Cookbook Winners

Gosh, it was really hard to pick a winner with so many fine poems and haikus to choose from. And like in a horserace (albeit one involving very slow horses) there was even some last minute drama! Because I went ahead and picked a tentative winner yesterday afternoon, seeing as the post had gone dormant--and then two strong finishers came out of nowhere in the final seconds hours and made me change my mind!

Actually, it really was kind of a 4-way tie, but I had to chose just one winner, so Rebecca wins our poetry contest. (Which were the other three entries? Just assume, if you wrote a poem or haiku, that one of them was yours).

And the random drawing went to messymimi, who also submitted a great haiku featuring a clever pun I didn't even catch the first time through ("grill of his dreams"), so that worked out very well!

So Messymimi and Rebecca, please email crabby mcslacker @ gmail dot com with your names and mailing addresses to claim your copy of Eat, Shrink and Be Merry.

Thanks everyone, particularly all those who submitted poems and haikus--they were a blast to read!

What does it mean when your body Hertz?

[By Merry]

I had a moment of insight.
Yes, another one.

Oh crap! Another moment of insight post! Someone save me!

Okay, so maybe brilliant moments of insight are not always as profound as they seem.

Moments of insight are like dreams: they convey an emotional message that makes them seem tremendously important to the person who's experiencing the revelation, but they're not always translatable to another person. Ever listened to someone trying in vain to describe why a dream felt like such an amazing metaphor for their entire life?

What? Why are you looking at me like that? Am I the only one?

Would you sell yourself? If not, why sell yourself short?

No, this isn’t really a post about selling yourself. I still kinda regret I wrote Skanky Fitness -- a lot of people have clicked on it with Entirely the Wrong Idea. (It was a joke, people!)

This post is about the difference between renters and owners.


What is the difference between renters and owners?

I'm glad you asked.

One thing I learned from buying a house ("one" thing?) is that it makes a difference in how you feel about the place.


Well, with most homes, anyway


When I lived in a rental, I wasn't quite as careful. It didn't seem as important.

Not that I deliberately acted like a rock star in a hotel and trashed the place.

Gee, and I only invited a few people over...

I figured if something broke down, someone else would deal with it. Now, for some reason, I'm starting to develop hyper-Neatnik tendencies that I never exhibited before. I want to put things in their place, keep everything clean and looking good. This is probably in part because since I bought the house, everyone wants to come visit. But it got me thinking. (Rare occurrence, but it does happen occasionally.)


If you rent a place, you don’t invest as heavily in upkeep and maintenance. It’s like a rental car; it’s a vehicle to carry you around but you don’t care how it looks or how well it runs. If you own your own car, then it matters. Even if you aren’t worried about a few crumbs on the seats, you still make sure that you put gas in the tank instead of diesel or something that would make it hard for you to get around.


Is your body a rental?

One way to tell is if it Hertz . (Sorry. Couldn't help myself.)

I think a lot of people who are overweight or out of shape (or both) tend to look upon their body as a rental car rather than as their own personal property. We use the body to haul the brain around.

For example, I sit at a computer 10 to 12 hours a day . If the body sends up a message that it’s hungry, it’s easy for me to grab the nearest bag of potato chips and satisfy the complaints without taking any thought for how this will affect the long-term mileage.

It’s like giving your car the cheapest gas rather than premium, not bothering to change the oil (don’t ask me how that relates to body care, just trust me that it’s a vague analogy). Or like neglecting to maintain your house except for the amount of work required to be a couch potato.


see more fail pictures

Maybe I shouldn't have used two metaphors at the same time. Potato chips as a bad source of fuel is a good way to express eating right, but I think the owning vs. renting analogy is a better way to express this basic idea:
If you wouldn’t even consider selling your body, why are you renting it?

Don't think this analogy only holds good for couch potatoes. I mean, what about those crazed fanatics runners who keep running even though they know that they're going to pay for it afterwards in the form of injured knees, torn muscles, or sundry pain?

This hurts just to look at...

There are a lot of people who treat their body like they were renting it.


What, you don't want to talk about it? Fine. Then tell me your strangest dream. Go ahead. I dare you. I'll even explain what the dream means, free of charge. (Or at least, I'll provide an explanation that sounds good. Fair enough?)

Radioactive Granite--Who Can I Blame?

[By Crabby]

(Photo: NancyHugoCKD)

Have you seen the rather depressing article in the New York Times about how our kitchen countertops are going to kill us all one day?

OK, it didn't exactly said that. The article was specifically about granite countertops--most of which are apparently only a little bit radioactive.

Gosh, that's reassuring.

The article goes on to talk about scary things like radon emissions and lung cancer. And it notes that the EPA has been getting more and more calls from homeowners and radon inspectors lately, saying they're getting "radiation measurements several times above background levels" from their granite countertops.

