South Africa Adventures Continued... and Continued and Continued

By Crabby McSlacker

Yep, still more travel pictures and tales even after the Cape Town photos and the Safari animal picture dump--and there will probably be yet one more post after this one! So I appreciate your forbearance as I prattle on about this trip a bit longer.  Cranky Fitness readers, like ultra-marathoners, are famous for their patience and endurance.

But on the plus side, we've got Thrills and Adventure and The Virtues of Challenging Yourself, which is arguably health related, right?  And there is even an X-rated series of wild photos! Parental discretion is advised.

So anyway, I know everyone's idea of a Perfect Vacation is different.  My ideal would be a little bit of everything: excitement and adventure; a chance to learn about new places and people; some time to appreciate natural beauty; a chance to be pampered and indulged; and even some opportunities to make reasonably healthy active choices, but in a totally different refreshing environment. Oh, and bonus if someone else is paying for the whole thing and it's completely ridiculously high-end.

We got lucky, because this trip was all of that stuff.

Diving In

Sorry folks, for all of you now spoiled by outstanding guest posts: the Crab is back from vacation.

And yes, this means yet another self-indulgent photo-packed ramble!  Expect the usual miscellaneous musings, tiresome tips, blog-related blather, annoying alliteration and ridiculous rationalizations, all dressed up and masquerading as post about health and fitness. Complete with a Theme That Doesn't Always Fit the Contents!

D'ja miss me?

Oh.  Okay. Well, anyway, let's Dive In!

Time Management Secrets for Self-Employed Slackers

 

Cartoon by: Natalie Dee

OK, so it may seem ironic that someone who has done nothing on her blog for the last month other than to explain why she is not posting would presume to give advice on time management.   But hang in there, that's actually Secret Number 7.

And hey, did I call this post "Time Management Secrets for World-Dominating Super-Achievers?" No I did not. Super-Achievers do not need time management tips, other than the usual "stop and smell the roses for f--ck sake, you accomplishment-obsessed workaholic chore-whore. "

Wait, that's not how you're supposed to help super-achievers? Oh well, sorry go-getters, all 2 of you who hang out at Cranky Fitness.

Note: you may, however, read this post if you are not self-employed. No alarm bells will go off or anything.  It's just that several of these tips presume some sort of flexibility in how you plan your day, which could be extremely annoying to people who have bosses (or spouses, pets and children) who do not permit such liberties.

So what are the secrets already? 

Best Budget Vacation: Hawaii for Fitness Freaks

Yep, it's pretty there!

So sure, the title of this post is just the usual pathetic scrambling around for googleable catch-phrases, as this is really just a recap of a recent Hawaii trip with beloved spouse and mother-in-law.

But please don't wander away just yet!  Because there are indeed 5 handy tips for health and fitness enthusiasts looking for a cheap Hawaii vacation. Plus, bonus: view an unflattering picture of Crabby lounging stark naked in a hot tub! And gosh, with that inducement, how can you resist accompanying us on our Affordable Hawaiian Holiday?

Top Five Budget Hawaii Fitness Vacation Tips

1. Sponge Off The Rich People

While we stayed in an extremely affordable condo, we happened to be within reasonable walking and driving distance from a number of Big-Ass Fancy Resorts. The resorts were sitting right on lovely beaches, many of which were accessible to low lives like us the general public if you knew where to park.

If there's anything better than whiling away a few hours at a tropical beach practicing your surfing, swimming, snorkeling, barefoot running, or napping skills--it's knowing that most of the other folks nearby were willing to fork over huge buckets of money in order to plop their affluent asses on the very same stretch of sand.  

Not Ejected Yet!

There were no riff-raff detectors in the resort's restrooms, bars, lobby, lounges, landscaped grounds, or hiking paths. So by forgoing the 10,000 threadcount Egyptian cotton sheets or whatever the hell the resorts are luring people in with these days, we got the same awesome pampered feeling. For free!


And not only that, the resort we were closest to had a great fitness center that cost only $15 bucks a day if you bought a shareable package of 10 visits. (And yes, I am neurotic and somewhat exercise-addicted. But $75 for 5 visits was way cheaper than the expensive therapy I'd need to treat my problem. Plus, I figure it's a public service!  A good workout in the morning makes me far less of a pain in the ass for the world to deal with).

But here's the very best part: besides a good selection of cardio and strength equipment and fitness classes, the fitness center day pass included FREE ACCESS TO THE LOVELY SPA!!

