen encountered a saber tooth tiger, the positive one probably stood there and said “Oh, what pretty fur. I bet that’s just a play growl. Isn’t it cute the way it lashes its tail like that?” while the negative caveman ran away. It’s not always a bad thing to be negative, but it’s entirely too damn easy to let it become automatic. What I’m trying to fight is meaningless negativity.

How do you respond to trash talk? Does it ever hold you back from doing something you wanted to do?

I'm curious to hear what you think. I started to write this post a few days ago, but I stopped because the little voice in the back of my head said it sounded too stupid. Sometimes the little voice in the back of your head is talking negatively for a reason, but sometimes it isn't. (I don’t know why the l.v. is so concerned with me making a fool of myself. If I write up a post of incredibly silly fluff, as I have in the past, it just sits back in satisfaction and says “yep, I knew you were going to do that.”) And then I remembered this quote:

When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap. -Cynthia Heimel

Screw you, little-voice-in-the-back-of-my-head. I'm going to push the button marked Publish.

Quick, somebody! What are the names of the Seven Dwarfs?

[Etching of John Stuart Mill courtesy of flickr, as indeed was the cartoon.]

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[By Crabby]

(Crabby's Secret Family Recipes. Why yes, they are all blank!)

Who says we never do recipes here at Cranky Fitness?

OK, we don't. Not unless it's a guest post. But just because Crabby doesn't cook all that often, why should we let foodie blogs like Noshtopia or creative cooks like Roni or Gena have all the fun?


Crabby's Chicken Soup Recipe

1. Take out a sharpened knife, find one of these and....

Grawwwk! Get the f*ck away from me!

Never mind. Just kidding.

Of course we would never kill an innocent bird for our dinner. Personally.

Let's just pretend that grocery store chickens were never actually alive in the first place, shall we?

2. Go to the store and buy one of those fancy expensive free-range organic healthy chickens and...

Crap!

All sold out. We waited too long. Plus it's getting late and we're hungry.

Hmm, what's that wonderful smell? What about one of those grocery store ready-to-eat rotisserie chickens pumped up with who-knows-what-kind-of-chemicals?

Mmmm, sounds great!

3. Pair rotisserie chicken with a salad and call it dinner.

4. Allow guilt to simmer overnight. (What's wrong with us? Why don't we ever make anything from scratch anymore?)

(Did you know simmering guilt tastes almost exactly like chicken?)

5. Go back to the store the next day and buy vegetables. For example: onions, cute little blue potatoes, green beans, zucchini, carrots. No celery because we hate celery.

6. Take rotisserie chicken leftovers out of the refrigerator (or go buy a new one if there's none left). Peel off excess skin, break up carcass a bit and throw carcass into big pan of water.

7. Chop up onions.

8. Cry.

(Onions: way cheaper than therapy.)

9. Throw onions in with chicken.

10. Boil the hell out of chicken and onions until house is smelly and every window is steamy. Maybe an hour or two.

11. Haul chicken back out, and remove bones and cartilage and icky leftover bits of skin. Curse the little tiny bones in the spine that break up and hide in the bottom of the pot. Hope, with little confidence, that you fished them all out.

12. Throw chicken meat back in the pot and add the rest of chopped vegetables.

13. Add more water as necessary and continue to boil the hell out of the chicken and vegetables until the whole thing starts to taste less like chicken water and more like soup.

14. Consider straining but remember that you still haven't bought a strainer so what the hell. No one in the household has died (yet) from the extra chicken fat or those sneaky little bones.

15. Salt and pepper to taste.

16. Realize after smelling and sampling the stuff for hours and you don't even feel like chicken soup anymore.

17. Refrigerate soup and call for pizza delivery.

18. Let guilt simmer again over night. It's better when the flavors have had a chance to marry.

19. The next night, have soup! Feel smug. You cooked!

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[By Merry]

Merry gets up on her high horse...

"I rejoice every time I see a woman ride by on a bike. It gives her a feeling of self-reliance and independence the moment she takes her seat; and away she goes, the picture of untrammeled womanhood." - Susan B. Anthony 1896

I've been reading a lot about the importance of good running shoes. But I haven't seen anyone writing about the importance of buying the right size bicycle. Just because you're not pounding it into the ground with your feet doesn't mean you shouldn't care. If you're into cycling at all, you're going to be spending a lot more time with your bicycle than you will with your running shoes.

Men and women both have different problems with badly fitted bicycles, but the most common problem for both sexes, among people who only ride occasionally, is the distance from the seat to the pavement. It's almost invariably too low.

Most people who start out riding sit on the bike like they were, to quote one cyclist, 'about to go to the toilet.' Basically people squat on the bike. The feet can reach the ground without having to tilt the bike to one side or another, but it puts more strain on the knees.

Once the training wheels come off, it's time to learn to balance...

There have been a lot of studies about the effect of cycling on men, especially with regards to male fertility. You don't hear much about the effects of cycling on women. If you're a woman you sure feel them, but there aren't a lot of studies out there on the subject.

It's true there's a vas deferens between men and women. (That joke never gets old, at least not to me.) To quote the WOMBATS website (Women's Mountainbike And Tea Society), women often have shorter torsos and longer legs than a man of the same height. Just because you and your boyfriend are the same height doesn't mean you'll be comfortable riding his bicycle.

