UnScientific American

[By Crabby]

Cranky Fitness, as a health and fitness blog (albeit a half-assed one), would love to tell you exactly what to do to live a long, happy, healthy life. After all, we all have questions don't we? Questions like:

• Will drinking milk help me lose weight?
  
• Is it better to get seven or eight hours of sleep a night?
  
• Is it ok to use sweeteners like Splenda and Equal?
  
• Which fruits have the most antioxidants?
  
• Should I take glucosamine to help with joint pain?
  
• Could putting milk in your tea interfere with antioxidant absorption?
  
• Is it better to exercise in the morning or the evening?

So what are the answers to these questions? Strangely enough, it's the same for every single one:

It depends on which f*cking study you read.

Sorry. Each one of those questions has authoritative, research-based, contradictory answers. So our answer is: who the hell knows?

This issue came up when we were talking recently about boiling and steaming vegetables. Some of you expressed frustration that first we heard eating vegetables raw was better; now we're supposed to boil or steam them--but not fry them. Whatever! Isn't enough that we eat vegetables at all when ice cream tastes so much better? And how come the answers keep changing?

We hear about "superfoods" that turn out not to deliver. We read about supplements that are supposed to help us and then find out they do just the opposite. We freak out about possible health hazards and then never hear much more about them again. (What ever happened to toxic shock? Acrylamides? Killer bees?) Post-menopausal women were urged to take hormones, now they're not supposed to. The list goes on and on.

Part of the problem, of course, is that health reporters and blogs like Cranky Fitness jump all over stories that are weird and counter-intuitive. They make great headlines or post titles. I should drink a beer right after my workout, really? And often, the kind of analysis that might be helpful to a careful thoughtful reader is kind of boring to a more casual reader-- so we decide to just leave it out. But it's not just the reporting of studies that sucks. The studies themselves really are all over the map.

I used to get completely excited when some new study came out saying "take this or do that or eat this, it's REALLY good for you." So unless it was something totally obnoxious or disgusting, I'd actually run out and do whatever the study said. Jogging, melatonin, glucosamine, calcium supplements, step aerobics, blueberries, counting fat grams, strength training, chromium, meditation, interval training, fish oil...

Some of those turned out to be really smart. Others--well, not so much.

Likewise, when a study would come out with a dire warning about something I was doing or eating, I'd quit it immediately. At times I've given up or cut way back on: coffee, healthy as well as unhealthy fats, plastic beverage containers, anything with acrylamide, white flour, salt, sugar, eggs, Cokes and other sodas, antiperspirants... the list goes on. And again, some of these were good things to give up, and others were totally stupid moves (in retrospect) that amounted to pointless deprivation.

So now, when a new study comes out? I say, "hmm, that's interesting. Keep me posted, will ya?" I only bother to change my behavior under one of the following conditions:

• The study tells me to do/eat more of something I already like;
  
• It tells me to avoid something I don't care for much anyway;
  
• It's an easy change that involves no hardship whatsoever;
  
• There have already been a bunch of other studies saying I should be doing/not doing the same thing--and then even then, if the change is too depressing to contemplate I'll just continue to ignore them all.

But here's the thing: as much as I sometimes just want to say "screw these studies, I'll believe what I want to believe," I still think the scientific method beats the alternatives. Through the years, some helpful information as indeed emerged despite all the noise. Some results keep coming up over and over. For example, I feel pretty confident that:

• It's good to eat natural whole foods, especially vegetables, fruits, whole grains and lean protein.
• It's bad to eat lots of sugar, white flour, processed foods, saturated fats and transfats.
• Exercise is good.
• Sitting on your ass all the time is bad.
• Stress and smoking are bad.
• Relaxation and sex and companionship and a good night's sleep are all good.
• And you really should floss your teeth and wear a seatbelt.

These things may seem obvious now, but 40 years ago this stuff wasn't at all clear. So, despite being wrong and annoying sometimes, yay science!

And even with all my grousing, I still intend to pay more attention to a large study conducted by a reputable research institution, with control groups and all the bells and whistles, than what my next door neighbor tells me he just read in some book. (Especially since my next door neighbor is eighty years old, slightly crazy, and is quite fond of talking about his prostate).

So Cranky Fitness will keep reporting the research as it comes out, especially if a study says good things about chocolate, wine, pet ownership, naps, avocados, massages, coffee, goofing off, or cupcakes. But you may want to take it all with a grain of salt--which may or may not be hazardous to your health.

Was it Something We Said?

