Commonly Overlooked Common Sense

First of all, let me just say how thrilled I am to be a part of Cranky Fitness Nation and working with Crabby and Jo. For the past couple of years, Crabby and Merry have been keeping us informed about health and fitness in the most entertaining of ways. A little whine with our morning coffee. Merry, you will be missed and are a very tough act to follow.

I'm Gigi, from ChunkyMonkeyMama, which is a weight loss blog I started a year ago. They say you should always write about what you know best and for me that included being overweight and a smart aleck - two things I almost never put on my resume or job application. The facts were that I was over 7 dog years old and had 50 pounds to lose. My weight had been up and down during my younger days but never more than 20 pounds from my ideal weight. Things started rolling downhill after I got married because as the saying goes, "once you've caught the bus you can stop running." And now it's getting even more complicated by the immutable laws of nature as my weight/age and metabolism are moving in opposite directions.

I've read every book or magazine article ever printed on weight loss, always searching for that ONE MAGIC THING I could simply incorporate into my life that would make a significant difference. But the pounds continued adding up because apparently (news flash approaching) reading about weight loss and actually doing something about it are two very different things. And so every year there were one or two new weight-related issues that were impacting my health - not to mention the even longer term negative effects of obesity such as diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease. To put it in a nutshell: I didn't want to wake up dead some morning because I wasn't taking care of myself.

It has been slow progress for me but I have lost about 12% of my body weight since my all-time highest weight and still have more to go. The other good news is that I've kept it off too. So what has made the difference for me?

First of all, I'm not a doctor nor do I have any training in the medical profession whatsoever. Even the profession I once belonged to is pretending they don't know me anymore (including the Witness Protection people - but that's their job, of course). Anything I say here is my own personal opinion, experience and quackery. You should always check with your doctor before starting a weight-loss program of diet and exercise. My doctor pretty much sent me an engraved invitation.

After failing spectacularly at any assortment of mainstream diet programs I finally figured out that I needed to tailor my own program to suit me - something I could sustain over a lifetime and not some quick fix that was going to return all the lost poundage - and then some - when I "finished". So this is what I did, and am still doing, for however long it takes.

Cutting down on portions. I still eat most foods - even some junk on occasion so I don't feel completely deprived - I just eat smaller amounts of it. The "5 Second Rule" of dropped food is no longer in effect and so the dog finally gets anything that falls to the floor.

Exercising every day. I don't give myself a day off per se because as we all know, life will throw just about any obstacle in our way at any given time - so use your exercise time wisely as you may have "days off" forced upon you. Exercise is loosely defined as something that gets me sweaty for 30-40 minutes a day - excluding any and all Hugh Jackman paraphernalia.

Drinking plenty of water. Enough to stay hydrated and feel full but not so much that I'm crying fresh water tears.

Getting enough sleep. For me that means about 6-7 hours and this time including any and all Hugh Jackman paraphernalia to ensure sweet (and sweaty) dreams.

Forgiving myself any bad food choices and not using it as permission for declaring the day a total loss and eating my way into a sugar coma.

Getting or staying connected to a support group. For me this was blogging and it has made a significant difference in my attitude, motivation and accountability.

Doing it all again the next day.

It's all pretty common sense stuff which I should've had the good sense to realize years ago. And as much as I hate to admit it, as I've spent a lifetime looking for short-cuts and the easy way out, it really is about expending more calories than you take in. Hard work and perseverance - who would've thought? Do you have any common sense suggestions that have helped you along your fitness journey?

Random Wednesday: Blog Announcements, Inspirational Stories, and Endangered Penises

Photo: darkmatter

It's not yet time for our road trip back to the west coast (nor the Big-Ass Road Trip Giveaway that goes with it) but I'm headed out of town for a few days with the Lobster. The Lobster has a businessy thing to attend off-Cape, and we thought we'd take advantage of the travel opportunity and do a little hiking and camping and see some New England fall colors.

So this is one of those disorganized posts with a bit of this and a bit of that. Thank goodness Cranky Fitness has other more reliable co-bloggers besides Crabby McSlacker!

Wait, cobloggers? Plural?

Yes indeed. Plural!