A few things to bear in mind if you're shopping for a bicycle:

• Women have wider pelvic areas. The "sit" bones on a man are closer together than they are on a woman, but most bicycle seats don't take that into account. So while a man can sit on a bicycle seat and have his weight supported by his skeletal structure, a woman who sits on the same bicycle seat is having a lot of pressure put on a very sensitive area of the anatomy. Ouch. A woman's bicycle seat is generally shorter and a bit wider.
• If you're buying a road bicycle, remember that a man's shoulders are generally wider than a woman's shoulders. If you're on a city bike, a hybrid, mountain bike, any bicycle that has one long handlebar, this isn't an issue. But a woman on a man's sized road bicycle can find herself holding her arms at a wider angle than can be comfortable. This sort of detail can matter after you've been on the road for a couple of hours.
• For both men and women, there are times when it pays to be average, and buying a bicycle is one of them. If you're under 5'4", then there aren't as many choices out there. (I'm sorry, I don't know what the upper range of average is. I've read 5'9" but that seems a bit low.)

If you're short, the best option seems to be a Terry bicycle. (Personally, I found the Terry's gear shifting affected my tendinitis, so I ended up going with a Bianchi Eros. But most bicycle sellers will point you toward a Terry.) Regardless of the brand, any bike seller worth the name will want to work with you to make sure you get the right size.

Obligatory note: I am not a professional cyclist nor do I know anyone who plays one on T.V. I used to hang out with people who thought nothing of cycling several hundred miles a week. (Note: I said 'hang out' not 'ride with'... a more accurate term would be 'ride behind'... far, far behind...)

If I sound preachy it's because I think it's really, really cool to go for a long bicycle ride out in the country where there aren't a lot of cars but there is a lot of nature. You get to see things you never when you're driving a car, plus it's easy on your knees and you can get a workout while sitting down!

I know a lot of people are suffering from BIBD and similar disorders. But it's spring! Any minute now it's going to stop raining and it'll be good riding weather. Any minute now. Anyone up for a bike ride?

I'm ready...

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[By Crabby]

Doctor, Sometimes I Just Feel So... Dirty!
(Photo credit: Spike)

So there's a new book out called "Who's Your City," which is about different places to live and the people who choose to live in them. And guess what? It's written by a guy named Richard Florida. It would be even cuter if he lived there!

I haven't read the book, but the Boston Globe did a thing on it, and it looks pretty cool. For instance, it has tips about finding the best place to live given your life stage and personality and goals and such.

(Psssst: wanna make some money in real estate? The author went on Stephen Colbert and they both agreed: just follow the gay people around. And hint: they all just moved to Provincetown, Massachusetts!) OK, maybe not every single one.

P-Town: Probably Still A Safe Investment

(Photo: Beach Comber)

Anyway, this whole concept of personality and place intrigues me. I'm one of those people who's totally opinionated about good places to live. Theoretically, I know it's all subjective, but in my heart of hearts I truly believe that the places I like are the "best."

People who live elsewhere must therefore either be: (a) unfortunate; (b) complacent; or (c) just plain crazy.

But come to find out, other people with different goals and personalities really do have perfectly legitimate reasons to live where they do. Even if it's somewhere I would hate to live!

Harummph! How is this possible?

So Florida (the guy, not the state) took a look at the way different personality types tend to cluster in different places. Not just in trendy neighborhoods, but in huge swaths of the United States and the world. And he found out some interesting things.

For example, check this out:

(Note: If you can't see it very well, you can go here instead--it's the "personality map").



Isn't it cute how the "agreeable people" all got together and decided to form a picture of a duck?

And isn't it sad that apparently a big part of the country forgot to have any personality at all? Whoops!

I was relieved to find out that I've entirely avoided living places where the "extroverted" and "conscientious" gather. Instead, I've been drawn to locations where the "open-to-experience" and "neurotic" folks hang out. Exactly on target!

Sorry Extroverts! You'll Just Have to Amuse Yourselves Without Me.
(Photo by adwriter)

So why do people with similar personality traits end up clustering together? According to Florida, one possibility is selective migration. Agreeable and conscientious types do NOT like to move, and the extroverts and open to experience people do, so people start sorting themselves into similar personality types.

Sure, sounds plausible. Whatever.

To me, as interesting as the big regional variations are, they seem kinda minor compared with the "neighborhood" factors. If you live in a hip urban neighborhood in say, New York--wouldn't you have more in common with people in a hip urban neighborhood in San Francisco or Chicago or even Paris? Instead of, say, other Northeastern folks who live in gated suburban communities or retirement homes or housing projects or farm towns?

The Sushi Place? No Problem. Make a Right at the Church,

Then Straight Ahead for About 300 Miles. Can't Miss It.
(Photo by docman)

I would tend to agree with the author that the place you live has a huge impact on your life. It can affect your employment options, the kind of people you'll meet, and even your opportunity to exercise and find healthy things to eat. (This is, after all, a health blog so it seemed wise to work in something about health. And hey, Cranky Fitness did actually do a post once on the importance of walkable neighborhoods).

