What Sucked This Year: Health & Fitness Edition

So we're heading into the holidays, and soon it will be a new year. It's supposed to be the time even grumps and Grinches manage to turn those frowns upside down, right?

'Tis the season for reflection and heart-felt appreciation. Doesn't it just make you wanna dive into a big gooey vat of love, gratitude, and joy and splash around in it for a while?

Wait, some of you aren't feeling it yet? What's wrong with you?!

Well I say nothing's wrong that a little pre-holiday griping won't cure.

Because at least for some of us, it's important to get our accumulated year-end complaints properly whined about before there can be any talk about looking on the bright side, or transforming ourselves with a sparkling new collection of Uplifting and Virtuous New Year's resolutions.

So yeah, this will be the first in a brief series of too lazy to do any actual research "Get Ready for the New Year" posts, and I promise we'll get to the joy and gratitude and redemption stuff soon enough.  But meanwhile, let's turn those frowns Right Side Up and rest our smiley muscles, shall we?  (How else will we have the strength to muster up enough forced smiles to negotiate awkward holiday office parties and extended family gatherings?)  Instead, let's take a few moments to piss all over that "Happy Holiday Spirit."

And hey, I'll go first! Here's a quick list of my health and fitness annoyances, both personal and societal.  But I'm hoping some of you have some fresh new grievances so I can join you and add some cross-training to my grumbling routine.

1. Contradictory research studies: This is a perennial complaint here at Cranky Fitness. As it happens, I am one of those neurotic freaks who will actually alter their behavior based on what "current research" says is healthiest.

But what if "current research" is sometimes a psychotic duplicitous asshole with a bad memory?

Should I take calcium supplements or multivitamins or will they shorten my life? Should I eat more dairy, or avoid it altogether? Is it better to have an "optimistic" or a "realistic" cognitive style? Is hormone therapy for women in their 50's dangerous or beneficial? Should I eat more resistant starches, or avoid eating any starches? Should I do more cardio to burn fat, or skip it entirely and just do High Intensity Intervals? Should I stand up to work at my computer, or is that bad for me too? Should I be trying to get more saturated fats from grass-fed animals, or should I avoid animal fat completely and become a vegan? Which is more important, getting enough sleep or working out?  Should I eat more or less fruit? Beans? Whole grains?

The good news: experts armed with "current research" have answered all these important questions! The bad news? They all have different answers.

2. Hormonal Havoc: Having a hysterectomy last fall meant the onset of menopause, and boy howdy, is that loads o' fun! While the hot flashes get all the publicity, changing hormone levels can mess with you in all kinds of fascinating ways, from sudden post-menopausal weight gain to ass-kicking insomnia. (And those are just the "G" rated highlights.)

3. Health Clubs and Exercise Equipment Designed by Aliens: Do you ever get the feeling that some products and workout spaces are designed by people who either (a) have never exercised in their lives or (b) are trying to squeeze every last nickel out of their costs and don't give a crap about quality control?

Examples are numerous even in expensive gyms and high-end products. When you go cheaper it gets even worse. Some personal low-lights: a Bowflex scale that we bought and returned twice (so much for optimism!) from Costco. It promised an impressive range of measurements, from bone density and muscle mass to BMI and daily calorie allotment. Too bad no one at Bowflex ever stepped on one and noticed that the ornery gizmo will randomly add 5 pounds just for fun, or refuse to let more than one user set their data.

Other gripes: gyms that keep cardio areas hot and stretching areas cool; exercise equipment designed and sized for men even if used mainly by women; broken squeaky cardio machines; and not enough equipment or classes given membership numbers. Sadly, there seems to be a nationwide shortage of fitness instructors willing to work for free!  And God forbid gyms might actually consider paying enough of them to keep class sizes reasonable.

4. Wear and Tear and other Bodily Breakdowns: Injuries and illnesses suck, whether they are acute and excruciating or chronic and disabling. There is nothing more frustrating that having to scale back or give up activities that are otherwise good for you and that you may have spent years trying to learn to like.  I have whined about my specifics enough and will spare you, but I'd love to hear about yours.

5. The "Skinny" Imperative: Yes, obesity is a health risk, but the relentless message that Women Should Be Thin and Look Hot Because Nothing Else About Them Matters makes me crazy. It's bad enough that every entertainment form, from video games to Hollywood movies sends this message. But the hypocrisy of "health" magazines that do nothing but make false promises and promote eating disorders gets me the most riled up.