It was the kind of upscale place where everything smells good and they give you robes and slippers and big fluffy towels, and you can help yourself to free fruit and tea, enjoy the outdoor lava hot tub or the sauna or the steam room and scare other people away by giggling inappropriately. Even just taking a leisurely shower with pleasantly scented shampoos and soaps was heavenly.  And again, you can luxuriate in the fact that other people are booking hundreds of dollars in spa services to support the whole enterprise while you rub your own darn feet!

Rectangular red swimsuit tops will be all the rage soon, I swear.

Note: if you're curious enough to inquire in the comments, and plan to vacation on the Big Island, I'll pop down and let you know which particular fancy resort spa deal I'm talking about.

2. Create Your Own Excursions

Hiking down to Waipio Valley with the adventurous Lobster: Free!

(And no extra charge for the blisters. That's one steep-ass hike.)

There are great swimming and sightseeing and hiking opportunities on all the islands, and if you've already rented a vehicle (or in some cases, a bike) there's almost too much to enjoy for free.

Try some new fitness activity, or at least try something familiar in a totally new environment. Hiking up a steep mountain, swimming in an ocean, or biking through a lava field are very different experiences than the treadmill, lap pool, or spin class.   And sure, if you're coming for the 19th time, then go ahead and spring for tours and rides and various expensive excursions, some of which are probably wonderful.  But if you want to pare down costs, investing in a guide book (or checking one out at the library, or using the web) will help you discover all kinds of options to keep you and your family active and entertained without having to sell one of the kids into slavery.  (Well, unless it's a particularly obnoxious kid, in which case a cool helicopter ride to peek at rivers of molten lava might be kinda tempting.)


3. Hit the Grocery Store and Eat Out Strategically

Picnic!

Yes, many areas in Hawaii actually have real live grocery stores, and even natural food specialty places selling all kinds of healthy consumables at a small fraction the price you'd pay at a restaurant or snack bar for junky guilt-inducing meals. Setting is everything, and if you can bring some of your own healthy meals to a scenic location, you can have the twice the relaxing atmosphere of a swanky restaurant for a lot less money. If you don't have a place with a kitchen, a big cheap styrofoam cooler might be a very worthwhile investment.

But, hell, you're on vacation! Who wants to spend the whole time shopping and cooking and doing dishes or obsessing over whether the bell peppers in your salad are organic?

So don't be a total tightwad/healthfreak/martyr and prepare every meal yourself with only the purest ingredients.  Have fun too!

 

Mai Tai's have fruit in 'em... gotta be full of antioxidants!

4. Screw the Souvenirs

So what's up with the idea that you need more than a few photos, a sunburn, and a slightly used cocktail umbrella to remember your awesome vacation?  Do you really need matching Muu-Muus and Aloha shirts for the whole family? And will you come to regret the anatomically correct tiki wood carving of the naked male deity once he's back from his native island and sitting in your living room strutting his stuff?

You may want to skip the shopping, or, if you find something  truly unique and special, make sure it's fairly priced and something you could still appreciate without having swilled a few exotic libations first.

5. Marry Someone With a Crapload of Frequent Flyer Miles.

If this seems impractical for whatever odd reason (perhaps your current spouse is not 100% on board with the plan?) then I believe there are ways to secure good deals on flights.  This probably involves either clever advance planning or the ability to drop everything and wing off on a moment's notice. But what the heck do I know? If you googled into a blog called Cranky Fitness expecting to get the latest hot tip on airline deals I am terribly, terribly sorry to disappoint you. But just think how how those people googling "big bouncy breasts" feel when they get to an old post on sports bras?  It could be way worse.


So How Did Crabby Do On Her Plan Not to F--- Up Her Vacation By Excessive Worrying?

Pretty darn awesome!  Well, aside from a minor tantrum or two over not having internet access.  The inspiring scenery and warm breezes, plus the foresight to pack some meditation tapes and a whole new slew of self-improvement books, seemed to have had a salutary effect.

Next self-development task for Crabby: to deal with an overflowing inbox, laundry basket, and other daunting re-entry tasks without letting real life totally harsh the Hawaiian mellow.


How about you folks, any tips on saving money on vacations? Or staying fit while traveling? Or handling vacation re-entry? Or heck, just let me know what I missed while I was gone!

Vacation! And How Not To F--ck It Up. Hopefully.

Postcard found at: Mademoiselle B

So next week I'm heading off for a vacation to the Big Island of Hawaii with the Lobster and her up-for-anything 86-year old mother.

Whoopee!  There should be lots of opportunity for fun and adventure and relaxation. Hiking! Sight-seeing! Snorkeling! Snoozing! Boozing! Snacking! Reading! Frolicking!

