Friday Menu Special: Plenty of Bologna!

Ever Notice? Everything Just Tastes Better on a Tray!

Actually, it's "Bologna Lite" this week (did you know it even comes Fat Free?).

Unfortunately, Crabby is finding that Real Life Responsibilities are interfering with her compulsive web surfing scholarly research on Health Issues. Will she get back on track or is she heading down the slippery slope of Blog Slackitude? Only one way to find out--stay tuned to Cranky Fitness over the weeks and months to come! In the meantime, here's the usual Friday Fare, with far fewer calories but packed with tons of healthy preservatives.

Nitrites and Nitrates: Our new Best Friends?
Hidden within an article with the innocent title "Eating Your Greens Could Prove Life-Saving If A Heart Attack Strikes," was some news that Crabby found totally freaky. This study (which involved administering nitrite to mice) apparently suggested "that the chemical nitrite, found in many vegetables, could be the secret ingredient in the heart-healthy Mediterranean diet."

What?

Isn't nitrite (and nitrates, which are some sort of precursor or something) supposed to be really Evil and Carcinogenic and a good reason to either avoid processed meats or seek out special fancy expensive brands that don't have any?

The article went on to quote the researcher, Dr. Lefer as saying: "recent research has found no convincing evidence that nitrite and nitrate pose a cancer risk." He also noted that Europeans consume nearly 100 times the amount of nitrite and nitrate daily because they eat so many more vegetables. "This large intake of nitrite and nitrate poses no known risks and could certainly help explain why the Mediterranean diet is heart-healthy despite its relatively high fat content," he says. (Lefer hails from Albert Einstein College of Medicine of Yeshiva University; Crabby has no idea if that's impressive or not, not being much of an Einstein herself).

Crabby actually ran into this issue before, when she reviewed some tasty nitrite-free lunch meat. She was sure there would be a ton of recent research saying nitrites were evil, but couldn't find much. She just put it down to her lack of Google skills. Still--seems best to take the "eat more vegetables" part to heart and don't go racing out to load up on lunch-meats. For whatever reasons, heavy consumption of red and processed meats is still thought to raise cancer risk.

Got Milk Thistle?
According to a recent study, silibinin, a compound found in milk thistle, may reduce cancer cell proliferation and help kill off cancer cells. Milk thistle is already a widely used folk remedy used for liver disease. But, well, what does it taste like in coffee?

Something They Don't Show Nearly Enough of On Grey's Anatomy:
The shows self-absorbed doctors-in-training very rarely accidentally poke themselves with needles--but real residents apparently do it all the time. Problem is, they're not reporting it. A survey by researchers at Johns Hopkins found that "99 percent of surgeons-in-training suffered an average of eight needle-stick injuries in their first five years. Of these surgeons, only 49 percent reported the injuries. “We know also that many residents resist reporting because the training culture suggests that needle sticks ‘go with the territory’ and reporting them may lower peer esteem,” said one of the authors. (Via That'sFit).

And so on to Randomness... after only three items of actual Health Research? Yeah, well, Crabby got distracted the pictures of Tree Root Man, which seem to be both disturbing and authentic. Next time you find yourself complaining about your stiff joints... a little perspective.

Hide the Falafel...
So Mary at the always-amusing Sheesh alerted Crabby to this bizarre FBI scheme to catch terrorists by tracking their tahini. According to Jeff Stein of the Congressional Quarterly, "the FBI sifted through customer data collected by San Francisco-area grocery stores in 2005 and 2006, hoping that sales records of Middle Eastern food would lead to Iranian terrorists... The idea was that a spike in, say, falafel sales, combined with other data, would lead to Iranian secret agents in the south San Francisco-San Jose area."

And What the F*ck, More Research on Swearing! You can also thank Mary for finding us a high-brow article in The New Republic, revealing everything one needs to know about cursing, including how the interplay between the neocortex and the limbic system make it particularly effective! As it happens, obscenity is one of Crabby's favorite hobbies, so this was an excellent find.

Perhaps Not as Highbrow...
But not to be missed: Amy's hilarious illustrated account of social discomfort at the gym.

An Exercise Video with No Animals In It?
Crabby tried hard to find some animal fitness footage, but too many of the possibilities this week either seemed (a) boring or (b) a little cruel. So instead of animals, she'll direct you to this strange but amusing competition . And yes, it is Japanese, how did you guess?