Yet it seems like a lot of people just stay where they were born, or end up somewhere sort of arbitrarily and get trapped there, without ever really choosing.

How about you folks, do you like where you live? Does it suit your goals and personality? Did you choose it, or get stuck with it?

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[by Merry and Crabby]

Pasta Queen
PastaQueen, a.k.a. Jennette Fulda, created the blog Half of Me to track her goal of losing half her body weight. If you get a chance, check out her progress pictures; they're fun to twirl. Watch as she shrinks down to half her starting weight!

Now she’s written a memoir of her experiences in gaining and then losing almost 200 pounds. Since Crabby and I both love her blog, we were delighted to interview her and review the book.

I don’t know if it’s coincidence or what, but the last two people who’ve been interviewed on Cranky Fitness have then gone on to be interviewed on the Today show (Jennette and Leslie from The Weighting Game). It’s shameless the way those network television shows imitate us. Check out Jennette this Sunday, May 11, on the Today show. (Local times may vary.)


Okay, on to the interview!

Cranky Fitness: Pasta Queen, welcome to Cranky Fitness! What made you decide to write a book about the process of losing half your body weight?

Pasta Queen: Ever since Jennifer D. won the Young Author's contest in 5th grade over me, I vowed to avenge my unjust loss by writing a book one day. No, actually, I'd been writing a blog about my weight loss for several years and an editor expressed some interest in it. I put together a book proposal and was offered a contract.

Cranky Fitness: I bet Jennifer D. is feeling pretty silly right about now. Anyway, Crabby and I struggle to keep up one little blog. How did you manage to hold down a full-time job, exercise regularly, eat those damn green leafy things, keep up a popular and entertaining blog, and write a book at the same time?

Pasta Queen: I have a cloning chamber in my basement. I created a duplicate copy of myself to send to work while I wrote my book. No, that's a lie. I don't have a basement. In all honestly, I don't know how I did it. I didn't have much of a social life for several months there, that's for sure.

Cranky Fitness: Over the years that you've been writing this blog, you've gotten into running in a big way. Do you feel that running helped you lose weight or was it more the emphasis on eating those green leafy things?

Pasta Queen: It's been both. I know you can lose weight just through diet or just through exercise, but it helps to do both. I feel better when I'm eating healthy and exercising, though sometimes it's hard to remind myself of that fact when I'm staring at a head of cauliflower in my fridge sitting next to a much tastier looking pudding cup.

Cranky Fitness: Any future writing plans? Or future running plans? (Besides plans to run from silly blog interviews in the future).

Pasta Queen: I'll keep writing the blog as long as I have something to say. Looking at all the notes I've got for possible entries, that will be a long, long time. I've been trying to decide what writing avenues I want to pursue next, but now that I've lost so much weight, I feel like anything's possible. As for running, I'm going to keep up with that too, but no more half-marathons in my near future. I miss going to my TurboKick classes!

Cranky Fitness: Writing a blog can feel like exposing your innermost thoughts while at the same time remaining hidden behind a firewall of anonymity. How is it different from writing a memoir? More intrusive? Less?

Pasta Queen: In both cases, like a stripper, I get to decide how much I want to show. As an example, I have a somewhat strained relationship with my father which I've barely ever talked about on the blog, but I mention somewhat in the book. I wasn't sure how much to say about it, but I ultimately decided just to include the parts that related to weight loss. I also delve more into my childhood and my earlier fat years in the book, whereas my blog focuses mainly on the present. I did feel like there would an unspoken expectation to explain why I'd gotten so fat to begin with, which is something I've never really gotten into on the blog. So I did feel like I needed to reveal more in the book, but I've posted vulnerable thoughts on my blog as well.

Cranky Fitness: Does Half-assed utilize irony, subtext, metaphors, metonymy, or those other fancy literary devices that high-falutin' writers are supposed to employ?

Pasta Queen: I'm happy just to put together a comprehensible sentence that makes you giggle. If I happen to use metonymy while I'm at it, it's purely by accident.

Cranky Fitness: What's the most important piece of advice you'd give someone just starting off on a weight loss journey?

Pasta Queen: You don't have to start making the best choices, just better choices. Take your time. You didn't gain the weight all in a day and you're not going to lose it all in a day either. If you make small changes, they'll eventually add up to larger changes. When I first got on the treadmill, I could only walk 4/10 of a mile before I was exhausted. But I kept with it and last weekend I completed a half-marathon.

Cranky Fitness: On a blog, you get to write pretty much what you want and control what you "publish". But in the book world, there's reputedly an editing process. What was that like? Anything surprise you about it?

Pasta Queen: Having an editor helped expose my blind spots. After I'd submitted a rough draft, my editor would ask questions like, "Why didn't you talk about this?" or "Can you tell me more about what was happening here?" It forced me to look more carefully at parts of my life that I hadn't even realized I'd overlooked. I had a great relationship with my editor. She understood that the work was my baby, and I understood that any suggestions she made were out of the best interests of the book. She suggested I cut out parts where I took a joke way too far and she pulled out unnecessary passages to make the book as a whole much tighter and better. The book is much better because of my editor's invisible hand.