And yet travel being what it is, there will also be plenty of chances for delays, stress, inconvenience, disappointment, compromises, and dumb-ass mistakes.

So, what's it gonna be...An exciting escapade? A tranquil retreat? Or a chance to get as crabby and petulant as a two-year old on an apple-juice-and-oreo high who missed her nap time?

(One of whom will no doubt be behind me on the flight, screaming and kicking the back of my seat, if history is any guide...)

 Yeah, flying sucks, kid. Deal with it.

Photo: wallcoo.net

Well, I may not have control over all the actual events that will transpire, but there are a few things I could keep in mind to make the "happy holiday" scenario a lot more likely.

And of course it's always fun to write an advice post on something you're about to do, so that whole tricky "practice what you preach" notion doesn't even have to enter into it!

So here are some hypothetical tips on How Not to F--ck up Your Vacation.

1. Pack for the Vacation You're Actually Going On


It's very easy to take a look at the pretty and adventurous people on the travel posters and figure you'll need to pack for a lot of dressy outfits for fancy restaurants, hiking boots for the 20 mile treks you're going to do, safari hats and snorkels and binoculars and mountain gear and... wait, did you forget to bring your favorite comfy pair of jeans and enough clean underwear? And where is that special kind of tea you love that would have spared you the stale cheapo hotel offering that tastes like old cigarettes?

Be realistic about what you like to do and have around. If your vacation suddenly transforms you into an entirely different person... that's what charge cards are for.

2. Anticipate Problems and Plan Ahead


Airport shuttles sometimes arrive late; favorite restaurants book up; people get sick; weather changes... leaving extra time, and having a few backup plans in mind can turn a total vacation-spoiling event into a "funny story" you will tell later when you can speak about it at cocktail parties without pulling out your hair or spewing obscenities.

3. But then Stop With the Freakin' Worrying


I've always been really, really talented at anticipating problems. In fact, the mere hint that something could conceivably go wrong (does that taxi driver have alcohol on his breath or is it just his cheap cologne?) can put me on the express train to imagined death and dismemberment faster than you can say "missed the scenic and uneventful drive from the airport."

But thanks to recent self-improvement efforts (which you will be hearing about later in tedious detail, don't worry) I'm actually getting much better about this! If you are a worrier, remind yourself:

• Go ahead and take sensible evasive action if you can avoid problems, but if you can't, worrying isn't going to help.
• Remind yourself of your incredibly crappy track record at predicting actual outcomes when worried. Don't keep going back to the ONE time you knew something bad was going to happen and it did, while conveniently ignoring the 97,312 times you knew something bad was going to happen and it didn't.
• Stop thinking so much about the future, and realize you're perfectly fine right now. Have a snack, give yourself a foot massage, ask your charming and  knowledgeable sweetie a question about something, watch people passing by and critique their outfits, or whatever you can do to enjoy the moment you're in now.
• Deep breaths. Literally, not just metaphorically.  Exhale for longer than you inhale, close your eyes (if you're not driving), give it a few minutes, and let your parasympathetic nervous system kick in and help you relax.  (And yes, some of these tips are thanks to my geek-crush Rick Hanson who is helping me rewire my brain).

4. Adjust Your Expectations

Two common unconscious vacation fantasies: Everything will be different than it is at home! And: Everything will be exactly the same as it is at home!


Neither of these two things will be true. If you are expecting that you will be 1000% happier than you are at home due to a different climate and some new activities to pursue, but don't take into account that you and your companions are all the same people with the same flaws and limitations, and that all people worldwide are capable of carelessness, rudeness, and orneriness, then you may be headed for disappointment. Your temperamental toddler is just as likely to have a code-red nuclear meltdown in Disneyland as he is in the grocery store, and your easily-distracted husband may still tune out half your conversation in an elegant French restaurant the same way he does at the local taco stand.

Also, if you have your own perfect and favorite routines... you may have to let go of them for a while.  Your carefully crafted workouts, healthy meals, comfy mattress, temperature and lighting preferences, expectations about noise, smells, traffic... well, some of these just ain't gonna happen the same way they do at home.

Does it really help you feel better to keep saying to yourself "what's wrong with these people, this shouldn't be this way?" Yet it's such an easy path to go down!  Concentrate instead on enjoying the novelty of fire alarms that go off at 2am, the unplanned experiments in Intermittent Fasting you get to conduct when hotel restaurants close way before their posted hours, and even the lively domestic drama you get to enjoy from the adjacent hotel room that makes reality tv totally unnecessary!