“It’s not that all granite is dangerous,” said one expert, “but I’ve seen a few that might heat up your Cheerios a little.”

Of course there are conflicting quotes from various sources, some saying the risk is so minimal you should worry more about being struck by lightning; others saying any radiation exposure is a bad thing, and that some countertops are really freakin HOT. (And not in a good way).

According to the EPA's radon guide, radon is "a cancer-causing, radioactive gas," something you'd probably rather not have much of in your house. And it's not just granite countertops: "radon comes from the natural (radioactive) breakdown of uranium in soil, rock and water and gets into the air you breathe."

Yikes. I'm kind of attached to the air I breathe and would have difficulties giving it up.

The only way to know if you have a radon problem, either in your countertops or your house generally, is to test for it. Doesn't matter if you don't have granite surfaces and live in an area without a known problem, you could just be unlucky and have this creepy stuff silently poisoning you even as you're scurrying around making sure you're using green cleaning products and fragrance free toiletries and eating only organic food.

Great. Another new scary might-give-you-cancer thing to worry about. My list is ridiculously long already, guess I might as well throw radon on there too.

Fortunately, if you're concerned, you can test for radon yourself. Apparently there are inexpensive test kits out there, though none of the helpful radon sites I went to seemed to link to where you could order one. I'm thinking testing might make more sense than worrying, so I may need to spend a few minutes on Google to find a good test kit--unless any of you radon-savvy folks have recommendations.

But anyway, I was not thrilled to read about the killer granite countertops. When we moved to the East Coast this spring we did some renovations on our new place. And one of the first things we did... can you guess? Yep, we replaced the aging synthetic something-or-other countertops with brand-spankin'-new granite countertops.

Who's to Blame for the Shocking Health Hazard in our Home?

Blaming "mother nature" for a "natural radioactive breakdown" is a bit unsatisfying. Perhaps we could fault the governmental regulatory agencies for not warning us, or the granite countertop makers for not testing the stuff to make sure it was safe before sending it to our houses?

But that's the same old rant again, right? Let's look for another culprit, one that may be lurking in your house too...

Hmm, why did we pick granite countertops in the first place? Why not go with, say, ceramic tile: a humble but durable material we were perfectly happy with back in our old California place?

Here's why: we watch HGTV.

And the reason we may now have a radioactive kitchen is because the Home and Garden Network bullied us into putting in granite countertops!

It's true. They made us do it!

Have you ever watched HGTV? Whether it's a show about searching for a home, buying a home, selling a home, or renovating a home, one is left with a consistent message: Should you ever want to sell someday, no one will ever, ever buy your place if your kitchen does not have granite countertops and stainless steel appliances.

Who made up this stupid rule? What if you don't even like stainless steel or granite? Well, tough luck. Doesn't matter. Buyers "expect" it, so you better have it.

We know, of course, that this is the height of idiocy.

In fact, we scoff at these shows--the way they insinuate that we should toss out perfectly good appliances because they are the wrong color. We laugh at spoiled young couples who wouldn't think of living in a house unless it had ginormous walk-in closets and bathrooms the size of bus stations.

But... we also couldn't help paying attention. Having just sold, bought, and remodelled ourselves, we were fascinated by the whole subject. House shows are like porn for the middle-aged, and you don't even have to draw the shades to watch it.

Some of the shows are like little morality plays. Hard work pays off! Greed gets you in trouble! Look before you leap! Use your head before spending money!

We really didn't want to be that family who replaced their dining room with an indoor hot tub--and then couldn't figure out why their house wouldn't sell.

So when we realized the aging countertops in our new place needed to go, how could we ignore the constant HGTV imperative to buy granite? To ignore that would to become those poor hot tub people.

But I do wish at least one of the hundred times they mentioned a glorious granite countertop, they could have maybe slipped in, "on the down side, it might give you lung cancer?"

Maybe it's about time to just turn off the tv.


Anyone else have thoughts on the increasingly carcinogenic world around us, the lure of home and garden shows, kitchens, remodeling, or anything else?

Whither Random Friday?

[By Crabby]
Long-time readers may have noticed that I've kinda stopped doing "Random Fridays."

If you're new: "Random Friday" was a Friday post with a bunch of short news items, cartoons, and other truly random links. Often these would have nothing to do with health or fitness, unless one can define "cute cat videos" as health and fitness.

Now we seem to be doing giveaways instead. Because, well, people like free stuff, right? But to be honest, part of the reason I'm doing giveaways instead of Random Friday was that Random Friday was becoming a Random Pain in the Ass.

It started off as just nifty place to put links I had handy and wanted to mention, even if they didn't happen to fit in with a "regular" post. But then it became a Thing, and so I turned it into this big production (in my own mind). I felt like I had to find links for it every week, and some of them had to be very silly, and some had to be scientific, and some should mention great blog posts from Cranky-Friendly blogs, and the whole thing needed the right picture and maybe a theme if possible, and there couldn't be too many of this and there had to be enough of that...

