Winner of the Tight Curves giveaway is...

The Random Number Generator has spoken, and the winner of the Tight Curves giveaway is:

Therese! (of the Rothburg blog)

Please email Crabby McSlacker @ gmail dot com with your mailing address (and perhaps a full name, unless your postal carrier can find you just fine with Therese) by Tuesday night, September 2nd, midnight EST to claim your prize. (We're extending the usual deadline because of holiday weekend.)

Thanks everyone for the great comments! Therese, if after a few weeks taking this protein powder you want to send in a picture of yourself weightlifting in high heels, we will post it. That's a promise.

The 7 Types of Nice

[By Merry]

This IS mah nice face!

Here at Cranky Fitness we ipso facto don't advocate people being too damn cheerful. (Notice how I slipped a little Latin in there? That's my way of trying to make the blog look classy and impress people.)

Warning: more Latin phrases (quasi-Latin, anyway) will be appearing shortly.

But there's a difference between "too damn cheerful" and "negative to the point of being hurtful." We advocate a Zen approach to fitness: the middle path between obsequiously nice and vitriolically mean. (Or at least that's what I mean by a Zen approach on Tuesdays. On another day, the definition might be different.)

You'll find a lot of good advice on ways to deal with people who have a negative mindset and believe in sharing misery. When it's overt behavior, that's easy enough to deal with. But what do you do when you're surrounded by people who are "Nice"? Not all types of "Nice" are positive-minded or genuinely helpful -- they can even be harmful, all the more so because they operate under the cover of kindness. You need to be prepared.

There are many sub-categories, but here are the basic 7 Types of Nice:

sincerely nice [Latin: Niceous Sincerei] The really irritating thing about this type is that you can't find any reasonable reason to be irritated with them. They really want to help you if you're having a hard day, and if you're ever in a bad situation, you can count on this one to cover your back. Just avoid them first thing in the morning and everything will be fine. (They're invariably chipper in the morning.)

wannabe nice [Latin: Niceous Aspirei] Though he generally thinks you're an idiot, this person takes the time to answer foolish questions (often found in software companies working with ignorant technical writers). Will help at the gym with adjusting weights or explaining how to use a tricky piece of equipment.

because it's expected nice [Latin: Niceous DeRigeurei] She'll bring a hostess gift to a party, even if it's a potluck, because That's The Way Things are Done. Note: according to experts, it is not advisable to wear white shoes after Labor day if you are going to be in this person's vicinity.

so long as it's not an effort nice [Latin: Niceous StatusQuois] The type who would help a little old lady cross the street, so long as he was going to cross the street anyway. Will hold the door open for you if he's going into the gym right before you. Won't hold the elevator if he's in a hurry.


Watch out, anything below this line is potentially harmful.
_______________________________________________________________


passive-aggressive nice [Latin: Niceous Backstabi] This type acquiesces if you ask them a favor, but underneath they hide a seething cauldron of resentment that can spill over into acts of petty irksomeness when you least expect it. Superficially can resemble Niceous Sincerei, but can be distinguished by morose silences, hurt sighs, and the response "No, nothing's the matter." Siiiiiiigh.

whiplash nice [Latin: Niceous D'Escalieri] This type specializes in double talk that doesn't sting until you've left. You'll be driving home after the party, and suddenly think "Oh, that's what he meant."

Often recognized in the wild by the silence created when you walk into the room and the averted glances ("Who me? Talk about you? Never! Nice outfit, by the way. Those lycra bicycle pants really cover your stretch marks, don't they? You can hardly see them at all.") Typical retort: "All I said was..." accompanied by a hurt look.

Best way to deal with this species: Take their words at face value. They'll either think you're too stupid to appreciate their wit (and do you really care what they think?) and leave you alone, or they'll get frustrated into evolving into an even nastier type of "Nice." Or maybe, just maybe, they'll modify their behaviour and become a nicer person. It's possible that this behavior can be the result of a habit that degenerated from attempts to be witty. (Cf. the upcoming blog post, Types of Witty.)

emotional-sniper nice [Latin: Niceous AK47ei] When this one speaks, be wary. The words seem nice. On paper, the remark would seem harmless, or at least not-ill intentioned. But there's a look in the eyes, the 'accidental' probing of a sore spot while watching you intently, that's more like an emotional sniper looking for a vulnerable area. Never found in the vicinity of Niceous Sincerei, but has been known to associate with Niceous D'Escalieri.