5. Get Flexible and ... yes, meet New People and try New Things

This is the happy flip side of not being able to go on autopilot straight to your favorite daily destinations.  What's different about where you are and how can you take advantage of it?  A little bit of courage may introduce you to fun new people from different cultures with a refreshing perspective, alternative forms of exercise, exotic regional cuisine, art, dances, and other hobbies and activities you'd never think of trying at home.  Then when you return, you may find that some of these have been there too, all along, in some form or another... but you never never thought to seek them out.  The old expression "travel is broadening" is not actually referring to all-you-can-eat buffets.

6. Allow Enough Chill Time


Are you the sort who gets ambitious and plans activities for every second of your holiday, then get home exhausted and need a vacation from your vacation?

Make sure you get some lovely little islands of time where there is Absolutely Nothing You Have to Do. And if you're traveling with others, no matter how companionable they are, make sure you don't have to feel "on" all the time. Get the hell away from everyone else and you may meet the most exotic person of all... the relaxed and happy "you" that you hardly ever get to hang out with.

So, wish me luck! I'll try to post photos or something. But there's no internet in our condo, so if there's a bit of silence over the next week or so, don't be like me and assume the plane must have gone down.

Anyone else have any vacation tips, horrid or wonderful experiences to relate, or thoughts about anything, relevant or not?

Note: Due to a recent onslaught of viagra spam, and my reluctance to use word verification, comments are now closed for this particular post.  But don't go away... most Cranky Fitness posts are still open for comments and they always make me happy! 

Staycation

Photo: Awful Library Books
(More on that in a moment!)

So I have a crazy-busy week coming up (with friends and relatives in town and blah blah blah), and so will probably not be putting up "normal" Cranky Fitness posts until next week. It's sort of going to be like one of those weeks when I'm traveling and I put up guest posts to cover for me? Except, um, without the guest posts to cover for me.

I'll still try to put something up on "my" days (MWF), but it may be just a thought for the day, or a short item, or a video, or who knows, maybe a "previously aired" Cranky Fitness episode! Warning: content may have nothing whatever to do with health and fitness.

But things will return to normal shortly. We have some great giveaways coming up and I haven't forgotten about the list of Reader Favorite Weight loss blogs. Just maybe not this week. (And, yet again, thank goodness for Merry Sunshine!)

Anyway, today's experiment in non-standard Cranky Fitness blog topics: Is there anything about your job that drives you totally nuts? Because I came across some great in-the-trenches gripes from a flight attendant, a nurse, and a pair of librarians, and it occurred to me that probably a lot of you have stories to share as well! (Stay at home parents included, because that is one of the hardest jobs out there). So far, it's too early for me to hate anything about my new jobs yet, but I'll keep you posted.

The Friendly Skies?

Over at Lemondrop, a flight attendant shares a list of her top ten annoying-passenger gripes.

These include: "Leaving Your Headphones on While Ordering," and, my personal favorite (in that it would make me want to quit my job as an airline attendant that very minute, not that as a flight-phobic neurotic I would ever take such a job in the first place): "Handing Me Dirty Diapers."


Things That Would Make Me Nurse a Grudge

The blog "Head Nurse" has an awesome insider's take on the nursing life, and Jo is hilarious. Got a sick relative? She has some helpful guidelines for hospital visitors, including:

"Please, for the love of all that is holy, do not take out Mama's drains. Even if you are a physician." And, "the hospital is not the best place to have a bench-clearing brawl over who gets what out of Grandma's attic."


Got Awful Books in Your Library?

The blog Awful Library Books cracks me up. Since I just took a library job myself, I hear conversations about "weeding," and now I know why it's a really good idea! If you don't peruse the collection occasionally and throw stuff out, you end up with items like:




They take submissions of books that are still on library shelves, but they don't embarrass the particular libraries by naming names. I'm sure the Awesome Provincetown Public Library does not have anything amusingly hideous to submit, as they are very conscientious about "weeding," but I shall keep my eyes out just in case something has slipped through the cracks. (Thanks, A.S.).

So do you all love everything about your jobs? Or is there anything that makes you grouchy?

Vacation, Who Needs It?

[Posted by Crabby]

Photo: art.com

Having just gotten back from a brief New England excursion (which was quite fun but left me feeling very guilty for abandoning the internet for a few days) I got to thinking about vacations generally. I'm a McSlacker so I take way more than my fair share--but I can see I'm going to have to step it up even more to bring up the national average.

Because a vacation poll from a couple of months ago said that fewer Americans than ever are planning to take summer vacations in 2008--only a third!