Cranky Fitness: Unlike you, many people who lose a lot of weight seem to gain it all back again. Are there special challenges and strategies that are different when it comes to maintaining weight loss as opposed to losing weight in the first place?

Pasta Queen: It's certainly less thrilling. When I was losing weight I got to step on the scale every week and say, "Down another pound. Woo-hoo!" Now I step on the scale every week and say, "I weigh exactly the same. Woo-hoo?" And then there are weeks when I actually gain back a pound and have to lose it again, which seems like an awful type of do-over. The biggest challenge is to keep it interesting and to stay focused. I try to spice things up by trying new exercise classes and cooking new recipes. If I get bored or lazy, I know I'll gain the weight back again.

Cranky Fitness: What does it feel like to have a book you wrote published and out there on the shelves?

Pasta Queen: It's surreal. I've been anticipating this moment for over a year since I signed my contract, so it's odd to think it's finally happening. My mom is thrilled! She went to Barnes and Noble and put my book face out on the bookshelves.

Cranky Fitness: Congrats on the book coming out, and thanks for letting us be on the "tour!"


**************************************

[by Merry]

The Magical Secret to Weight Loss

Imagine that you have just bought Half-assed: a weight-loss memoir and found within its pages a magical secret that will whisk away all your excess poundage and leave you svelte, scintillating, and successful. All women will envy you. All men will desire you. You will ride off into the sunset in your new convertible.

Yeah, it sounded good to me too.

I think that's what some people expect from Jennette Fulda, a.k.a. Pasta Queen. The woman lost almost 200 pounds, half her body weight, and everyone wants to know The Secret. Was it surgery? Willpower? A marvelous new diet? Little blue happy pills?

It is greatly to her credit that Jennette does not mention in the book the name of the particular diet she followed. The emphasis is not on one diet over another. She didn’t use weight-loss surgery or diet pills. Neither does she put much credence in losing weight through willpower. Willpower came in handy for short bursts in the grocery store, accelerating quickly past the cookies while heading toward the fruit and vegetables, but willpower didn't make the pounds melt away. What worked was creating healthy habits, retraining herself to eat healthily and exercise.


Does that sound boring? It shouldn't. What surprised me when I read this memoir was how much humor there was in her story. I kept reading along, mentally comparing notes, yep, did that, did that too, oh wait, I never thought of that .... Occasionally I laughed out loud. Jennette writes of her daily struggles with a nice mixture of common sense and a sense of humor.

A few excerpts that I liked:
• She drove to McDonald's and deliberately stuffed herself with one last junk food meal before she went on her first vegetable shopping trip because "you shouldn't shop on an empty stomach."
• When participating on Fat Acceptance websites, she found herself banned from commenting because she didn't want to stay being overweight. She wrote "Acceptance is defined as 'recognize as true.' As in, recognize diabetes, sleep apnea, other problems are exacerbated or directly caused by obesity.... Acceptance does not equal complacency."
• About planning meals, she wrote "I never planned what I was going to eat until I was hungry, which was like waiting until I was drunk to start driving."

One reviewer whom I read (can't remember now which one) was astonished when Jennette’s mother praised her daughter for actually cooking a complete healthy meal. To me, that’s a point worth mentioning. I think that's the problem with a lot of people who are overweight. We never learned how to cook, never gave the time to make a healthy meal. It is so much easier to pick up a happy meal on your way home from work. You’re tired, the kids are hungry, and dog needs to be walked, that kind of thing. In this generation, a lot of people have grown up buying prepared or packaged food rather than cooking.

I think if you get into the habit of cooking and eating healthy food, pretty soon you’ll find that cooking doesn't seem to take as much time as it did when you started. But if you've never started, it seems an insuperable obstacle. I can't cook; I don't know how. It never comes out right, and it takes forever.

Times have changed. When my grandmother cooked the Thanksgiving turkey, she brought home a bird from the farm, wrung its neck, and started plucking feathers. Me, I pick up Lean Cuisine turkey meal and put it in the microwave. Jennette worked to find a reasonable middle ground between these two extremes, finding shortcuts that enabled her to eat healthy food without feeling deprived, and throwing in some exercise as well.

Don't read this book if you're looking for a fairy tale. Read this book if you want help to psyche yourself into doing what it takes to lose weight. To read her memoir is to follow along on her weight-loss journey: seeing first hand what worked and what didn't. No magical secret. One woman's story.

Read more...

[By Crabby]


Random Friday on a Thursday??? What's the Deal?

Sure, it's traditional at Cranky Fitness that Randomness take place on a Friday. But we have Special Plans for tomorrow's post--so what the heck, let's mix things up a bit! What's the worst that could happen?

Outbreaks of silliness, boredom, pointlessness, spontaneous napping...

But no harm done, that stuff happens all the time here anyway! So lets be brave and forge ahead anyway, shall we?


WTF Department: Three Quarters of Women Report Disordered Eating?