6. That Inflexible "24 Hours" in a Day Thing:  Seriously, we need way more than 24.  Even if you're not a parent, not working multiple jobs, not commuting for huge distances, and not otherwise dealing with Huge Responsibilities, it seems like there's no possible way to get to everything you're supposed to do.  I don't know how some of you who juggle so much in life manage to get to anything healthy done at all.

And doesn't it seem like every year there are even more things we're supposed to stay on top of? Cooking from scratch, cardio, maintaining friendships, cleaning with green (yet not very effective) products, finding healthy substitutes for everything we used to love to eat but now know will kill us, strength training, being grateful, HIIT, meditation, balance work, getting enough sleep, functional fitness, nurturing our marriages and family relationships, stretching, working on our crappy posture, "mental" gymnastics to keep us sharp, volunteering, kegels, drinking a ton of water everyday, and, oh yeah, stopping to smell the f@#cking roses.

7. Having My Own Health Compromised By Other People's Stupid Choices. Despite being obsessive-compulsive and insanely opinionated having some ideas about what might be healthy, I try  to take a "whatever" attitude to other people's decisions whenever possible. But sometimes other people's choices seem not only kinda selfish, lazy, self-indulgent, stupid, manipulative or reckless, but
worse, they affect me too!

So "whatever" kinda goes out the window when it comes to: second hand smoke; dangerous drivers; the vast majority of "normal" consumers who eat exclusively junk and thereby ensure that there is little room in stores or restaurants for healthy offerings; city planners who disdain bike paths, parks, sidewalks, and pedestrian crossings; the politically expedient squelching of local and organic farms in favor of huge corn-fed agribusiness; the proliferation of pesticides and other contaminants; our national obsession with firearms... I could go on for another 10 paragraphs or so but I'll spare you.


Are these my only gripes?  Of course not!  But see #6, the arbitrary "Only 24 Hours in a Day" problem.   How 'bout you guys, got any complaints? Or are already neck-deep in gratitude, celebration, and self-improvement?

Winner of Deepak Chopra "Leela" Game

And the winner is... Therese!!

Congrats Therese, please email your name, shipping address, and which version you'd like to crabby mcslacker @ gmail dot com by end of day Wednesday the 21st to claim your prize.

Holiday Healthy Gift Guide (And Giveaway)

Image: Plan 59

Got gifts let to buy? Or perhaps you'd like to pass on ideas to well-meaning loved ones who will otherwise bestow you with an assortment of nightgowns, scarves, scented soap, and Festively Wrapped Gift Baskets Full of Tasteful But Toxic Junk Food.

Well, no worries, we've got a bunch of ideas! Most of them are unsolicited, though a few came from a desire to try out Stuff For Free. We'll make sure to disclose any freebies so that you can adjust your skept-o-meter accordingly.

Wait, hold on... what's this "we" business?

Yep, it's true, I got some help on this one. The Lobster offered to take on some Product Testing and Review Duty for a few gift items that caught her eye. She's even responsible for bringing us this week's giveaway: Leela, a meditation video game from Deepak Chopra. And, thank goodness, this one is open to those in the US, Canada and Australia.

So for those of you with gifts left to buy, or who want to win a cool meditation game, or those of you who just want to check in and gloat give helpful advice because you're done shopping already, it's time for the Cranky Fitness 2011 Holiday Fitness Gift Guide!

Cartoon: Natalie Dee

Healthy Food Gift Ideas

The holidays make a great opportunity to foster healthy habits by splurging a bit, either for a loved one or yourself.  So consider...

Treats! Keep an eye out for tempting but reasonably healthy items like fancy dried fruits and nuts, whole grain cookies and crackers, healthy jams and spreads, organic wine, juices, or dark chocolate bars. (My personal favorite: the Endangered Species brand. Given my consumption rate, I've probably saved at few herds of rhinos by now). You could even make your own hand-selected gift basket.  And, depending on your recipient's dietary restrictions, you can find vegan, gluten-free, low-carb, raw, primal etc options if you shop online or in specialty stores.

 Perhaps not the specialty item you were looking for?

