Chocolate Versus Vanilla

[Posted by Crabby]

Do you have an opinion about the best flavor ever? Even if you don't, it's worth a click to check out the heated debate over at Puntabulous. The fabulous Bossy of I am Bossy trades licks with just-as-fabulous Puntabulous host, Craig. Poor Craig manages to put up a really good fight, even though he's forced to defend Vanilla. (No, not Vanilla the runner, who can probably fend for himself--even if he does sometimes wear a skirt).

Crabby had to vote for chocolate of course, and not just because she was sucking up to Bossy (being a sycophantic fan of her fine blog). If somehow forced to pick only one flavor for the rest of her life, Crabby would have to go with chocolate. But look above you at the cupcake banner--Crabby has nearly equal love for Ebony and Ivory when it comes to sugary goodness! (And yeah, this is a blog about healthy living and good nutrition--what's your point?)

In fact, one thing that bothers her about her cupcakes above is the fact that she would never bake (ha!) buy a "chocolate" or a "vanilla" cupcake if a mixture of the two were available. Vanilla cupcake with chocolate frosting; chocolate cupcake with vanilla frosting: these are what Crabby eats because the two flavors in combination are greatly superior to either flavor in isolation. Duh!

Can't we all just get along?

And in other Blog News, go visit Dr. J's CalorieLab column and you can win a hundred dollars! (Note: some personal humiliation may be involved--but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks!) Actually, you should go there anyway, because Dr. J has written some excellent columns, which will surprise no one who has gotten to know him through his comments at Cranky Fitness.

And finally, Kelly at Fitness Fixation, the most awesome fitness blog on earth, alerted Crabby to the fact that they now have Jeans that Come in Ass Cup Sizes! Sized, you know, like bras--but for your butt. (Warning: caution is advised for those who may offended by pictures of posterior cleavage. Come to think of it, you probably want to skip this post in Crabby's archives, too.)

And have a great weekend!


***Totally Embarrassing Addendum: Crabby was just skimming through the original Puntabulous post, and a comment caught her eye. It mentioned both "ebony and ivory" and "can't we all just get along." Problem is, the comment appears above Crabby's own comment, which means Crabby must have (a) seen it and (b) stolen both references for later use without (c) having had any clue she was doing so. Aaargh!

Crabby lives in fear of inadvertent plagiarism, as she has a tiny crab brain which apparently stores "memories of stuff other people wrote" in the same compartment as "stuff she just thought of." Crabby hereby apologizes to Dara as well as anyone else she has swiped stuff from without realizing it.

Yep It's Friday, Time For... What?!!?

Hmm...The Real "Crabby" and "Mary?" You Never Know!
(Image courtesy of Plan59)

Mary: Hey, what happened? What am I doing here in Crabby's Random Friday post? Where are the beer studies and the cat pictures and the monkeys doing sit-ups?

Crabby: Hi Mary! Don't worry, you're supposed to be here. It's part of the Crab's evil scheme to enslave... er, invite you to become a regular here at the blog. The randomness shall soon return... perhaps even next week.

Mary: So you didn't drag me over here just because you forgot to find Random Research for this week?

Crabby: Um, no, of course not! Say... don't suppose you happen to have any Random Research on you?

Mary: (Patting her pockets) Gosh, I don't think so, but... Oh wait--here's a scholarly article! What a coincidence. Crabby? What the heck are you doing?

(Odd crackling and rustling noises... sounding curiously like the shedding of a thick crustacean shell)

Crabby: I'm just so thrilled to have company today I thought I'd slip out of the third person. Me, me, me! My, my, my! I, I, I-- Gosh, that feels good!

Mary: Holy @$#! Is that what a crab actually looks like without a shell? Um, I mean, hey! Good for you. Healthy self-confidence and all that.

Crabby: So do you think readers will notice that we're stealing ideas from Elastic Waist and having a little chat together the way Weetabix and Anne do?

Mary: Stealing? Let's just say we're "borrowing." Or a simple case of... co-evolution. At least that's what I plan on telling the lawyers if they come by asking questions.

Crabby: Lawyers? Yikes! Good thing I'm just a crab. I think marine creatures are hard to sue.

Mary: We'll hope it doesn't come to that. Otherwise, you might have to shell out a lot of clams...

(ba-dum-bum...)

Crabby: So what's this scholarly article you've got for us? I'm getting pretty behind in my blog reading so I'm not sure I'll have a chance to...

Mary: You mean Exploring the Mind-Body Orgasm?

Crabby: Oh! Perhaps I might have time to take a peek after all.

Mary: I know it's not your regular blog subject matter -- and some blogs wouldn't touch the topic with a 10 foot pole.

Crabby: So to speak.

Mary: Not that the size of the pole is relevant ...um ... ahem. Anyway, I understand Cranky Fitness is not troubled by questions of regularity or even irregularity for that matter.

Crabby: No. We're always so regular here we don't even make an issue of it. It's probably all that coffee first thing in the morning. Anyway, tell us more about this mind/body/orgasm thing.

