Magic Weight Loss Pill, take III

It's been awhile since we've had a post about a Magic Weight Loss Pill. (See here and here for earlier posts.) The Magic Weight Loss Pills crowd was feeling neglected.

Weight loss is simple arithmetic. Everyone says so.
Calories In = Calories Out.
Make sure your Calories Out are more than your Calories In and you'll lose weight.


What's so difficult? It's not le science rockette. Or... is it?

[Warning: post contains the words "Calculus" and "Weight Loss" and "Metabolism." Tomatoes might also be involved at some point.]

The tricky part about arithmetic like Calories In = Calories Out is that it doesn't always add up when you're talking about the human body.

[A horde of angry nay sayers rise up, pitch forks in hand, torches blazing, ready to dispute the previous sentence. Merry types faster to get her point in before the riot begins and people start throwing tomatoes.]

Rather than arithmetic, it's more like calculus.

Note: My definition of calculus does not really have much to do with asymptotes or any other kind of totes. Rather, it's shorthand for "any kind of math that I do not want to deal with, thankyouverymuch and please make all this math go away now."

Fail credit:http://www.flickr.com/photos/themadlolscientist/ / CC BY 2.0



The Calories In = Calories Out equation can fall down when it comes to the Calories Out part.



[Some of the crowd stops, fruit/vegetable in hand, to consider this. Then from somewhere in the back of the crowd sails one tomato splat]

In other words, while number crunchers can weigh every infinitesimal spec of protein, fat, or carbohydrate that crosses your lips, physiologists are still trying to measure all the variables that explain why some humans burn off calories faster (or slower) than others.

Different people burn calories at different rates. You cannot simply look up "calories burned" on a chart and assume that that number applies to you.

[Another splat]

Some other possible reasons you might not have lost weight even if you've been limiting your calories and working out regularly:

- You've built muscle instead
- If a female between puberty and menopause, TOM
- You might have worked the muscles so hard that inflammation has set in, which would result in water retention
- Your thyroid might be out of whack

[Another splat]

Why yes, I do have a link at this point:

Researchers at the University of Pittsburgh showed that overweight people who do not lose weight when they follow an exercise program are likely to suffer from low thyroid function, and therefore should be able to lose weight if they take thyroid hormones (Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise, February 2009).

Dr. Mirkin explains the science behind the study thusly:

"When you eat, blood sugar levels rise. Your pancreas responds by releasing insulin into your bloodstream which drives sugar into cells where it can be used for energy. As you gain weight, fat cells fill with fat. This blocks insulin receptors so your cells cannot respond adequately to insulin and blood sugar rises to higher levels. This causes your pancreas to release even more insulin....

"...muscles become extraordinarily responsive to insulin when you exercise so you need far less insulin to drive sugar from your bloodstream into cells. Insulin levels go way down with exercise, but the effect gradually tapers off in about 18 hours. So you have to exercise every day to maintain the benefit of lowered insulin levels, and overweight people who exercise every day usually lose weight.

"However, some overweight people cannot lose weight no matter how much they exercise. This study shows that many of these people have low thyroid function which prevents the cells from responding to insulin and drives both insulin and blood sugar to very high levels."

[The ellipses (...) are where I cut part of the article out. These tomatoes are getting pretty hard to dodge, and I want to finish this post and go clean up. Want to read the part that I snipped out? The link above has it in all its tomato-free glory. Duck! splat]

This is not to say that taking a magic hypothyroid pill will magically make the weight drop off. What the study suggests is that a thyroid pill can level the playing field (to mix a metaphor) and make your personal Calories Out closer to the average.

Is this a cheat, an excuse, or a possible solution?



Your thoughts?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/qmnonic/ / CC BY 2.0

You Versus Your Cat: Who's In Charge?

Photo: E. Bartholomew

Remember how I warned y'all that we have visitors in town and I that I'm taking time off from health and fitness blogging? Well, I wasn't kidding!

Today's topic: Who calls the shots in your house, you or Fluffy?

