June 22, 2015

No Greater Gift


By Jan Bono

We're all grownups here, right?  Because this post by Jan Bonoauthor of Back from Obesity: My 252-pound Weight-Loss Journey concerns adult subject matter. But I have every confidence that mature and worldly Cranky Fitness readers can handle it!

As for the contentious crustacean, she will be back soon, hopefully early next week.  She is very much looking forward to finding out how everyone is doing!--Crabby

Although I consider myself a “healthy weight” today, I spent more than a decade weighing above 370 pounds. Back then, it had been literally years since I’d felt like any kind of sexual being, and I considered that perhaps I had “outgrown” the wanting to feel sexy and desirable.

Perhaps all that extra estrogen lurking in the fat tissues had taken away my libido. Truth be told, it had been about a decade since I’d gotten naked and horizontal with anyone. I wasn’t just hormonally challenged—I was hormonally comatose.

Nevertheless, in June when I wrote my “birthday resolutions,” I haphazardly penned “have sex” on the bottom of the list. Not “fall in love,” mind you, but simply “have sex.”



Just three days after putting it “out there” on my wish list, I got a call from a very good longtime friend who told me he was in town for a short visit and wondered if we could get together to catch up on old times.

Well, in the old times, we had never been intimate, and in the old times, we had never shared more than a hug and a quick kiss hello or goodbye. And besides, I was 272 pounds for crying out loud, and a long ways from applying for the role of fem fatale, so I was extremely confident there was no way we’d be “going there” now.

But the universal Divine Mind often has other ideas.

After a few minutes of polite conversation, my longtime platonic friend put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me tight against him. His kiss was much more than a friendly greeting, and I felt myself swoon. To my knowledge, I had never actually swooned before, but to my credit, I instantly knew what was happening.

Hand in hand, we walked down the hall to my bedroom, and he insisted on undressing me himself, right then and there, in full daylight and with no place for me to hide. I flushed scarlet and tried to protest, but he shook his head and told me to hush.


We spent the entire afternoon enjoying the full pleasure of each other’s company. For the first time in too many years to count, I felt treasured, cherished, appreciated, and very sexually aroused. My libido, I discovered, was still very much alive and well.

As the afternoon wound to a close, I modestly reached down to pull the sheet up over me. My friend gently stopped my hand and asked if I were cold.

“No…” I replied. “I— I just want to pull the sheet up.”

“Why?” he challenged.

“You know why,” I answered. The lump in my throat felt like a brick. I turned my head away.

“Oh, honey.” He pulled me tightly into his arms again, but I still couldn’t meet his eyes.

He lightly kissed my forehead, then my nose, then a quick kiss on the lips. “Your body is just fine,” he said. “You don’t need to hide it from me or anyone else. You’re a very sexy woman no matter what your size. Don’t you understand that?”

I started to cry.

“What’s all this?” he asked, taking my face in his hands and wiping his thumbs softly across my cheeks to brush away the tears.

I tried to put my feelings into words, but everything I opened my mouth to say seemed extremely inadequate. Finally I managed to whisper, “Thank you.”

To this day, I’d never received a better birthday present than the warm glow that accompanies unconditional size acceptance.

20 comments:

  1. He said it well! I have had sex (not being in love) with a person who was seriously overweight, and then at a healthy weight, and there just wasn't a difference.

    Mary Anne in Kentucky

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    1. He and I are still great friends and occasional lovers, and he says the same thing. :-) thanks for commenting!

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  2. Yes. This is wonderful and good for you for writing it.

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    1. Thanks, Leah. It's a part of body acceptance that is often kept "under covers!"

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  3. Ah…the swoon. Love it! Glad you were able to cross this off your list!

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    1. That was a few years ago, Kimberley... It's back on the list again, and I'm at goal weight! LOL

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    2. Git'er done, Jan! Wheeeeeeeeeeee!!!

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  4. I love this very much, it's poignant and beautiful, we've all been there on the road to a great weight and learning to simply accept ourselves for who we are, not what a scale says or society thinks. He's absolutely right, and I'm so glad I got to read this, it feels like I peeked in your diary, it's so personal but I doubt there's many of us who haven't felt this way so many times. I used to joke that I buried my libido in the backyard with a very nice ceremony. It doesn't like being buried, we're human and we all deserve love in all its forms.

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    1. Amen, sister! Our best erogenous zone is our fertile imagination, and I hope you didn't decide to bury that, too! Dream big! What we put out into the universe comes back to us, so repeat after me: My libido is alive and well, and will pounce at the least provocation! LOL

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  5. What a wonderful experience - at any weight and at any age!!

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    1. EXACTLY! You said in 6 words everything I needed to say!

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  6. This is beautiful and so honest. Thank you for sharing this.
    I love some of my own "Hey, I'll be damn if this isn't fun again!!" moments myself. Pretty awesome stuff and definitely one of the perks of a healthy lifestyle :)

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    1. Sounds like you've got a good title there, Genie! Run with it!

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  7. Jan,
    That's fantastic!! Being cherished and desired are so wonderful. That's quite a moving story.

    I, too, believe that it's important to consciously recognize and visualize what you want, and even write it down. Even if nothing totally cosmic occurs, I think it prepares you to recognize your opportunity when it happens.

    Excellent!
    Dave



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    1. Precisely! What you put your attention, energy and focus on will materialize quickly if we just step out of our own way!

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  8. Yes, yes, and yes. I am very fortunate that I have been able to enjoy my sexuality at any weight, even at 372 pounds (my highest weight). My partner of 15 years has always wanted and appreciated me, and I him (he is also a big guy, but it doesn't matter one bit). There is all kinds of fun to be had at any size. Brava!

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  9. What a great story, thanks for sharing. Very inspiring!

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  10. Just found your blog and wowza, what a post to read first off the bat lol. I've lost around 60lbs, and have been in maintenance for two years now. And yeah my intimate relationship with my husband has changed drastically since I started this whole whacky journey, and definitely for the better :)

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  11. Amazing story and you deserve to feel great and be appreciated because you deserve to be loved. I understand you may have felt ashamed of your size but there is always someone for you and I know you have a great heart inside. I am very happy for you and I hope everything works out. Take care!

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