July 08, 2012

Healthy Recipes and Food Religions

Hint: This Ain't One of the Healthy Recipes.

So this post was originally going to be called: "Cauliflower, It's a F--ckin' Miracle!"

But too many people hate cauliflower. (Including, sadly, the Lobster). And since I'm hoping to elicit some help in finding new meal ideas, I didn't want to scare all you cruciferphobes away.

But since the webworld is FULL of recipes, you may be wondering why on earth I'd ask for help in finding a few easy healthy recipes?

Well, here's my dilemma:


What the Heck is a "Healthy: Recipe?"


One thing I've learned is that this is a very individual, subjective concept. Unfortunately, my current definition of Healthy doesn't seem to line up with any of the handy established Dietary Religions.

Fast Food Worship: Still Quite Popular!


This means I must alter recipes when I encounter them. If you are as untalented in the kitchen as I am, improvisation is not usually advisable.


The picture above is not mine, but could be.


Anyway, what's my current dietary denomination?

I'm a Healthy Hedonistic Quantitarian.

Yep, I am a devoted disciple of The First United Church of Big-Ass Portions of Food. In my religion, gluttony is not forbidden! I eat all day long with no guilt.  But wasting calories on food that could do unfriendly shit to my body one day and doesn't even taste divine? That's an absolute sin.

My religion shares some similarities with other faiths, like Primal/Paleoism, Mediterraneanism, Veganism, LowCarbitarianism, LowCalitarianism and even the Puritanical Pritikin People. We all worship at the altar of the Most Holy Vegetable.  Craploads and craploads and craploads of vegetables.

Yet all of these other religions, and their respective Food Bibles and/or Cookbooks, encourage things I don't eat and forbid things I do.

Mostly my diet has to do with having found what seems to be the nutritionally blessed combination of foods that lets me eat like a pig (but healthy) most of the time, yet still have room for out-of-control snack and dessert rampages at parties, or during costco runs where I'll find myself scarfing up dozens of samples of Evil Things that I feel compelled to consume because they're free.

But since this stuff is so personal and particular, I do understand why no one else seems to be a member of my church.  So I've been alone in my quest for easy recipes that optimize all my favorite ingredients without taking hours to prepare. Yet it would be awesome to find some sort of Dietary Bible that somehow incorporates all these rules:

Crabby's Ten Weird Dietary Commandments:

1. Thou shalt go pretty easy on carbs, even healthy ones like beans and whole grains and corn and potatoes. Most of my carbs come from dump trucks full of vegetables, dark chocolate, and red wine.

2. Thou mayest eat nuts and seeds and olive oil and avocado and other healthy fats in generous but not completely unlimited portions.

3. Thou must avoid processed foods, refined grains, sugar, excessive sodium, weird chemicals and transfats, unless one is on a Rampage.

4.  Thou shalt not embark on Rampages on a daily basis.

5. Thou shalt get plenty of protein. Thou mayest eat meat and animal products if efforts are made to secure these from organic grassfed sources. However, thou shalt not consume processed meats.

Wait, is this starting to sounding a little Primal?  Eh, maybe not so much ...

6. Thou shalt not eat a lot of saturated fat and shalt go easy on even 'natural' sources like lard, butter, etc.

7.  Thou mayest consume fruit in addition (not instead of) the Most Holy Vegetable.

8.  Thou mayest consume dairy, though to avoid Excessive and Almost Comical Stomach Bloating, goat milk sources are preferred.  (Though it's almost impossible to find these low fat, damn it).

9.  Thou shalt be mindful of calories. Thou shalt not partake frequently of high calorie low carb concoctions that replace high glycemic carbs with boatloads of fat, unless thou art willing to keep portions small, and what the hell are the chances of that happening?

10.  Thou mayest use stevia or even splenda in lieu of sugar.

Yep, I am a Church of One. (Especially with #10 on there, but screw it, I'm not yet convinced by the research that either of these is all that dangerous.)

So where does this leave me?

Very happy, actually!

