December 12, 2016

Healthy Holiday Gifts: Some Thoughts. Because What the Hell.

Portable music players: always a classic!
photo: xray delta one

By Crabby McSlacker

Holy guacamole, it's been a long time since I've posted on this blog. I kinda thought I might be done forever.

But here I am again! I'm not entirely sure why, it just felt like time to reconnect. And if anyone is actually still out there, it would be lovely to touch base with y'all again. My guess is, posting will still be quite sporadic, but who knows?

One problem with not posting for a long time: there are a million shlabillion gerbzillion things that have piled up in my head that I feel like I should talk about. (Okay, perhaps my grasp of the nomenclature used in advanced mathematics is a little tenuous).  Yet none of them seem all that profound when I start to write about them. And I hate to just throw a bunch of travel pictures at you, which is often my default when I've been blogslacking for extended periods of time. But I do promise an update at some point, if blogging becomes a Thing again.

So in my first attempt at a post, I somehow got sideswiped by a bitter, fury-fueled rant about the horror of our recent elections. I couldn't help it. And I'm not sorry I went through the exercise: like an episode of violent vomiting when stomach flu strikes, it actually made me feel a little better afterward. But I realized that a screeching protest about the surreal state we find ourselves in as a nation might not the best way to begin again after a long hiatus. Especially for a health and fitness blog.

Instead, what makes for a more innocuous, google-friendly, and unvomitlike fresh start than a blog post topic like:

Healthy Holiday Gifts!

(And ok, there's a timing reason for this too:  there's a BIG SALE on one idea that ENDS TODAY. (Although there is still time for a discount, just not as big.)

So yeah, except for a couple items, this is more about Thoughts on Gifts and less about the actual Gifts themselves. Because I like thinking a lot more than I like getting off my ass to do actual research.

However, don't despair! If you're looking for a more traditional compilation of material items, other far more industrious websites have already done the heavy lifting:

Glamour has a bunch of gifts ideas for health nuts,
Health.com has healthy gifts under $50
Greatist has gifts for your fit friends,
Wellness Mama has a natural and eco-friendly gift

Late breaking update: A funny and original yet strangely useful list by the awesome Gigi!

Bizarrely Unique Gift Guide.  You can go there first.

Anyway, first, let's start with a couple General Gift Giving Principles.

Don't Be a Christmas or Hanukkah Gift Nazi


 No. No, no, no, no.

Giving a Bootcamp class gift certificate to someone who would rather have all her teeth ripped out with rusty pliers by a posse of drunken rodeo clowns is a crappy idea.

"Healthy" gifts should be calibrated to the recipient's comfort zone, and should even feel like a luxury, an indulgence.

And yes, I'm aware that there are indeed people who consider it an indulgence to do burpees for time til they puke with a group of like-minded masochists. You may be one of them yourself. But seriously, if you've got a groupon account and an itchy trigger finger, get her a fucking massage. If she truly wants to endure extreme physical torture in the name of good health, she can sign up for the class herself.

But Don't Be an Evil Asshole Enabler Either


If someone has been trying their hardest to eat healthier, lose weight, get their blood sugar and cholesterol numbers into a healthy range, and their dreary salads and stir fries and vegan casseroles make you sad and you don't like to think anyone actually has to eat that rabbit food all the time, isn't it ok to buy him or her a little something tasty to brighten up her holidays?


NO!!!

That's just mean. Restrain yourself. Eat that crap yourself if you need to, but don't tempt your loved one down the road of self-loathing and regret. (Unless your loved one is hinting around big-time that they want a little holiday jail-break from diet prison. But you better be damn sure you're reading the signals right).

Alternative Healthy Holiday Gift Ideas

Online Mind-Expanding Programs

Why limit gifts to material physical objects? Mess with other people's heads!

Or, consider these sort of gifts as possible Christmas presents to yourself, giving alternative suggestions to people who might otherwise give you a down jacket in a hideous color or a novelty kitchen appliance you will use once and discover it takes 3 hours to clean and thereafter consign to it to the basement.

The website Sounds True is a good resource for a lot of  these, and they often have sales this time of year.

