Bio-Feedback To Go

It's not exactly news that chronic stress is bad for you. And stress management is a huge topic that Crabby needs to remember to address more. Because here at Cranky Fitness, we hate stress!

But rather than starting off by discussing the basics of Stress and Stress Management and then proceeding from there in a logical and organized fashion, Crabby would rather jump in randomly and talk about biofeedback today. And then perhaps later she will jump in randomly again and talk about some other aspect of Stress Management that appeals to her.

Good thing Cranky Fitness is a health blog and not a text book! It's much more fun to start at Chapter Thirty Eight than back at Chapter One where all the boring basics are.

If you would like to know more about stress management and don't want to wait six or seven years for Crabby to get around to all of it, there is a ton of information on it, both on the web and at your local independent bookstore (or, if you don't have one, perhaps your favorite online source for books whatever that might be). Here is just one tiny little Stress Management Article from WebMD, which is so basic as to not be actually all that helpful, but it will start you off. As for books, Crabby likes a Cognitive/Behavioral Approach, but any big fat book written by respectable people as opposed to loonies will do. There are a lot of basic techniques that everyone seems to know and agree on, and it's all pretty helpful. Smart Readers may have favorites they think highly of.

But back to biofeedback, which is one way to help control stress. Basically, instead of being oblivious to all the crazy sh*t your body may be doing all day long, you get actual physiological "feedback" and then use that to train your body to chill a bit more. This is not the technical definition of Biofeedback, but it will do for now. (There's a more authoritative definition here, which seems to be some sort of government sponsored Medical Encyclopedia. Whatever.)

Traditionally, people did Biofeedback by going to some sort of professional office or Biofeedback Center, where Specially Trained Practitioners would hook them up to Big Machines that would measure physiological signs of stress. Weirdly enough, by monitoring this feedback, and playing around with breathing and relaxation techniques and positive thoughts and whatnot, people could learn to control the physiological reactions their bodies were having. Serious yoga and meditation people seem to already know how to do this, but for the rest of us, it helps to see very concretely the impact that varying relaxation techniques can have.

But of course any time you have Specially Trained Practitioners and Big Expensive Machines, things tend to get expensive. You need multiple sessions over many weeks. A great idea, but not everyone could afford it.

Now however, they've figured out how to make some of the most basic technology cheaper, so you can do it yourself, at home, as often as you need to.

Some of them are even video games. And as it happens, Crabby bought one herself a year or so ago. Now that she has a health blog, she might as well tell you about it.

It was called Journey to the Wild Devine, which seemed like a doofy name. But it was fun! Crabby is not generally a player of video games, and she was quite absorbed with it while she was playing it. There were lots of pretty places to explore, and mysteries to solve and tasks to perform. It was a lot more visually sophisticated than Crabby was expecting. Also, you accomplished all these tasks not by getting all hyper and vigilant, but mostly by the opposite.

The game came with little thingies you put on your fingers to measure skin conductivity level and heart rate. By learning to slow these down or speed them up with your breathing, you make your way through the game. Crabby was so thrilled every time she mastered something! It was quite exciting, in a mellow new-age sort of way.

And did it help with Stress Management? Um, well, she thinks it did, but she really can't remember. This is why Crabby will never have a big future as a Product Reviewer! After she got through all the steps she sort of stopped playing it, and meant to order the next game when it came out since the last one was so much fun, but never got around to it. On the other hand, she hasn't been under much stress so she doesn't really need it anymore.

Though the game may be a deal compared to professional biofeedback clinics, it's still expensive for a game. The whole bundle is around $200, for the sensors and the game that Crabby played and the next one after that Crabby hasn't tried yet. And about $150 you just want the first game.

(And while it might be available on Amazon, Crabby is not going to be quite so crass and whorish as to put in an ad for it here. At least not until way later when it's buried in the archives and only the Googlers will see it. She imagines they will be quite motivated to purchase it, too, with Crabby's compelling endorsement: "Um, I think it helped with stress management, but I don't really remember. And it was kind of expensive. But, well, it was really fun!")

Want to know an even cheaper biofeedback device? Consider your heart rate monitor if you already have one for your cardio. Because you can wear it during the day to work every now and then and notice in real time when your pulse rate gets elevated. Sometimes it's running for the bus, not stress, but other times it can be quite revealing. What are you thinking about when your pulse starts racing? What's happening around you? There's some very interesting data if you want to pursue it. And then you can take calming breaths or other steps to relax yourself until you see it going down again.

