Cranky Fitness Tries the Holofit Virtual Reality App and Can't Shut Up About It

So I keep pestering all my friends about my favorite exercise addiction, the Holofit VR App, and they are getting awfully sick of hearing about it. Good thing I have a blog again!

(BTW, this is not a paid post. I got nothing for free. Those glory days of fitness blogging are all over for yours truly. In fact, the poor Holofit people don't even know about this. Imagine how thrilled they'll be to find out they've been endorsed by a geriatric blogger who often writes under  the name Crabby McSlacker!) But to fully disclose: I was so blown away by their exercise app that I purchased a lifetime membership. Which  even makes me a shareholder, yay! But technically: I have a miniscule financial interest here. But it is the least of many many reasons that I want them to be successful.

Here's the short version: Holofit is a virtual reality fitness app that can connect with an exercise bike, rower, or elliptical. It makes you feel like you are zipping through totally immersive three dimensional worlds, whether they be magical, urban, science-fictiony, mythical, or beautiful spots in nature. Sometimes all of those at once. (Note: two dimensional pictures do not do the graphics justice, they are detailed and amazing).

So, wanna know more about this whole Virtual Reality contraption that I'm so obsessed with?

Health and Fitness Gift Ideas

So today's main post is just below, but I also wanted to let you know I've got a post up at Blogher on Healthy Holiday Gift Ideas. Long-time readers may be suspicious when they read the title: "Holiday Hot Buttons: Don’t Send the Wrong Message With Your Healthy Gift."

Does that sound anything like a Crabby McSlacker post title? Not to me it doesn't. I don't even know what the heck a "hot button" is, or where it's located, or what dire things happen if you push it.

Oh wait! I think I found it.

Whatever You Do, Don't Press This Button! It's Hot!

(Photo: tarheelcoxn)

But if you're brave enough to click your way over to BlogherLand, you'll discover that the writing is mine, even if the title isn't. And thanks to those of you whose gift ideas I stole for the post! Most appreciated.

Make A Fortune in the Fitness Industry

Grab it while the grabbin's good!
Photo: Steve Wampler

So here’s my idea of how to be a fitness industry millionaire. And you know what? You’re welcome to use it for free! This is because (a) I’m too lazy to actually set up a fitness business, and (b) it’s kind of a stupid idea.


But just watch! Someday someone’s gonna do it and it will make a lot of money, and you’ll be totally mad that it wasn’t you.

So I can’t help noticing that despite my attempts to make fun of it, “Functional Fitness” continues to get more and more popular. Whether it’s CrossFit or one of those Boot Camps or whatever, everyone now seems to want their workouts to start incorporating more “real life,” functional movements.

So it’s all “goodbye fancy fitness club” and “see ya later, big-ass weight machines” and instead everyone is running off to meet in parks and playgrounds and stripped-down garages to work out with the bare minimum of equipment.

Yet oddly enough, sometimes these bare-bones functional fitness workouts end up being more expensive than the fancy gym, because they require people to instruct you and yell at you on an ongoing basis. (Those who are thrifty and do their own research and supply their own motivation can, of course, do it for cheap or free). But many folks are busy and stressed and are naturally willing to pay for some direction.

So you get buffed personal trainers and sculpted boot camp instructors doing what your our chain-smoking P.E. teachers in baggy sweats used to do: yelling at students to do a bunch of different exercises whether they feel like it or not.

“Run four 100–yard sprints! Now do 25 push-ups! Balance on that bosu ball while you...whoops! Well, just go ahead and wipe that up, it’s only blood. Now run up those stadium stairs! Jump rope for 4 minutes! Deadlift 150 pounds!"

The pay-off is, exercisers get much better at the very movements used in real life. Because you never know when you’re going to fall face down on the floor and need to push yourself back up 25 times in a row, or break out into a set of burpees, or avoid a fast-moving rope coming at your feet... 400 times in quick succession.

Sadly, though, as much as we want our moves to be functional, we’re not quite there yet, are we? We don’t tend to swing big iron weights with built-in handles around all that often--yet it might be handy to be able to schlep an armchair up the stairs when you move to a new place, or haul 80 lb bags of mulch when it's time to spruce up our yards.

Are you starting to see where this is all headed?

Yep, as a “Super- Functional Fitness Trainer,” you can train, motivate, and empower your clients to perform astounding feats of fitness! All you need to do is create special protocols and “challenges” for them and invest in a little bit of equipment.

This mobile, adjustable weight-training device improves balance
and recruits pretty much every muscle in your body!

Who in the class can take the biggest pile of raked up leaves from one side of a big yard to the pickup truck waiting out front?

Who can beat the "club record" for carrying three forty pound kitty litter containers and four cases of sparkling mineral water up to a 3rd floor walk-up apartment?

Who can haul the largest number of humans the furthest while sharpening reflexes and improving balance in busy urban thoroughfares?