But yes, it's inevitable: long-time readers know I'm a big fan of Rick Hanson's programs. In fact, I've been downright stalkery over the years. So you guessed it, it's time again to pimp his awesome Foundations of Well-Being program.

Rick has totally helped me (and other folks I know) rewire my neurotic brain into a new, improved, and way more functional (though no less bizarre) piece of cranial software. The program lasts all year, it's scientific, and (if you keep at it) its quite effective. Yet it's fun and comfortable and full of heart and even a little bit of silliness at times. Lot's of bonus presentations by Other Smarty Pants Personal-growth experts, and quizzes etc.

Do I get a commission if you sign up through me? Yes! Is that why I'm running this? No! I just genuinely think Rick's program is a truly great resource. But if you don't like the commission aspect, just google it and find someone else to give the $$ to when you sign up.

Anyway, save $180 if you sign up and pay in full by Dec 12, which is, ulp, today. Or they've got payment plans that aren't too much more.

Foundations of Well-Being banner

In the lightly edited words of Rick's Promotional Literature, (because good promotional copy shouldn't go to waste):

Rick uses the 12 Pillars of Well-Being to teach you practical, effective ways to see more of the good in your life, and grow greater calm, contentment, and confidence from the inside out.
It's thorough, it's deep, and it works—with insightful talks, guided practices, revealing quizzes, monthly live-streamed events with Rick, creative activities, and inspiring guest experts like Tara Brach, Jack Kornfield, and Gretchen Rubin. You also get vibrant community forums, the science behind the program, special interest areas (e.g., children, addiction) - and a money-back guarantee.
You really can change your brain for the better, and in the Foundations of Well-Being program, it's straight-forward, fascinating, and fun.
Start feeling less stressed or worried, become more mindful and grateful, free yourself from past painful experiences, and experience more pleasure and joy in daily life.

But don't panic if you're not ready to pull the trigger today, there's still a pretty darn good sale going on through January 3rd, almost the same deal. Check the site for more details.

Another personal-growth brain rewiring resource is Shinzen Young. His amazing series of lectures, The Science of Enlightenment, has now been reformulated and updated into a handy book. He also does lots of recordings and videos, and best of all, hosts monthly online retreats. (My head is still floating from a couple of courses I took this weekend). Anyway, this dude takes the best of Eastern and Western spiritual discoveries, blends with modern science, removes the dogma and woo-woo and puts it all into a pragmatic series of steps to optimize your consciousness.

And if you like your personal growth integrated with other health and fitness advice, consider a magazine subscription to Experience Life.

I don't get any commission or anything, it's just that Experience Life is the only health magazine that doesn't infuriate me. Other choices seem to be sexually segregated these days, and "women's" health, best I can tell, is now totally a function of makeup, hairstyles, clothing choices, and overall "hotness." (Note: the beige wall-to-wall carpeting in the background is NOT included with your subscription price. Here at the Cranky Fitness Graphic Design Studios, we were too lazy to crop).




The Hedge-Your-Bets Combo

So what if you still want to give a Shiny New Thing for your loved one to have fun with, not some goddamn wholesome educational learning experience?

Well, if your recipient has given you a suggestion, by all means buy the Thing Itself. But if you're just making half-assed guesses, consider sparing your loved one the awkwardness of returning expensive items that don't fit, either physically or psychologically. Returning things makes most people feel petty and ungrateful, no matter how earnestly you say it's totally okay.

But on the other hand, it's nice to have something physical to open, something with satisfying three dimensionality. So buy something small and cheap, but then pair it with a generous gift card from a store that embraces active pursuits. I personally like REI, but for your recipient it might be Big Five or Lululemon or Nike or whatever.

(The problem with a more general sort of store like Target? Sure, they have athletic stuff but then your recipient might feel like she should be purchase vacuum cleaner bags or toilet bowl cleaner instead of the heart rate monitor or cute yoga pants she actually wants. So choose a store with nothing remotely practical in it.)

So yeah, the "gift" is not really the edible treat or socks or lotion or cheap geegaw you saw next to the cash register, but if you wrap that sucker up to go with the little envelope that's good for something Big and Fun you've got your bases covered.