Other possibilities: You could also think about a fruit/wine/whatever of the month membership, or gift certificate at a reasonably healthy restaurant or health food store. (Our go-to treat gift certificate request tends to be for Pinkberry, a fancy-pants frozen yogurt place that's a the perfect holiday combo of Tasty, Healthy-ish, and Too Expensive to Treat Yourself Very Often). Or perhaps you could even go whole (humanely raised) hog and give a share of a CSA farm.

Oh, and one recent discovery in the snack food category: Brad's Raw Chips. I got these for free to try, but am now a big fan and have actually asked family members for the Holiday Bundle for Christmas. If said family members don't dutifully fork over, I'll be buying more myself.

The deal with the raw chips: they're ridiculously freakin' healthy. I tried the Vampire Killer, Leafy Kale, and Sweet Potato chips. They're dried at a low temperature to preserve raw food nutritional awesomeness, and are not baked or fried. Ingredients are natural and pretty darn virtuous.

Are they the perfect gift for anyone? Eh, perhaps not. Best for someone with pre-existing health-food-eating propensities. They taste like crunchy seasoned vegetables, but in some flavors like Vampire Killer, the yeasty flavor is pretty noticeable. But I thought they were tasty, especially for a guilt-free snack, and quite filling too due to the high protein and fiber content.  Downside? They ain't cheap.  But if a serving of these prevents an unplanned stop at Burger King, it may be a price well worth paying.

Fancy and/or Healthy Ingredients: If your recipient likes to cook, look for exotic spices, oils, vinegars, unfamiliar but highly touted healthy grains, grass-fed meat, etc. And here's where I'll put in another plug for the Vitamin D Mushroom powder I got to try courtesy of the Dole folks.  It's a great Vitamin D source for vegans and those who prefer natural supplements, but here's the weirdest thing I found: over time I've gotten strangely fond of the earthy, chocolate-like taste.  The flavor blends well not just in savory dishes but with nutty flavors, vanilla, chocolate, nutmeg, coffee, etc.  I put in my green smoothie with other healthy spices and am actually planning to buy more myself when my free bottle runs out.

Healthy Cooking

Gadgets!  Might a new kitchen accessory make healthy meal preparation more appealing?  Think about blenders, food processors, countertop grills, juicers, choppers, freezable glass tupperwarish storage containers (no icky BPA's), rice cookers, non-toxic bakeware (we use nonstick USA pans in the Crab/Lobster household), bread makers, good knives, windowsill herb gardens, etc.  Inspired by the raw chips above, I'm asking for a food dehydrator for Christmas and will keep you posted if it turns out to be useful.

And if you're looking for a more high-tech kitchen gift idea?  HuffPo has a handy high tech cooking gift guide. 

Or wait... how about a combo kitchen and exercise gift?  (And yes, the Fender Blender does appear to be a real product.) 

Photo: Fender Blender

Healthy Cookbooks, DVD's.  Tons of choices out there.  Some of them awesome!  Some of them... well, less so.

 Photo: Gallery of Regrettable Food

Recipe Girl has a round-up of much better choices, as does Simple Bites.  And Diets in Review has a couple of recommendations too.

Or, if you want to save a few bucks, make a cookbook yourself!  Scour the web for recipes you think your loved one might like to try, print 'em out, add some of your own favorites, perhaps throw in some personal stuff, put a cover on it all and voila!  It's a "hand made" gift.  You can save money, feel crafty, and be a sneaky advocate for healthy cooking.

Fitness Equipment

The great thing about giving a gift to a physically active person? Virtually all exercise fiends need stuff. Whether it's an "invisible shoe" for an almost-barefoot runner, or a swinging trapeze for your favorite circus acrobat, there's a good chance there's something out there that would make their chosen activity easier, safer, or at least hipper looking.

However, serious sports or fitness buffs tend to be rather particular about what they like in terms of clothing and equipment. Consider asking them what they need to avoid the pained smile followed by the half-hearted "Um, thanks!" Getting a gift certificate from a favorite sports-specific store might be another way to go.