Most experts recommend not engaging this type at all, if possible. If an encounter is inevitable, you are advised to treat questionable comments as humor. Nothing disconcerts this type so much as a trill of laughter and the words "Oh, you and your sense of humor!" or words to like effect. Warning: Do not show weakness, as they become remorseless at the tiniest whisper of a whimper.

It's important to distinguish between these types because they're out there... right now... maybe even lurking on this site, who knows. There have been confirmed sightings of Niceous D'Escalieri at backyard barbecues ("Are you having another piece of chicken? How wonderful to be able to eat anything and not care...") or Niceous Backstabi at the gym ("No, I don't mind if you change the channel to Wrestling ... even though it tends to make me feel ill ... don't mind me... of course, you will explain things to the paramedics when I faint, won't you?").

You might have noticed that there aren't any expert opinions on how to approach passive-aggressively nice types. That's because the experts were evenly divided between a gag (applied to the 'nice' person) or earplugs (applied to the victim). Neither sounded particularly useful to me, so I thought I'd ask the expert readers ... um, I'm looking at you ... how they deal with this type of person.

Yes, I did mean you over there. Who else would I ask?

Taking the “It’s Tooo Haaaaard” Out of Fitness

(Photo credit: dorje-d)

Note: this is a special Guest Post by LittleM, who is helping out while the Crab is on vacation. Thank you, LittleM!

I am no orator, like Mer and Crab;
I sit on sidelines while they write, and cheer.
I’ll try to offer fitness thoughts not drab;
And post – for you to comment further – here.


The dashing Merry posted a little while back about those of us who qualify unreservedly to be Fitness Squares. On bad days, I’m usually aping a Fitness Rhombus. Or perhaps a Trapezoid.

There are people who just aren’t that jazzed about the idea of fitness. Most of them probably don’t read this blog.

Then there are the genius writers who put this community together (Yay! Merry! Rah! Crabby!) and the commenters here, so many of whom exhibit staggering discipline and commitment in their efforts to put together a body that can grapple effectively with this battle, this war, it feels like sometimes--that we call 21st century life.

I’m sort of in the middle. I was an athlete in high school; there’s a record I still hold *ahem* years later. But my quadriceps, following such follies as a ripped meniscus stemming from a nasty incident in a national tournament tryout, would laugh derisively and say: “What is the point of training like that when you’re a teenager if you just … dissolve … to plasma and jelly as decades roll on?”

And the more 5's and 0's birthdays that roll by, the quicker the reversion to shapeless/breathless seems to appear, and the more sweat – and whining (and sometimes just plain profanity) is required in an attempt just to get back to that place where you were, let alone improve.

And so I struggle, like many here may, to find the time and energy in light of a responsible job that has nothing to do with sports, or training – and all that other ancillary stuff, like, you know, life – to quiet my quadriceps’ mocking, to simultaneously subdue and nurture them so that we can get on together, like a team, and accomplish yet some more stuff in the rest of this life.

It seems to me, that - barring elite athlete status – whenever you come up with a grand fitness plan, other than motivation the biggest, hugest, meeeeanest obstacle when it comes to execution is:

LOGISTICS.

Like Traffic/the Gym Commute. Work hours. Minor injuries. Or one of my favorites: when you get to the store just before they close to buy your favorite protein powder or low-fat dairy whatever, because the manager promised you that they were going to order it in, and they don’t have it in the store! Even though they promised you they would!! And you don’t have one nanosecond to shop for another three days!!! Now what???

*insert favorite epithet here*


I’ve Filed a Formal Pleading Request with the 28-Hours-in-a-Day Division

I recently attended a fundraiser supporting a Well Known Senator (Male) and another Well Known Senator (Female).

The WKSF mentioned that while she so admired the WKSM’s drive and ability to be in the gym, daily, on their respective campaign tours, that she had to utilize that same drive and ability that she would have used for such activity in order to make sure – in an effort to withstand the press’ microscopic scrutiny— that her wardrobe, hair, and makeup were impeccably done.

Given the fact that the press has profiled her as both a former athlete with a professional coach for a brother, and possibly Jackie Onassis’ potential style heir apparent – I can’t help but wonder, how the WKSM’s wife manages to do both.

So we have the two directives.

“Be impeccably groomed. Especially when in business/in public, but mostly all the time.”

“Be in impeccable shape.”