What do you guys do about holiday gifts? And how the heck are you? I miss you!

44 comments:

  1. Well hello stranger! I feel like I've gotten a Christmas card from a far-away friend. :) Happy to hear from you and girl, I feel ya on the election rant, I really do. But that's for another day...

    We are just doing little goofy stocking stuffers this year, after our BIG TRIP to Orlando. It feels right, and really, I'm just looking forward to some low-key relaxing time with my family.

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    1. Your trip to Orlando sounds so fantastic, and stocking stuffers are a great way to retain a little of the ritual with going overboard. And a low-key Christmas sounds pretty darn ideal!

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  2. Crabby! Yay! We're just getting small things this year, and not too many of them. even worse, they are practical. Seriously, who doesn't need a big ass sharpening stone to re-edge the shovels and lawn mower blades?
    All is well here, Crabby. But if you wish to rant about the election I will listen and agree.

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    1. Yay Leah, another sensible person on the whole gift thing. In our family we always say we're just going to go easy, and then somehow one thing leads to another and we make a bigger deal out of it than we meant to. But a big-ass sharpening stone sounds actually pretty awesome! Not that I do much shoveling or mowing, but I always ignore dull kitchen knives until I might as well be trying to cut vegetables with bananas. So yay for sharp!

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    2. A sharpening stone sounds lovely. I've always used a file, as did my father, but I don't actually know where the files are since I moved four years ago, so a stone would be an indulgence, not a replacement for something I have.

      Mary Anne in Kentucky

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  3. Hooray! A post from Crabby!

    I need an etiquette guide to surviving holiday parties. When someone invites you over to dinner, is that the time to mention that pesky lactose intolerance thing? Or the fact that you'll be bringing a companion who gets sick when she eats gluten? How offended would the hostess be if I turned it into a potluck and brought food that I /can/ eat without getting sick? Is it more socially acceptable to just eat the food and get sick?
    Holidays are a social minefield if you have food issues :(

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    1. Arrgh, the holiday dinner invite from people who want to be nice but don't know what you eat! And you don't want to put them out! And yet to leave everything sitting there makes you look really weird! But I think gluten and lactose problems are well-recognized enough that few would be offended with a potlucky approach. One hopes anyway. You should not have to get ill to be a "good" dinner guest!

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    2. OH MY GOD I HAVEN'T EVEN READ YET I'M JUST COMMENTING TO SAY HOORAY YOU ARE ALIVE.

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    3. Okay, now that I'm done and turned off the caps lock, I like my first peek at the Experience Life website anyway. I'll poke around some more. Maybe that'll be a nice gift FOR MYSELF.

      We do a pretty low-key holiday when it comes to gifts. A lot of my immediate family has agreed to no gifts, so it's really just my husband buying for his parents and his brother, and even then they have a pretty inexpensive habit.

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    4. For The Merry, since I accidentally replied to you with my comment anyway, I'm not even kidding, I went to the Experience Life website and there on the homepage was a short article about just that! (I guess I was so excited I didn't realize I was replying to a comment rather than the blog. Duh.)

      https://experiencelife.com/article/how-to-be-a-great-guest-even-with-major-food-limitations/?utm_source=home2

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    5. OTF, yes, I'm alive!! And you'd think I'd have noticed the experience life article too, must have been in a hurry. Another vote for the "potluck" approach. Though kinda takes the fun out of being a guest if you gotta cook ahead of time.

      And I love hearing how many people are low-key about gifts! Seems way more sensible that the retail frenzy all the ads seem to promote.

      Good to "see" you again!

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    6. It is never socially acceptable to just eat the food and get sick. It will make your hosts feel either guilty, or annoyed, depending on their temperament. Speaking as a lifelong food allergy victim, stand up for your rights!

      Mary Anne in Kentucky

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    7. Thanks OTF, Crabby, and Solarity. Normally, I would never expect someone to eat food because I cooked it. But some of my relatives... oi vey Maria.
      Good post, Crabby!

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    8. As a lifelong lover of hosting dinner parties who loves to challenge myself, speak up!! I want to know what you can/can't eat (if I don't you well enough to know already, I will ask). I once did an entire Thanksgiving gluten and lactose free. Some of my favorite recipes came out of that meal. It is never acceptable to make yourself sick just to make someone else happy. As a host, I want you to truly enjoy the meal along with the company!