For more general-purpose fitness needs, a few possibilities are: exercise DVD's, yoga mats, stability balls, doorway pull-up bars (I have the cheapo "as seen on TV!" Iron Gym, which works perfectly well, but I ain't gonna link to it because the site yammers at you when you arrive), kettlebells, foam rollers, bosu balls, suspension trainers like the TRX or Jungle Gym, jump ropes, elastic bands, sports watches, interval timers, wobbble boards, barbell or dumbell sets, stretching aids, and water bottles (stainless-steel with no BPA is a great idea).

Fitness and Activity Monitoring Devices

Beware of surprising someone with one of these gadgets unless you know they're happily OCD about numerical measurements of health and fitness. Because sure, a high-tech scale or pedometer or calorie burning monitor may seem like a nifty gift if you've been wanting one yourself. (And yes, as a matter of fact I am still addicted to my BodyMedia Fit armband and Polar FT4 Heart Rate Monitor, both of which sponsors gave me for free). But unfortunately, recipients of these sort of gifts may interpret your benevolence as a not-so-subtle suggestion get off their lazy asses and drop a few pounds. Not necessarily a happy holiday sentiment.

However, these are great gifts to ask for yourself, especially if you're female and asking a boyfriend or husband for a fitness gift. Or is it just an ill-informed stereotype that dudes are more gadget-oriented than gals? I'm thinking heart rate monitors, gps devices, Fitbits, etc may make an easier and more exciting gift for the average guy to shop for than a "flattering" workout ensemble or a "cute" pair of shoes. Well, unless you're a straight woman dating a gay guy. (In which case, go for the outfits, not the electronic gizmos, but then you may also want to check out "counselors" and "coaches" below).

Magazines

Subscriptions to health magazines are great motivators, even if most of the popular women's titles have morphed into fashion, hairstyle, beauty, and "lose weight instantly" magazines.  One shining exception is my current favorite, Experience Life.  It's a health and fitness magazine that, shockingly, is pretty much about health and fitness. The articles explore recent research, theories, and expert advice from both mainstream and more controversial sources.  (And yeah, my subscription is comped, but I'd spring for it even if it weren't.)

Hired Help:  Personal Trainers, Life Coaches, Classes, Boot Camps, Dieticians, Counselors, Gurus etc

As it happens, the holidays lead right in to the New Years Resolution season. And who couldn't use a little help with healthy living, fitness, nutrition, and long-term life goals?  Again, best to avoid surprising someone with a gift that could be perceived as a "you need to get your act together" statement.  Plus, your recipient is likely going to want some choice in terms of the provider he or she selects, so don't get too bossy about it.  But perhaps a DIY "invest in yourself" gift certificate with some helpful ideas for possible resources?  Or, if for yourself, might it be worth dropping a few Big Fat Hints to loved ones?

An idea along those lines for the runner (or wannabe runner) in your life:  There's a online training program/class/coaching site called Up and Running that looks affordable and fun, and is designed to help you run your first 5K or kick ass on longer races.  Anything Shauna Reid is involved with has got to be awesome, right?

And gosh, it just so happens at least one Life and Wellness Coach we know of has been offering 50% off!  But, the clock is ticking and the discount is going to expire January 1.  So if you've been pondering the possibility of affordable Life Coaching and assuming that the cheaper rates will be good forever?  Er... nope, sorry.  Schedule an intake before the new year, though, and you're good for 50% off for at least 8 sessions in 2012.  And don't panic if you're not quite ready-- some sort of discount will still be available to Cranky Fitness readers even after the beginning of the year.

Self Help and Other Miscellaneous Gifts

Self-help books, CD's and DVD's that feature meditations, visualization, hypnosis etc can make great gifts for stressed-out loved ones.  Two Cranky Fitness favorites are the awesome science geek/enlightened dude/all-around-nice-guy Rick Hanson, and Sounds True, a company that has some of Rick's stuff as well as a huge catalog of other self-help resources.  (And yep, they supplied Crabby with a free course). But there are tons of other great options out there too if you Google.

And for those with loved ones who struggle with insomnia?  Consider gift items like white noise machines, sleep masks, lavendar oils, black market ambien prescriptions, natural herbal remedies,  high tech gadgets like the Zeo that measure your brainwaves, or, a favorite gizmo I reviewed a few years ago and still use myself:  SleepPhones.

And now, the Lobster has a few holiday gift reviews, and also a giveaway opportunity!

