Stability Ball Giveaway

[By Crabby]


Yes, we have a big plastic bouncy thing to give away this week! Thanks, Sportsmith!

Plus a little pump to go with it--because, alas, the balls aren't nearly as useful when there's no air in them. I know this first hand, because when our little stability ball pump got lost during our move, all I could do was stare sadly at the deflated puddle of plastic for weeks and weeks.

(That is, until the Lobster located a little plastic adapter that would work with our bicycle pump. Clever Lobster! She accomplished this by buying:


which she has been longing for for quite some time. Fortunately it did not come pre-stocked with a happy little hetero family (what would we feed them?) but even better, it had a little pump adapter that worked perfectly in the Stability Ball! Or perhaps she got one from the neighbors when she inflated the pool. Anyway, I came home one afternoon to find the Lobster splashing happily in the backyard and my big bouncy ball back again!)

Attention Giveaway Skimmers, you can come back now! We're done with the Crab/Lobster/inflatable wading pool digressions.

Oh wait... One quick question, before we get into exciting technical details and the contest instructions and the multitude of useful things you can do with your big bouncy ball.

Why the heck are they called "Stability Balls?" Aren't they really the opposite? Isn't the whole point of them to make you feel like if you don't pay proper attention keep everything squeezed tight you might fall over and cause bodily injury and make an ass of yourself?

Just sayin'.

Anyway, this is an "anti-burst" Stability ball, which seems like a really good feature when you think about it. In fact, I bought my ball years ago, and I wonder, could I have purchased an earlier "pro-burst" model that's likely to explode if hop on after a big meal? Yikes!

So it's also important to note that these things come in sizes. There's a 55 cm Small One, for people 5'0" to 5'6"; a 65cm Medium One for those 5'7" to 5'11"; and a 75cm Big Honkin' One for you tall folks 6 feet or over.

What does one do with a stability ball?

Well, I'm actually lazy and unimaginative, so I use mine mostly for stretching. I heard somewhere that flopping over the top of one, face up, and dangling your head back so that you're in an upside down U will not only stretch your back, but decompress your spine and keep your back from gettting all squooshed and scrunched when you're older and might even keep you from shrinking. Is this true? I have no idea, quite possibly not! But I have no motivation to go out and find out otherwise, since it motivates me to stretch out my back.

But, you can do ALL KINDS of exercises with these things, even a complete workout!

Here is a Cute Perky Female Sparkperson video; alternatively, there's also one with a Handsome Guy So Secure in his Masculinity He Uses A Bright Pink Yoga Mat.

For people at work who do not want to broadcast panting exercise video sounds to their neighboring cubes, we have some written instructions here.

But by far the BEST GUIDE EVER to proper use of a stability ball is this instructional post, brought to you by the fabulous Bossy of I Am Bossy.



Contest Instructions:
So wanna win one? Just leave a comment on this post before midnight, EST, Tuesday August 19th and check back the next day (Wednesday 8/19) to find out if you've won. (Or else someone else might get your stability ball!) And feel free to comment about any ol' thing--stability balls, inflatable pools, how your summer is going, if you're getting S.H.I.I.T. done these days, whatever... and we'll choose a random winner.

And, crap, I forgot... afraid this is another U.S. residents only. Sorry!!!!!

Disaster Strikes Cranky Fitness!

Oh my God, what was THAT!

Do you feel it? The earth is shaking!

Oh dear... That roaring noise? Is that the howl of a mighty tornado getting closer?

Whoa, is our plane losing altitude? Uh oh, I smell smoke--our building's on fire! Holy Cow, come look--the dam has burst and the floodwaters are rising!

Yikes, lets get out of heeeere!

...

Um, so--does anyone know where we're supposed to go? Did anyone happen to pay attention to that pamplet/lecture/drill/tv special that told us what we're supposed to do now?

Oops.



So, like many other worrywarts who torture themselves by pondering Worst Case Scenarios, I spend precious little time actually preparing for them. (Fortunately, the Lobster is much more practical, so we have many of the bases covered).