Crabby's Boring Daily Dietary Details

My general eating pattern is to start my day with a couple large cups of coffee with generous portions of goat milk.

Then after I work out, I have a HUGE vegetable/fruit smoothie (nearly a whole blenderful) with a big plateful of scrambled eggwhites (with more miscellaneous vegetables, onions, garlic, nutritional yeast and some pecorino cheese).

A couple hours later I'm hungry again and have a monstrously large salad with some sort of protein in there and "fun" ingredients like walnuts and goat cheese and pears. (I'll spare you the salad dressing detail, but it's mostly a fruit puree with olive oil.)

For dinner, there's usually some sort of lean protein, plus vast acreages of roasted vegetables. Or sometimes it's a stirfry or casseroley thing.  When I eat starches they tend to be small portions and are (currently, as an experiment) nonwheat stuff like quinoa, winter squashes, little blue potatoes, or even those weird shiritake noodles.

Treats are mainly red wine, dark chocolate, and then there are the aforementioned Rampages where Anything Goes.

The Cauliflower Miracle

So this is where the cauliflower came in... through reading 45 and 304  I was led to a chicken/cheese pizza crust, which was tasty but challenged my religious beliefs by being a bit too heavy on the saturated fat in the cheese and a bit too high in calories, given my liberal view of portion sizes. But this then led me to a low carb cauliflower pizza crust recipe and discussion of something known as "cauliflower rice."

Of course the cauliflower crust still had too much cheese, calories, and saturated fats for my religion, but it worked just fine by taking out some cheese, and adding a bunch of onions and garlic.  Suddenly I had a low cal, low carb, low fat, somewhat bread-like thing that was mostly made of vegetables!  (It crumbles when I pry it off the pan and is best eaten with a fork, but whatever.)

The discovery of the starch-mimicking properties of a healthy cancer-fighting vegetable like cauliflower was, like the discovery of kale chips or winter squash, a dietary miracle worth celebrating.  So I've been celebrating it... A LOT.

Now, if I get off my lazy ass and experiment, I'm fantasizing about things like vegetable-based crackers, wraps, loafs, etc.  Could there be guilt free low carb, low cal, vegetable-based desserts made with stevia? That would indeed be Heaven. Or does that violate some natural law or something?

In the meantime, I'm eating quite a bit of cauliflower since I don't hate it and it seems to bulk up all kinds of recipes, from scrambled eggs to soups to faux-crabcakes.  Which is healthy, right?  I can't imagine anything could go wrong with that plan.


Whoops.

So What's Your Food Religion and Where Do You Get Recipes?


As I said, I don't expect anyone to subscribe to my singular and eccentric Healthy Hedonistic Quantitarian religion.

But do you have "miracle" discoveries in your dietary faith? And where do you get your recipes?

(Note: if you've got a good healthy easy recipe that other folks might want to hear about, consider a guest recipe post here at Cranky Fitness! Just email me. That is, if you're a regular reader or blogger and not a PR person trying to pimp a large commercial website.)

Photos Credits: Awful Supper at lileks.com; Squash disaster by technodad; Mrs Cauliflower at FreakingNews

49 comments:

  1. My diet is very similar to yours actually, even number 10- I know its wrong and am trying to learn not to want everything so sweet but I sadly have a major sweet tooth. Intrigued by the cauliflower thing, will be trying that!

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    1. I'm not the only whole-food health nut who still sweetens? Hooray!!

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  2. Hmm, I must investigate the cauliflower mimicry. I've been using goat milk in my coffee for several years now. I believe you are the only other person I know of who does this. I am sure there are more of us out there. For now let me say I am happy to not be alone in my goating ways. I have even tried goat butter. It's not bad though expensive.

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    1. You're a goat milk drinker too? Somehow I'm not surprised especially given your fondness for goats! Have not tried the butter, but hmm, what if I like it? Then that will be yet another expensive, hard to find health food item for the list. Perhaps I'm better off in the dark.

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    2. It's not expensive if you make it; this, of course, requires a source of fresh goat milk. I never made much, and it was more like whipped butter by the time I got through shaking it in a jar.

      Mary Anne in Kentucky

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  3. Sounds pretty good to me! I saw a study recently that looked into death rates depending on how much cauliflower you have eaten (just kidding) depending on one's diet, and the results were that the increases in death rates were very low regardless of what diet you ate!! Basically, if we keep our weight in the normal range and avoid chronic diseases, good genetics tops all other factors.

    I am Dr. J, and I like cauliflower!

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    1. You mean all this dietary obsessiveness in the end counts for nothing? Ack!!!

      If that study holds I'm going back to Lucky Charms for breakfast and cheeseburgers for lunch.

      Delete
  4. Bigger Girl, when i read this to her, said her religion is Vegan and she worships the all mighty mushroom.

    As for me, i'm the weirdo raw vegan, and as when i am cooking gumbo or jambalaya or an etouffee for my omnivorous family, i don't use no stinkin' recipes.;)

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    1. You can make gumbo, jambalaya and etouffee? Man, I wanna go to YOUR house for dinner!

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  5. My little sisters used to call cauliflower, "flowerpower." Good one, eh? I share all your diet quirks except the goat milk thing. Does goat milk taste anything like goat cheese? I can't imagine putting that in my morning coffee.

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    1. The most commonly found brand of goat milk, Meyersomething or other, is pretty mild. If you drink strong coffee it's pretty easy to get used to. But if you ain't lactose intolerant don't know if it's worth paying the extra money. For some reason it works much better for me than the lactaid type cows milks.

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  6. I'm vegan, but other than the meat and goat milk thing our views are similar. I love cauliflower and like to us it as a carb replacement (mmm, cauliflower mashed 'pototoes'), but my hubby hates them and tends to rebel.

    I occasionally use a cookbook for recipe ideas, but mostly I just create my own thing. I've been writing them down and putting them on my blog when they turn out good, mostly so I can go back later and recreate them.

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    1. Ooh, good, sounds like you may be a promising source for recipes, thanks!

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  7. Thanks for this! You insprired me to write my own commandments! Also, I'm used to dipping cauliflower in ranch at parties, but other than that I have a hard time stomaching it. I even tried this Mac and "cheese" that used this C-flower. I am the same way as you Debbie, I create my my own thing and use the recipe books as a basis for ideas.

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    1. Yeah, I think a lot of these recipe's that claim that people who don't like cauliflower will love it... um, not so much. It's like me with celery, I just Can. Not. Like it.

      Can't wait to see your commandments!

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    2. Oh wait they're up... Awesome!!!

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  8. Thanks for the mention Crabby! My rules are way out there...my blood flows yellow from all the butter I eat, my saturated fat numbers are in the zillions, you could build a pyramid with all the cheese I eat, yet my cholesterol and triglycerides are sheer perfection. Interesting how we are all so different.

    If anyone else wants to check out the chicken and cheese or cauliflower and cheese crust, please go here: http://yourlighterside.com/

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    1. Wish my body would co-operate with butter and sat. fat, but as soon as I added more to my diet, emulating the primal folks, my "bad" numbers shot up at my next physical.

      But thanks SO much for the cauliflower crust invention, I love it!

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  9. First, as usual, so much hilarity it made my stomach tighten like I just did some sorta exercise. Thank you for that.

    The capitalizing for some reason sent me giddy... and Puritanical Pritikin People. Snort.

    OK so I think you are a church of 2. I am also a member of the Healthy Hedonistic Quantitarian sect and do commit sins of Costco Rampaging.

    Try to get the Lobster to try this soup: When the mood for soup comes around. Plus it is fool proof. Need I elaborate on the last part? No? Fine.

    Silky Cauliflower Soup
    Recipe from David Lieberman

    1 head cauliflower
    2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
    1 small onion, chopped
    2 cloves garlic, minced
    1 quart low-sodium chicken stock
    1/2 cup finely grated Parmesan
    Salt and freshly ground black pepper

    Remove the leaves and thick core from the cauliflower, coarsely chop, and reserve.

    Heat the olive oil in a large saucepan or soup pot over medium heat and add the onion and garlic. Cook until softened, but not browned, about 5 minutes.

    Add the cauliflower and stock and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to a simmer, cover, and cook until the cauliflower is very soft and falling apart, about 15 minutes.

    Remove from heat and, using a hand held immersion blender, puree the soup, or puree in small batches in a blender and return it to the pot.

    Add the Parmesan and stir until smooth.

    Season, to taste, with salt and black pepper. Keep warm until ready to serve.

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    1. Thank you so much Munchberry! And that recipe looks awesome. I'm just going to add about 50 more cloves of garlic and try it asap!

      Did I mention I'm a fan of garlic? :)

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    2. No, you did not mention it. You should have though. That cancels out my vampire theory. So cauliflower and garlic. The Lobster must be thrilled. It MUST be love. Hope she is a fan of onion and asparagus. Relationship balance is important.

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  10. Your article is so funny, sounds like my experience with cooking. Try to stick to simple recipes that don't takes lots of time or require lots of ingredients. If something is too complicated to make you most likely won't bother and when eating healthy all the time, you want food that you can make quickly, but that will also taste good.

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  11. I pretty much eat just like that, except when I'm trying to lose weight and then I go seriously lo carb/ lo cal.

    CAM

    I love Gaspacho in the summer

    Red Ripe Tomatoes, 2 medium (or canned if you must)
    1/2 peeled Cucumber
    1/2 bell pepper
    Garlic, 0.25 clove
    Basil, 2 or 3 leaves (unless you hate basil)
    Olive Oil, 1/2 tsp
    Any Vinegar, 1/2 tbsp
    Salt and black pepper to taste

    blenderize and chill

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  12. Goat's milk in coffee, eh? No kidding?

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    1. Ah Hilary, always love when you stop by... it's no pun without you!

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  13. Im a raw veggie woman.
    no matter how I try and make those "cauli mashed fauxtaters" they turn out a horrid mess :)

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    1. Well if you like em raw there's no need!

      And you're right, it's a total lie that they taste just like real mashed potatoes. They don't.

      Delete
  14. I'm with MizFit - I mostly prefer my veggies raw, including cauliflower.

    My food religion - I aim to eat vegan/vegetarian during the day, dinner usually has meat or seafood to keep Husband happy. I eat real sugar rather than the substitutes, but try to keep it to small amounts. Try to allow treats (or Rampages) within reason, but not go overboard. Lately I have been trying to reduce/eliminate gluten & dairy because I do seem to feel better without them, but it's hard to do (I miss cheese!).

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    1. I'm also trying to figure out if wheat is part of my stomach/digestive issues... but I'm such a crappier experimenter I can't tell! I never hold 1 thing constant long enough to test.

      Good luck on the new approach!

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  15. I think we are following the same religion or pretty close to it! :-) Love it!

    That last pic - creep! ;-)

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    1. I'd be happy to go to the same church as you, Jody. Especially when your diet deity is handing out muscle miracles!

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  16. I would loooove to hear all the nitty gritty details of your salad dressing, Crabby!

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    1. Seriously, are you having trouble sleeping at night? :)

      It's usually 2-3 cups fruit (blueberries/pear, or mango/pear; some red bell pepper; a bit of shallot or onion; a cup of blueberry or other juice; maybe 3/4 cup olive oil; vinegar (though I'm not sure how much because I've been leaving it out, long story), all put in a blender. Oh, and I add stevia as well 'cause I like it sweet. Sorry to be so vague and have a feeling not many people would find it all that appealing, but there you go!

      Delete
  17. I think there should be a Crabby McSlacker Pattie of some sort or another, don't you? I mean really... AND I think that should be your next (first?) Food Contest: the winning recipe. You could even stipulate that celery is on a short list of excluded ingredients as well as outlining what MUST be included.

    Because I am of the OCD persuasion, of course FOOD is something that absolutely lends itself to my proclivities. How much? How little? What size plate? (or, can I just use a paper towel and skip messing up/cleaning up the sink yet again?) But - I digress...