Make Gifts From Your Photos:

Consider the very aptly named Easy Canvas Prints. This is how simple it is: choose a size, upload an image, decide on a border, pay and ship. They let us try it out, and the whole process took at most 5 minutes. Within a few days, this picture was delivered to our door. (Though we decided not to leave it by the front door and now have it hanging in the bedroom).

If you want to create a custom holiday gift, Easy Canvas Prints is offering half off prints plus free shipping for anyone who goes to their facebook page and clicks on "like."

Next, MyMemories has a ton of ideas for organizing your pictures.  They gave us a chance to review one of their products, MyMemories Suite 3, which is a nice way to create digital scrapbooks. The program offers a variety of templates to use, and more to buy if you want to get more creative. When completed, you can share your handiwork by a variety of methods, even by creating a movie. The interface uses recognizable drop-down menus, but it does take a little wandering around to get the full extent of the capabilities. Here's a look at a quick page I created:

While I really liked the product and have already created a year end review book, my one issue is that the templates are aimed more at traditional scrap-bookers and don't have the hip look younger users may prefer. But if you want to start getting organized and creative, this is worth a try. MyMemories is offering Cranky Fitness readers $10 off the price of the software and a $10 coupon to use at the Memories Store. Go to My Memories and enter the code STMMMS27481.

Leela: Meditation via Xbox or Wii

Deepok Chopra's Leela is a great antidote to the stress of the holidays. It's a set of meditation exercises for the Xbox Kinect or Wii that can help mellow you out before you hit the mall.  Leela captures body movements and breathing to help you relax, focus and "enter into your personal flow state." While Leela says it's a "game concept" and not a "game," being the competitive person I am, I was charging through the Chakras as fast as I could. While the instructions could have been a little clearer (wait, perhaps I was focusing on the destination, not the journey?) I found the guided meditation and breathing exercises were particularly helpful. Visually, it's beautiful, and as a Wii user, it was a nice break from those ridiculous looking weeble-like people.

The not-game is available in either the Xbox or Wii format, or for those of you without either of those, they also offer a soundtrack which provides you with the soothing and restorative sounds you need when that jerk in front of you takes your parking space.

Want to win your own Leela? 

To be eligible, you need a shipping address in the US, Canada or Australia.  Just leave a comment below, and the random number generator will pick a winner in a week.  (You can comment more than once but only the first one counts). Then make sure you check back by the end of day Wednesday Dec 21 to claim your prize or there'll be a new drawing.

So, still got shopping left to do or are you one of those smug super-achievers?  Got any holiday gift advice or horror stories?

Kuru Shoe Winner

The winner of the Kuru Aalto Chukka giveaway is: dhansen11!

(And, yes, it appears there was a double entry. To clarify: it's ok to comment more than once, but only the first comment counts towards the giveaway. That's what the RNG picked in this instance).

dhansen11, please email crabby mcslacker @ gmail dot com to claim your prize by end of the day Wednesday December 14th or we'll draw again! (And it would be great if you'd include name, mailing address, color choice, and size).

Thanks everyone!

Elliptical Madness, Losing Your Nipples, and Barbell Babies

Not that pasties don't make a cute nipple alternative...

Photo: Godzilla Rocket

Yep, it's that time again, when the weekend's almost here and attention spans are short. Who wants to read a long blog post all about one subject, anyway? Actually, the more relevant question is: who wants to write one?  And the answer: Not me!

So, for those with short attention spans, you can find out what odd experiment has Crabby been undertaking at the gym, discover stuff to avoid if you want to keep your nipples from falling off, and learn where you can get instructions for turning your baby into a barbell, as well as catch up on other miscellaneous health and fitness news you might have missed.

Oh yeah, and if you haven't yet checked out the Kuru Shoe Review and Giveaway and want a chance to win a nifty pair of Chukkas, hustle on over there and add a comment!

Around the Web:

Want to know what the latest trends in weight loss are, from the sensible to the super-stupid? Charlotte has a nifty slideshow round-up over at Shape.

Find out a simple (and free) trick to boost the growth of your house plants at Living Healthy in the Real World.

An alternative to coffee? That's heresy! But if you're the DIY type and want to roast your own, Leah has the how-to's of roasting your own coffee alternative over at The Goat's Lunch Pail.