You've probably all seen this by now, but a recent survey of more than 4,000 women by University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and Self Magazine revealed some interesting attitudes towards eating and weight:

• Almost a third of women reported that they'd induced vomiting, or taken laxatives, diuretics, or diet pills at some point in their lives to lose weight;
• Two thirds of the women surveyed (not including those with actual eating disorders) are trying to lose weight;
• Over half of those dieting were already at a healthy weight;
• About 40 percent said concerns about what they eat or weigh interfered with their happiness;
• Almost 40 percent regularly skipped meals to try to lose weight;
  
• Sixteen percent had dieted on 1,000 or fewer calories a day;
• And thirteen percent had smoked to lose weight.

Note: this survey is, of course, depressing. And it's true that women are far too obsessed about their weight. However, can you really take an online survey of Self magazine readers and conclude that their answers represent the views of all women?

Nothing against the magazine, which runs many fine articles, but it's called Self for cryin' out loud. Could it possibly attract, on average, women who are a little more concerned with, well, themselves?

Wait, this just in...

Ninety Eight percent of Men Spend All Day Long Thinking About Women with Humongous Breasts! ... According to a recent online survey by readers of Juggs Magazine...

(And yes, Juggs is a real magazine, though we doubt they bothered to do a reader survey).


A Little Perspective:

Even Cranky Crabs have to stop whining every now and then long enough to appreciate how incredibly fortunate they are. So sometimes it helps to get a glimpse of how horribly complicated and challenging life could be if you weren't born so lucky.

Via Healthbolt is this rather incredible slide show of a baby born with two faces. Apparently this little girl, born in India, can drink from both mouths and blink all four eyes. Local villagers believe she may be the reincarnation of the Hindu goddess Durga.

I will stop complaining about my sore muscles and crunchy knees now, at least for the next few minutes.

Now This Won't Hurt a Bit:

Here's an odd little news item from Marijke's fine blog: According to the Center for Disease Control, more kids and teens than ever are fainting after receiving vaccinations.

(Later, when the insurance bills come due, it's their parent's turn).

Apparently more adolescents are getting shots now (to prevent meningitis and cervical cancer), and teenage girls are particularly prone to fainting.



So We're Done With Health Now, Let's Bring on the Rest of the Randomness!

We be Zoomin':

Check this out if you like cool weird collaborative art. Zoom in or out and the picture seems to just keep on going and going. (Dial-up warning: the program is slow to load even on broadband.)

This Blog Needs More Smut!

Photo by JaHoVil

Yes, even after yesterday's special episode of Skanky Fitness, we're still pushing porn. We know some of you just can't get enough! This time, be sure not to miss these hot, sexy, luscious photos of...

Libraries!

(They really are pretty cool).

And Just When You Thought You Were Safe...

Remember those cute Lolcats? And how it was possible to spend hours checking out "just one more" funny kitteh? Well...

Via MJ ... if you finally wrested control of your computer back and started to get some work done, we must alert you to a possible new threat to productivity coming your way:

Yep, plenty more where that came from at I Has a Hot Dog. You've been warned.

Have a great Thursday, and be sure to come back tomorrow for a Special Post!

Read more...

[By Merry]

No, not that skanky, thankyouverymuch.

Look, if you've come to this blog looking for intelligent, perceptive comments about health and fitness, then please let me direct your attention to Crabby's thoughtful, insightful, and well-written post of day gone by. But that was Crabby. To mis-quote Senator Lloyd Bentsen, "I've met Crabby McSlacker, and Merry's no Crabby McSlacker."

In other words, lower your expectations down a few notches. And your sense common decency as well. That opening photograph was but a mere foreshadowing of skankiness e'en yet undiscovered.

In the interest of looking busy while avoiding housework Being Helpful, I was looking at the search keywords that led people to this site. A lot of people in Finland seem to be looking for fitness porn. Or maybe it was people in Poland. Or Cleveland. Definitely somewhere that ended in 'land' at least.

What are they hoping to find? Hunks in trunks? The Swedish Bikini Beer Team? Pictures of people performing sleazy acts on treadmills? People performing sleazy acts with treadmills? (Hell, I'll believe anything. I stopped being shocked with the story last year of the man who was having an affair with a bicycle.)

Skanky never sounded like a particularly pleasant word to me. It conjures up pictures of a woman who's not overly fussed about details such as hygiene, halitosis, or herpes. But on the positive side, at least people are concerned with fitness!

Clearly there's a need here. I'm not proud. I'll write a post on Skanky Fitness. Crabby always said this place doesn't have standards.

Okay then, listen up. Classy posts have gone the way of the dildo dodo.
This will be worse than Vanilla's pickup lines for runners.
Worse than Crabby's Porn for women.

We're hitting ... um... bottom.*

Hunks in trunks!

These outfits were clearly designed to let you focus on their sexy knees

These hunks in trunks look like they've been doing drugs (but medicinally, so it's okay)

Women in unusual poses on bicycles!

One way to tell if a man's too cheap to buy a tandem...

Women riding bicycles in unusual costumes!

Well, she's not wearing a helmet. That's unusual.

Pole dancing peep shows!

Actually, I think that's rather sweet...

Anyway, is that the sort of thing people are looking for? Do Google keyword search results give a skewed representation of what people are craving when they click on a link labeled "Cranky Fitness"?

Trying to figure out Google searches is enough to create a certain feeling of Crankiness, but it's not doing much for my fitness, so I have to ask. What are you looking for?