Oh Wait, Do These Count?
If you have gotten this far down and are still sampling links, you might be goofy enough to appreciate this bit of cow weirdness. Or you could always take your cursor on a walk with a feisty little dog.

And sadly, that's all for this Friday, but notice how energetic you feel when your not totally stuffed? Anyway, enjoy your nitrites and have a great weekend!

Getting Rid of Stuff You Don't Need

Is this an inspirational post about letting go of anger and petty resentments, embracing joy and forgiveness, and moving forward to appreciate every moment of a more spiritual, generous, and unencumbered existence?

Nah. Let's not get carried away here.

Crabby just has a bunch of crap in the basement that she's gonna have to sort through before she and the Lobster can sell the house. So that's what this post is about.

(Health-related? Well, um, there's always "mental health" and so... hmm... something about honoring the past while moving forward and avoiding procrastination and tackling things and you'll feel better blah blah blah?)

The real reason for the post is that Crabby needs to try to figure out how to take pictures and put them on her blog and stop using stock photos all the time. Eventually she wants to learn how to be more like her blog idol, the world-famous Bossy. (And you MUST go check out Bossy's blog if you haven't recently, especially this post. It's even fitness related!)

But here's the problem with aspiring to be Bossy one day: Crabby is crap at taking pictures. And she's never learned how to do photo editing because it looks really complicated. Today will be the first time she ever even attached a camera to her computer and downloaded a photo--before, the Lobster just emailed her stuff.

However, Crabby is feeling all inspired by the advice she got yesterday--many of you pointed out that you really need to try New Things sometimes. (Plus, it is time to start sorting through all those piles of junk stashed all over the house so she and the Lobster can get ready to move to Disneyland Provincetown!)

Of Course This Isn't Crabby's Photo
(Just Seeing If You Were Paying Attention)

So let's get started, shall we?

When sorting through your own personal belongings, whether for a move or "spring cleaning" or whatever, do any of you struggle with deciding what to keep and what to toss?

Like there seem to be some items that are not the least bit useful but somehow you can't bring yourself to throw them away:

The Recycling Guys Won't Take Her Anyway

But then there are other items that are a little easier to part with:

She Did Watch it, Once

Sometimes, you don't even know what the hell the thing is:.

It Probably Cuts Something, but What?

And then there are items you can't throw out, but you really shouldn't move them either. You may have to suck it up and deal with them.

This is Money, but Not the Fun Kind

And others items have only sentimental value and you probably shouldn't move them again one more time. (Especially if you no longer own a turntable).

So What if They're Warped? So is Crabby!

In fact, Crabby promised she wouldn't move her humongous box of unplayable lp's ever again. She hadn't opened the box since two moves ago.

She swears she won't just re-label the box: Important Tax Records; Must Save! Because that would be sneaky and dishonest and very, very wrong.


So is Crabby the only one who has Trouble Getting Rid of Stuff? What do you folks do about keeping, tossing, or moving your worldly possessions?

Take My Advice--I'm Not Using It

So the title of this post was once a refrigerator magnet or a bumper sticker or something, one that was meant to be funny. But, well, it's true, right? It's so much easier to give advice than to take it. We see other people doing stupid things to mess up their lives, and we feel almost a physical urge to slap them upside the head and tell them that they should be doing smart things instead.

Then at the same time, we go around doing the same kind of stupid-ass things ourselves, just a slightly different version.

When you're young people give you lots of advice, most of which you ignore. And then you get older and you wish you'd paid attention to at least a little of it. So then you see a young person about to make the same mistakes you did and you naturally want to scream: STOP THAT! YOU ARE GOING TO BE SO F*CKING SORRY LATER, I SWEAR!

But either you hold your tongue, or you tell them what they should do and they just ignore you. Sort of like you did when you were young and people tried to warn you about things.

And as we grow up into adulthood and middle age and old age, we keep doing things that later we may regret. You know that saying about youth being wasted on the young? Well maybe all the life stages are wasted on those who are living them, because we get too caught up in what's happening in our daily lives to make smart decisions about the Big Things. Or even the little things. What are we all doing now that we'll regret twenty years down the road?

If someone actually told us now, would we pay any attention?

So here's a chance for any Cranky Fitness readers, of whatever age, to pass along Unsolicited Life Advice to others. (Note: you don't have to actually follow your own advice yourself. That's way harder.)