(Or you can measure your pulse yourself for free, just using your finger and a watch. But would you in the middle of a staff meeting? A quick glance down at your wrist is a bit less conspicuous).

So does anyone have any experience with biofeedback, or new-agey video games, or any thoughts or recommendations for stress management generally? Crabby promises there will be plenty more on this topic later, in no particular order of course.

First Time at the Gym? How Not To Make an Ass of Yourself

Not everyone likes going to the gym. Or can afford to. Or has a reasonably decent one nearby. But what about all those people who could be having a great time there but simply Fear their Local Fitness Center? The whole idea may seem intimidating and fraught with opportunities for humiliation.

Perhaps you are one of these people yourself. Or maybe you Love the Gym but know someone else who could use some advice and encouragement. If so, please read on for the Top Secrets to Not Looking Like a Total Ass Your First Time at the Gym.

But Why Go to the Gym at All?

Good question! Here's why: because even though exercise is not generally "fun," at least not like sex or chocolate cake or winning the Lottery, at the gym it is often less awful than in some other places. Depending on what options are nearby, there are all kinds of things you can play around with to keep you occupied. They have fancy equipment you could never afford yourself; aerobic classes with pulsing music and perky instructors (or their mellower yoga counterparts); they might have pools to swim in and courts to play on and cute buffed trainers to help you personalize your fitness program. Plus, gyms are climate controlled! In short: if you don't have a wonderful outdoor alternative, gyms can be awesome places to get fit without suffering too much.

However, they can seem awfully scary at first. So to help you ease your transition from Newbie to Suave Gym Rat, here are not just one but two lists of Helpful Gym Tips.

First up, a Grim Cautionary List, to keep you out of trouble.

Ten Things to Avoid Doing So You Don't look like an Ass at the Gym:

1. Don't skip the New Member Orientation. These are almost always offered free of charge. This is a great chance to avoid doing something stupid later, especially since some clubs have their own Weird Special Rules or Peculiarities that are far from intuitive. Plus you need to find out what the deal is with towels and day use lockers and parking and such.

And when you do get Oriented, don't be shy about asking tons of questions. Because when you're done with your tour, there's a good chance that your guide is going to have to go back to handing out towels (non-profits) or trying to extract membership sign-up fees from reluctant future patrons (Big Chains). Give this poor person the chance to feel Smart and Helpful!

2. Don't show up ten minutes late for a class you've never been to before, get in everyone's way, and demand that the instructor explain everything over again just for you. Some new gym-goers seem to be under the impression that class "schedules" are just suggestions. Not true! In fact, if you're new, show up extra early and tell the instructor it's your first time. They like you to do this so they can make sure they don't accidentally kill you.

3. When using unfamiliar equipment that won't seem to budge, don't force or yank things around until you break them. Ask for help. However, this generally means Find an Employee. Don't interrupt other exercisers in the middle of their attempts to bench press huge amounts of weight demanding they assist you. As it happens, most gym rats are actually quite helpful. You can usually just look a little confused and scratch your head and this behavior will often prompt one of them to wander over and inquire as to whether you need any help. But if they don't offer, go find someone who works there.

Also, don't mistake a friendly smile and hello as an invitation to relate your entire exercise history or lack of same. Go ahead and smile and be pleasant--if you're going to be a regular, you may actually meet nice people and become friends. But don't rush it and don't be a motor-mouth. Some people are not looking for pals; they just want to get through their exercise routines and scoot out as fast as possible.

4. Don't use the fact that you'll be showering afterwards as an excuse to show up smelling totally nasty and funky. Fresh sweat doesn't really smell--but old body odor and overripe gym clothes are supremely nauseating to be around.

5. Don't drop heavy weights from great heights or slam things around or make exaggerated grunting or screeching noises. (Natural grunting and sighing and groaning is fine). Don't sing or hum either. Sometimes people who have headphones on do this blissfully unaware of how much it makes others want to toss barbells at their heads.

6. Don't neglect to wipe up sweat after you use the cardio or weight equipment. Local sweat-wiping rituals vary from gym to gym and are not always obvious. You should observe what others are doing--there may be little spray bottles and paper towels off to the side or there may not; you may need to carry a hand towel around with you from station to station.