As it happens, there's some new research relevant to the question, and some silly pictures, but I'm mainly curious about what you do about the whole training and discipline question. Do you let your pets boss you around?

(And note: while this post happens to feature cats, I'm very curious how this issue plays out for dog owners as well).

Cat's Rule

In our house, the cat is much more skilled at behavior modification than we are. She has trained us to feed her what she wants to eat; to wake up when she thinks we've had enough sleep; to carry her up and down the stairs when her arthritis is acting up--she can even get us to turn on water faucets and wait for her to finish drinking by boycotting the water dish. We, on the other hand, have trained her... to do absolutely nothing she doesn't feel like doing.

"Lie Down, Maile! ... What a Good Girl!"

How does get away with it? Well, for one, we are mere humans and she is a cat. However, one of our favorite commenters, Mary Anne from Kentucky (who blogs over at Solarity) sent in a study revealing how cats vocally manipulate us. One of a cat's secret weapons? It's called "solicitation purring." They apparently have a very specific purr they use to get our asses out of bed and do their bidding.

Is anyone surprised?


But Some Humans Fight Back!

Got a cat who jumps on counters? Here's one hilariously geeky solution: The Blender Defender. It's either really clever or really crazy. Probably both.

And I keep hearing that cats can be trained to use toilets,

Photo: trainedcat

and even to do circus tricks!

Photo: ehfisher

Alas, not in the Crab/Lobster household. Cuddling and purring, though, she's pretty good at. I guess we can't complain!


How about you folks? Is your pet in charge or are you? Any cute tricks or helpful tips?

Is yoga exercise?

Well, it looks pretty. But once people start practicing yoga, they seem to do it everywhere.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tiarescott/ / CC BY 2.0

Is yoga exercise? You're just standing around striking a pose and breathing.

Seriously. Everywhere. Thankfully, yoga is good for your balance.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/a4gpa/ / CC BY-SA 2.0

Looks pretty, good for your balance, but it's just standing around, right? I mean, I could do that at a mall. (Maybe not some of the poses... they might call Security...)

Why is it considered exercise? I can see that it develops balance and can help with stress reduction. What I can't see is how it qualifies as exercise. I'm not trying to act like I'm wearing the CrankyPants; I just don't get it.

In fact, I think this calls for a chart. I figure if yoga's exercise, then it burns a respectable amount of calories. Let's see what the chart has to say about that:

The caloric estimates presume you have an average metabolism, weigh 70 kg (154), and perform the exercise for 30 minutes.

According to the chart, yoga burns only slightly more calories than doing the dishes. To me, that's not a highly aerobic activity. (Plus, you still have a sink full of dirty dishes after you do the yoga.)

To an outsider, yoga looks mysterious and sometimes a little odd.

To someone well-versed in yoga, no doubt this pose makes sense.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tiarescott/ / CC BY 2.0

Translating Yoga into English

Actually, this whole post is the fault of the Fit Bottomed Girls. They did a review of AM/PM Yoga for Beginners that was the most enthusiastic review I've ever read on their site, and I've read a lot of good reviews on their site. They got me curious enough to overcome my innate yogic inertia and check out the DVD myself.

The nice thing about trying something out on a DVD is that no one is going to kick you out of the class because you're such an obvious doofus who doesn't belong. (Actually, I really doubt people would kick you out of a beginner's class for being a beginner, but that's always the traditional long-rooted fear of the clueless newbie.)

I have to confess that I found some of the instructions confusing. "Hug my heels with my elbows... without moving the elbows"?? I'm presuming that this instruction is supposed to create an intuitive reaction, of the mind rather than the body, i.e. I'm supposed to encourage my elbows to feel huggy toward my heels. If it's anything more concrete than that, then I'm totally lost.

Is a plank a pose where I'm supposed to become stiff and rigid? (And apt to become warped if left out in the rain)?

I did feel energetic afterwards, but that might have been due to the 2 cups of coffee I drank beforehand. Note to self: try this pre-caffeine.