Curious about a FitBit for a possible holiday gift (or to snag one for yourself)? Check out the comprehensive (and amusing) FitBit review by Sinner Ella De'Ville, who won one here and was kind enough to share her thoughts, pictures and ratings.

Crabby's Wild Experiment! Want to Try One Too?

So if you, like me, have already started sliding a bit down the slippery slope of holiday-related overindulgence and slackitude, it might be tempting to give in to negative thinking.

"Darn it," you may say, (or, if you're like me and have no manners, then "F@#ck it,")... "I already screwed up big time, so what the heck, I'll just enjoy the holidays and get back to that healthy lifestyle thing come January 1st."

Whatever! No judgments here. If you insist, go right ahead and undo as much of the hard work you've done all year as you can in the next few frenzied weeks.

But while you're at it, how about trying one or two healthy new experiments? It's a proven fact, or else something I just made up, that a little bit of positive progress can help you recapture your forsaken identity as a Motivated and Resourceful Health Fiend.

I've been trying a bunch of new things lately, which may end up being posts in themselves at some point. But I'll go ahead and share the most insane one of them now:

Four Minute Elliptical Triple-Tasking!

So, I have really sucky balance, but never seem to spend time working on balance training.  Another thing I frequently skip? Exercise cool-downs! I know I'm supposed to do 'em, but it's so much more tempting to go full blast and then jump off my machine and pretend sauntering to the locker room constitutes a proper post aerobic transistion.  And the most shunned self-improvement task of all?  That has to be my frequent promises to myself to spend at least a few minutes every day doing some sort of mindfulness and/or meditation and/or focusing.

A quick answer to all of this slacking? I now perform the last song on my elliptical playlist with my Eyes Closed. (And no holding on to anything either).

I started off doing just four beats at a time, then built gradually up to fairly continuous eye closure.  In order to keep from flying off the machine and wounding innocent passers-by, I have to concentrate on a focal point.  (I chose my pelvic floor muscles, because I need to work on locating 'em anyway for post-hysterectomy PT exercises. TMI? Er, sorry! Feel free to find your own G-rated focal point.)  But anyway, as soon as my thoughts stray, I get wobblier and wobblier. The real-time bonus of not catapulting off the machine is a great incentive to return to my focus before I accidentally kill myself. And all the while I'm getting a nice cool down before I hit the locker room. 

Note: Should you try this too?  No, 'cause I don't want you to sue me! It's an incredibly stupid idea and may cause injuries. Do not try to suddenly add extended periods of eye closure to your regular exercise routine, particularly if you are a cyclist or downhill ski racer. However, you may want to think about trying something new, is all I'm sayin!

And now, for the laziest portion of our round-up:

Stuff Copied from Crabby's Twitter Stream:

Study says simpler diets easier to stick to.  Hmm, mine has a million exceptions (aka excuses) but works ok for me.


Several studies warned against multivitamins so I stopped. Now new study says they may fight memory decline.  #researchsucks

Fight brain tumors, MS, etc: Research says curry and other spices have kick-ass neuro-protective effects.

Creepy: "Smokers Risk Losing Nipples With Breast Lift." Seriously: they could FALL OFF. Smoking + Considering Breast Lift?  = Think Hard.

Study: upping fiber more crucial than nixing saturated fat to avoid metabolic syndrome. Thus the rise of bacon kettlecorn?

Felons! Barbell-babies! Awesome. Weirdest fitness books that actually have good advice.

Why? No one to share the candy with? Women who live alone are 2.5 times more likely to get diabetes:

Do your kids drink a ton of apple and grape juice? Bad idea anyway (high sugar!) but now you can worry about arsenic too!

Not quite the way I wanna get my RDA of minerals: Craisins recalled over metal fragments.

150 minutes a week of exercise helps sleep.  Now could someone tell that to my freakin hot flashes? #menopause #sucks

Great! Now can you get 'em to cook it for me? 5 Sites for Shopping Local Food Online.

Coffee linked to lower risk of endometrial cancer.  Coffee also linked to Crabby being able to function.

Study: "Walking through doorway promotes forgetting." So does being 50+! Put 'em together and lose all hope.

Calcium plus probiotics may help lower bad cholesterol:  Hmm... an excuse to go visit Pinkberry for dessert?


So how's everyone doing with the holidays coming up? Superhero? Slacker? Trying anything new on the life of fitness front?