And even if you're not sweaty or dirty or diseased, at many gyms there are resident Hygiene Queens (of either gender) who will stare icy daggers at you if you don't make vigorous wiping gestures with a paper towel after you are done. This also varies greatly. At other gyms, no one gives a crap.

7. If others are waiting, it may be considered obnoxious to hog weight equipment by doing set after set after set with long rest periods in between. If someone is hovering nearby, staring at you, you might want to let them "work in." However, at other gyms, monopolizing the equipment for hours is a God-given right and considered a sign of seriousness. In these gyms, asking to "work in" will be greeted with open hostility. Try to figure out which kind of gym you're in by watching the natives.

8. Don't jump on cardio equipment without knowing the rules. Often this equipment is popular. There may be sign-up boards of some sort, usually located somewhere inconspicuous so as to embarrass first-time visitors who don't know they exist. If a machine seems to be empty and you hop on without scouting this out first, you may get a rude tap on the shoulder and a curt request to remove yourself. You should also check to see if there's a time limit when machines are all in use--often there is.

9. Don't forget where you put your towel, either in showers or up with the equipment, so that you end up grabbing someone else's by mistake. They all look the same. If someone emerges dripping from shower just as you grab theirs from the most convenient hook nearby, you're not going to be popular.

10. Don't forget to pack the toiletries and other items you will need post-shower; asking to borrow other people's stuff is generally frowned upon. (Unless it's someone you're already friends with.) Commonly forgotten items: deodorant, sunscreen, hair product and clean underwear. And there's just no way anyone's gonna help you with that last one.

Next, however, is a more encouraging list. Because it's easier to be negative than positive, this list is of course way, way shorter.

Things You May Fear Will Make You Look Like an Ass, But Won't!

1. Being fat, old, or a complete novice.

Many people fear gyms for these reasons, anticipating that they will be judged or looked down upon.

But here's a big secret: you get Extra Credit for being old, fat, or new. It's true--when buffed regulars see a shy, slightly bewildered, fat or old person come to their gym for the first time, they generally feel all warm and fuzzy about it. They think it's great that you're there and they admire your bravery. Of course they may try to show off a bit, and they may fantasize that you are impressed with their buffness or their ability to lift heavy things. But they genuinely don't think badly of you--they think goodly of you, because they know how hard it was for you to get here. And then, after a moment or two of warm fuzzies, they forget about you entirely because they have Miles to Run or Heavy Things To Lift.

2. Locker Room Issues.

You don't have to fear the locker room!

Locker rooms may seem scary because nakedness is involved. But the secret here is not just that people don't care what you look like naked. They really don't. But you've probably heard that already and it doesn't help. The real secret is that they also don't care if you're too shy to be naked! It's a very common aversion, especially in female newcomers. (Is it the same in Men's Locker Rooms? Cranky Fitness is in the dark on this point as it does not have a male correspondent.) So if you're modest, don't worry about it--go ahead and bring a little robe or a big beach towel or whatever it takes for you to feel comfortable getting from the locker to the shower, even if others seem quite comfortable parading around in the all-together. Many gyms have private showers as well as public ones, and if you're fearful, try to find one of these. You may find, as you get more used to being there, that you actually don't give a crap if a bunch of other naked people see you naked. Or not. Either way, don't let it scare you away from the gym you might otherwise be quite blissfully happy in.

So do readers have any more tips or fears or Horrible or Wonderful gym experiences to share? All comments are, as usual, very appreciated!

Slacker Sunday

So it's another laid-back weekend post, even though Crabby took two days "off" during the week. Does the Crab have no work ethic at all? Apparently not!

Actually, in her defense, Crabby is still not very good at getting away from the blog. She spent quite a bit of the time she was supposedly "off" catching up on some blog chores. So readers are getting Randomness and Blog chat today, as is somewhat customary on weekends. Tomorrow: a real health and fitness post again!

So what were these "blog chores?"

First off, Crabby finally updated the Reader Recommendations for the Amazon ads. She messed up the General Health one and didn't realize that it wasn't rotating for several days. It should be fixed now. Note: some of your helpful suggestions do not seem to have usable Amazon codes, or are temporarily unavailable. For example, Jen at The Working Writer suggested some products from The Firm, but Crabby couldn't do it right, so those of you who are interested might want to go to her fine blog to check it out. Beware of her newest post though: there is a picture of donuts on it that could be dangerous to any Sensible Eating Plan you might be on. (Also, as another warning: if you a writer in the aspirational phase of your writing career, as Crabby is, her main website may cause admiration but also moderate to severe pangs of jealousy).