It's just like spinning class, but with sunshine!
Photo: PaulS_

Your clients will be so excited to climb into your mobile fitness van and don their special matching workout outfits, knowing that each day they will be delivered to a whole new "real life" gym to play in for 2, 4, 8, even 12 hours at a time!

These clients are getting a first-class functional
workout, and wow are they psyched!
Photo: Caro's Lines

And, well, if you just happen to run another company besides your fitness business that supplies temporary workers who are fit and strong and skilled in moving, hauling, delivery, yardwork, and other valuable labor? That's just the can-do American entrepeneurial spirit! Your “fitness” clients don’t really need to know you’re getting paid at both ends do they? They'll just be looking forward to the next Super-Functional fitness challenge you can devise for them.

Dig in, this is gonna be FUN!!!!
Photo: AdamCohn

So seriously, is it just me? Or does anyone else find that it's much more appealing to think about exercising when an instructor tells us to rather than when that request comes from an employer or a spouse?

Timex Ironman Race Trainer Giveaway

Yep, we're extremely pleased that Timex has donated an Ironman Race Trainer Heartrate Monitor system for us to give away to a lucky Cranky Fitness reader.

And there's more good news: they're willing to ship internationally, so anyone can enter to win!

Would you like to find out how to enter, learn more about the product, get some training tips, and listen to Crabby's little lecture on Number Theory?

Wait a second, did she just say Number Theory? Sorry, we just all remembered we had an important appointment to have our Cockapoo's toenails trimmed ...

Yes, I did say number theory, but don't run away! I don't mean the kind of number theory that mathematicians talk about. If you want to learn about Euler's theorem, the law of quadratic reciprocity, or the Möbius function, you'll have to go elsewhere. I don't know bupkus about that stuff. This is a different kind of number theory.

Crabby's Theory About Fitness and Numbers

As it happens, the Ironman thingy is not just a way to measure your heartrate so you don't kill yourself by running too fast until your heart explodes. It also lets you "analyze comprehensive workout data to enhance workouts, track progress and ... attain training goals."

Which made me think a warning was in order. I figured it might be a good time to offer up my Numbers Theory, even though I don't follow it very well myself.

Here goes:

When using workout data to improve exercise performance and motivation, only pay attention to the GOOD numbers. Bad numbers don't count.

Run your fastest 3 miles ever? That's excellent! You rock! A great reason to keep training.

Fail to do eight push-ups today when last week you could do twelve? Screw it., just ignore that Bad number. It didn't count.

What counted is that you tried, and that you're going to keep doing push-ups until you can do more again. You still rock!

So in addition to your awesome new fancy-pants fitness gadget, remember to consult your effortometer. Whichever gives you the most credit, that's the measurement that counts.

(Note: If you are a professional athlete, ignore this advice. Listen to your coach instead or you may find yourself out of a job).

Now enough about Number Theory, let's get on with the giveaway!

Why You Might Really Like the Ironman Race Trainer HRM:

I'm not lucky enough to own one myself, so I'll quote from the promotional materials:

The Timex Ironman Race Trainer Kit is a downloadable HRM system that includes:

• Race Trainer digital heart rate monitor
• Digital 2.4 heart rate sensor and strap
• Data Xchanger USB device, and
• Free access to Timex Ironman online training site.

Furthermore, "The Data Xchanger enables 2-way communication between the Race Trainer and a PC, transferring workout data to a free Timex Ironman online training site powered by TrainingPeaks. Track your training calendar, performance, personal data and nutrition with the ability to modify your HRM and watch settings from your desktop all in one step."

I gotta say I'm pretty jealous.

More Stuff Over at Their Training Website

Timex also has a website you can check out at Timextrainer.com. It's got training programs, downloads, videos, and a blog, all of which sounds very nice and whatever, but what caught my eyes was that there is a 60 minute FREE RUNNING MUSIC DOWNLOAD there.

You guys, go ahead and download training programs and run your asses off. I'm going to check out the music. It sounds likes it's fast (150bpm) and I'm all about FREE.

How You Can Win the Ironman HRM System

No poetry necessary this time (although we always appreciate health and fitness poems, haikus, and limericks. It really brightens our day).

To enter, just leave a comment saying why you might like an Ironman HRM, so we know you're actually entering and not just stopping by to chat, which we also love. (We'd just rather the prize goes to someone who wants it). A random number generator will pick the winner. Note: if you leave more than one comment, only your first comment will be assigned a number.

Contest closes Midnight (EST) Tuesday December 9th, winner announced sometime the next day, Dec 10th, and prize must be claimed (by emailing us or leaving a comment) by Friday night, December 12th.

Will the Timex HRM Get Crabby In This Kind of Shape?
If so, Sign Her the Hell Up.

Good luck, and may the Random Number Generator pick a Good Number--yours!

UPDATE: So sorry, the winner was chosen. But if you'd like to get your hands on a similar one, here's a handy Amazon link: