Enjoying the Holiday?

Photo: Failblog

Crabby and Merry are both taking a day off to celebrate Labor Day in the traditional way--by not laboring. But don't worry, there's plenty of information and entertainment still to be had on the internet!


Let's take a quick tour, shall we?

Over at Weight for Deb, Deb's got the scoop on HGH and the best way to get the benefits from this "eternal youth" hormone. Hint: no expensive injections required!

And for a sad yet inspiring post on trying managing holiday temptations, Diane at Fit to the Finish shares some unhappy Labor Day memories.

Want a thoughtful take on whether it's mean to be laughing at the People of Walmart? Charlotte hosts an interesting discussion over at The Great Fitness Experiment.

Or how about some inspiration to go? Two of our Cranky Fitness favorites, Shauna (of The Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl) and Mizfit, have teamed up to create a downloadable podcast!

And finally, there is a hilarious post by The Bloggess on getting lost, in which she introduces the Greatest Invention in the History of the World. I would so totally buy it!

Doing anything fun for the holiday? (And if it's not a holiday for you, sorry about that! Just tell your boss "But Crabby McSlacker said I should take the day off" and see how far that gets you!)

Whoops!

Photo: Noel A. Tanner

So I had one of those "Oh f@#k!" moments this week at the gym.

I'd actually been having a great workout, fueled by excessive amounts of caffeine and awesome tunes, and I'd cruised through my cardio and most of my weights in fine spirits.

I'd just finished doing some shoulder presses and was returning the weights to the weight rack when, like a total dumbass, I broke one of the fundamental Gym Safety Rules:

Bend Your Knees, Not Your Waist, When Lifting or Lowering Heavy Weights!

Duh. I know this. But I got careless. I bent mostly from the waist to put the weights back and not enough from the knees and then....



Owww. Followed by the sinking uh oh feeling you get when you know you've "done something" to your back.

As it happens, I've had some previous experience with this sort of dumbassery before. I've had a couple "episodes" where I could barely move for a few days, and the recovery period lasted almost 6 months. (A doctor speculated that I probably have a herniated disk, but since I'm not gonna do anything surgical even if it's true, I've never had an MRI to confirm).

The bad news about this history is that I knew this most recent injury could end up being a Big Freakin' Uncomfortable, Inconvenient Deal. But the good news was, my previous cluelessness had taught me some helpful lessons on what to do next!

And rather than waste perfectly good stupidity, I thought I might pass on some advice to those who have not yet been through the "Acck, My Back!" experience before.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I am a lazy blogger, not a doctor. Consult an actual physician if you have injured or are preparing to injure yourself.

So you've heard of the acronym "RICE?" Well, it's a helpful reminder about what you're supposed to do in the wake of a painful and possibly debilitating sports injury. But it leaves some important things out.

Let's elaborate a bit, shall we? Now while I'm generally a proponent of whole grains, I think this situation calls for some WHITE RICE. So here's what to do immediately after you've injured your back:

W: Whine.

Whether this is going to be a couple of uncomfortable hours or many months of a chronic injury, you are only going to have a few short minutes of optimal sympathy from your family and friends. Might as well take advantage of it while the injury's fresh! Chronic injuries may be painful, but no one wants to hear about them. So milk it while you can.

H: Halt

After you have hurt yourself, STOP YOUR WORKOUT. This seems so obvious that no sensible human needs to be told this, right?

Well, the first time I injured my back, I clenched my teeth and finished the remainder of my workout, because I had things left on my list! I avoided only the back exercises.

Do not be this dumb! Whenever you've clearly "done something" to your back (or your calf or thigh or neck or whatever)... Adios. You're done for the day.

I: Ibuprofen or other anti-inflammatories.

Obviously not if you can't take these because of allergies, sensitivities, stomach problems, or other reasons. But my big mistake the first time around was not keeping the inflammation under control because it seemed more "virtuous" to keep the pills to a minimum. When I finally went to a doctor, I discovered that I'd needlessly prolonged my symptoms and could have returned to normal functioning much more quicklly if I'd just taken a few pills.

T: Teach Yourself Injury Prevention Techniques

Once you've hurt yourself, all those warnings you've been blowing off about strengthening certain muscles and stretching others and moving and sitting properly? These suddenly seem a lot more relevant and important. The trick, however, is not just to do these things for a while and then start blowing them off again once the injury fades from your mind.

Alas, it seems I have not mastered this "trick".

E: Experiment With Body Positions That Don't Hurt as Much

When you're back's messed up, you may not be able to just plonk yourself into your regular chair, or sleep in your normal position. You may feel dorky standing up when others are sitting, or tilting back in your chair, or lying down for a day when you have things that need to be done, but try to do what you can to irritate your injury as little as possible.

Your injury needs to heal, and it's not going to do that very well if you're putting constant pressure on it. Tell your boss to go to hell if he doesn't like you lying on the conference room table during staff meetings.

Er... or maybe not.

R: Rest

Seriously, take it easy. Depending on how severe your injury is, you may need to hunker down completely for a day or so and it might then be a long gradual easing back into activity before you can resume all the hard ass stuff you did before.

But "rest" does not mean remaining immobile for weeks! They used to advise people to stay in bed for absurd lengths of time with back injuries; now it's much more about walking around and getting gentle exercise back into your life, which can actually help healing.

I: Ice!!!

This seems to help me a LOT. Right after I injured myself this time, I went home and used my Moji. Even though it's designed for knees, it worked great! (If you don't have one, ice or bags of frozen vegetables work too). I iced 20 minutes at a time, 5 or 6 times that first day, and that plus the ibuprofen really seemed to calm things down.

C: Compression.

I have absolutely nothing interesting to say about this, but it's supposed to be a good thing when you have an injury.

E: Elevation?

Really? This is part of the standard "RICE" advice, but how the hell do you elevate your back above your heart? Are you supposed to spend the day upside down? Instead, I think they must mean Elevate Your Mood!

So if your doctor doesn't prescribe painkillers with any entertaining recreational potential, I discovered that a big glass of merlot works very well as a muscle relaxant, pain reliever, and mood elevator. NOTE: This is probably not actually medically advisable, so check with your doctor first and don't try to sue Crabby if you burn holes in your stomach or start seeing green unicorns flying through your living room. And always check labels of any drugs you are taking to see whether you can safely combine them with alcohol.

The Happy Ending:

Turns out this was not one of those Bad Back Episodes; I discovered pretty quickly that it must have been a minor strain. I have kept moving but have avoided anything heavy duty; I'm about to ease back into my normal routine but will be very careful.

Where You Can Get Actual Medical Information:

Mayo Clinic has a whole bunch of information on back injuries. (And specially for you hypochondriacs in need of something new to worry about, there's a section on rare and serious conditions related to back aches).

And Because it's Friday

I have a little extra silliness to squeeze in at the end of this post!

First up, the weekly Juice Quiz! Don't worry, this week it's only one question:

Why does Crabby have so few friends?


1. She has an unconventional theory about personal hygiene that she'd love to tell you about;

2. Crabby does not actually exist; she is a software program dreamed up by the folks at Google to subtly dissuade people from getting fit so they'll spend all day at their computers instead;

3. Crabby has an irrational fear of a common communication device;

4. Crabby has all the friends she needs! So what if they all live inside her head?

The answer is revealed here . (Oh, and there's a new giveaway too, this time it's one of those cute little Flip Camcorders.)

Pity The Mutants

And next up, our pal Pubsgal mentioned a funny website in her comment yesterday, and I went there and spent quite a bit of time giggling over it. It's called Photoshop Disasters, and it collects examples of commercial photoshop abuses, both subtle and not-so-subtle. I couldn't help feeling sorry for those models with freakishly big heads or long limbs or short necks, extra or missing fingers, or heads screwed on backwards. But the mutant children are particularly poignant.

Photo: Photoshop Disasters

Have a great holiday weekend, and try not to injure your back or let your arms melt into your pool toys!

Review: Skinny Bitch Body DVD

Whaddya mean there's no giveaway?

This is a review. It is only a review. If this had been a giveaway, you would have received instructions on where to go and how to get stuff. Please do not panic. It is only a review.

Well hell -- if there's no giveaway, why should I bother reading?

Because the last time I tried to review a Skinny Bitches DVD, I ended up being catty and snarky and In No Way Nice about it. Who knows, maybe this time I'll be equally catty. There's a reason this place is called "Cranky" Fitness.

Though to be fair, I did try to go into this review with an open mind. I don't particularly enjoy writing bitchy reviews -- at least, not 100% bitchy ones. I usually feel guilty and try to find something positive to say as well. The last time I reviewed a Skinny Bitch exercise DVD, I was really annoyed before I started.

This time, it would be different, I vowed. I would go in with a positive attitude and I would get something out of this workout!

Here at Cranky Fitness, we don't play games like Name That Tune. Instead, we play a game I choose to call Review that DVD. So here goes.

Crabby, I can review that DVD in... seven words.

Wanna see me do it? Check out Cranky Fitness Reviews .

Cheap Ways to Create a Home Gym

Wouldn't it would be nice to have the money and space to create a well-equipped, spacious home gym?

Dream on, Crabby.
(Photo: The Killer Biscuit)

It would also be nice to have a personal chef, daily maid service, a buffed and charming personal trainer, and while we’re at it, a private island retreat with a pool, a 3-story water slide, and a cute little swim-up tiki bar.

Let's just say this is a fruit smoothie, shall we?
Photo: Randy Son Of Robert

However, if you haven't yet managed to purchase a winning Lotto ticket, here are a few ideas for economical ways to work out at home. And I’m hoping Smart Readers will chime in the comments with better suggestions!

General tips:

Look for used equipment at garage sales, second hand stores, or online. Duh, right? But when faced with something bright and new and shiny in a store or catalog, it’s easy to forget that you might be able to get the same thing used. Take advantage of the fact we’re a culture of optimists—really lazy optimists. Some sucker already bought exactly what you want, decided it was too much effort, and is now selling it cheap.

Figure Out What Exercises You Want to Do First. Unfortunately, you can’t just grab a pair of dumbbells or an elastic band and expect it to design an exercise program for you. It’s best to figure out what you’re trying to accomplish before you buy equipment.

If you already have a gym routine and are just trying to replicate it at home, you’ll have an easier time. But if you’re starting from scratch, you may want to read fitness books, do some web surfing, or find a personal trainer to help you design a program.

Ideally, you probably want to get some aerobic exercise, and eventually throw in some high-intensity intervals. You also should think about building some muscles, and working to increase your flexibility and balance. But there are a bazillion different ways to approach these goals, from Bollywood dance videos to gravity defying yoga poses to Olympic weight lifting routines. Some of these will seem almost fun and some will be absolute torture, it's all very personal!

A Few Cardio Options:

Really Cheap: Aerobic Exercise DVD’s (you can even get these off Netflix or free at many public libraries), step platforms, jump-ropes, mini-trampolines, calisthenics or other “functional fitness” routines, and adding circuit training to your weight routine.

But my basement ceiling isn't that high!

No, not “circus training!”

Circuit training just means doing your strength training fairly continuously without letting your heart rate drop too much between exercises.

Another useful home option, if the weather’s good: Your Front Door! (Just open it and go outside for a run, bike ride, walk, or whatever).

Somewhat Reasonable: Used or reconditioned exercise bikes, rowers, manual treadmills, step climbers, manual ellipticals, cross-country ski machines, and those doo-hickeys that convert your street bike into an exercise bike so you can ride around the house without crashing into walls or scaring the crap out of the cat.

Not Cheap but Possibly Affordable: (If you score a good used or reconditioned item): Motorized treadmills or ellipticals or anything else some impulsive dork bought and never used. High quality motorized equipment is most like what they have at commercial gyms, but it’s hard to find cheap.

Strength Training Options:

Really Cheap: Resistance bands, body-weight exercises or functional fitness routines (free, but you need to research these and may need some coaching), make-at-home weights (like soup cans, gallon milk containers), and strength training and yoga DVDS from the library or Netflix.

Fairly Cheap: Garage sale dumbbells, barbells, benches, racks, etc.; pull up bars (use a chair beneath for assistance if you can’t do ‘em on your own); suspension training systems (these are straps like these that come from the ceiling or a doorway that help you use your bodyweight for resistance); medicine balls, kettlebells, weighted vests.

Possibly Affordable if You Find it Used: A multi-station home gym, especially if you’re handy and can go to a seller’s house, disassemble it, schlep it home, and reassemble it yourself.


Balance/Flexibility:

These are all pretty reasonably priced: yoga dvd’s, bosu balls, stability balls, balance boards, and eyelids.

(Instructions for eyelids: close them as you raise one foot off the ground and stand there until you start to teeter. Try to regain balance before performing inadvertent faceplant on the floor).


Do any of you use any of these? Maybe someone has some better suggestions?

Sleeping: Too much, too little, you're screwed

Where were all these studies when I was in high school?

A sure sign that I was born a generation too early: High school should start at 11 am, says scientist

According to a white-coated researcher, "...the body's internal circadian clock shifts tends to drift more in this age group than in others, with the signal to fall asleep occurring slightly later each day. Dr. Russell Foster, an Oxford professor of neuroscience ... demonstrated an improvement in the students' memory when they were tested at 2 PM as compared to at 9 AM."

I like the sound of this. I don't care if it's verified by additional research, it just sounds good. Now, if only they could extend these findings to include people who go to work, then life would be nice.

Yes, I know, I'm not holding my breath for that study. I always figured that at least if I ever retire I'd be able to sleep in. I mean, maybe we can't rely on social security or 401k stuff in old age, but there's always the prospect of being able to turn off the alarm and going back to bed.



Or is there???

A study in the European Journal of Neurology claims that Sleeping in can be an early sign of dementia.

"Experts at the University Hospital of Madrid in Spain studied 3,286 men and women aged 65 or over. Each one was questioned on their health and lifestyle, including how many hours sleep they had on average over a 24-hour period, including afternoon naps. The volunteers were then tracked for more than three years, during which time 140 went on to develop Alzheimer's disease or another form of dementia.
The results showed the biggest increase in risk was among those averaging more than eight or nine hours a day, either by lying in the mornings or napping in the afternoon. In a report on their findings the researchers said: "We found a significant association between long sleep duration and dementia."



The only way I can reconcile these two findings is the conclusion that one of the following two theories are true:

• It's okay to sleep in when you're a teenager, but once you're an "old person" you have to get up early, damn it.

--OR--

• Just make sure you stay up late at night reading blogs, regardless of whether you're old or a young'un. That way, even if you sleep in until 11 AM, you won't have gotten too much sleep. So you'll be okay.

What -- you got a better idea? Bring it on!