And going back to the product discussion, Crabby is always happy to hear more recommendations! She will stockpile these and work them in over time. She always likes books, but she's also interested in featuring other stuff too, like DVD's, or gadgets like heart rate monitors or the Best Swim Goggles you ever owned or whatever. The main requirements are some relationship to health and fitness, and that you think the thing is really, really good and others might want to give it a try. And why would you bother to do this when there's nothing in it for you? Because Crabby's readers are Smart, Generous, Discerning, and sometimes they have Opinions to Share!

In addition to the Amazon updates, Crabby has a new sidebar addition: "About" pages! These are (a) Very Ugly and (b) Still Rudimentary, but if you're feeling bored someday, please go check them out. Crabby has never been able to figure out how to do "static" pages on Blogger, so this is just a half-assed solution. These hideous looking GooglePages do, however, provide a little more space than the sidebar to feature Policies and Information and Explanations. Crabby hopes to add to these over time. (She also wants to make sure they actually work and do not have sneaky ads on them that she did not put there, so please report any weirdness you might encounter).

Enough about the blog! Here are your Random Research Posts for the day.

Are you on some sort of liquid diet with yucky shakes instead of real food? Might want to rethink that. A study out of Purdue University on solid versus liquid food found that liquid foods did not seem to fill people up the way solid foods did. Those who drank their lunch rather than ate it consumed more calories during the day.

This one you probably heard already, but it's the sort of Good News study that Crabby doesn't want you to miss. Another study says Dark Chocolate is good for lowering blood pressure, but this one found small but measurable benefits even with tiny amounts of chocolate--only 30 calorie's worth. (Though to Crabby, that seems like a criminally low dosage of an Important Health Food!)

And finally, there's this amusing study, which isn't recent, but somehow seemed perfect for readers of Cranky Fitness. Though Crabby has not reached Old Age yet, she thinks she sees her future quite clearly!

Self-Improvement--Or Maybe Not.

Almost everyone wants to be a Better Person in some way or other. And we try, the best we can, on so many different fronts. But what about those categories where we don't try--or where we tried before, maybe many times, but we finally just gave up?

Do you have any areas of Abandoned Personal Growth? You know, where instead of a garden with fountains and blue birds and gazebos you've settled on a weed-choked vacant lot with scummy puddles and mosquitos and piles of old tires?

Crabby sure hopes so! Because it means you're human. And she's hoping you'll share some of these with her. She'll share some of hers first--but please help her out with yours, too. Don't leave her hanging out there all by herself.

Women's magazines and Self-Help books make it sound like we should want to do Everything and Do it Well. But this is silly, we can't. Sometimes, we don't even care. Other times we do kind of care, but not enough considering how many other more important things there are to worry about. And as far as Crabby is concerned, Giving Up is sometimes a perfectly sensible thing to do!

So first up is the Don't Give a Crap Category. These are things that many people work really hard on, but for whatever reason, you just don't feel very ambitious about. What areas do you just write off wholesale?

Here are some of Crabby's Top "Forget About It" categories:

1. Parenting. (That's easy: no kids!)

2. Spiritual. (She's a big ol' skeptic about everything in that department).

3. Personal Appearance, Beyond Basic Hygiene. (Happily coupled, and never that much of a Hottie to begin with).

4. Arts and Crafts. (At least not since second grade).

5. Domestic Skills and Housekeeping. (Ha ha ha ha ha ha!).

Isn't it convenient to wipe out entire huge categories by not caring about any of it? Think of all the time you save! Crabby hopes she's not the only one who has done this.

Next up is stuff that falls within Important Categories that we care about, but these particular items just didn't work out. Crabby's list is very, very long, so she'll only share a few of them:

1. Meditation.

Crabby is so ridiculously bad at meditation she's going to write a whole post about it later. She tried for years. And please don't tell her you can't be "bad" at meditation, because yes, yes you can. Some of us just are. We have different brains. You meditation people need to start believing us on this.

2. Posture.

This is another one where Crabby has tried so very hard, year after year, and now she's starting give up hope, which will only make things worse. She has slumpy shoulders. She's tried the exercises and the stretches and nagging herself. The nagging works for a nanosecond and then she forgets again. Can anyone really think about their posture all day? Crabby sure can't.