Seriously. People are doing yoga everywhere...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/vikramvetrivel/ / CC BY-SA 2.0

Look, I'm not saying yoga is evil. I can see that it would have some stress-relieving benefit, but shouldn't it be classified as therapy or something? Why is it grouped in with exercise classes? Taught at gyms? Dang it, people are even doing yoga at the mall. Why?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/andyb/ / CC BY 2.0

Staycation

Photo: Awful Library Books
(More on that in a moment!)

So I have a crazy-busy week coming up (with friends and relatives in town and blah blah blah), and so will probably not be putting up "normal" Cranky Fitness posts until next week. It's sort of going to be like one of those weeks when I'm traveling and I put up guest posts to cover for me? Except, um, without the guest posts to cover for me.

I'll still try to put something up on "my" days (MWF), but it may be just a thought for the day, or a short item, or a video, or who knows, maybe a "previously aired" Cranky Fitness episode! Warning: content may have nothing whatever to do with health and fitness.

But things will return to normal shortly. We have some great giveaways coming up and I haven't forgotten about the list of Reader Favorite Weight loss blogs. Just maybe not this week. (And, yet again, thank goodness for Merry Sunshine!)

Anyway, today's experiment in non-standard Cranky Fitness blog topics: Is there anything about your job that drives you totally nuts? Because I came across some great in-the-trenches gripes from a flight attendant, a nurse, and a pair of librarians, and it occurred to me that probably a lot of you have stories to share as well! (Stay at home parents included, because that is one of the hardest jobs out there). So far, it's too early for me to hate anything about my new jobs yet, but I'll keep you posted.

The Friendly Skies?

Over at Lemondrop, a flight attendant shares a list of her top ten annoying-passenger gripes.

These include: "Leaving Your Headphones on While Ordering," and, my personal favorite (in that it would make me want to quit my job as an airline attendant that very minute, not that as a flight-phobic neurotic I would ever take such a job in the first place): "Handing Me Dirty Diapers."


Things That Would Make Me Nurse a Grudge

The blog "Head Nurse" has an awesome insider's take on the nursing life, and Jo is hilarious. Got a sick relative? She has some helpful guidelines for hospital visitors, including:

"Please, for the love of all that is holy, do not take out Mama's drains. Even if you are a physician." And, "the hospital is not the best place to have a bench-clearing brawl over who gets what out of Grandma's attic."


Got Awful Books in Your Library?

The blog Awful Library Books cracks me up. Since I just took a library job myself, I hear conversations about "weeding," and now I know why it's a really good idea! If you don't peruse the collection occasionally and throw stuff out, you end up with items like:




They take submissions of books that are still on library shelves, but they don't embarrass the particular libraries by naming names. I'm sure the Awesome Provincetown Public Library does not have anything amusingly hideous to submit, as they are very conscientious about "weeding," but I shall keep my eyes out just in case something has slipped through the cracks. (Thanks, A.S.).

So do you all love everything about your jobs? Or is there anything that makes you grouchy?

Positive Thinking: New Reasons to Say The Hell With It

At Cranky Fitness, we are not known for Excessive Optimism, Unrestrained Cheerfulness, or Gratuitous Positivity--unless there's an actual reason to be positive. And, um, how often does that tend to happen?

I've even been an advocate of Negative Thinking, if it's the sensible kind. (My philosophy, in brief: Anticipate the negative and plan for the worst, but appreciate the hell out of it when the bad things don't actually happen!)

Plus, if a blogger named Crabby McSlacker can't defend pessimism, then who the heck else will?

Well... it turns out that in the battle against relentless Positivity, I've got some new allies!

The folks at Time Magazine*** just did an article on the futility of positive thinking that contradicts everything you ever heard before. The article's title? "Yes, I Suck: Self-Help Through Negative Thinking."

Basically, it discusses research showing that "trying to get people to think more positively can actually have the opposite effect: it can simply highlight how unhappy they are." And it introduced me to a whole "third wave of therapy" based on accepting, rather than fighting negative thoughts.

Think that sounds totally backwards and crazy-assed?