But it was interesting to read a New York Times article about a new book, “The Unthinkable: Who Survives When Disaster Strikes — and Why,” and discover how much one can increase one's chances of survival in a disaster with just a little preparation. And, of course, by not Acting Like a Freakin' Idiot. (Note: there is also an interesting interactive quiz, but if you wanna take it, do so before reading this post as there are SPOILERS below).

The book is by Amanda Ripley, a reporter for Time magazine who has covered, well, lots of disasters. You can also read this NPR summary and excerpt if you're curious.

Some highlights:


1. Fire Drills are Not Just Designed to Torment You.

They actually really help! So don't skip 'em. "Your brain will perform best in a stressful situation if you have already put it through a few rehearsals. ...It’s important to get into the stairs and actually go down them. Your brain relies on that memory and responds to it much more quickly and fully than words."


2. Leave Your Shit Behind And Get Out--FAST.

Note: This is true even if you have to leave behind valuable items stashed in your belongings, like wallets or passport or even CUPCAKES!

Actually, as much as I would hate to part with important documents or tasty baked goods, doesn't this seem like kind of an obvious suggestion in a life-threatening disaster?

But the author noted that during emergencies "people often move surprisingly slowly and find reasons to delay evacuation. ...Even on burning planes, where passengers have only minutes to act before smoke becomes toxic, passengers routinely open overhead bins to retrieve their bags."

But being aware of this "gathering instinct" can help you. "You need to move quickly, but it won’t be your first impulse."


3. Before the plane takes off: Look for exits and read those Stupid Airline Safety Cards.

When was the last time you read one of those thingies in the seat back next to the barf bag? Or counted the number of rows to the nearest emergency exits? (I'm usually too busy engaging in important rituals designed to keep the plane from crashing in the first place. These rituals may involve closed eyes, tight clutching of the armrests, and possibly the sacrifice of a cheap domestic candy bar or a plastic cup full of Chateau de Crappo Airline Merlot).

Think there's no chance of surviving a plane crash anyway, so why bother?

Well, it says that approximately 60% of people involved in serious plane crashes do survive--and those tend to be the ones who know what to do and where to go to get themselves the heck out. So you're supposed to read the safety card every time so your brain is programmed to respond.


4. Panic is less of a problem than "group think," especially if you're with a leisurely group.

This was a surprise to me, as I am someone hard-wired to panic at the hint of any sort of emergency.

But most people become passive, not frantic, and tend to like to be ordered around. "People stick together, follow one another and are civilized and painfully slow during evacuations."

The excerpt was silent, however, as to the etiquette involved in rushing past these painfully slow civilized people and getting the hell out. If they're calmly making their way out at a snail's pace, down perhaps dozens of flights of stairs, how do you speed them up or get around them? Is sprinting, elbowing, shoving, cursing, cursing some more, and slapping considered bad form?


5. Prepare at Home, Too

Why save all that disaster preparation for work and for airplanes when you could be having tedious evacuation drills at home?

Sigh. You also gotta replace smoke detector batteries, have a plan for where to meet, keep emergency supplies on hand, blah blah blah.

What are the things people in actual disasters wished they'd had handy?

Fresh water, information sources, necessary medication, and cash. (The list doesn't even mention coffee, cookies, pizza or tequila. Who the heck did they ask???)


6. Know your neighbors

It's probably best if you don't routinely piss 'em off, either. In major disasters, it's usually a while until "outside" help is available. Close, friendly, non-homicidal neighbors may be a tremendous resource, both physically and psychologically, if something terrible happens and you're stuck for days waiting for help.


7. If a hurricane or flood hits, you're best off acting like a chick, not a dude.

More men perish in hurricanes and floods--not only because they spend more time outside, but because they take more time to evacuate, and are more likely to try to drive or walk through water. ("Honey, stop worrying, will ya?! You can see the water's only a few inches dee... ahhggggghhhh!)


Feeling paranoid now?

Here's another helpful article on how to save your own life in a variety of emergency situations.


Need some emergency-related cheering up?

Our friend the Anxious Exerciser reminded me about these hilarious interpretations of the ambiguous graphical warnings the Homeland Security Department uses for various emergencies, like, for example, nuclear blasts.