Which leads me to one of today's blog announcements. So just who is the mysterious second co-blogger and when does she arrive?

New Co-blogger News!

Remember that very amusing review of the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred DVD that I linked to a while back? Well, the author of that post, Gigi of Chunky Monkey Mama, will be joining the Cranky Team as a contributor, along with Jo from Head Nurse (whom you've already met).

Gigi starts this week, in fact, if all goes as planned. But we have a temperamental template, and I'll be out of town, so if somehow nothing pops up from Gigi? Blame the Crab and I swear I'll fix it when I get back.

If the Shoe Fits... It's Probably Being Worn by a Dude or a Lesbian:

Okay, the study did not say anything about sexual orientation, but from personal experience... I've noticed that many of you straight gals (not all, certainly) have this weird thing about footwear. As in, the more painful and impossible to walk in a pair of shoes appears to be, the more likely many of you are to want to stuff your feet in those babies and pay dearly for the privilege.

Well, according to a study reported by the New York Times:

"Researchers found that women who had mainly worn supportive footwear like sneakers or athletic shoes in their early years cut their risk of foot pain later by more than half, compared with women who had worn shoes that gave average support, like hard-soled or rubber-soled ones.

"But both of those groups were in a minority. More than 60 percent said that in the past they generally wore high heels, pumps, sandals and slippers, all of which researchers rated as higher risk. Women who wore those were at the most risk of hindfoot, ankle and Achilles’ tendon pain."

Don't say I didn't warn ya!

So What Was That About Endangered Penises?

I know it's quite adolescent of me to find this amusing, but the headline said "Rescue Team Uses Saw to Free Trapped Penis!" and I couldn't help but click on the report.

It seems that in an attempt to increase the size of his penis, a man put it "through the hole of a steel, ring-shaped dumbbell weight fastener." After two or three days, his penis had swollen a lot (more gross details here) and a fire department Urban Search and Rescue team had to come in and saw it off. (The weight fastener, not the penis).

The Department Battalion Chief carefully explained the procedure: "They slid a little piece of metal between the collar and his thing, so if it slipped past it wouldn’t hit his thing.”

Crabby No Longer Juiced Every Week:

So my contract is up at The Juice and this is my last week posting there. Thanks, all, for patiently putting up with all those sponsored plugs I was throwing at you this summer!

However, if you were ever going to wander over and actually watch one of the videos, this week's interview with Terri Tate would be a good one to check out.

If you are shallow like me, you might notice that while Terri is very articulate, she has a slight speech impediment. Then, a short while later, you hear her story and you find out why this is, and then feel like a total asshole for noticing.

Yep, she had oral cancer; went through drastic surgeries; lost half her tongue and lower jaw and a bunch of other body parts. She was given only a 2% chance to live. And yet she fought back and survived and put her life back together again. She's a nurse, stand-up comedian, speaker, and an award-winning performer of her own one woman show, which is on available on dvd if you're curious.

Watching these sort of interviews, or hearing similar stories of people who face unimaginably scary, painful, horrible and life-altering situations with optimism and good humor, I always think: Holy crap. How the hell do people do that? If you've been through something tough yourself, maybe you can tell me, because I just don't know how I'd ever cope.

But it does make me want to take a moment to remember that if something awful happens, suddenly the best-case prognosis might be to get only part of the workings of my old life back. And to somehow learn to be happy with that. I might have to fight like hell just to be able to speak or walk or read or eat, and I could be living with pain the entire time. The "happy ending" that so many brave survivors hope and pray and fight for? That's the very life I have now!

What great good fortune I have to be healthy! It would be such a waste to take that for granted, even for a moment. (Not that I promise to stop whining... but it's good every now and then to try to get some perspective.)

Stay tuned for Gigi and Jo, and have a great week!

Inspiration.

Those of us who crawl, grumbling, out of bed early in the morning or come home, grumbling, late in the afternoon to do a workout talk a lot about motivation and inspiration. They're happy words, motivation and inspiration, which means I don't use them much. Because I'm sort of grumpy.

I do, however, have an inspiration. It's a real person, and it's a person I've known since before I was born.

Who is this person, you ask? Well, I'll tell you:

It's my Beloved Sister.

Beloved Sister was the first woman I ever knew who lifted weights. Because she's seven (or eight, depending on the calendar) years older than I am, I was still pretty young when she started working out hard. Because of that, I grew up with an alternate idea of what a female human could look like, could accomplish, could *do*. She wasn't skin-and-bones, she wasn't particularly concerned with being a size 2; instead, she wanted to be strong and fit and healthy. That was *huge* for me growing up--to see that strong was good, and that healthy could come in all sizes, not just eenteeninesy.

She's also an inspiration because, frankly, we share the exact same DNA on the Clumsy Chromosome. (You don't know that chromosome? It's the one with the amino acids that go like this: G A C T G OW OW OW OW T C C G.) For all the times I've bonked myself in the head with a weight, fallen off a step, sprained an ankle on the recumbent bike, Beloved Sister has done me one better. Yet she keeps going, amazingly, and now is able to calf-press a grizzly bear. Whether or not she would grab the grizzly bear in the right spot to avoid injury while calf-pressing him is a different matter, though.

She also inspires me by being very, very smart and very, very patient. Patience is a virtue that I was ahint the door when they handed out; she reminds me every few days that things sometimes take *time* (like getting strong or losing ten pounds). She's the master of redirection when things require redirection, and master of the crushing comment when that's warranted. Mostly, I just stand around with my mouth open when people do something unbelieveable: Beloved Sis either shuts them down or hands them a glass of wine.

So Happy Birthday, Beloved Sister. May your calves stay muscular and your wind never grow short. Have a glass of wine.

Career Advice

Photo:quinn.anya

So I was over at Huffington Post the other day saw one of those headlines promising to share the secrets of a living a happy and successful life. The article was written by Marcus Buckingham, a guy with a new book out called: "Find Your Strongest Life."

I have no idea if the book is any good or not. Has anyone read it?

Anyway, from the HuffPo article, I gathered that one of the principle ideas behind this book is: screw "balance." Instead, go for more of what you really like in life and are good at.

And I'm all over that--just as soon as I find that job opening for "massage quality control inspector" or "cupcake taste-tester."

But the fun thing about this "Strongest Life" article? It comes with a quiz.

By answering 23 questions, you can figure out which of 9 roles in life suits you best: Advisor, Caretaker, Creator, Equalizer, Influencer, Motivator, Pioneer, Teacher, or Weaver. (Alas, there is no category for "Slacker.")

Once you know your Lead Role, this knowledge is supposed to help you find "moments that will strengthen you the most, invigorate you the most, bring you joy, excitement, and fun."

Cool! I like joy, excitement and fun.

And don't worry, this quiz will not tell you at the end: "Your Lead Role is... Ill-Tempered Dirtbag. You are: dumb as mud and mean as donkey spit. Your best quality: You won't live forever. Your Smartest Career Move: Night Watchman in a Graveyard, or other job that keeps you as far away from other sentient beings as possible.

Nah, this isn't one of those brutally honest quizzes. This is the nice happy kind where all the options and results are flattering.

So I took the quiz, and unlike most online quizzes, this one had me totally nailed! Check this out:

Your Lead Role: Advisor

"Your thrill comes from knowing that you are the person others turn to for the answer. You don’t necessarily want to be the person who actually makes the changes happen. (God, no!) Rather, what excites you is being valued by others for your insight and your judgment."

Your best quality: Your ability to analyze and talk things to death until someone else finally gets off their ass and DOES something find a solution.

Be careful you: Don’t get frustrated by other people’s failings. (Oh, don't worry, that never ever happens! (snort)).

And, saving the most awesome for last:

Your smartest career move: Any job where you’re paid to be opinionated.

Yep, it really said that.


Have you managed to design your life around what you like best, or are you still working on it? Ever take online quizzes?

Cancer: Beat It!

So my good pal POD over at the blog Thufferin' Thuccotash reminded me that October 2nd is Livestrong Day, as well as POD's own two year anniversary of receiving a cancer diagnosis.