The New York Times was talking about the depressing phenomenon of "shrinking vacation syndrome" a couple of years ago. A typical quote, by a AAA spokesman: "The idea of somebody going away for two weeks is really becoming a thing of the past. It’s kind of sad, really, that people can’t seem to leave their jobs anymore."

Another vacation survey from a year ago found that a more than half of the employees polled did not use all of their vacation.

There seem to be two issues here: the inability to take much time off work, and the expense and difficulty of traveling anywhere when such precious time is actually secured. We'll just mix these two entirely different problems together because it's easier to pretend it's all one issue. But anyway, the net result is:

Hardly anyone seems to be able to "get away from it all" anymore.

It is the official position of Cranky Fitness that This Is Just Wrong! (And not only because we were just pimping reviewing a book about vacation destinations in order to get a free copy introduce you to a valuable resource).

This "shrinking vacation" thing sucks for many reasons, but one of them is actually related to the supposed topic of this blog:

It is apparently unhealthy not to take vacations!

For example, researchers looking at the Framingham heart study data found that women who took a vacation every six years or less were almost eight times more likely to develop heart problems than those who took at least two vacations a year. (And they controlled for other factors like obesity, diabetes, smoking and income). And another study of men at high risk for heart disease also found that those who failed to take annual vacations were more likely to die of a heart attack.

So quick, go to your boss and demand that you be released immediately! If your boss says no, simply lie down on the floor and have a heart attack. That'll show 'em.

Or maybe not. Time spent away from work but hooked up to machines in the Intensive Care Unit might not be quite as relaxing as a week at the beach.

But even if you can manage to take a vacation without threatening cardiac arrest, it may not even help you recuperate if you don't take the right kind.

A survey of managers found that a quarter of them returned from vacation more stressed than when they left, with a third having spent at least part of their break checking in with the office, often every day. And according to Dov Eden, an organizational psychologist who has studied the issue, "those who are electronically hooked up to their office, even if they are lying on the Riviera, are less likely to receive the real benefits of a vacation and more likely to burn out."

Another earlier study looked at "health-related vacation outcome." Despite the dry language, the conclusions were kinda interesting:

"Recuperation" was facilitated by:

• Free time for one's self;
• Warmer (and sunnier) vacation locations;
• Exercise during vacation;
• Good sleep; and
• Making new acquaintances

Exhaustion was increased by:

• Vacation-related health problems, and
• A greater time-zone difference to home.

The only tips I have for less stressful vacations are either pretty obvious or possibly not too practical. But what the hell:

1. Don't go somewhere to impress others; go somewhere you're excited about. It could be camping in your local park or something more exotic. But the further away it is, the more time you need to allow to enjoy it without stress. Those "if it's Tuesday it must be Belgium" vacations are seldom relaxing.
2. And along those lines, don't schedule every single minute with activities. Chill, dude.
3. Don't have kids. Or if it's too late for that, figure out how to get at least some time away from them.
4. Do lots of fun vacation-related exercise--hiking, swimming, biking etc, but leave your ambitious workout plans at home.
5. Ditch your loved ones. Don't feel like you and your spouse/friend/family have to do the same thing all the time--constant compromise can be frustrating. If Beloved Husband wants to tour the dusty old Train Museum or spend all day on a boat drinking beer "fishing," and you'd rather shop the boutiques, split up for God's sake. You can catch up at dinner.
6. Find a tour group. On the other hand, are you single and can't round up a friend with the same schedule or interests? Don't let that keep you at home. Tours have gotten a lot less "touristy" these days and are no longer just for the blue-hair set. The internet is your friend--here's one random company, but a few minutes with google will turn up lots of options.
   
7. If you can't stay off your office email, stay somewhere without internet access. Even if it means (sniff) no Cranky Fitness for the duration.
   
8. Get some sleep. Arrange to have any noisy or obnoxious hotel neighbors arrested or intimidated by local thugs. Failing that, at least complain to hotel management with the hopes that they may do something about it or get you another room.
9. Come back home a day or two early. Don't wait until the last minute before you have to go back to work. Nothing will erase a relaxing vacation faster than stack of unopened mail, a mountain of chores, a pile of stinky laundry two stories high and no time to deal with any of it.
10. You tell me! (You guys are much better at this stuff).
    

(And by the way, thanks to all those who stopped by while I was out of town, and my apologies for not logging on to the internet almost the entire time! But I read some list that said I shouldn't).

So are any of you going to be able to escape for a vacation this summer? Or do you have any thoughts about vacationing generally?