And Life Advice can be about Big Things or Little Things. Because the Little Things are important too! Remember the "sunscreen graduation speech" that was widely circulated a decade ago? (It was written by Mary Schmich, but falsely attributed to Kurt Vonnegut at the time). Well, part of the reason it was so popular, aside from the attribution error, was that it contained Smaller Truths as well as the Bigger ones. (And because one of the huge regrets many of us have as we age is, actually, that we didn't wear enough damn sunscreen.)

Anyway, this is one of those posts that will happen mostly in the Comments section, because readers always have the best advice! (And it would be particularly useful if people had advice for middle-aged and older people as well as youngsters, because some of us are actually not so young anymore. We need age-appropriate advice that we can ignore too. So, youngsters, don't feel shy about telling us old farts what we should do, since we're always handing out plenty advice down your direction).

Anyway, here are a few initial random pieces of unsolicited advice. And lets hope it gets better than this when you folks weigh in!

1. Ignore almost everything you learned as an adolescent. Adolescence is not like the rest of life--just grit your teeth and get through it and try not to let it permanently damage your self-esteem. Adolescent popularity often seems to involve: obsessing over your appearance; having the "right" clothes or gear; conforming to what everyone else around you is doing; disdaining anyone in authority or anyone below you on the social ladder; and taking lots of reckless chances just for the hell of it.

This is not, strangely enough, the best formula for happiness later in life.

And sure, there are few lucky folks who succeed at being popular and successful both as teenagers and as grown ups--but often there is almost an inverse relationship between teenage happiness and any other kind.

2. Don't slouch. Even if you are embarrassed by your height, your boobs, your lack of boobs, or whatever--you will regret your lousy posture later. There will come a time when you don't even have the option to pull your shoulders back anymore or stand up straight if you don't get in the habit when you're younger.

3. Don't smoke cigarettes.

4. Don't marry or have kids young. Unless you are (a) incredibly lucky or (b) unusually wise beyond your years. This is because there is almost no correlation between what makes someone seem incredibly attractive to the average, say, 19-year-old, and what makes a person a caring, reliable, loving partner worthy of a lifetime commitment.

Play the field first, however you might define "play." Learn whether you are naturally attracted to people who are good to you. If not, teach yourself to find good people attractive before you commit yourself (and possibly your children) to someone who isn't kind or stable. It's not fair to your kids, or yourself, to marry an abusive or neglectful or just-plain-crazy person in order to fulfill some kind of romantic fantasy. The stakes are way too high.

5. Don't fear exercise--get used to it early and it becomes like brushing your teeth--something you may not always feel like but that is so ingrained you feel sort of ashamed and dirty if you don't get around to it.

6. Start saving money and earning interest on it as soon as you are able. If you are five years old and your mommy is reading this blog to you right now and the tooth fairy just left you a dollar? Then make mommy give you change for that dollar and put a quarter of it right in the bank. Seriously, that whole compounded-interest thing is totally amazing. If you save a big chunk of those tooth fairy quarters and babysitting dollars and foregone Starbucks lattes and first paychecks and holiday bonuses and let it all earn interest for a few decades? Voila: financial security. (Or at least a lot less debt!).

7. Hang on to memories too, not just money. Keep those old pictures of yourself, your family, your friends, your exes--even some of the unflattering or painful ones. As time goes on you really will forget what you looked like, what you wore, who you hung out with, where you went and, well, who the hell you were. Later, you will be curious.

8. Put more effort into being kind and pleasant to your loved ones than you do your boss or your clients or your co-workers. Not that you should be rude to or abrupt with anyone. But too many people seem to feel that their own partners or family members don't merit the same patience and courtesy they extend in "social" situations to colleagues or even total strangers. This is backwards, really common, and kinda screwed up when you think about it.

9. If you have safely reached middle age with some cherished long-term friendships intact, and you find yourself telling a funny story: realize that you already told these people this story. Yes, you have, even if you don't remember that you did. If it is indeed funny and it happened more than 24 hours ago--yep, they've heard it. The reason they are smiling and laughing and asking questions is because they like you, and because they're really nice people. So go ahead and tell it again and enjoy the warmth that their laughter brings--but make sure to appreciate those people who make your old stories feel new each time.

10. Notice at least a few things you feel grateful for every single day. This is one of those hokey, saccharine, syrupy, trite, sometimes tiresome bits of advice that is nonetheless incredibly powerful if you follow it. Life is not predictable and it certainly isn't fair--but the part we can control is how we feel about it.

So folks, please don't be shy with your words of wisdom--some of us could really use a few hints!

Overweight and Living Longer: Why the Scowl?