3. Country/Line Dancing.

Crabby likes music and she likes stomping and whirling around to a nice catchy tune and Country Dancing seems like one of the few sensible ways to combine exercise and beer. But Crabby is self-conscious and has no short term memory for sequences of steps. She hates stomping when everyone else is whirling and vice versa. She tried the "free lesson before the serious people arrive" sort of deal many, many times, and watched all the other beginners start to get the the hang of it, but she never did.

4. Grammar, Vocabulary, and Spelling.

As much as Crabby values the written word, and as much as she respects all the pesky rules that make the English language way more complicated than it needs to be, she can't seem to learn anything new! And she's pretty much given up trying. After about thirty, her mastery of spelling and grammar started to slip, and now she can't even hang on to new vocabulary words! She used to collect them like a greedy child stuffing Milky Ways into a pillowcase on Halloween. But now there seems to be a hole at the bottom of the bag or something!

So what about you folks, any quests for self-improvement that you've given up on, or never much cared about in the first place? Or do you seek Mastery in all areas of life? Please tell Crabby all about it!

Frontiers of Cosmetic Surgery: "Designer Vaginas"

Oh dear, were you at the office when you decided to check on the latest in wholesome health news? Sitting in the same room with your kids? So sorry!

Actually, a good friend suggested this for a topic, and indeed it is a perfect one for Cranky Fitness: Weird, Slightly Off-Color, and Health Related! The triple crown, as far as Crabby is concerned. But she realizes there is a time and place for everything, including vaginas, and if this is neither for you right now you are most certainly excused.

She was going to post earlier this week. However, that very day she discovered that her friend Jennifer had just kindly linked to Crabby from the Family Resource Blog, saying nice things and including her in a list of "Great Family Blogs."

So she decided she might postpone the Vagina Post for a few days.

Anyway, so what is a "Designer Vagina" and why would a woman contemplate cosmetic surgery in order to have one?

Well, according to this article, the British Medical Journal released a report saying that "women are increasingly seeking cosmetic surgery to make their vaginas match pornographic pictures."

The article does go on to say, however, that some women were having their labias reduced for reasons that had nothing to do with their appearance. They were uncomfortable exercising or wearing tight clothing, for example. Crabby just wants to clarify that she's not making fun of these women. If a woman is experiencing physical discomfort because of the way she's built? Sounds completely reasonable to get it fixed.

But then one doctor said a lot of his patients told him they had better sex because they felt more comfortable. "It's more based on the self-esteem issue than how the labia look...they feel more self-assured."

The British Medical Journal commentary argues that appearance may not be a good enough reason to undergo this type of medical procedure, especially since risks include loss of sensitivity to the genitals. A physician who does these surgeries also warned against going to inexperienced doctors, saying that patients risked scarring, infection and bleeding.

Yikes.

So here's what Crabby thinks:

There may be some rare cases in which even just for appearance, the surgery might make sense. Say a woman is really, really, unusually proportioned. And say she's had a series of terrible experiences with insensitive sexual partners, brutes who have ridiculed her and scarred her emotionally far worse than anything a surgeon could do to her physically. Crabby says: well, okay. As long as you understand the risks and the discomfort you may have to endure for the sake of your "looks," go ahead and let them slice. (Shiver).

But short of that, it just seems insane to have expensive, painful, and dangerous surgery to make your hoo-hoo look more like the one your boyfriend admired so much the other night when you came home early and caught him screening "Eight Women...who Ate Women."

The increasing "need" for this surgery raises all kinds of confusing questions for Crabby. Do women really need yet another part of their anatomy to feel insecure about? And for women who think they look "unusual," how do they know? Do they really believe that porn actresses represent the entire range of normal female appearance? And if it's not through porn, how many "average" vaginas does a typical woman come across at close range in order to make a comparison? (Unless, of course, seekers of the surgery are disproportionately gynecologists, lesbians, and specialists in "Brazilian" waxes, but Crabby seriously doubts this is the case).

She wonders if yet again, insecure women are buying into the idea that there is some sort of "perfect" body out there, and that no amount of sacrifice is too much in order to obtain it. Crabby would like to convince these women otherwise, but she suspects that not many of them are regular readers of Cranky Fitness.

And for those women who might be contemplating this surgery in order to please a disapproving boyfriend, husband, or other sexual partner? Ladies: it's not excess labial tissue you need to cut loose.