*And no, no matter how many jokes there may be in the phrase 'hitting bottom', I absolutely refuse to write a post about Spanky Fitness. No, I'm sorry. Even if the well of inspiration runs dry and lol cats go 404. Ain't happening.

Read more...

The Enemy is Sneakier Than You Think
(Photo courtesy of Plan 59)

[By Crabby]

This is another one of those posts in which Crabby offers unsolicited advice and reminds you about things you already know. Warning: Prolonged exposure could cause drowsiness, irritability or upset stomach.)


It Happens to Everyone

If you've set a major goal for yourself--like trying to eat healthier, lose weight, get out of debt, run a marathon, organize your life, finish your novel or whatever--you will likely have some rules or plans or at least hopes to guide your behavior.

Some days, you will be full of determination and you will do all the right things.

Other days, you will ignore your rules and do whatever the hell you feel like doing. This will make you feel like crap.

In previous advice posts, we discussed how screwing up is a necessary part of the self-improvement process; how to stay accountable, and how to re-motivate when you're stuck.

But this post is more about exploring why you screwed up in the first place, and how to keep it from happening so often.


Meet Your Enemy: Entitlement.

There are lots of other enemies to staying on track--like stress, fatigue, depression, crazy schedules, and even a low sense of self-efficacy.

We can talk about those later. Today we take on Entitlement, because it's at the root of so many screw-ups and it's so sneaky.

Quick example of entitlement in action:

You've been eating really healthy all week and you've decided you get to have a piece of cake at a birthday lunch. But by the time dessert is served, you're totally full. Plus the cake is a kind you don't even really like.

So you eat a monstrously big piece anyway, and don't even enjoy it.

Q: Why the hell did you do something so dumb?
A: Because you had already decided "I get a piece of cake today," and you felt entitled to eat it.


Entitlement Has its Place:

Let's say your neighbor borrows your car one afternoon but instead of returning it, he parks it in his own driveway with no apparent intent to return it. Do you say, "whatever," and go out and buy a new car? Or do you go over and take it back because it's your f*cking car?

My guess is we come equipped with a sense of entitlement for a reason. We need it, sometimes. But it's one of those archaic emotions (like jealousy or anger) that doesn't necessarily align with reality. A sense of entitlement is often self-serving, illogical, and just plain wrong.

(In a larger context, I believe our exaggerated sense of self-entitlement is a huge problem in the world. We shall, however, leave that discussion for another time.)


How Do You Confront Your Entitlement When it's Being Stupid?

It depends on the specific reason you're feeling entitled. For example:


1. Everyone Else Gets to Do It

This one is really easy to indulge in. We look around us to see what's "normal." Why should you have to go to the gym and eat cauliflower soup when everyone else is watching tv and eating McDonalds? Your neighbors maxed out their credit cards to buy a huge expensive high-def TV, why shouldn't you get to have one too?

If you can recognize what's going on, the best way to fight this is to recognize that the "normal" world is populated by space aliens. Those around you are an entirely different, substandard, sedentary species with strange eating and spending habits and short life spans. You don't "get" to do what they do anymore than you "get" to drink water out of the toilet or poop on the sidewalk just because your dog does.

Instead, start to normalize and identify with those who, like you, have sensible goals. Go to their blogs or read their books or find actual like-minded humans to hang out with. The more you expose yourself to them, the less you will feel that the habits of space aliens are relevant to your life.


2. I Used to Be Able to Do That

Losing something is much harder than never having had it in the first place. Whether it was the discretionary bonus your company used to pay every Christmas or the secret parking spot only you knew about--once you got used to having it, it felt like yours.

And if you always used to eat a Grand Slam breakfast at Denny's or sleep in until 11 on Sunday mornings, there may be a part of you that feels that you should always be entitled to do those things, no matter what your actual plans and rules are.

How to fight this?

First remind yourself that you are now a different and superior human being. You are giving up the "right" to indulge yourself for all kinds of great new benefits. And then just suck it up and change your habits for a while.

The good news: after a few months it will be much easier. The sense of entitlement around your old lifestyle will start to fade. The "old you" will become more like the space aliens above, and will be easier to ignore. You may still miss the old ways sometimes, but you don't still feel entitled to Trick or Treat on Halloween anymore, do you?


3. I work so hard!

Yes, of course you do! You're putting in long hours at the office and getting your exercise and making time for your spouse and raising wonderful kids and so that pint of Ben and Jerry's calling to you from the freezer? Aren't you entitled to it?

Well, sure, every now and then. Some days something's got to give.

But if you're consistently impressing your boss but eating like crap, or eating all clean food but spending yourself into lifelong debt, or running that marathon but neglecting your family--you're going to run into trouble.

Unfortunately, sacrifice in one area of your life won't translate to progress in another.

You can't transfer your "entitlement" credit from one area where you excel--say your job-- and use it in another area where you suck--say your health.

How to deal with the "I work so hard" sense of entitlement? You have to Re-Prioritize.

That means stop earning all this "extra credit" where you're already doing enough. Stop responding to fake emergencies; learn to say "no" to stuff you don't have time for; stop caring so much what other people think and start figuring out what's important to you. Then you might not feel so martyred and entitled in areas of your life that you actually need to buckle down and pay attention to.

