August 12, 2012

Hate to Exercise? You Got Company.

(This is not actually Munchberry demonstrating the proper use of a treadmill--Photo by normanack)

Hi everyone, Crabby here!  But only for 2 paragraphs, which trust me, is a good thing. I'm still at the "hey, we're having an awesome time, wanna see 18,000 photos of us standing in front of a bunch of old European shit?" stage of our journey.  That plus a few miscellaneous observations about cross-cultural differences in public lavatories** is about all my tiny brain is up for.  So instead, how about a great guest post by the awesome Munchberry of I'm Just Puffy?

**In Berlin and vicinity, we discovered you have to pay to use the restroom everywhere, even if you are in a fancy shopping mall. And at the train station, a trip to the toilet costs $1.50! In Edinburgh, the WC's we've encountered have been free, but despite using thousands of gallons of water per flush, they are powerless against a couple of squares of toilet paper...OK, so now see why I'm psyched to have a great guest post?)

Hello Cranky Fitnessites!

Munchberry here at the helm today while The Boss is plowing through haggis and doing squats over the Blarney Stone. OK, not the Blarney Stone – unless she is really long-legged and ultra bendy (as she claims to be). [Crab note: Oh yeah, that's definitely me, long-legged & bendy... I also have abs of steel, massive guns, a bootylicious posterior, an IQ of 743, and some prime real estate on the moon you may be interested in purchasing.] And no, I guess I am not at the helm, but more broadcasting to you from the crustacean basement where they have me chained to their treadmill.

Why, you ask, am I chained to their treadmill? Because Cranky knows that the only way to get me to exercise is to lock me in the room with the equipment and force reconcilliation or at least detante. For I am the only person on earth that hates to exercise. What? You too? Pfft. The things I do in order to avoid exercising! OY.

Instead of exercise I will read my old organic chemistry book from 25 years ago. I will clean toilets and possibly even dog barf. I will clean my oven. I have been known to go down to my own home workout room that is filled with every manner of exercisy things, flip on a Jillian Michaels DVD and then LAY on the weight bench and twiddle my thumbs for 45 minutes while Jillian screams and I fake grunt (sounds very much like a fake orgasm but with less happy excitement). I then will spritz my face with the fern mister, toss water under my arms and trudge upstairs and LIE to my husband about how Jillian has it out for me. That is how I conducted myself for a while until my husband heard one too many fake gruntings, came down and caught me in the act. I was assuming my regular reclined position on the bench, plugged into my I-Pod and was singing away and grunting for a LONG while before I noticed him watching me with such a look of disgust that I had… HAD to change my ways.

So how do I manage to exercise without falling into a major depression?


I treat myself like a toddler facing down vegetables. Don’t judge! There are a lot of things I have not tried to do in a while because I was too heavy (I thought) or too ungainly (I was) to do them. I have lost about 90 pounds and have 30 or so more to go so there have been some agilability changes. Yes, that is a word in Munchberryville. Anyhoo, NOW I say to myself these toddleresque things (no sense in drawing it out and being all suspensful like):

Try it. If you don’t like it, you can spit it out in your napkin. I try all sorts of new sporty things. Why not, right? I can spit it out! I found I LOVE to play tennis (I can bash things – OK… lob). I love to play pickleball. I tear up the batting cages! I’m sorry that is another lie. I tear up the air as I wiff… still – exercise! I also like to do water aerobics. I found I still hate to do pool laps (I did them from about 8-20 years old and hated it then too) and I refuse to run unless someone is chasing me with a knife or the ice cream man is heading out of the neighborhood. The point is – I try all sorts of heart beaty things and if it sticks, I do it until I don’t feel it anymore OR I cultivate a big love for it and do it forever. No pressure.

Try to eat what is on your plate. If I sign up for 10 sessions of hot yoga (barf), I am gonna finish. I have a LIFETIME of being a giant quitter – where I don’t initially like something too much (*see ice skating and horeseback riding) so I ditch it and never look back. You know what? I seriously hated pickleball the last time I tried it, but a friend kept on raving about it and driving me up a tree about going and so I did. Guess who likes pickleball. Ditto that for the water aerobics. This Winter I look forward to a series of 10 water ballet lessons. Yep. Water ballet. I already have my daisy cap.

Pretend it is something else. As you know (because I just told you – PAY ATTENTION) I hate the exercise room. But I live in rain country. Sometimes the elliptical and weights are what is available and ants in the pants must be attended to. So like children who may pretend broccoli is a tiny tree and they are giants devouring them I pretend cake is on my knees when I am working the abs on the fitness ball and I must make like packman and reach up to gobble it. That the fitness ball is a hobby horse or that I am doing some sort of sexy rolling thing as I “loosen up” on the ball (again with the judging? Jeesh). I also pretend that someone is chasing me or that Mr. Munchberry (Not really Mr. Munchberry – I am not going to share that with you interlopers) is admiring me as I ellipticise. I run extra hard. You come up with your own fantasies OK!? I am a simple girl.

Celebrate and do a dance when you finish. I am a big fan of doing the Snoopy Dance whenever I kick exercise butt. (Look it up – very satisfying). I have done that dance since I was a wee one. If you do something that pretty much goes against your nature, best to celebrate when mission is accomplished. I did it as a child when my mom said my room was clean enough to go out and play. Now I do it every time I work up a sweat. Mr. Munchberry and I have been married going on 20 years. He has grown used to my post… posting with the Snoopy Dance. In fact, he does a Snoopy dance himself. Don’t tell him I told you!

27 comments:

  1. Oh how I miss Cranky...went to the Cape, she's in Europe...I'm getting a complex. But I worked out daily while on vacation since I had no visits with Cranky planned.

    Great post Munchberry! I love that your husband realized your "fake" grunting sounded unusual and ventured down, that must have been a sight to see you relaxing on the exercise bench listening to your Ipod and grunting every 4-5 seconds.

    I too think finding something you enjoy helps to keep you moving forward with your goals and exercising.

    ReplyDelete
  2. What an AWESOME post! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the toddleresque things approach....

    gonna have to try them!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ya know I wonder about the wisdom of making people pay to unload their... baggage. Mr. Munchberry got into a language barrier tussle (maybe in Switzerland or Italy or Austria??) in the train station with an attendant trying to collect the dump fee. He thought he was a beggar getting frisky.

    So looking forward to the pics.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AWESOME...it really is all about parenting ourselves in a way that produces the results we want, but not in a way that makes us rebel. And boy oh boy is that a FINE LINE to walk!! At least for me.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Awesome tips to help try new things! I have always stuck to the same things, and failed miserably! Going to try this approach and see if it changes things up for me!


    www.melony-taylor.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. Crabby, i'm glad you are having fun.

    Munchberry, you have some great ideas. Since i went through the toddler stage with 4 of them, i should be able to go through it with me on this exercise thing, too.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I try to try things, but it doesn't work very often. I used to sort of mildly like tennis, but even as I was enjoying it I was resenting not being able to play badminton. Just as when I use the elliptical at the gym, I'm very grateful that my knees and ankles are happy, not to mention my allergies, but I'd really rather be outdoors walking somewhere. I am pretty good, though, at pretending.

    That dog, based on my anecdotal knowledge of people with dogs and treadmills, is lying there with the sad eyes, waiting Oh So Patiently for the stupid humans to turn the treadmill on so the dog can runrunrunrunrunrun forever.

    Mary Anne in Kentucky

    ReplyDelete
  8. **leaps to her feet and cheers like a child** :-)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thanks so much Munchberry for the great post!

    And good to know that since "agilability" is a quality I'm seriously lacking, now there's at least a good word for it.

    In a cursory nod to "health and fitness" I'm at this very moment at a Virgin Active gym. Um, eating yogurt and using the wireless and not currently using the equipment. But I did earlier, I swear!

    Interesting gym... acres and acres of lounge space, cafe seating, couches, banks of computers, child-friendly romping space...and yet not so comprehensive in the actual fitness equipment. But on the plus side, there are legions of personal trainers on the floor who will notice and rescue bewildered newcomers when they exhibit comically clueless behavior trying to figure out how things work. I got rescued 3 times in one short workout, which I imagine is some sort of club record. I'm so proud.

    Miss you all a LOT and am contemplating some sort of on-the-road post, um, eventually, and am looking forward to reading all your blogs when I'm online a bit more. Prague & Amsterdam were AMAZING, Berlin & Potsdam were very cool too, and Edinburgh is beyond words scenic and the Lobster and I are having an excellent, excellent time. Warning: photos forthcoming.

    Thanks again everyone who's stopped by on the last couple of posts, you guys rock!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well. Thank you for having me and leaving me the rather complex and cryptic note on how to find the key to the lock and chain you used to tether me to the exercise machine.

      I always fantasize about having a personal trainer but having one intervene in my workout 3 times without me waving them over might make me cranky.

      Pics. Cannot wait.

      Delete
    2. I can't wait for photos and stories either.

      Delete
    3. Be careful what you wish for... unless either of you is suffering from insomnia?

      :)

      Delete
  10. I always tell people that is why they call it a workout, not a funout

    ReplyDelete
  11. Crabby, nice to hear from you, keep on having fun, don't worry about us.

    Munchberry, nice post, great ideas that I will have to try. I have you beat in the 'hate exercising' though - I don't even bother to fake it. Time to get off my a$$ though and change that, so thanks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL - there is always someone trying to beat me out as as slacker-in-chief. You will have a fight on your hands Reb! Fortunately we both probably lack any solid muscle mass so we will devolve into a pie eating contest. I claim the low fat coconut custard.

      Delete
    2. Pie? Did someone say pie? I have dibs on the chocolate creme pie. Oh, and the blueberry. And wait, the apple, and the rhubarb, and the pecan and the key lime...

      Delete
  12. Hmmm, mist in the face and water under the arms...grunt...got it. I'm gonna "work out" like crazy tonight! lol

    ReplyDelete
  13. I think I am posting inept or something. I don't know where my comment went except I got distracted by a comment and may have followed a link before I hit submit. :)

    Great to hear from you and the price has increased since I was there in 1990! Isn't that crazy? And supposedly I think it means the stalls are more clean or whatever but I didn't notice they were that amazing.

    Hilarious guest post. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry about the comment problem! It's not just you, but I can't figure out what's triggering it. Some sort of irate blogger gremlin I guess.

      Delete
    2. I am thinking of you this morning which made me check your blog to see if you had updated! Perhaps you guys are off on some strange adventure today...

      Delete
  14. Love the post Mrs. M. I like that chasing thing, and maybe the being admired thing - I'll have to try those. I'm currently doing the "on my plate" thing with a recplex punch pass that includes 5 spinning classes. Just 5, 2 done, 3 to go. Worst case scenario was that I hated it and would treat the classes as a stationery biking session, but I'm liking it.

    ReplyDelete
  15. This post cracked me up. And word to pretending someone is watching and admiring when you exercise - this basically sums up every one of my workouts!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'll have to give the Pac Man approach a shot. Eighty percent of working out is the battle of getting your mind to stop focusing on what you're doing.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Haha, I love this post! Exercise is certainly a chore for me, while chores are a little more welcome. I'd rather do dishes than go weight lifting, and let me tell you, that's quite a statement. I'll have to give these imaginative ideas a try though! Who knows, maybe my fiance will help motivate me :D

    ReplyDelete
  18. Yeah I used to hate to exercise too but I guess what really got me seriously motivated was being diagnosed with pre-diabetes. What I have found out though is that afterwords I have more energy and motivation. I think much of it is laziness, procrastination and the wrong mind set before the workout

    ReplyDelete
  19. Currently, I could only count the times when I do exercise, unlike previous years where I am involve into a military training for school where almost everyday, we do exercise, shall I say almost all the time we exercise. I am not that lazy to do exercise, what I did is I walk in our backyard, do cleaning in our house and do some little play with children, I guess that is better than to do nothing and just sitting.

    ReplyDelete
  20. If you need help with posture you may want to consider a posture back brace or posture bras but only if you're looking for a short term fix. A better long term fix for posture is targeted stretching and strengthening of postural muscles. dont use bras for posture

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for commenting, Cranky Fitness readers are the BEST!

Subscribe to comments via RSS

(Note: Older Comment Threads Are Moderated)