So our last Random Friday Roundup discussed (really briefly) a recent study on weight and mortality. You remember--it's the one that looked at what people tend to die from, depending on how heavy they are. Want some more info on the study, like what might up and kill you one day? Check out the JAMA abstract, the AP summary, or one of a couple of interesting NY Times articles, here and here.

But the types of diseases and their prevalence are not what this post is about.

Here's the thing: it wasn't the particular causes of death that got most people talking on the web, though those are pretty interesting too. The thing that surprised everyone (including Crabby) was actually announced two years ago during the first part of the study: people who were overweight had an overall lower risk of dying during the study period than those of normal weight. (People who were underweight or obese, on the other hand, had a higher risk of death than normal).

So the study that's in the news right now is just a follow-up study, adding another year of mortality data and sorting out which things each group actually died of.

Which leads to the question: If this all came out a couple years ago, why are so many of us surprised? The fact that non-obese overweight people live longer than slimmer ones must have been in the news back then. Yet Crabby has no memory of it.

Why did that interesting bit of information seem to disappear entirely from the ongoing (and constant) media discussion of health and weight?

It seems like these study findings should be welcomed--as a society, more people are moving from the normal to the overweight category, so if being overweight actually keeps you from dying younger, isn't that a good thing? Crabby is not overweight herself, so has just now discovered that statistically she's actually more likely to croak early, but she still thinks this sounds like good news for the population in general.

Is the problem that the data came from a dubious source? Uh, nope. While we're always being bombarded with news reports about tiny obscure studies saying bizarre things, this wasn't one of those. It was a humongous CDC study published in JAMA, the Journal of the American Medical Association. (Which ain't Parade magazine, right)?

Yet it seems that most health experts don't especially want to acknowledge this result. In fact, there's been an immediate rush to explain it away and minimize it. As apparently happened the last time too! Which might be part of the reason the message got lost and we all went back to thinking that moderately overweight people (who are not obese) are at greater risk of death, not less. Which happens to be wrong.

So what's the deal with that?

Sure, one reason could be because "overweight" can be a stage people pass through on the way to obesity. Obesity is still a big health risk. So you don't want people to get confused and stop caring what they eat or how much they consume. And you still want to encourage everyone to exercise and eat healthy cancer-fighting heart-protecting whole foods--which, as it happens, will also likely lead to weight loss in folks who have been previously sitting in front of the tv every night eating mostly crap.

And it's true there are particular medical conditions made worse by even moderate excess weight--diabetes come to mind. People who are at high risk for one of those kinds of conditions should definitely take that into consideration.

But why do so many health experts seem so eager to cling to the "heavier body weight will kill you" idea? It's as though they'd almost be disappointed if it turned out not to be true. Do they see fat as a moral issue? Is there some inherent appeal to the notion that skinny must be healthier than chubby because it seems more "virtuous?"

As a practical matter, the study probably won't make that much difference anyway. Because many people, particularly women, aren't motivated to lose weight because of their health. They may say that's why, but it's really mostly because they want to look hot. And our culture, for the moment, insists that skinny is hot. Curvy or beefy is not.

On the other hand, some people who are somewhat "overweight" do care more about their health than their appearance. They're exercising, eating their vegetables and their lean protein, and they're not scarfing down junk food on a regular basis. Yet they can't get to "normal" weight no matter how hard they try because they're just not built that way. And their doctors continue to scowl at them like they're irresponsible children or greedy criminals.

This finding may be contradicted by another study, as often happens. Who knows. But what if it turns out to be true that going from a non-obese but chubby size to a tiny little skinny size doesn't buy you anything health-wise? What if being a bit overweight is all just about appearance?

Then Crabby may have to rethink her approach to things a bit. Eat all the healthy stuff, do all the exercise... but don't sweat a few extra calories? Or at least acknowledge that to forgo them is purely about vanity and not about health or longevity?

Hmmm. Further pondering may have to take place in the tiny Crab brain.

Anyway, Crabby might well be missing something obvious here. She's very curious what you all think.

(Also, Soap Box Girl had a great post on this study too, which you all should definitely check out.)

Time For More Rhyme!

When Cranky Fitness changed web addresses last week, Crabby wrote a little poem about it. She hoped the appalling weirdness of her verse would shock you all into changing your bookmarks. She even fantasized that the announcement would generate some Technorati mojo for her brand new, Zero-Authority blog.

And, well, it helped! Thank you, all of you who have re-linked and re-bookmarked to the new www.crankyfitness.com.