(Note: All this is way easier said than done, as we've discussed before).


4. Because I Earned It

Remember the cake example above? Sometimes you feel entitled because, by your own rules, you have actually have "earned" a treat or a break or a reward.

And if you really want the treat or the break or whatever, go for it! Rewards can be really helpful in maintaining long term efforts.

But what if you don't even really want your treat now, and are only cashing in because its yours and you earned it?

The trick here is to realize you're being a big baby. You're letting "Mommy" (your Rules) dispense treats when you are Mature and Sensible enough to do it on your own. Tell yourself that you "owe yourself one," which you will enjoy MUCH more if you wait. You don't need Mommy to tell you what to do. Except later, when you want ice cream and Mommy is telling you to eat your vegetables. Then you gotta listen to her again.

Is it just me, or does anyone else struggle with entitlement? Any good advice?

Read more...

[By Crabby]

(Photo by hrtmnstrfr)

Who Changed The Rules?

Pull Ups and Push Ups: all of a sudden, it seems, we women are being urged to take 'em on.

If I'm not mistaken, we used to be considered exempt. We had a special easy kind of push-up just for us, the "girls" version, with knees down. And as to pull ups? Most guys can't do 'em either, and they have all that testosterone--only Super Fit Weightlifter Gals were supposed to be able to rise to the challenge. The rest of us could crank out a few lat pulls or hop on the Gravitron and call it a day.

But as women have gotten more empowered and stronger and started to take over the weight rooms and fitness magazines, the "bar," so to speak, has been raised.

And while I'm usually able to ignore Fit Bloggers who do Incredible Things (like Bunny Girl or Nitmos) the call to master these two forms of torture exercises is getting louder every day.

The New York Times was recently pushing push-ups. Geek Girl recently dissected the anatomy of a push up. Even bloggers we love such as MizFit and Stumptuous and Jen at Survival of the Fittest and Kelly at Fitness Fixation (and in the News) seem to be telling us: Push Ups and Pull Ups are great and you gals can all learn to do them too!

Well, my response to these beloved sources of inspiration?

Screw it, No We Can't!

(Disclaimer: actually, I can do 25ish full-body push-ups, if I have to. I actually prefer other machine-based forms of upper body exercise. But I'm a bazillion years from being able to do an unassisted pull-up. So I can totally relate to those who have Push Up issues, and I will count myself as an honorary member of your Tribe).

What's Wrong With Rising Expectations for Women's Fitness?
Nothing! I am generally on the other side of the argument on this stuff, urging women to do their strength training and railing against the use of teeny tiny pink weights.

But Push-Ups and Pull-Ups are Unfair and Mean!
These exercises are Unfair Benchmarks for fitness. The larger your body weight, the harder they are, even if you're really strong. There are some incredibly fit women who do not have lucky lean metabolisms. Should heavy fit people feel like failures because they can't do some arbitrary body-weight lifting exercise?

No!

So don't feel bad if you can't and won't ever to be able to do them. Keep getting stronger and set whatever goals motivate you.

That Said, I Really Really Want to be Able to Do Some Pull-Ups.
These gals are just a little too inspiring to ignore them entirely. I'm lean enough now that theoretically, pull-ups should be a possibility. On the other hand, I honestly think I'm (a) too old and (b) too lazy to do what it would take to get there.

But still, perhaps I'll try a little harder to get a little closer.

Some Resources if you want to Learn To do Push-Ups or Pull-Ups:

As common sense suggests, you need to approach it incrementally, but the gals above have creative ideas as to how to do that. More specifically:

• Jen and the folks at Experience Life have lots of suggestions to get you to your First Pull-up.
• Stumptuous tells you how to Mistress the Push-Up
• MizFit gives Push-Up lessons in a handy video.
• From Jen again, how to Do 15 Pull-Ups . (For you Hard Core Fit gals.)

Crabby Goes to the Gym!
Based on the above resources, it seemed like time for me to try some "negative" pull-ups. These involve starting from the top of a pull-up and lowering yourself down.

I started my pull-up remediation program last week and I learned several things:

1. Negative pull-ups are MUCH easier if you skim the article, ignore the part about "slowly" and just let gravity drop you down, then hop up again and drop down again, etc. in an entirely half-assed manner.

2. Even cheaty half-assed negatives can MAKE YOU SORE AS HELL FOR THREE DAYS AFTERWARDS.

3. If you go back and read the article, then return to the gym and do them right ("a slow three or four count per negative"), you may discover you can hardly do any. Hardly doing any still makes you SORE AS HELL for another couple days.

4. After years of slacky weight training, wherein the goal has been pretty much to maintain strength rather than increase it, feeling SORE AS HELL is actually kinda fun!

(However, check back in a few weeks when I'll probably have stopped doing negatives because they're too hard. Sorry, you weren't, um, coming to Cranky Fitness for inspiration, were you?)

Is anyone else trying to master/increase their push-ups or pull-ups, or do you not give a crap whether you can do them or not?

Read more...

[By Merry, on behalf of the Committee to Pay Attention to the Little Things]

It's the little things that get you.

[No, not those kinds of little things...]