And the inevitable head-on collision – complete with crash and noise – when they intersect.

Crabby has made vivid reference to the prep and the post-dismantle of working out – and if flipping U.S. Senators are having trouble measuring up to these standards, that none claim to have set, but nonetheless seem to be living, breathing, writhing things all around us – well, I say that we get right down to the nitty of the famed gritty.

I have read that Secretary of State Rice gets up at around 4:00AM to complete her daily run prior to her daily day.

That your hair is still wet from the workout/shower but you have a meeting – in an hour - with the board of directors that demands a blow-dried upsweep –-

That because you didn’t have time to stop sweating before you had to get in the shower, and you couldn’t take a cool shower because otherwise you’d cramp, so you had to take a warmer one, when you got out of the shower you were still sweating and so your makeup proceeded to melt right off your face --

That the fitness sites go on and on and ON about how proper sleep is required for proper muscle development (you know, in order to burn fat and actually get stronger and all) – and then they talk about how “proper sleep” really means 7-9 hours – and you laugh in the article’s face because, in a desperate attempt to get everything done for job plus family plus workout, you haven’t seen more than 5 and a half hours any night in the past 5 and a half years --


How do you manage it?

Stay Tuned for Great Guest Posts!

[By Crabby]

Yes, it's the suitcase picture again, which long-time readers recognize as a sign I'm out of town. But Merry's still here (thank goodness!), and there will still be a Friday Giveaway for those interested in winning Stuff. And then I'll be back next week.

Also, instead of my usual tiresome whining, we've got two great guest writers covering for me: Little M, one of our witty commenters, and Christine from Póg Mo Thóin Slán Leat.

They each submitted multi-part guest posts, carefully respecting the word limits I suggested for each post. But then I thought: "this stuff is too good to try to save any for later, I want to run it all this week!" So I took their carefully organized multi-part series and crammed them back together into longer posts so I could post 'em sooner rather than later.

So much for following instructions, eh?

So stay tuned this week for a refreshing change of pace! I'll be off camping, coping the best I can with blog withdrawal, and will be very happy to see you all again next week.

(As many of you have figured out, Cranky Fitness is much more fun when the Crab is gone!)

Tight Curves Giveaway

[By Crabby]

Want some Tight Curves?

Now before you skip down and find out what the heck we're actually giving away, I'd be curious what comes to mind when you think about "tight curves."

Hmm...





Or maybe...

photo: Stefan Tell

Or lets see...

Photo: sean dreilinger

Yikes!

But don't worry, we have no reptilian giveaways planned this week.

Nor are we going all Oprah and screaming "Everybody gets a car!" We're too eco-friendly for that, otherwise of course we'd be giving away race cars for everyone.

So then, what is "Tight Curves?"

Tight Curves is a protein powder designed specifically for women!





The fitness model pictured above, Kristal Richardson drinks the stuff, and she does indeed come equipped with Tight Curves!

(She also, like other fitness models, appears to favor high, high, heels. One would think this footwear might be inconvenient while doing squats? But I'm no fitness model, so what do I know?)




The full pitch is here, and I can't evaluate the science behind it, but it sounds like it might be a really useful product for you protein powder fans who are female. I can especially get behind the idea that products are often designed with men in mind first, and that women are something of an afterthought.

(Remember the first version of air bags for your car? They designed 'em to protect the average sized male, never mind that they were killing kids and "smaller adults.")

(OK, admittedly that digression was totally out of left field. From protein powder to airbag fatalities??? I'd say this Crab is indeed due for a vacation!)

Anyway, if regular boy protein powder seems like it has too many calories, or makes you feel bloated or has too many carbs or isn't giving you enough calcium, then this stuff may be just what you were looking for to put in your smoothies or pancakes!

So, according to a very nice PR rep, we've got a "good sized bag" to give away, and the best news? They can ship internationally, so non-U.S. folks can enter this time.

To enter, just leave a comment on this post before Tuesday August 25th, midnight EST. (Merry will run the ol' Random Number Generator, since the Crab will be off in the wilderness hiking dozens of dozens of miles and communing with nature roasting marshmallows). Then check back Wednesday August 26th to see if you've won! If you did, email us your mailing address at crabby mcslacker at gmail dot com to claim your prize (by midnight Thurs, Aug 27).

And feel free to comment about any old thing, whether protein-powder related or not! We always LOVE comments!