[By Crabby]



Warning: this post is pretty much bereft of any breaking health and fitness news. But as Mary is busy moving right now, our standards are temporarily lowered. Do come back though, as she won't be gone forever.

Oh wait, here's a health item.
I saw this in the paper and it's sitting right here so why not? A test is in development may allow dentists to spot breast cancer with a saliva test. They've just identified a bunch of new proteins associated with breast cancer that will raise the accuracy of the test, they believe, from 85% to 95%.

Won't that be a nice non-intrusive way to look for early signs of a deadly disease? We're used to spitting at dentist offices anyway, and they're pretty used to dealing with our spit, so it works out great for everyone. Unfortunately though, the process for testing and approval is excruciatingly slow, so it looks like it's still a few years down the road until it's good to go.

Whoops, It's Statcounter Again
Anyway, here's the actual reason for the post: I was checking my statcounter recently, and came across some interesting entries. Now that Cranky Fitness is a little bigger, I can no longer catch all the comings and goings, but I do like to pop in and take a peek whenever I can. (Oh hell, why try to pretend: I'm still totally addicted to stats, even after being forced to change from Sitemeter to Statcounter.)

(Technorati's good too, but it's not as fun since we lost almost all the old links by changing from the blogspot address. Sigh. So if you're a blogger doing Cranky Fitness the tremendous honor of linking to us, it is even more appreciated if you use the www.crankyfitness.com address so we look bigger and more influential like a real blog!)

Anyway, what did Statcounter reveal?

First the good news:
Cranky Fitness got a very nice endorsement from a blog we admire very much, Wide Lawns and Narrow Minds. But this is not just a courtesy "thanks for the link from a blog with lots of visitors" mention. This is to urge you go visit Wide Lawns and check it out. If you enjoy quirky, bad-ass, opinionated, hilarious, uncompromising, extraordinarily well-written observations, family history, and personal anecdotes, do stop by. This is a blog written by a real writer, a fact that makes me insanely jealous.

Now the Weird News:
Cranky Fitness has been blocked! We are apparently offensive enough to have been filtered out by members of "Covenant Eyes," a group dedicated to helping protect the vulnerable from the lurid temptations of the internet. Of course, we're horror-struck to have run afoul of a group so friendly with the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families. (We won't link there, you can google. Though we totally approve of both Children and Families).

So what was it we could have posted that triggered this? Is the frequent use of f*ck and assh*le? Perhaps they are not fooled by the use of asterisks. Is it the penis post in the sidebar? The vagina post in the sidebar? (Maybe they know what a hoo-hoo is). The post on gay bombs? The fact that many people arrive here googling "big bouncy breasts" only to discover a post about leotards and sports bras?

Or perhaps it's not our content. Perhaps Cranky Fitness is just so darn addictive people are having trouble staying away from it and it's ruining their lives. (Sure, that's it!)

Who knows. We won't lose any sleep over it. In fact Cranky Fitness can only aspire to become more of an addictive destructive internet temptation--like Sitemeter and Statcounter! (In our dreams).

Random Friday

[By Crabby]

So it's Friday, and that means it's we've got another mishmash of health research and Weird Stuff waiting here for you at Cranky Fitness. And it's a short mishmash too, maybe more just a mish, due to an untimely computer disaster.

Now wouldn't it be a shock if one day you checked in to a Random Friday post and there was no disclaimer, just a well-organized round-up of important health news? Ha! Anyway, let's jump right in, shall we?

Boil your vegetables?
You may have read that boiling your vegetables destroys the nutrients in them, but new research says: does not! In fact this study found that boiling vegetables preserved or even boosted nutritional value in comparison to raw vegetables, whereas frying allowed more loss of nutrients. Broccoli, in particular, got an antioxidant boost when it was boiled or steamed.

Another Weight-Related Health Hazard:
According to this research, obese people are less likely to use their seatbelts than other folks, with about 55 percent of extremely obese individuals reporting they did not use a seatbelt. The researchers said: "efforts should be made to raise public awareness about seatbelt extender availability, and manufacturers not offering seatbelt extenders should be encouraged, or required, to make them available." Crabby says: "hell yeah."

File This One Under: Oops!
Apparently some hospital's 'Do Not Resuscitate' wristbands look a lot like Lance Armstrong 'LiveStrong' bracelets. So far, close calls have been reported, but no accidental Lance-related dnr's... yet.

And File This One Under: Yecch!
Don't know how we missed this article, but it says that 1 in 5 Chicago area restaurants studied had more bacteria and fecal matter in their ice cubes than in a random testing of toilet water. I'd say "glad I don't live in Chicago..." except it's probably the same everywhere. Curiously, however, many of us go to restaurants and aren't dead yet. Maybe this is another study endorsing the relative cleanliness of toilet water and/or toilet seats, which have proven cleaner than cell phones, steering wheels, and drinking fountains.