Mary: Well, what's really intriguing about this study is how much of human sexuality occurs above the waist or even above the neck. Literally, in the case of that one woman with the vibrator on her neck... Okay, now stop giggling.

Crabby: I didn't think you could hear me!

Mary: The point is that a whole lot of human experience occurs in the mind. Including fitness.

Crabby: That's right. And cupcake cravings! They occur in the mind too. Not far from where the orgasms live, I think, but I don't have a brain map handy.

Mary: I have a brain map around somewhere... I'll lend it to you. Once I find where I put it. And you're right -- cupcake cravings are a seriously under-researched phenomenon.

Crabby: We need more cupcake research! Where do I sign up? I hear a lot of studies have trouble getting enough volunteers...

Mary: I'm not sure the orgasm study had that problem.

Crabby: Ah. So somehow they have found selfless volunteers willing to have orgasms for the greater good. Even knee-orgasms! That was the best part of the article. I was very pleased to learn people can have knee orgasms and nose orgasms.

Mary: ANYway, I would argue that being able to accept yourself as a sexual creature is a sign of fitness.

Crabby: Fitness? Really? Are you saying we can skip all that tiresome aerobic stuff and just start sleeping around instead? But I suppose some people might say that's immoral.

Mary: It's not a question of morality; I'm not trying to dictate how or even if you express the sexual side of yourself. I'm suggesting it might be a good idea to accept that it exists.

Crabby: We have sexual sides? Horrors!

Mary: (Balances herself precariously on a rickety soap box) It should be possible to discuss sex without becoming Puritanical. Americans in particular (like me) tend to automatically go into Puritan mode if the subject comes up.

Crabby: Puritan Mode? I'm not sure I've ever been in Puritan Mode. Sounds like a new boutique--I bet they've got lots of practical smocks and sensible shoes! I'll have to check it out.

Mary: Just make sure to avoid any smocks with the letter 'A' on them...

Crabby: Oh, right. But scarlet is such a pretty color!

Mary: I'm reminded of a story that Helene Hanff used to tell: when the Pilgrim fathers caught a man having a love affair with a cow, they not only hanged the man, they hanged the cow. Let's try to look at this study without having a cow about it.

Crabby: Well put!

Mary: (Struggling to stay balanced on the soap box) From the point of view of the biologist, sex is the most fundamental human drive. Trust me on this. I've dated biologists. If even sexuality is to a large extent carried on in the brain, how much more should we be focusing our minds on trying to achieve other goals as well?

Crabby: Other goals?

Mary: Physical fitness, mental fitness, a sense of humor, an end to global warming, damnit... all of this starts in the brain.

Crabby: Wow. I could swear the only thing in my brain are neurotic tendencies and a bunch of old tv commercial jingles! (My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R ...)

Mary: (to herself) Hmmmn. She names her delicatessen comestibles. I think I'm in trouble here... (falls over with a crash)...

Crabby: Oh dear. Mary? Mary? Are you OK? Want to wish all the Cranky Fitness readers a Happy Friday?

Mary: Mrrhhhggrhrrrmph!

Location, Location, Location

[Written by Mary, who also blogs over at Sheesh]

No, this is not a post about house hunting. I'll spare you that.

I'm trying to determine how much of a difference location makes when you're running.

For the last few weeks, I've been slowly immersing myself into the running schedule of the Beginning Runner's Handbook. I started out extra slowly, repeating the first couple of weeks, because I wasn't sure how the knees would feel about this idea. But it hasn't been so bad. The first run was awful, but the others have been ... well, I'm not saying I LIKED it, but it was okay. Until a few days ago, which just plain sucked.

So this seems like the place to ask this question Do you ever have days when the running just plain stinks? Should I chalk this one up to part-of-the-experience? Or should I look to see if I was doing something wrong?

One thing that changed this time was the location. I was running on Thanksgiving day, and the (good sized) park where I normally run was packed (i.e. there were about 6 or 7 people playing with their children, dogs, and frisbees). So I went to run in the forest, where it was dark and the terrain was uneven, but I figured I wouldn't have people looking at me huffing/puffing/glowing red. Even there, I met people: a young couple being chased by a small black cat. (Probably a story there, but I ran past them with a polite nod.) So I went across the busy street to an area of empty-lots-and-deserted-office-blocks. It was sunny there, but the wind brought the temperature below freezing. And I was miserable. Could hardly force myself to run ... jog... move... faster than a snail on tranquilizers. It was horrible.

Does where you run make a big difference? Or wind chill? Shouldn't you still be getting an endorphin rush regardless? I'm trying to figure out if I did something wrong (didn't warm up enough? too much beer-and-bacon before the run?)

"Fun-Sized" Posts and Lemony Tea

[Posted by Crabby.]

This week, we're introducing even more Shiny Newness at Cranky Fitness. First there was the news that Mary may be blogging here sometimes, allowing Crabby to sleep in until noon and surf the internet all day adding a fresh new voice and perspective to the blog. So what's next? Well, now Crabby is pleased to announce another new blog addition: the Fun-Size Post!

