The Cranky Fitness Guide to Shakespeare

Um... isn't this a blog about health and fitness and whining? Shakespeare isn't covered under any of those, unless you're a student with a paper due. So what gives?

Actually, this post is Crabby's fault. It started off as a post about getting back on the exercise wagon and try try trying again, and somehow morphed into a post about Shakespeare. Clearly, Crabby is to blame.

I mean, she said to me, "Merry, write whatever you want -- no matter how weird."

Now, how could I pass up an offer like that? Could you?

The Cranky Fitness Guide to Shakespeare, or Getting going again when you're stuck on a plateau

Hey, anything you try rarely comes out perfect the first time. Look at Shakespeare. According to scholars,* his Romeo and Juliet was originally written as a baseball drama:

Romeo: But soft! Whose ball through yonder window breaks?
Juliet: It is that beast, little Timmy's the one!
Romeo: Kid, what part of 'soft' don't you understand? [Exit, pursued by Yogi Berra]

Then the story morphed into something that students had to be forced to watch.


See, if Shakespeare could start with something like that and end up with a story so well known that it's been turned into a movie with Leonardo di Caprio and a hip, cool soundtrack, and even into manga, then there's hope for you even if you seem totally stuck in something that's not working.



The trouble with the slogan 'try, try, try again' is that it sounds like you're supposed to keep doing the same damn thing over and over again until it finally works. To quote my six-year-old niece, "I don't think so."

Think and Grow Fit

Napoleon Hill wrote a best-selling book called Think and Grow Rich. Haven't read it? I'll summarize the book for you:

1. Make a plan to get rich.
2. Try the plan out.
3. See if the plan is working.
4. If the plan is not working, figure out what you're doing wrong.
5. Revise the plan to correct the mistake.
6. Repeat steps 2 through 5 until you're rolling in dough.

See? Saved you a whole lot of reading right there.

Oh all right, there was a bit more.

[Warning: Crabby, don't read this part. There's some Positive Thinking ahead.]

He wanted you to visualize yourself achieving your goal, and -- this is the clincher -- to concentrate on feeling, infusing the visualization with an emotional tone. According to Hill, the brain isn't activated by rote memorization, but by deeply felt images. You're not going to achieve unless you believe to the point that you feel the belief.

[Crabby, it's okay, you can read the rest.]

Whether Hill was right about the emotional aspect or not, the rest of his steps are so obvious that it's amazing someone put them into a book and made tons of money with them. Yes, if you're on a plateau, maybe something's not working. Analyze what you're doing and figure out if you need to change your routine or need to give your body time to work through an issue (e.g. building muscle rather than shedding pounds).

If you're stuck on a plateau, I don't think it would hurt to try visualizing and adding emotion to the image. It's what athletes do all the time. Seems to me that people who are stuck on a long-term plateau stop when they reach step #4.

They tried something, it didn't work, they stopped trying.

And lo, when you stop trying, you start gaining.

I figure if you're stuck on a plateau and nothing seems to be working, you might as well try something different. Like searching through the works of Shakespeare for inspiration or infusing your mantras with emotion.

Do you have any good tips for getting motivated and getting going again? How do you get off a plateau -- or do you? Maybe I should stop reading so much Shakespeare and start practicing patience instead. Naaaah...

*All right, one scholar. Merry's Disreputable Guide to Shakespeare, Cranky Fitness Press 2009, p. 47

Photo credit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/clatiek/ / CC BY-ND 2.0

Top 10 Reasons Not To Read This

10. Crabby didn't write this post. That should tell you something right there.

9. Merry's having an air-conditioner crisis during a heatwave (when else?) and is consequently hot, sweaty, and cranky-beyond-belief. She writes crappy posts when she's h. s. and c-b-b.

8. Your boss is looking over your shoulder right now.

7. He's trying to decide who to keep and who to lay off. (Kinda like Santa trying to choose who's naughty or nice, except that you can't bribe him with a glass of milk and cookies by the fireplace, plus you really shouldn't sit in his lap and tell him (or her) what you really really want this year.)

6. By the time you've read this far, you could have done 20 situps, 10 pushups, or eaten 1 chocolate éclair.

5. Big List of Giveaways is giving away a Strider bike (for 1-5 year olds).

4. For that matter, Short Pump Preppy is giving away a heart rate monitor.

3. Hell, forget the exercise stuff, Will It Change You is giving away $50 to a random commenter. Or at least, he says he is. There might be some fine print that says you have to sell him your soul or make telemarketer calls to people during dinner time, but I haven't seen any catch yet.

2. What, you're still reading this? What can I say. I had a bad day. Nobody loves me. Everybody hates me. I'm going to go sit in a corner and whine. If you throw in some cheese I'll even wine. I'm not proud. Just hot and annoyed. (Which is not nearly as much fun as being hot and bothered.)

And the number 1 reason not to read this...

Oh hell. It's too late now. You've read it.

Please forgive me for failing you. I promise that I'll make it up to you, with lots of Ask Cranky Fitness posts, Flowcharts, quizzes, and generally snarky posts.

Until then, I understand if you want to leave lots of comments complaining about what a bum I am, and telling Crabby how much better you could do this job. (I'll still sniff and feel Deeply Hurt, but I'll understand. Don't mind me...)

If I can't smoke it, why should I grow it?