Specialized Food Pyramid:
This silly link supplies an antidote to one-size-fits all nutritional advice.

And Yeah, Christmas is Over, but...
Those of us with a twisted sense of humor can still enjoy this creepy but strangely compelling cartoon.

Too Many Demands?
Crabby already has a Ph.D. in How to Avoid Responsibilities, but some of you go-getters might need some tutelage. Sample advice:

"The ‘required amount’ of work is arbitrarily determined. How often does the car need washing; how much of our work is necessary? More to the point, how little could we get away with? People who talk a lot about duty and responsibility probably never know how much they depress everybody else."

Trying to Get Unhealthy?
This amusing video will show you how. Note: for those of you who frequent the comments section, the guy who put it together is "weightlossguru," the cheerful man who shows up sometimes with a duck on his head.

News from the Sidebar...

Cranky Fitness is very pleased to have added a couple of great new sponsors, whom we hope aren't scared off by all the shenanigans that go on beside their ads. Note: these are not soul-less corporate conglomerates like G**gle, but actual live human bloggers with lots of great weight-loss and fitness tips and insights! For example, at Iowa Avenue, which is a whole weight-loss community, you can explore whether your body image is realistic or get better about planning your meals. And Fat Man Unleashed has tons of great advice, including a special ass-kicking workout for bloggers who have trouble leaving their laptops long enough to get fit.



So have a great Friday everyone! (Crabby will be praying to the Computer Gods for speedy delivery of a new laptop to replace the one that died. She is working on an ancient one dug up from the basement that freezes, crashes, and needs rebooting approximately every three seconds. She will be boning up on Stress Management over the weekend.)

A Magic Weight Loss Pill! It's True!

[By Mary]

If anyone but Dr. Mirkin wrote an article about a Magic Weight Loss pill, I wouldn't bother reading past the title. However, it might really be true this time.

(Dr. Mirkin puts out an interesting and intelligent e-Zine on health and fitness. If he were cranky as well, we'd have to just hang up our hats and go home, leaving him to do all the health reporting for us. He's really good.)


Quick biology review, stolen from Dr. Mirkin's article

You have two absorption systems in your body. You absorb most of your food as it passes through your small intestines. Food that is not absorbed in the small intestine goes to your colon. The colon contains a huge colony of bacteria that work to ferment undigested carbohydrates such as soluble fiber into short chain fatty acids and simple sugars that can then be absorbed through the colon walls into the bloodstream. Most people get about ten percent of their total calories from food absorbed through their colons.

That wasn't too long, was it?

Scientists have found that one of two different types of bacteria is dominant in mice. If the mouse is obese, it has a different type of bacteria in its system than a lean mouse has. The bad bacteria are called Firmicutes, which I swear sounds like a name thought up by a Marketing department to describe a new diet that gets rid of cellulite and makes you want to wear really short shorts. The good bacteria are called Bacteroidetes. (They really need to re-think their PR strategy.)

When I first skimmed this article, methought the findings were simply cause and result. In other words, it seemed to me that if you eat a mostly high fat diet, the "bad" bacteria proliferate because they've got more food that they like to eat. It's like providing a moist enclosed environment and then seeing a lot of very happy mildew all over the walls.

That's what I was thinking, until I got to this sentence:
"Transplanting Firmicutes bacteria into the guts of lean mice made them fat."

If that's true, perhaps the reverse is also true? If transplanting the Bacteroidetes bacteria would make fat mice thin, then there really could be such a thing as a magic weight loss pill.

Until then, I suppose we could stick with the eating-healthy-food strategy. It's not only helpful to keep the weight off, it also keeps you healthy in other ways, such as reducing the levels of inflammation in the body. Researchers in Buffalo have published studies suggesting that if a fat person and a thin person both eat a high-fat fast food meal, the obese person suffers ill effects longer than the person who is not overweight.

But that's so boring! A nice simple pill would be much nicer, preferably one that's all sparkly and cool looking. Or at least one that costs a lot of money. Since if it's cheap, well, it must not be very good, right? Maybe that's one reason no one is interested in the eating-healthy-food strategy -- it's cheaper than the fancy pills you see advertised on television.