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  4. Happy to see you back and my condolences on the US Election. I really cannot figure that one out.

    All I want for Christmas is some quiet time at home. I actually dreamed last night that I found out we'd have unexpected guests so I wouldn't get my quiet time off...Was very happy to wake up and realize I had been dreaming.


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    1. Acck, unexpected guests, that would be a nightmare for me too, JavaChick! So glad it was just a bad dream and hope you get a nice peaceful holiday.

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  5. So good to hear from you, Crabby!! And I'm happy to have a new picture to look at when I check back, that broken computer screen gave me the willies...

    I love your gift giving ideas, especially the small gift with the nice gift card, because unwrapping something personally picked and wrapped for you is FUN! But I don't want anybody selecting my workout clothing or equipment, because I'm just too picky about what I like.

    And I would love to hear your views on the election when you're ready to post. I try not to read too much about it because I'm still just so upset and anxious about the result. It helps to hear other people's perspectives though, lets me know I've not gone completely mad and that there is reason for hope.

    Happy Holidays!

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    1. Thanks Emmaclaire! I'm with you, I am so freakin' picky about what I wear (and eat and play with and decorate the house with etc.) that I really prefer a No Surprises approach.

      And yeah, I may just have to do some thoughts on the election, even if it might piss some people off. We gotta figure out a way to go forward but without "normalizing" what's happened. It's so not OK.

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  6. Welcome back Crabby!!

    I am done! Done my holiday shopping!! Hopefully everybody will either love their gifts or just grin and bear(bare?)it and not make me take anything back.
    I have not blogged in ages. New exciting (to me)job plus injuries I'm tired of obsessing over makes for a boring gal!!
    Glad to see you around!!

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    1. You're all done shopping Cindy? JEALOUS. Glad to hear about the exciting job, sorry to hear about the injuries, and thanks so much for stopping by, really missed hanging with everyone!

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  7. It's great to see you, as always, and i hope you are doing well.

    My problem is that all the people i get gifts for only want cash. There's no getting away cheap with it, it's never on sale. It does eliminate any time at the mall, though, so it's worth it!

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    1. Dang messymimi, good point, cash is never on sale and there's no way to get a clever bargain! But yeah, avoiding the mall this time of year: priceless.

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  8. Hooray, you're back! (Haven't we told you often enough that we love your blurry phone-camera travel pictures, and their commentary? Would we lie to you?)

    I am in the peculiar position of not giving presents. I think it was almost twenty years ago that I announced to my friends that I was going to quit giving them. I used to love planning present lists, and was one of those annoying people who often had their holiday shopping done by October, and then suddenly, in my forties: Bored Now. I told them not to give me anything, either, and mostly they don't.

    This year my charity giving has been on overdrive, though. I always collect change in the piggy bank someone at work gave me several years ago, and donate to a different local good cause when it's full. This year, the food bank at a local church, which serves anyone in need from the area, church member or not, is the lucky winner. ("Local" has the peculiar meaning of local to the county where I used to live, not where I live now in the city.) I've also given toys to our Toys for Tots collection at work, and contributed a few things to the list for a homeless teen that a co-worker brought in after she'd sponsored one all by herself, and also promised to find household goods for a refugee family sponsored by my yoga studio. A little much for one month, there.

    Mary Anne in Kentucky

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    1. "Bored now." :) You crack me up Mary ANne.

      And yay for you for channeling your gift giving impulses to help people in need! Sounds like some great work being done locally and I know how hard you work, so to take your hard earned cash and give to others is really cool. So many worthy causes.

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  9. "the beige wall-to-wall carpeting in the background is NOT included with your subscription price. Here at the Cranky Fitness Graphic Design Studios, we were too lazy to crop"

    Gosh I have missed you. Welcome back. :)

    I am back on the quilting wagon this year...will they actually be done in time for Christmas? Well...

    Sam

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    1. You make such beautiful quilts, glad you're back to doing that Sam! Hope all is well, and glad to see Nim is looking as handsome as ever.