Have I mentioned I'm neurotic?

Also, I was starting to use it as an excuse to surf the web for hours and hours, just, um, "looking for 'Random Friday' links!"

Note: Inventing reasons to sit on your ass for hour after hour surfing the web for random amusing stuff is not necessarily compatible with health and fitness.

So I stopped.

But now I seem to have no place to put the random links that I find without even looking for them, the links I want to tell you all about. I'm back to where I started!

So it's possible that a new, low-key version of Random Friday may pop up now and then. But it's going to behave itself this time and not get all greedy and out of control. It may just contain a link or two I want to mention and no smart ass commentary or cartoons or anything.

Links like this blog post by Tokaiangel that just blew me away with its eloquence and humor and honesty. Check out "I Know What the Boys Like;" it's fascinating.

Or links like this crazy-ass but intriguing mass transport idea that Mary Anne from Kentucky alerted me too. It's a human-powered monorail, and it's adorable. It has these little capsules you climb in and pedal. They can go pretty fast, and they swing out when you go around curves. It sounds like a blast.

Photo credit: Gizmag

But the best thing? It's called "The Shweeb."

How can you not love something called a Shweeb!!!

But skimming the article, I had one question: if everyone starts using it to commute someday, and the pods are rigged up on little tracks, how the hell do you pass people? I found myself already getting pissed off at the imaginary Shweeber ahead of me too busy texting his girlfriend to remember to pedal. C'mon already! Move it!

But I read more closely, and here's the deal: "When a fit rider comes up behind a slower rider, the impact is cushioned and they act as a single unit. The rider at the rear...is able to put all their power into pushing the lead vehicle. Two Shweebs acting together will always travel faster than either rider separately."

Just add a drink holder for my morning coffee, and I'm there. I want me some Shweeb!

And if you're an urban or suburban person who wonders how those rural types can stay in shape without fancy gyms and personal trainers and elaborate equipment and such? Check out the Bag Lady's amusing fitness Product Review round-up.


(OK, so the real truth behind why I had to kill off Random Friday? The Cupcakes didn't approve. And everyone knows that it's dangerous to piss off a cupcake...)

Cartoon by Natalie Dee

Giveaway & Poetry (?!) Contest

[By Crabby]

This week, we got cookbooks to give away! Two copies of Eat, Shrink, and be Merry to be precise, written by sisters Janet and Greta Podleski.



(Note: I think they mean "Merry" in terms of "happy." But who knows, perhaps if you make enough of their recipes, you will magically turn into our beloved and recently made-over Cranky Fitness co-blogger, Merry Sunshine?)

(Blue hair sold separately)

We can only hope, because with more Merry's around, I can be even lazier. Let the new Merry clones write all the Cranky Fitness posts, I'll go to the beach!

Anyway, while you may not actually turn into our "Merry," the book looks promising: it offers strategies for healthy living, nutritional advice, and a whole bunch of corny jokes and puns. Can it really deliver "all of the taste but not on your waist?" Well, I don't know for sure but it looks mighty tempting to find out. It has recipes for things like 3-cheese lasagna and thai chicken pizza and double chocolate cheesecake and boy, am I hungry all of a sudden.

"Shockolate Cheesecake"

However, there is some bad news about the contest: Yet again, one must reside in the U.S to win, or be willing to have your cookbook sent to some U.S. friend of yours. Sorry!

But now, on to the good news: You can win just by commenting (random drawing), or you can increase your chances by competing for a second copy in addition to the random copy. This second copy will be awarded to the best poem or haiku written about cooking, or attempting to cook.

I, Crabby McSlacker, will be the sole and arbitrary (and most likely clueless) judge of what constitutes the "best" poem, so be forewarned.

Are you brave/creative/bored enough to give the poem a shot? Your chances of winning will be pretty darn good, 'cause how many people are going to be sitting around this weekend writing poems about cooking? Think about it! But it's also great if you leave any kind of comment about cooking or anything else for that matter, and you'll be entered in the random drawing.

Contest deadline: Tuesday night the 29th, midnight EST. Winner announced Wednesday morning, and get back to us with your contact info by Thursday night the 31st, midnight EST or we'll pick new winners.

Note: and if you're on the prowl for other giveaways, Healthbolt has been doing a Sunday roundup lately; Mizfit often has them (along with excellent fitness advice), and there's a whole site you can visit devoted to online sweepstakes.

Let's see:

There once was a man from Nantucket
Too lazy to cook; he said ".....!"
He risked heart attack
With his fries and Big Mac
And fried chicken (it came in a bucket)

See how bad these can be? You can do WAY better than that!