I have trouble with the Little Things in Life because they’re so damn trivial. My first thought is, ‘who cares?’ I end up falling into the ‘just this once’ trap.

Just this once I’ll

• eat that piece of cheesecake
• take the elevator, not the stairs
• leave the bicycle behind and take the evil SUV to work

All of these are relatively venial offenses taken singularly, but I do one after another until the next thing I know I’m taking the train to Slothville and the jeans don’t feel quite as comfortable as they did before.

[Should I? Oh, why not...]

Well, here's a good reason not to:

[Thanks to Melting Mama for this photo!]

So, just this once, today I promise that I will:

• bring food from home
• take the stairs
• oh, all right yes I am taking the evil SUV to work, but that’s only because I refuse to try to haul a 40-pound bag of dog food home on my bicycle. Tomorrow. Honest.

Little things matter.

What, you don’t believe me? True story:

The other week, the fine state of Oregon sent out a Voters' Pamphlet to everyone they could find who had a mailbox. Ordinarily this is a good thing, I mean, you probably should read up on all the issues before you shred the pamphlet for your compost heap. (Presuming it's printed with soy-based ink instead of nasty chemical ink.)

They even included a toll-free phone number to call in case you had questions. There was only one problem. Instead of a number with an 866 prefix, the pamphlet posted the identical number with an 800 prefix. If you dialed that, you heard a sultry-voiced woman saying "hey there, big boy! Want to meet @#$! young women*? Then call this number..."

Trust me. Watch out for the little things.

What little things trip you up?

________________________________________

*This anecdote was reported on the local news the other day, and they bleeped out the @#$! word. I hate to confess it, but I can't think what word it was that they bleeped. All the likely adjectives I can think of seem permissible on television these days. Indeed, pretty much any adjective seems permissible on television nowadays. I’m not bothered enough to actually call the message to find out; it just makes me feel uncool not to immediately know things like that. I must be getting old.

What word do you think they used, anyway?

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[By Crabby]

Don't Leave Home Without It.

A few days ago, we were talking about feeling uncool while exercising. In the comments section, reader "One Sweet Shannon" told a funny tale about being locked out of her car after a workout when she had major nosebleed--with nary a Kleenex to stem the tide.

Being an unmedicated allergy sufferer, and one who blows her nose 47,000 times a day frequently, I get nosebleeds too. I could totally relate.

Then, in a Crazy Coincidence, one of my favorite health news blogs, Healthbolt, ran a post on nosebleeds! This made me realize that Cranky Fitness has never addressed this important health concern.

Since I don't really know much about May Day, except that it seems to involve Workers and Working, rather than Slackers and Slacking, I thought we could replace it with a different sort of celebration. So I'm going to officially declare May 1st "Nosebleed Day" at Cranky Fitness!

What fun we'll have. Aren't you all excited?

If I had the money to commission Official Nosebleed T-shirts, you can imagine how cute they'd be:




So, Aren't Nosebleeds Fun?

Anyone else get them? My personal triggers: high altitude, dry weather, frequent nose-blowing, and wearing a crisp clean light-colored shirt or sweater, especially if I've just paid a fortune to have it dry cleaned. Primary aggravator: fish oil capsules, which I suspect thin my blood--which is normally a good thing! But when my thin blood is pouring out of my nose and won't clot? Not so good.

In my twenties, I went to a Nose guy (he did Ears and Throats and Wallets too) and asked if there was anything he could do, since it was the same spot over and over that kept bursting. (Still is). I'd heard of people getting their leaky vessels cauterized, which, while sounding unpleasant, seemed a hopeful permanent solution.

Alas, he didn't think this was a good option. Instead he vacuumed out my nose with a teeny tiny vacuum (not a job I'd want, thank you very much) and he told me I should drink a glass of warm salt water every day. Um, through my nose.

I actually made it a couple of days, but, well, eventually I decided I'd rather just bleed.

Nosebleed Fun Facts!
(Some of these are from this handy nosebleed resource, and some are from Healthbolt.)

• A nosebleeds is also known as "Epistaxis," which sounds much more dignified, don't you think?
• If you get one, you should tip your head slightly forward, not back. Then you can pinch your nose closed for ten minutes (do remember to breathe through your mouth, however, or you'll have worse problems than a nosebleed). The "meaty party of your nose on the sides just below your bridge" is best. However, one Healthbolt commenter pointed out he got better results by allowing a little air to pass through, so that the blood is better able to clot. Sounds reasonable.
• See a doctor if the nosebleed is extremely heavy, if the bleeding will not stop after twenty minutes, if you have nosebleeds all the time, or if you've been bonked on the head and that's what's causing the nosebleed.
• Men get more nosebleeds than women.
• Doing cocaine is not a smart idea if you are prone to nosebleeds.
• Self-care prevention ideas include using a humidifier, sticking petroleum jelly up your nose, and using saline nasal spray or an antibiotic cream.
• If you have a nosebleed, you're supposed to avoid "vigorous exercise, nose blowing, hot, spicy foods, hot beverages, and any type of straining for a few days to prevent additional bleeding."

Wow, was that fun or what!

Anyone else get nosebleeds or have allergies or have anything interesting to report on, whether nose-related or not?

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