So Crabby is not going to let herself get depressed about starting all over from zero. She's not even sure what Technorati numbers are supposed to be good for, other than boosting one's bleego. (Bleego is a word Crabby just made up for "Blog Ego," an easy-to-injure sense of blog-worth. Someone else may have already coined the term but Crabby hasn't read of it yet, so it doesn't count. Bleego is sort of like self-worth, but more twisted and geeky. Excessive bleego can cause undue fascination with stats and resentment of other more successful blogs; best to keep bleego well in check).

Anyway. After subjecting poor readers to her tortured rhymes about blog URLs last week, Crabby asked if anyone else had any to share, and guess what?

The answer was yes!

Many witty poems appeared in the comments section to that post. Go here to read the awesome contributions of Marijke, Kristen, Missicat, Melissa, P.O.M., Jim, Mary, Susan, and The Bag Lady!

(And make sure you click some of their links, too, and sample further cleverness on their very fine blogs).

But a couple of great poems were also sent in by email, and Crabby thought she'd share them with you all since many of you already had the chance to read the earlier ones. (And pssst: Got any more? If any of you have health or blog-related silly poems or haiku to share, please email them to Crabby and she'll hang onto them for future postings!)

So first up is a poem by our good friend Hilary at The Smitten Image.


I'll Diet Tomorrow

Went grocery shopping and what did I buy?
Nothing fattening at all - so stoic was I,
'Cause I saw all the cookies and pistachio nuts
And I knew if I bought them, they'd go straight to my butt

I ignored all the ice cream and potato chips
And all of the junk that just inflates my hips.
I was ever so strong, and my resolve was the same
When I heard the dark chocolate call out my name

I came home again, put the groceries away
Proud of the willpower I had summoned today.
I made a light lunch, nothing fattening of course.
I was bound and determined I'd have no need for remorse.

I thought I'd see what my next blog post would entail
But first I remembered to go check my mail.
A plain package was waiting, a simple disguise,
I had no way of knowing it would do harm to my thighs.

I opened the wrapping and dug deep down inside
Where lots of my favourites were trying to hide.
I saw fudge chunks and cocoa and dark chocolate chips
And I knew it meant trouble if they dared touch my lips.

There was Hershey and Baker's, Godiva and Lindt
And sweet Ghiradelli with almonds and mint.
My willpower weakened in the course of a blink
And I could already feel my jeans start to shrink.

So I'll diet tomorrow, or next week, month or year
I'll approach it with purpose, be firm and austere.
I'll go back to the right food, the veggies and greens
And hopefully then, reunite with my jeans.


Awesome, thank you Hilary!


And so next is a poem by another Cranky Fitness pal, Vanilla at Half-Fast. Vanilla explains that his poem was inspired by one Shel Silverstein wrote called "Sick." And though Vanilla ran this on his blog before, he allowed me to steal it and run here too. Enjoy!


Excuses

"I cannot run this race today,"
Said Half-Fast, while in bed he lay.
"I pulled my hamstring and my groin,
I have a serious swelling in every loin.
My feet are blistered, my ankle's sprained,
And what if I have over-trained?
My arches have fallen to the floor,
My body feels like it's ninety-four,
I've got shin splints, athlete's foot and stitches,
And now my kneecap really itches.
My heel is burdened by Achilles Tendonitis,
Or it might just be Plantar Fasciitis,
Either way I should stay at home,
And not risk Patellofemoral Syndrome.
My feet are too slow, my legs are too fast,
And what if I keep getting passed?
I once heard that running can cause arthritis,
I'm already developing Hip Bursitis.
My quad's are too loose, my hamstring's too tight,
My left leg's faster than my right.
My calves have turned a dark shade of orange,
I got my toe caught in a door-hinge,
It caused a muscle tear, just partial,
And I know it broke my metatarsal.
I have Iliotibial Band Syndrome, or I.B.S.
And look! My hair is such an awful mess.
I dislocated my funny bone,
I'm sure I suffer from Plica Syndrome,
I have Tennis Elbow, and my belly is -- what?
What's that? What's that you say?
You say today's the scheduled pre-race rest day?
G'bye, I’m off to carbo-load and eat soufflé."


Another great one, thanks Vanilla!

Problem is, these folks are setting the bar for health and fitness poetry way too high. It's time for Crabby to lower it again!


Breakfast

Oatmeal with flax
May prevent heart attacks.
But pastries with icing
Are far more enticing.


Have a silly Monday, everyone!