"After exposure to radiation, it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head."
(More here).

So, anyone else worry about disasters? Do you prepare for them?

High Intensity Intervals For the Rest of Us

[By Crabby]


Exciting Announcement: A Revolutionary New Exercise Program from Cranky Fitness!

Have you been hearing about all the incredible health benefits of High Intensity Interval Training?

Benefits like:

• Raising your Resting Metabolic Rate;
• Increasing Your Strength;
• Burning More Fat;
• Increasing Endurance;
• Adding more Mitochondria to Muscles;
• Building Lactic Acid tolerance;
• Increasing the Release of Human Growth Hormone;
• Raising your VO2 Max;
• Sounding Really Cool when you Throw Around Terms Like "Resting Metabolic Rate" and "VO2 Max";
• Getting Your Workout Done in Under Twenty Minutes So You Can Watch More TV Devote More Time to Saving the Planet.

All these benefits simply from incorporating a few bouts of extreme torture high-intensity exercise into your workout? It almost sounds too good to be true, doesn't it?

But you may have looked into H.I.I.T. before and thought to yourself: "Gosh, that sounds great! But sprinting like hell until you can't breathe and want to die, then repeating that cycle over and over again until you want to puke? Thanks, but ... Are You F*cking Nuts?"

Yes, actually, quite bonkers--but we do understand. Very few people wants to feel like puking on a regular basis, least of all us.

So that's why we invented an alternative, the H.I.I.T. that's for everyone! Our brand new patented* program:

"Somewhat High Intensity Interval Training!®"

Yes, you too can join the fitness revolution and do some great S.H.I.I.T® for your health!


So what's this S.H.I.I.T® all about?

It's quite simple: Almost everyone agrees H.I.I.T. works, but it's hard. And no one really seems to "own" it, so there's no money to be made off of it consensus about how to do it.

Some folks say sprint for 8 seconds and walk for twelve seconds and do it over and over again for twenty minutes. Other folks say sprint for 30 seconds. Or 45 seconds. Or several minutes. And accordingly, rest longer in between.

Some say do dozens of cycles per workout. Others say do 4-8 cycles. Do the whole thing once a week . Do it every single workout. It's so confusing!

But with S.H.I.I.T® we say: do whatever the heck you want! Just set aside a workout every now and then to focus, in what ever way you want to, on pumping it UP! And then resting. And then pumping it UP!

But this is crucial: if you're absolutely miserable and traumatized, then TURN IT DOWN A NOTCH, DOOFUS! Doing one or two Incredibly Kick-Ass Invigorating Interval Workouts, then never ever doing them again because they suck, will get you surprisingly limited health benefits.


How Do I know if I'm doing this S.H.I.I.T® right?

If you've tried to do H.I.I.T., you may have noticed that there's no "right" way to do it. Whatever you are doing, someone will tell you it is wrong.

Try one approach you've read about in a magazine somewhere, and then read something totally different in another magazine, then go visit fitness bloggers and find out that they're all totally kicking your ass by doing ten times whatever you were doing.

Who needs that aggravation?

With a S.H.I.I.T® program, you know you're doing it right. Because if you're trying-- then you're doing it right. By definition! It's our program, and we get to define our own S.H.I.I.T®


How Do I Stay Motivated to Keep Doing S.H.I.I.T® For the Long Haul?

Mix it up! Some days, do your S.H.I.I.T® on an elliptical. Do S.H.I.I.T® running up hills. Try 8 second intervals; two minute intervals; longer rest periods; shorter rest periods, whatever. The more you mess around, the more you may find that S.H.I.I.T® happens!


To Learn More About How Fit S.H.I.I.T® Into Your Healthy Lifestyle:

Just ask us! After all, Cranky Fitness is your expert resource--because we're proud to say we totally made this S.H.I.I.T® up!