What's a Fun-Sized Post? Well, this is, for example. Sometimes little snippets of health news come to the Crab's attention, or she has stray complaints or observations, or she has some little announcement she wants to make about the blog. Crabby used to either (a) save these to fill up a Random Round-up type post, or (b) stretch them out into a full post even though there was really nothing interesting to say about it or (c) forget whatever it was entirely.

Now, a new option! Crabby will just throw these things out there whenever she feels like it.

Like... um... now!

So here's a random health snippet that caught Crabby's eye but she almost forgot about:

More News About Tea!

So according to a new study, a lot of the antioxidants in green tea that we're always hearing about aren't actually being absorbed by our bodies. (Which is frustrating for those of us who plan to live forever and conquer all health problems simply by drinking a beverage experts claim is good for us). In fact, less than 20% of the catechins (the Good Guys) survive the digestive process.

Well, turns out, adding lemon or vitamin C helps spare those antioxidants! With the addition of citrus, the mighty (but unstable) catechins are much better at surviving the perils of your digestive system.

And what about milk? Well, dairy and soy milk both helped preserve antioxidants too, though the scientists seemed to be distrustful of these additives for complicated reasons. (You may want to read the article to try to sort that out). Previous research has sent decidedly mixed messages about the whole adding-milk-to-tea thing. Plus, sometimes they study black tea and sometimes green, further complicating things.

Crabby just wishes researchers would hurry up and figure this all out because damn it, she likes milk in her tea!

Thoughts While at the Spa

[Posted by Crabby]

Recently, as part of an anniversary celebration, Crabby and the Lobster treated themselves to a massage. Rather than go the to the cheap place down the street as they usually do, the Crustacean Couple decided to splurge and went to the Fancy Schmancy Spa instead.


The exorbitantly priced massage included the use of the spa facilities, plus unlimited cups of weak tea and cucumber water. Even aside from the massage, it was quite a treat. There were hot tubs, and cold tubs, and saunas, and strange showers with water jets at all different heights and angles that pounded the Crab in places she'd never been pounded before!

Relaxing? Well, strangely enough--yes!

Anyway, the spa facilities were segregated by gender. (Supposedly, guys go to the spa too, though Crabby is skeptical about this. Perhaps there are no tubs or saunas behind their doorway, and instead their space is filled with big screen tv's and beer and snack bars and racks of girly magazines and video game kiosks. Just a theory).

But the women's side of the spa does indeed exist, and since it's women-only, it's assumed you won't be wearing a bathing suit. You could--but almost no one does, and if you did you'd still have to put it on in the communal locker room where everyone else is getting dressed too.

So, as is true in many spas and gym locker rooms, you end up sharing space and lounging around with strangers while wearing no clothes at all.

Crabby has to ask: does anyone else find this weird?

Not necessarily bad-weird. Just weird-weird.

Maybe what feels weird about it is that our culture is generally so screwed-up when it comes to nudity. We treat the naked human body as if it is (a) incredibly powerful and dangerous; but simultaneously (b) ridiculous and comic and humiliating. Truly, what's a common Worst Nightmare scenario? To somehow be caught naked out in public. It can't get anymore embarrassing than that!

Yet somehow, if you declare an area "men only" or "women only," all this psychological baggage is supposed to magically disappear. Strangers are only supposed to feel 'strange' if they are of the opposite sex.

Crabby actually doesn't mind being naked in these situations anymore, but as a younger person she hate-hate-hated public locker rooms. At some point in college she got over it, who knows why, and now, in a certain mood, she can even enjoy it. There can be something curiously liberating about not wearing clothes in a semi-public place--like you're getting away with something extremely naughty that would ordinarily land you in jail! (Hmm... actually, come to think of it, you are getting away with something that would normally land you in jail).

However, it seems likely that at least a few people might not feel all that comfortable being naked in front of others. It seems odd that even in the most upscale locker rooms and spas, there often aren't many concessions to privacy. Would it hurt to have a few more curtains, changing rooms, and shower doors that close for people who are shy? Just wondering.

But aside from the weirdness of it, there is also something quite affirming about being around a bunch of women in an entirely natural state. For one, it totally exposes what a Big Fat Lie prime-time television is. Because guess what? Real women may sometimes look desperate, but we don't look at all like Desperate Housewives.

Real women not only have curves, we have wrinkles and scars and cellulite! We have ample bellies and sagging boobs and droopy asses. We have wide hips and knobby knees and hair where we shouldn't. We have pairs of body parts that are not symmetrical; we have birthmarks and warts and stretch marks and all kinds of stuff you never see on TV. (Unless of course it's "reality" TV and then the whole point of the show is to have an expert or a surgeon step in and "fix" it).

It's funny, though, the way so many of us women evaluate our appearance not by looking around at the real women nearby. Instead, we look at the air-brushed pictures of actresses in magazines, with teams of trainers, surgeons, and stylists at their disposal. We look and we sigh--why can't we be like them?

Why can't we? Because those pictures--and those women--they aren't real!

The versions we see are just as fictional as the movies and tv shows that make these people famous.

So here's to real, healthy, three-dimensional women. Naked or not!