Sleeping: Too much, too little, you're screwed

Where were all these studies when I was in high school?

A sure sign that I was born a generation too early: High school should start at 11 am, says scientist

According to a white-coated researcher, "...the body's internal circadian clock shifts tends to drift more in this age group than in others, with the signal to fall asleep occurring slightly later each day. Dr. Russell Foster, an Oxford professor of neuroscience ... demonstrated an improvement in the students' memory when they were tested at 2 PM as compared to at 9 AM."

I like the sound of this. I don't care if it's verified by additional research, it just sounds good. Now, if only they could extend these findings to include people who go to work, then life would be nice.

Yes, I know, I'm not holding my breath for that study. I always figured that at least if I ever retire I'd be able to sleep in. I mean, maybe we can't rely on social security or 401k stuff in old age, but there's always the prospect of being able to turn off the alarm and going back to bed.



Or is there???

A study in the European Journal of Neurology claims that Sleeping in can be an early sign of dementia.

"Experts at the University Hospital of Madrid in Spain studied 3,286 men and women aged 65 or over. Each one was questioned on their health and lifestyle, including how many hours sleep they had on average over a 24-hour period, including afternoon naps. The volunteers were then tracked for more than three years, during which time 140 went on to develop Alzheimer's disease or another form of dementia.
The results showed the biggest increase in risk was among those averaging more than eight or nine hours a day, either by lying in the mornings or napping in the afternoon. In a report on their findings the researchers said: "We found a significant association between long sleep duration and dementia."



The only way I can reconcile these two findings is the conclusion that one of the following two theories are true:

• It's okay to sleep in when you're a teenager, but once you're an "old person" you have to get up early, damn it.

--OR--

• Just make sure you stay up late at night reading blogs, regardless of whether you're old or a young'un. That way, even if you sleep in until 11 AM, you won't have gotten too much sleep. So you'll be okay.

What -- you got a better idea? Bring it on!

Ask Cranky Fitness: Soccer Moms & Annoying Teenagers

[By Merry]

Dear Cranky Fitness,

Now that I've finally gotten the little rug rats back in school, I thought I'd have time to exercise. (For some reason, chasing after them all summer didn't do anything for my aerobic conditioning.) But somehow in addition to working all day, I've gotten locked into the job of unpaid chauffeuse: to school, from school, soccer practice for Becky and football training for Ezekiel, everyone's going to different schools at different times, and there's no time for me to get some exercise. Would my kids disown me if I joined in their after-school programs? At this rate I'm going to need something larger than just a mini-van.

Signed,
Ever-Expanding Mom

Dear E-E M,

We hear your pain. Don't have to deal with rug rats ourselves, but it sure does sound problematic.

However, having gone through a few biology classes, it is possible to deduce that there might be another parent around who could help ferry the little ones to their after-school activities. Can you trade off? Failing that, are there other expanding moms who would be willing to create a carpool? Yes, of course you want to be there to watch the practice, but is it so very selfish to also want a little time for your own workout? I think not. If it takes a village to raise a child, why shouldn't it take a carpool to deal with soccer practice?


Dear Cranky Fitness,

Help! I'm at my wits' end. I know this question doesn't have much to do with fitness, but mental health is important too, and I'm about ready to lose it. My eldest boy is just hitting the teenage years, and he's a slob. His bedroom could be certified as a danger to public health by any sane health inspector. Nothing I do seems to make an impression, short of going in there and cleaning it myself. I'm not sure I can survive until he leaves for college. What can I do?

signed,
Mom in Chaos

Dear M.i.C.,

Invite girls over. - Merry
Oh right, like that's not going to cause other problems. - Crabby.
What? She isn't asking about other problems. Maybe having to chase girls away from the house will make her appreciate a son who has questionable home decorating skills. - Merry
Are you trying to get us sued? - Crabby

[ahem]
Dear M.i.C., our advice is that you try bribery bartering. For every square foot of floor that you can see in his room, he gets to spend one hour using his computer. Put a basketball hoop above the laundry basket and encourage him to dunk his laundry. Any science projects (strange fungi growing in coffee cups, etc.) must have written authorization by a biology teacher or he can't borrow the car on Saturday night.


Does anyone have any questions to which we might be able to give helpful insightful um... original answers? Or is there someone out there who's had to deal with problems like these and has good, helpful, or at least more plausible answers to give?

Random Friday: teenagers, sleep, and sex with stopwatches

[By Merry, by gosh]

Here's another candidate for the Didn't we just see a study about that? category:
Eating breakfast helps teens lose weight. Old news, you say? Well, yes, but it's apparently not sinking in. Surely, the best way to make sure you do not eat any breakfast is to eat a high-fat meal late at night.

That's why I'm irked with Taco Bell for promoting this Fourth Meal concept. You've probably never darkened the halls of this fast-food joint, but they're pushing the idea of adding another meal between dinner and breakfast. Trust me, bean sprouts are not on the menu. Granted, teenagers often make stupid food choices (unless they've changed radically in the last 20 years), but you want them to eat breakfast!

Oh all right, I'll stop. The world isn't perfect, and I'll have to accept that. I do wish there were a Complaints' department for all the things in the world that irk me. (Mind you, it would have to be a pretty big Complaints' department.)

On the other hand, this has been a great week for high-class posts on this blog.
Thanks to Charlotte, you're prepared to deal with any pregnant women (including yourself, if applicable) with appreciation for their size -- they have a reason to gain a few extra pounds. And frankly, it's nice not to be judged in any case. Unless you're in a beauty pageant, like this size 16 teenager. (I like the idea of everyone being in good shape, but I like the idea of people not being sneered at even more.)

Note: This doesn't apply to Fast Food corporations. Please be judgmental about them.

As luck would have it, a lot of this week's guest blogs would come in handy if you want to overcome the Fast Food Corporations and their evil machinations. (Hey, if you can't be profound, use big words.)

• You can bet that Ashley didn't make a habit of late-night runs to the nearest greasy spoon when she lost 60 pounds.
• And Jen gave some good tips on how to kick ass -- or at least improve the one you're sitting on. (And I'm especially glad that she put up with all the 'bottom' puns, even though they must have seemed 'end'less. Okay, okay. I'm finished. Honest.)
• If you take Lisa's advice about planning your shopping trips, then you won't need to go for a late-night fast food run in the first place.
• And if you take Monica's advice and make exercise part of your daily life, you'd be too pleasantly tired in the evening to want to drive around looking for fast food.

Another study that sounds strangely familiar: sleeping is the key to weight loss. Less than 7 or more than 9 hours a night, you're apt to put on the pounds. I love how specific they are. They even specify the different hours of sleep recommended for people of different ages.

If you happen to have a teenager in your vicinity, and they get cranky in the evening hours, perhaps they don't need more late-night meals. Another study claimed that surly teenagers need 9 hours and 12 minutes of sleep at night. (I especially love that "and 12 minutes" part. What happens if they only get 9 hours and 4 minutes sleep? Are they only going to be mildly cranky?)



Then again, those crazy scientists time everything. A new study out claims that the "optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes." (No, not counting foreplay.) What amused me about this study was that the scientists, who studied heterosexual couples, equipped all the women with stopwatches. Geez, no pressure there. And is nothing private any more? Next thing you know, they'll be timing how long people spend reading blogs at work!

Have a great weekend everyone! By next week, I hope to hear some news from our travelin' crab.