*Patent Pending. (Pending our getting off our asses and patenting it)

Workshop Winners

So the two random winners of the "Why Diets Don't Work Club" membership giveaway are:

Claudia and... The Bag Lady!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Note: I'm always excited for all our winners. But sometimes the Random Number Generator seems reluctant to land on some of our most loyal commenters. It insists on being, well, random! So for the RNG to recognize a Cranky Fitness institution like the The Bag Lady was a pleasant surprise!

So please email CrabbyMcSlacker @ gmail dot com with your email addresses, and I'll put Talia in touch with you to arrange whatever needs arranging.

Thanks for commenting everyone!

The Lazy Woman's Guide to a Healthy Diet

[By Merry]

A lot of people think eating right is a good idea. At least in theory.

Me: More vegetables, fewer cupcakes.
Them: Yeah, good idea.
Me: So, do you eat right?
Them: Hell no.

Why don't people eat food that's good for them?
I took an informal poll, i.e. stopped people in the hall at work. Typical comments ran something like this:

• "Sure, I know I should eat veggies, but I don't have time to cook -- there's too much else to do."
• "Yeah, I feel guilty about eating those danish pastries, but I was running late this morning and didn't have time for breakfast."
• "What? I can't talk now; I'm late for a meeting. Don't you have some work to do?" [Note to self: for future reference, do not ask the boss to participate in an unofficial survey.]

People tend to eat junk food because it takes too much time to prepare something healthy. But does it have to take all that long?

Healthy Food for the Chronically Lazy

I have some suggestions for lazy people. Or at least for people who are short of time. I wouldn't recommend these ideas as a long-term solution, but there are ways to grab quick healthy food that you can munch while you are driving or sitting at your desk.

Kathryn, over at Limes & Lycopene, is running a series called 31 days to a Better Diet. The other day she mentioned one essential principle: make it a point to eat vegetables. Specifically, she says try to eat a vegetable with every meal. That's my goal.

By the way, I don't care what the gubbermint says. Ketchup is not a vegetable. Yes, it contains tomatoes, but it also contains enough high fructose corn syrup to choke a moderate- sized German Shepherd Dog. (In theory, anyway. This statement has not been tested. Cranky Fitness has a firm policy against animal testing, unless the test is multiple choice.)


When I first saw pre-cut vegetables, I scoffed. "What, are they going to chew the food for me as well?" But that was when I was young and stupid so healthy that I could live on fast food while pretending to study during the day, and going out on the town in the evening. I figured I could always cut my own vegetables for myself if I had to eat the dang things. Now, when it's crunch time at work I'm counting every minute. My best friends are baby carrots. (Yes, I do need to get a life, why do you ask?)

Anything that helps me to eat healthy food without taking much time is welcome. Or, I've been known to take a whole cucumber and a sharp paring knife to work with me. (Note: don't do this if you work around paranoid bosses, psychotic co-workers, or toddlers.) Any veggie that I can cut down to size while staying virtuously at my desk is a good idea.

Also, soup. Unlike most fast foods, you can generally find some kind of soup that contains more vegetables than meat.

It's easy. Speaking as the Queen of the Lazy Women, I love easy.

And if you need something more substantial but don't have the time to cook, there's always the pre-packaged healthy stuff like Amy's Kitchen. I hate the idea of frozen dinners, but even so there are nights when I come home too tired to cook any damn thing, or even to chop any damn thing. Nights like that, Amy's my bud.

Lastly, if all else fails, there's... Enrique.

Okay, so Enrique might not be his real name...

As a last resort, you could hire a hunk in trunks to stand behind your chair at work and feed you peeled grapes. Very healthy, peeled grapes. Or at least that's my story.

You can eat healthy food even if you're rushed off your feet.

These suggestions are really nothing but a short-term fix, and it's really not so much for lazy people as it is for people who are strapped for time. But even as a quick fix, it's good because if you've been living in the fast-food lane for awhile, just eating healthy damn green leafy things, even if they come pre-chopped, is going to accustom your body to eating healthy food. Which is a good thing.

The lazy way to a healthy diet isn't cheap. You know how they say you can have it fast or cheap or good? You can eat fast food or healthy vegetables. You can't have it all at the same time. And I hear Enrique's raising his rates.