Icky Fitness Ad Roundup

Usually, it's fun to see advertisements for healthy products and services. You know, like running shoes or organic natural food, cool gym equipment, bikes, or whatever. We love to see the great gadgets and cute outfits and sturdy functional gear and all these happy people! They're all working out in gorgeous settings doing the very things we're trying to motivate ourselves to do--but suddenly it looks like a blast, not drudgery.

But then there are the other ads--the ones that make you want to take your healthy little magazine and shred it, spit on it, and then set the whole mess on fire. Or at least sigh and grumble a bit.

Now Cranky Fitness could fund an expedition out to the local newsstand to dig some of these up--but well, we'd rather just steal from acknowledge the contributions of some of our favorite bloggers who have found some awful ones already.

Faux Elitism: Let's Trash the Joggers!

First up: Katieo over at Sister Skinny had a great post about this obnoxious ad campaign by Pearl Izumi. (Note: coincidentally, Katie and the two authors of Cranky Fitness all happen to own this brand of shoe. Since I can barely ever find them in a store (and won't be looking quite as hard now), this was a surprising discovery. Are bloggers naturally attracted to pretentious shoes? If it's any excuse, none of us had seen the ads before we bought them.)

Anyway the point of the ad is to separate the wild, daring, dangerous, heroic "runners" from the lazy, boring, half-assed "joggers." You're supposed to identify as a runner, no matter how slow you yourself go, and look down on mere joggers. The ad portrays runners as "endangered" by all those joggers messing up the purity of their running experience by merely existing.

Not sure if you're a runner or a jogger? Some tips: if you do your "running" on a treadmill or with a stroller or an iPod, sorry, you're not really a runner. (You may, however, be a runner and own a plasma tv or an expensive car). The answer, if you're a poor pathetic jogger and want to be a runner? Just go faster--and buy their shoes.

Yeccch. Wouldn't it be great if they were pushing health and fitness for everyone, not just the "special" people? Why do they feel their experience is cheapened if others are allowed to have it too? Jogging is great exercise! Screw you, Pearl Izumi.


"Fit" Women

Kelly at Fitness Fixation found this ad for Champion products--which looks kind of normal until you check out the width of the women's arms (particularly the one in the blue shorts). Kelly has a great rant not only on model selection but on the general assumption that women should aspire to be skinny, not muscular.

It's annoying enough when underwear or high-fashion models look dangerously thin and/or airbrushed. But when you're in the sports clothing industry, wouldn't it be nice to pick a few women who look like they could lift a ten pound weight or even a can of Diet Coke without breaking an arm?


Women as Scantily Clad Cuts of Meat:

This skeezy ad for Equinox Fitness Clubs was spotted by Leslie, who has a great blog called The Weighting Game over at iVillage. (She has also written a book, making me jealous, about women and body image called "The Locker Room Diaries.")

The ad is awful enough as is, with a collection of vapid, plastic, women-as-pieces-of furniture. (Why in the world does anyone aspire to be furniture?) But what I would have missed, had she not pointed it out, was the fact that these women have been marked up like pieces of meat with a marking pen. It's creepy and confusing, too--does anyone have any idea why that's supposed to make you want to go to the gym?

And Finally, Combining The Most Loathsome Elements of All the Rest: the Anti-Gym!

Amy at Shaping Up My Life directed us to this rather amazing gym. Or sorry, anti-gym. No, wait, it's "Denver’s only health and vanity lifestyle boutique!" Think that's weird? Oh, hang on, it gets weirder.

Like the Pearl Izumi people, they need their second class citizens, the "chubbies," to make fun of. Naturally though, you can have your beer gut and still not be a "chubby" if you go to their gym and work out. The "chubbies" are always other people. So please don't be offended by their "No Chubbies" T-shirts.

Like the Equinox Ads, women seem to be pieces of meat, and like the Champion Ads, their fitness seems to be judged by odd standards. At least if you go by the pictures, which are basically porn with clothes on. Women are featured licking lollipops, clinging (in pairs) to men, and getting ready to make out with each other. Oh wait, they can also be cage dancers! And do martial arts--or something. (In one odd photo, a robotic looking woman seems to be trying to fend off a quasi-sexual attack by a man wielding a cupcake. )

WTF? Could someone explain this to me? If this is a macho gym aimed at guys who like porn, then what's with the "vanity lifestyle boutique" language? What actual macho guy would want to go to a vanity boutique? This is not to say there's anything wrong with a gym being sexy, or edgy, or "adult." But why is sexy always defined through 13-year old male eyes?

However, one persons "ick" can be another persons "wow, that's creative!" so I'm curious if others find these ads to be annoying too or if it's just me. And has anyone noticed any other health or fitness ads that grate?