Happy "Guess What, It's Cancer!" Anniversary, POD!
(Photo: Valerie Reneé)

POD is celebrating this milestone by doing a Livestrong Event over at her blog, and she's asked other bloggers to join her today in blogging about cancer. As she explained:

"It is a way for bloggers to share their stories, poignant, devastating, thrilling, celebratory and triumphant. If you haven't been bulldozed by a cancer diagnosis, you can still participate. Write about a friend or post a prayer."

Well, I'm not not good at poignant or thrilling, and I'm lucky enough not to have been bulldozed by a cancer diagnosis myself. And I'm crap at prayers.

But still--who doesn't think cancer sucks?

So even though my list is lightweight compared to the heroic tales of cancer survivors, and the tragic losses experienced by many of you, I'll add my 2 cents. We need to raise awareness and wipe cancer out so no one ever has to deal with it anymore.

Five Reasons Why I Hate Cancer:

5. It's scary and unpredictable and sometimes fatal, and so even if we don't have it ourselves it's hard not to worry about getting it. Ever since watching "Brian's Song" and "Love Story" in my youth, a cancer diagnosis has always been my biggest health fear. I've long dreaded the day when some frowning doctor is going to look down at my lab results and say "I'm afraid I have some bad news."

And television shows and movies love cancer, it's a reliable plot device. This only magnifies the sense that cancer is lurking everywhere, waiting for that brief lull in the action when everyone is finally happy. Then, just when you think everything's ok: uh oh! You can pretty much guarantee that if a character has a funny bump or a cough that lasts more than 2 days, pretty soon they're going to be seeing that frowning doctor. And within a month or so, that character's going to show up wearing a headscarf and a brave smile.

4. Because I fear cancer, I tend to spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to avoid anything that might encourage it. Am I slathering on the wrong sunscreen? Drinking water out of the wrong containers? Is my cell phone poisoning me? Should I worry I'm getting mammograms too often or not often enough? What sort of preservatives are in that lunch-meat?

In a world without cancer, I think I'd spend more time reading novels and a hell of a lot less time scouring labels for scary ingredients.

3. It's so unfair: too many people do everything right and still get cancer. Many of my blogging friends have dealt with it, like POD and Reb and Missicat and I'm probably forgetting a bunch of others. And I've lost friends in their 30's and 40's who should still be alive today.

2. From what I understand, even if one is lucky and survives and becomes cancer-free, the whole process can be excruciating. The fear, the pain, the exhaustion, the drugs, the nasty side effects, the unpleasant procedures, the expense, the toll on family members and caregivers... I have no idea how those of you with cancer continue to stay so brave and positive and constructive.

I'd be all "why me!" and "this sucks!" and "it's not fair!" and "don't expect me to do anything difficult--don't you know I have cancer?!"

1. I never got to know my grandfather. He was a doctor in the military, and was just getting ready to go work on the hospital ship the SS Hope, in order to help save lives around the world. Instead he was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and it took him quickly. I was only two when he died and I wish I could remember him, but I can't. From everything I've heard, I missed out on what could have been a great and inspirational relationship.

So thanks, cancer. Thanks a lot.

This is not to say there aren't lots of other horrible diseases too, and I think they all should have their own official "we hate you, get lost" day. And why does our country seem to have endless resources to study the cheapest way to make potato chips, and still not enough to discover cures for terrible random diseases?

Grrr.

But there's also reason for optimism...



Every day we read about promising new cancer treatments being developed. There may not be a single "cure" yet, but there are a lot more weapons than there used to be. Hard working researchers toil away in their labs, looking for better ways to detect and treat cancer, and it all adds up.

Breast cancer death rates have been dropping about 2% a year, for example, and have fallen nearly 30% from a high in 1989.

Unfortunately, all that research takes money, and a sense of urgency, and enough political pressure to make sure the folks in Washington understand that curing cancer and other horrible diseases should be an important national priority.

So anyway, scoot on over to Thufferin' Thuccotash, and consider donating to a cancer-fighting or other disease-related charity if you've got some bucks to spare.

Oh and I'm doing a short post over at the Juice today on the same subject, since it's "give more, get more" week. (Which does not mean that if you donate more to fight cancer, you will get more cancer. I swear).

Got some good reasons to hate cancer, or some inspirational stories to share?