Cinco de Mayo

So it's Cinco de Mayo today, which Crabby had forgotten about until she went to Gillian's informative site about food and food history. Crabby then decided she'd steal Gillian's idea for a topic, and even plagiarize her own ramblings over there and recycle them here. Crabby was thus spared any further thought or research. Ole!

So here is Crabby's Very Own Cinco de Mayo recipe:

Laze around all day.

Go out to neighborhood Mexican restaurant and notice its awfully crowded. Remember again that it's Cinco de Mayo.

Come back home, open a can of refried beans.

Make Famous Guacamole. (Mashed avocado, already-made salsa, and garlic salt to taste. That's it.)

Shred whatever cheese is in the fridge, (cutting away mold first, or at least most of it) and sprinkle over stale tortilla chips. Stick in the toaster oven.

Make gigantic margaritas!

Smell burning odor.

Repeat nacho preparation with new cheese and chips.

More gigantic margaritas!

Consume nachos with guacamole and beans. Not half bad!

Happy Cinco de Mayo, all.

Health and Beauty

Warning: this is a particularly cranky post, but at least it's short. Crabby will be back soon with a posting that is much more upbeat.


So we know that health and physical attractivenss can sometimes go hand in hand: people who are strong, well-nourished and rested look, on the whole, way more attractive than people who don't exercise, eat crap, and never sleep.

However, standards of feminine beauty are sometimes arbitrary and even vicious. Here are two recent examples:

Take a look at the feet of this poor old woman (spotted by Apostropher).

And read here about the force-feeding of Mauritanian girls and women.

Crabby thinks there are also examples here at home, too, (maybe this?) but these first two struck her as particularly disturbing since "choice" didn't seem to be part of the picture.

This stuff makes Crabby so sad and angry she just wants to crawl into a nice little crabhole in the sand and hibernate.

Okay, enough with the infuriating depressing stuff. Back soon with something cheerier.

Crabby's Ten Health Commandments

Don't worry, these aren't the bossy kind of Commandments. Loyal readers are not being exhorted (yet, anyway) to do or not do any of these things.

Rather, this is a list presented simply to let all of you know what Crabby tries to do in her own life. Having scrounged around all kinds of interesting back alleys of the internet in search of readers, Crabby realizes you all come here with your own unique perspective on health.

Among you are writers, scientists, feminists, hard-core dieters, natural-foods aficionados, cream-filled apple donut addicts, environmentalists, fitness board fanatics, mammary-googlers, triathletes, and who knows who all else. Crabby loves this diversity and also knows that it means many of you will find this list annoying in one way or another.

Be that as it may, these are Crabby's Ten Health Commandments (to herself).

Thou shalt:

1. Do some sort of exercise every day (aiming for about 400 calories worth--4 miles walking or jogging for those of average weight).

2. Make sure that at least every other day (but optimally 4-5 times a week), said exercise is aerobic.

3. Perform some Unpleasant Strength Training 2-3 times week.

4. Stretch most days in order to get out of bed without moaning.

5. Eat enough Virtuous Healthy Food (about 85-90% of total calories) to as not to feel guilty about eating Complete Crap for the remaining 10-15%. Virtuous healthy foods include lean protein, whole grains, legumes, fruits, vegetables and "good" fats. (There are lots more specifics here which Crabby will bore you with in future posts).

6. Seek variety and hedonistic pleasure in Virtuous Healthy Foods so as to encourage the consumption of them. (This is made easier by the news that red wine, coffee, chocolate, cheese, nuts, avocados, honey, and even beer have all now been redefined as Virtuous Healthy Foods).

6. Watch portion sizes even of Virtuous Healthy Food so as not to Consume more calories than are Expended.

7. Endeavor to do some sort of breathing/relaxation activity if signs of stress become apparent.

8. Appreciate the consistent wonderfulness of spouse, and take time to enjoy family, friends, and cat.

9. Appreciate great music, the outdoors, fine art, literature, and even the Big Ass HDTV if something good is on.

10. Do a bunch of other Important Things that Crabby can't remember right off the top of her head (that would in any event keep the list from being a nice even 10).

Please readers, feel free to share any Good Health Commandments you live by too. Or trash Crabby's (nicely). Either way is good.

Quickies

Martha over at Thatsfit, (whom we like very much not only because she has sensible advice, but because she comes over here and visits us sometimes), has heard us whining recently about how tiresome it is to lift weights. Unlike Crabby, who basically said "get over yourself and do it anyway," Martha has actually come up with some alternative suggestions.

And Crabby couldn't help saying "WTF" at this perplexing advertisement for Breast Implants, via BitchPhD and Stay Free! Daily. Crabby is too chicken to copy the ad photo here, so she'll let one of those fine blogs do the heavy lifting.

Don't Just Breathe, RESPeRATE!

May is apparently National High Blood Pressure Education Awareness Month (yee-hah!) and high blood pressure is a well-known Bad Thing. So when Crabby heard there was a relatively new treatment for it that didn't involve drugs and actually seemed to help, she felt compelled to investigate.

Have any of you seen the ads for RESPeRATE? That's actually how they spell it, too, with all that bizarre capitalization. It's a product based on some actual research that says slowing down your breathing to less than ten times a minute, for sessions of about 15 minutes at a time, can lower your blood pressure 10-15 points.

The machine straps around your middle (at least as far as Crabby can tell) and then makes little chiming sounds to get you breathing in the right rhythm.

So don't delay! Run right out now and plunk down about $300 to get it!

Or... um, maybe you could just remember to set aside time to slow your breathing down to less than ten times a minute?

There's even a nice little how-to guide here that's free.

Now the RESPeRATE folks say that their gizmo involves less effort than do-it-yourself methods and therefore works better. Could be true, but Crabby didn't see any convincing evidence of this. (She has to confess she didn't read every word on their site, so if she missed that part and someone wants to correct her she will gladly apologize).

And Crabby isn't saying that it's stupid to buy one of these things. If you are (a) busy and (b) rich, this could be a great motivational tool. You buy it, then you figure you better use it 'cause you paid 300 bucks for it.

Who knows, Crabby may even find herself tempted some day. She's a sucker for health and fitness gadgets and gear, and she'll be sharing some of her favorites with you in future posts.

Feel free, dear readers, to weigh in with anything about blood pressure, breathing (for it? against it?), gadgets, The State of The World in General, or Any Damn Thing At All. Or give yourself a break and don't say anything. You've all been so charitable with your comments; Crabby must be wearing you out by posting so regularly. Sometimes you get to just come here and read and then go home again, to a dry martini or a nice hot bath or a cream-filled apple donut.