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  10. I am being lazy right now, but wanted to say that I am SO happy to read you again!

    xo

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    1. Not as lazy as I've been this last year Amy! Happy to see you here!!!

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  11. Hello, Crabby!!!!!!! So nice to read a post from you. I am not a gift giver or receiver and that makes it simple for everyone. I will confess to providing my son with a cash gift as that is what he appreciates the most. He is going to come and feast with me on the big day and I am looking forward to that!

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    1. Hello Kimberley!!!! Sounds like simple is best for you too. Cash + Feast seems a great holiday plan. Hope it's a wonderful one.

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  12. OMF! I SAW THIS POST ON MY FB NEWSFEED and was LIKE ... GAH! I haven't seen you around the blog world in a LONG LONG time! That's a enough of a holiday gift for me! LOL!

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    1. And seeing you here is a gift for me too Gigi!

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  13. Happy Holidays Mz Crabbster!
    I haven't even sent out holiday cards yet. Even the ones where I just sign my name! I started shopping in August and have two little items left to pick up. I keep it easy and fun. If I can't enjoy shopping for the item, I won't enjoy giving it either.
    Gosh, if I write all I'd want to write to you, my fingers would have callouses on them!

    Hugs and lovely to see you posting!

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    1. Happy Holidays to you too Sherri! And you still do old-school envelope and postage stamp type cards? I'm in awe, that's awesome! Lovely to see you again!

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  14. Hooray a new Crabby post! I have really missed seeing these pop up in my inbox.
    Xmas - mainly ignoring presents. The husband and I recently got a new freezer (more space for fruit and veg) so that was our present to each other.

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    1. Yay, it's Fliss! And while a new freezer might not be a sexy holiday gift, there's something quite peaceful and wholesome about having healthy food stocked up, so it sounds like a great holiday present.

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  15. Hi Crabby,
    Lovely to see you again! I'm now very happy to be living closer to one of your locations. ;) Thanks for the gift ideas, thoughts, and being you! Hope you have a great holiday season, with some peace and fun!

    Best, Dave

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    1. Some day we've GOT to meet in person Dave! (Though I'm on the west coast yet again). Sure hope your holidays are super-awesome, and hope the transition went well. The moving process can suck! But sounds like you made it just fine.

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    2. Of course I, or more accurately, we, would love to meet you in person! Who knows, maybe it will happen. :)

      Yes, moving is nasty, but you knew that. We mollified it by downsizing for a good year before going for it.

      Hugs, Dave

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  16. Yay! Crabby's back! Post away on your election rant. I'd love to hear it. (And will probably pile on...post fact/truth society makes me ragey.) I am happy to say I've had many interesting conversations with people since the election. Some have seen the error of our current situation. Others still feel there's hope. I hope they're right but I'm hedging my bets.

    Besides me, my marathon running SIL is the only other fitness oriented person in my gift giving circle. Give me a great gift card any day. Or something totally non-fitness related to reward myself when I reach a goal (or need a break)(movie gift cards are the best).

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    1. "Post fact/truth society makes me ragey." You hit the nail on the head, that's what really gets me going. (Deep breaths, deep breaths).

      I'm so with you on the gift cards bdaiss, there's nothing more excruciating than having to utter the question "um, did you happen to keep the receipt?" Or, I sometimes go the more cowardly route and slip item in the Donation Bag and hope someone else can get some use out of it.

      And yes, election rant has to happen, but maybe after the holidays as I try to force myself into Peace On Earth (Even if We're Now Totally Fucked Thanks To The Trumpsters) mode. Um, oops, maybe need to try a little harder on that...

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  17. Hahaha. I just did one of those 'I've been gone too long so I'll give you a post made up of pictures to catch up'. It's usually the easiest way...then the next day (or in my case three days later) I feel like I have a fresh slate to start letting out those thoughts in my head!!!!

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  18. Could not let this year pass without seeing if you have posted recently and I feel rewarded...it is a gift from God that my elderly mom is in rehab learning to walk again...Expecting to launch our effortless weight loss app at the top of the New Year. That is a gift to ourselves after working on it a couple of years.

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