(Crabby's Secret Family Recipes. Why yes, they are all blank!)Who says we never do recipes here at Cranky Fitness?
OK, we don't. Not unless it's a guest post. But just because Crabby doesn't cook all that often, why should we let foodie blogs like Noshtopia or creative cooks like Roni or Gena have all the fun?
Crabby's Chicken Soup Recipe
1. Take out a sharpened knife, find one of these and....
Grawwwk! Get the f*ck away from me!Never mind. Just kidding.
Of course we would never kill an innocent bird for our dinner. Personally.
Let's just pretend that grocery store chickens were never actually alive in the first place, shall we?
2. Go to the store and buy one of those fancy expensive free-range organic healthy chickens and...
Crap!
All sold out. We waited too long. Plus it's getting late and we're hungry.
Hmm, what's that wonderful smell? What about one of those grocery store ready-to-eat rotisserie chickens pumped up with who-knows-what-kind-of-chemicals?
Mmmm, sounds great!
3. Pair rotisserie chicken with a salad and call it dinner.
4. Allow guilt to simmer overnight. (What's wrong with us? Why don't we ever make anything from scratch anymore?)
(Did you know simmering guilt tastes almost exactly like chicken?)5. Go back to the store the next day and buy vegetables. For example: onions, cute little blue potatoes, green beans, zucchini, carrots. No celery because we hate celery.
6. Take rotisserie chicken leftovers out of the refrigerator (or go buy a new one if there's none left). Peel off excess skin, break up carcass a bit and throw carcass into big pan of water.
7. Chop up onions.
8. Cry.
(Onions: way cheaper than therapy.)9. Throw onions in with chicken.
10. Boil the hell out of chicken and onions until house is smelly and every window is steamy. Maybe an hour or two.
11. Haul chicken back out, and remove bones and cartilage and icky leftover bits of skin. Curse the little tiny bones in the spine that break up and hide in the bottom of the pot. Hope, with little confidence, that you fished them all out.
12. Throw chicken meat back in the pot and add the rest of chopped vegetables.
13. Add more water as necessary and continue to boil the hell out of the chicken and vegetables until the whole thing starts to taste less like chicken water and more like soup.
14. Consider straining but remember that you still haven't bought a strainer so what the hell. No one in the household has died (yet) from the extra chicken fat or those sneaky little bones.
15. Salt and pepper to taste.
16. Realize after smelling and sampling the stuff for hours and you don't even feel like chicken soup anymore.
17. Refrigerate soup and call for pizza delivery.
18. Let guilt simmer again over night. It's better when the flavors have had a chance to marry.
19. The next night, have soup! Feel smug. You cooked!