    My own Nutriligion is very close to your own - except that I recently found out that unsweetened/unadulterated soy "milk" is pretty OK in coffee. Who knew?

    Plus - I, too, have faith that I will not develop some horrid condition just from using Splenda in a cup of tea every now and then :)

    Finally - I know with unshakable certainty that absolutely NOTHING can substitute adequately for old fashioned, yukon gold, butter AND cream-enhanced, well salted mashed potatoes. (No skins either - thank you very much - that would only wreck the complete anti-health allure of them.)

    They are why Thanksgiving was invented, right? And - aside from Mac 'n Cheese - THE quintessential comfort food. Sadly - I can not allow them as more than a rare, occasional Indulgence for which I required to do heavy penance. Yes - when the divorce is finalized, you will find me with a big, heaping, steaming bowl in my lap and THEN out for really loooonnnnggg trot the next day. But, talk about being worth it.........

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Crabby McPatties, an excellent idea! And love the Nutriligion coinage!

      But damnit, now you've got me craving mashed potatoes, yummm. Next Rampage, I'm there.

      Delete
  18. My Nutriligion (thank you, Anon) is simply, "If I'm allergic to it, I don't eat it. If I don't like it, I don't eat it." That eliminates pretty much everything processed, and since I love most vegetables (not cauliflower, Crabby, you can have mine) I naturally eat a lot of them. But I have no desire to reduce carbs, and certainly not sweets. (Stevia! I tasted some about twenty years ago, and even now every time I hear the word I go "Blergh!")

    Mary Anne in Kentucky

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    1. Stevia tastes better now! But probably because it's an extract and will poison us in some new way but screw it.

      I have so much sympathies for those with food allergies, that must totally suck.

      Delete
  19. Friends...I'm new here and find you all crude (cranky) and very amusing. I just finished a book from Rodale Publishing "The Glycemic Load Diet". It is a 2in1 book - program plus cookbook. FASCINATING! It is everything combined in these comments. The major rule is NO flour or grain products, including rice, NO potatoes and no sweetened drinks (including Juice). Whole fruit IS ok though.

    The author, Rob Thompson, MD doesn't have a problem w/ animal products. Apparently the problem is genetics rather than consumption. He even has a lot to say about the very adaptable CAULIFLOWER !

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    1. You're right, that's pretty close to what I'm doing, though I suspect the good doctor would not approve of my Rampages much!

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  20. I get a ton of my recipes off of Pinterest. I love the cauliflower pizza even if I have to eat it with a fork and I have a butternut/mushroom spicy recipe that is out of this world and actually was the only thing that ever got me to eat squash. My food religion, ummm I don't have one, eat what I like is that a religion? I watch my calories, I try my best and I forget the rest, just like Tony Horton tells me. HA!

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    1. Oh good, I'm glad I"m not the only one who can't make the crust stick together. I thought it was because I was omitting a bunch of the cheese, but good to know it's not just me! And that butternut recipe sounds quite intriguing...

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  21. Your diet religion is surely something I can believe in. I appreciate all the useful tips on maintaining a good diet. Except for #10, I just need to stay away from all sugar.

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  22. It is very fine and beautiful recipe description. I like this so much. Your recipe religion are very unique. I like this so much.

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  23. I'm not sure I agree with all this, milk is pretty good for you. But I follow MOST of your commandments anyways :P

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  24. The First United Church of Big-Ass Portions of Food. I am a member yes. :)
    I am finding with my thesis in that I have a lot of spare time and am not used to it. I've been cookign and baking up a storm and even started brewing wine and beer. I'm thinking I'm going to have to consider some vague form of moderation and get my ass back to the gym more regularly or I'm doomed :)

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  25. I love cauliflower, but only the flower bit, the stalk stuff just tastes of nothing.

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  26. Have you tried "faux-tatoes"? It tastes just like mashed potatoes without all the starch. You cook the cauliflower until it's tender, then mash it and dress it up like you would your normal mashed potatoes. My kids ate it for six months before I finally told them they weren't potatoes. Sneaky Mama. LOL

    ReplyDelete

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