The 2nd Annual Cranky Fitness Exercise Review

It's time for the second annual Cranky Fitness exercise review. Once more we have assembled experts on various forms of exercise to give us their best suggestions, and once more they have disappointed us by turning in serious, researched, and well thought-out reviews. Since that sort of thing would make the rest of our posts look bad by comparison, I decided the only thing to do was conduct the review myself.


Boot camp

Pro: Some of them boots are pretty stylish looking.
Con: There are no happy boot-campers. Not until the muscle soreness fades.
Tip: Don't show up in drag.

It's not that kind of 'camp.'

Burpees

Pro: This can really work the diaphragm muscles.
Con: You can't have a burpee without a burper, right? So methinks this form of exercise is not suitable for all social occasions.
Tip: Drinking a lot of carbonated drinks beforehand can help with this workout.


Crossfit

Pro: This fitness program will make you feel like a martyr to exercise. No wait, sorry, I was confusing this with Crucifix-fit. Crossfit is a fitness program designed to make you feel cranky. And fit.
Con: You might feel like a martyr anyway.
Tip: Sounds like it would be a good idea to get fit, at least a bit, before trying crossfit.


Doga

Pro: You don't have to worry about Fido canoodling with the couch while you're at the gym.
Con: This is a form of yoga where your partner might lick your face. (I understand this is not common in other forms of yoga.)
Tip: Do not wear the burger-scented cologne to the gym.

Mmmmm... smells good...

Parcour

Pro: Can be done on your lunch hour.
Con: Unless you're a cattle farmer or someone else who doesn't live in a city.
Tip: Do not try vaulting over a police car, especially if you're running away from a bank.

Parcour dress code FAIL.
(Note the bolt cutter between his legs, and no that's not a euphemism.)

Pole dancing

Pro: Really works the arms and core muscles.
Con: Wearing a helmet while learning to dance might make you look silly.
Tip: Make sure your outfit has pockets in case people want to stuff money into your clothing.

I still think that's rather sweet...

Editor's Note: If anybody has any other, better exercise reviews, please let me know.

Parkour and FreeRunning: Yikes!

[Written by Crabby]

Photo by: Sergio Silva

So I followed an innocent link from the mild-mannered Washington Post "Lean Plate Club," (not sure how to link; it's a newsletter you have to sign up for). It just said "Using the outdoors is a great way to keep your workout fresh!"

Well, sure, I can go along with that. So I clicked a few links, and... holy crap! There was a whole weird wild-assed new form of exercise that was lying hidden there behind the understated prose that I'd never heard about.

I don't watch much tv or see many music videos, so perhaps you all are years ahead of me on this.

Parkour and FreeRunning are sort of like skateboarding without a skateboard. From what I understand, parkour places more importance on speed; freerunning is more about the acrobatics. But basically, people run around, usually in urban environments, and gratuitously jump over and off of things. They climb up things that don't look climbable and do flips and fly around in ways that defy gravity. A lot of them seem willing to risk life and limb and incarceration and looking like asses (when they fall) and I didn't see a lot in the way of helmets or pads.

As a sidenote: I went to a rollerskating rink last summer (long story; it was the Lobster's fault). I fell once, banged my head, and said: never again. Never ever ever. And sure, I fell all the time as a kid--but it f*cking hurts a lot more to fall when you're over 40! Alas, parkour is not for me.

But there is something appealing about the idea, as nutty as it sounds. It looks, well, fun. (Especially if you were 17 years old and made of rubber). And sorry, dial-up folks, but there's not other way to really to describe it without resorting to video.

For a more sensible, instructional, less psychotic video, try this Washington post introduction to parcour. I don't think registration is required, but I could be wrong about that.

But for a better idea of why this is whole phenomenon is starting to get some press, check out this video. If you are over the age of 25 or watching at your place of employment, you may want to turn down the sound before it gets past the opening credits--as least on my computer, the music was way too loud.



And here's a website with a little more instructional info about parkour if you're feeling inspired to give it a try.

And please, if you do, keep us posted! Any takers?