The ultimate NIMBY...
Photo credit: aussiegall

I grew up in a neighborhood of immigrants. One year, the guy across the street planted his entire front yard in potatoes. His daughter, not being from the Old Country, was mortified with shame. It was UnAmerican to use a front yard like that. He never saw her point of view but, not wanting to embarrass her, he went back to growing grass like everyone else.

Sometimes convention is habit that's hardened into prejudice, and prejudices cannot be addressed using logic. Surprisingly enough, some vegetables fall into this category. They provoke illogical responses -- especially this one vegetable. I mean, I could say that this vegetable contains the fountain of youth and people would still scoff.

I think the conversation would go something like this:

Me: It's really healthy and full of vitamins .

Friend: Who cares! It's a weed!

Me: It's easy to grow your own -- fresh, local, and organic.

Friend: Who cares! It's a weed!

Me: It can help you lose weight.

Friend: Who cares! It's a --- hmmmn, wait a minute. I don't want to be too narrow minded here. Can you tell me more?

Dandelion leaves fall into the category of healthy green leafy veggies.

What were you saying about it helping weight loss?

They grow, as most people know to their regret, almost any where.

You mentioned weight loss a minute ago?

Not only are they in the top 4 green vegetables in overall nutritional value (USDA Bulletin #8, "Composition of Foods, Haytowitz and Matthews 1984), their diuretic properties work against excess water retention. Most diurectics have the serious drawback of causing you to lose potassium, but dandelions have such a high level of potassium in the leaves that you don't end up with a deficit.

Who cares about all that so long as I'm thin, thin, thin!

All right, you can say it's a weed. But not just a weed. It's a nutritious weed. (Yes, unless you spray it with evil poisons, but those poisons would be bad for you regardless of the food they were sprayed on -- even if you were eating a cupcake.) Dandelions are a "very good source of Dietary Fiber, Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Vitamin E (Alpha Tocopherol), Vitamin K, Thiamin, Riboflavin, Vitamin B6, Calcium, Iron, Potassium and Manganese."

Note: people take dandelion pills or tinctures for medicinal benefits. (For example, it is used as a traditional medicine for liver problems.) Using concentrated amounts of dandelion extract can have a powerful effect on your system, not always a good idea if you're taking other medications as the same time.

That's not what I'm talking about. I am focused here on eating green leafy vegetables. You take anything in concentrated doses and you'll want to be careful. Ingesting dandelion leaves in a salad is much safer. If you're just concerned with eating a vegetable that's good for you, this is it.

A cup of dandelion greens, 25 calories, gets you:
112% of your daily need for vitamin A
30% of vitamin C
585 friggin' % of vitamin K
24 mg Omega-3
144 mg Omega-6

Dandelion are supposed to have medicinal properties as well. The official name of the plant is Taraxacum officinale, which is fancy language for the "Official Remedy for Disorders." Most of its reputation as a tonic is based on traditional European folklore. That doesn't mean the claims are false, but I'm conditioned to want to hear about health from people in white coats.

There isn't as much scientific research out there as I would like re: its tonic properties. I did find a study that claimed dandelions would help with lipid metabolism of diabetics. Mostly what I found was vague but quite positive. "The well-known pharmacological effects, together with the low toxicity, suggested by other authors, make this underutilized plant a good candidate for use as food source."

All the experts on the web and in upscale recipe books say pick the tender young leaves. However, if you're trying to follow the folklore route and eat this stuff to help your liver, they say you should include some of the older, more bitter-tasting leaves. Southern cuisine pairs dandelion leaves with bacon, Asian cuisine combines it with salty-tasting recipes.

Also, you can use the root to make tea. "The tea made of it is of medicinal importance, has a stomachic, tonic, diuretic, aperient, digestion stimulating, antibilious, blood purifying effect."

Incidentally, another weed that people spend a lot of time and effort trying to get rid of is purslane (Portulaca oleracea). Did you know it is the highest vegetable-based source of omega-3s?

If you want to eat a healthy diet without breaking the bank, maybe it's time to stop thinking of all weeds as an enemy. (Some weeds are definitely still in the enemy category -- I haven't found a single source that claims poison oak has a redeeming quality.)

What, you're still reading this? You haven't given up in disgust and clicked on Bubbleshooter instead? I'm impressed. To most people, the idea of eating weeds that grow in a backyard sounds as absurd as planting potatoes instead of a lawn.

I think it's the same mindset as growing potatoes on the lawn. Eating dandelions might be logical, it might be practical, it might be healthy.

Plus it could help you lose weight! Don't forget the important stuff!

But if you ate it, people would think you weird. Why is this? People don't value something if it's free? You can buy dandelion leaves in upscale trendy grocery stores. Does that make the veggie more appealing?

I think this prejudice falls into the category of "Just Because." Can't see another reason for it. (If you can, please let me know!)


I'm not planning to start a campaign, People for the Eating of Dandelions Dammit (PEDD). I'm just curious -- what's your reason for avoiding them?


Caveats: I haven't been able to verify this, but I've read you should avoid dandelions if you have allergies to latex or daisies. And yes, yes, obviously, avoid it if you're not sure the area has not been sprayed. While supposedly quite helpful for people in the early stages of liver and gall bladder disorders, dandelions are in check-with-the-doc territory if you have gall stones. The bitter elements increase the amount of bile produced.