Well, so do some of the more traditional cognitive psychologists! So it seems there's a little cognitive catfight going on.

Note: no Cognitive Psychologists
were harmed during this dramatization.
Photo: Icanhascheeseburger

Why Does Happy Talk Sometimes Backfire?

According to the Time Magazine roundup, research tends to show that when people hear an argument they don't believe, it makes them even more likely to cling to their original position.

Not buying it? Well, as an example, they ask you to picture a light-night bar debate in which someone claims that "Sarah Palin is brilliant," or that "Michael Jackson was not a freak." OK, now see how that works?

And a new positivity study suggests that this same obstinacy may kick in when it comes to positive self-talk. In particular, if a person with low self esteem tries to repeatedly tell themselves that they are lovable, it doesn't raise their self esteem--it lowers it!


Don't Fight the Feelings

So now there's a relatively new approach to therapy that incorporates research like this into the futility of changing negative thoughts. It's called "ACT," for "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy."

Spokes-shrink Steven Hayes says we should "acknowledge that negative thoughts recur throughout life," and instead of trying to challenge them, "we should concentrate on identifying and committing to our values."

What should we do with these negative thoughts? Instead of arguing with them, Hayes advocates observing them with mindfulness, defusing their power, and not getting entangled in them.

For example, instead of saying to yourself "I'm depressed," Hayes thinks you should say "I'm having the thought that I'm depressed."

You're also supposed to work on clarifying your values, and moving towards actually living them. Do you say you value your friends and community and physical well-being, but somehow spend every weekend sitting in front of the TV scarfing cheetos by yourself?

Whoops!


It All Get's Too F*cking Arcane and Tedious for Me, Though

I was initially intrigued, because while I believe in the efficacy of more traditional cognitive therapy in a LOT of situations, other times it just seems a little too fake and cheerleadery. Sometimes life just sucks, and the pessimistic view is not "irrational," and efforts to take a crappy situation and paint it over with falsely positive happy talk can indeed seem counterproductive.

However, my initial curiosity about ACT and this whole "third wave" thing was dampened a bit once I started reading more. "Relational frame theory" and "functional contextualism" and how is it different from "dialectical behavioral therapy," blah blah blah--it's the same kind of incomprehensible mumbo-jumbo psychological theories always seem to employ in order to sound scholarly and serious. Someday, with a bit more patience, I'll have to wade in and find out if there are good practical ideas for dealing with counter-productive thinking lurking behind the jargon.

(But then I also heard rumors from the Traditional Cognitive Therapy people that ACT people were just a big ol' new age cult and they and make people wear silly hats and use secret handshakes discourage dissent. What do I know? But check out the photo of their Leader-- it does indeed look kinda scary.)

UPDATE! STEVEN HAYES HIMSELF COMMENTED ON THIS POST, ADDRESSING SOME OF MY HALF-ASSED CRITICISMS; SEE BELOW!


Why Choose?

Here's what I think: if you have negative thoughts that are getting in your way and it helps to argue with them, then argue with them! Replace them with happier, more positive thoughts.

But if the negative thoughts persist despite your efforts, then accept them as thoughts and don't let them control you. Focus on your goals instead.

Whatever works!

Or, if all else fails, try Crabby's Home Remedy: whine a little, then go for a nice long walk, then come home and curl up with a comforting beverage and cuddle with a cat, dog, child, significant other, rabbit, pet rock, garden gnome, security blanket, or whatever makes you happy.

And if you still want to join a cult? Crankyism is always on the lookout for new recruits!


***Confidential Aside to Time Magazine:

OK, thanks very much for the research and all, but fer cryin' out loud, how is anyone supposed to take your online articles seriously when they're full of these ridiculous computer-generated links for totally unrelated crap? Like these two had "see pictures of couples in love," "see pictures of people mourning the death of Michael Jackson," and "see pictures of facial yoga." WTF???

So, how do you folks deal with negative thoughts? Fight them, accept them, obsess about them, defuse them, believe them, ignore them?