A Few Reasons You May NOT Want to Move to Spain

Here's the context, in case you accidentally googled your way here: My wife and I spend half the year in Valencia, Spain, and the other half in Provincetown, Massachusetts. (Although that may change soon, which is a whole other story).

So which country will we ultimately end up in?

It's an ongoing debate. Not between us: we're always on the same side. It's just that we constantly change "our" mind, because after so many years together we only have one brain between us.

Given the terrifying future that the US president and his cronies say they have in store for us, we understand there are quite a few others considering their options as well. And Spain comes up a lot.

In the last blog post I shared a few good reasons to move to Spain. And honestly, that was just the beginning of a very long list, which someday I might elaborate on.

But you can't debate Pros and Cons without even looking at the Cons. So here's my very subjective take on a few reasons you might not want to choose Spain as your forever home. 

The Hours  

 

Note: many Americans who move here actually like Spain's peculiar approach to the clock. And many who don't at first, soon acclimate. But we are not among them. We've always been early birds, and now we're seniors, so that shaves another hour or so off bedtime.

But Spaniards wouldn't think of winding down at 9 p.m. and hitting the sack before 10, because that's when most of them are just getting around to eating dinner. On weekends, even 11p.m. dinners aren't uncommon, after which the young ones are likely to be out partying 'til morning. Lunch is eaten between 2-3 p.m. and for breakfast, Spaniards tend to choose either an early-ish morning coffee and pastry, or a later morning almuerzo, which tends to be a big sandwich with water, beer or wine, and coffee. It seemed odd at first, but now when we're coming back from the gym at 10:30 a.m., it's no longer startling to see gossiping grandmothers and construction workers quaffing beer with their bocadillos.

Anyway, to us, that schedule feels barbaric. The first year we tried to adjust, but finally we said: fuck it. We're not Spanish. So we mostly ignore it and eat at home. When we get together with friends, we do it at each other's houses or meet for drinks. We do love the cheap midday restaurant bargains, so we can't help taking advantage of those, but then when it comes time for dinner we realize we've completely ruined our appetites. Do we choke it down our meal anyway, or wait until right before bedtime to eat? Neither option is optimal.

And sure, there are fast-food places like KFC that are open all day, and a handful of restaurants in the heart of the tourist area that will seat you before 8 p.m. But generally, if you are hungry for dinner at 6 or 7 p.m., you better have done your grocery shopping.

Oh, but wait... is it Sunday? Or one of dozens of their obscure and unexpected holidays? Sorry, your supermarket is closed! Fortunately there are fruit markets and "express" type convenience stores still open, and to their credit, they have much healthier options than our 7-11 type stores. But their inventory is limited and inevitably they will be missing the one crucial thing you need.

The other fun feature of Spanish hours is siesta. I'm told that few Spaniards actually nap from 2 p.m. to 5 p.m,, but most of them are not at their jobs. There are many exceptions, like restaurants and big department stores and supermarkets, but small businesses are usually closed for most of the afternoon. If you are a retiree used to taking advantage of quieter afternoon hours to do errands, you will of course frequently forget this and show up to shuttered storefronts, cursing the Spanish siesta.

Language

 

This varies a lot depending on your language level. My wife is A2, and I'm more in the B1 or B2 range. And both of us struggle a LOT.

Of course you could choose one of the destinations like Alicante or Málaga or Benidorm, known for having a lot of English-speaking residents, and if you go there and make a reasonable effort to take some Spanish classes, you wil be fine. Alternatively, if you want to go elsewhere, and are brimming with confidence, adept at pantomime and Google Translate, and comfortable butchering the native language and coming across like a clueless simpleton, this can also work. You will endure many embarrassing miscommunications and will suffer some setbacks, but usually you will get by. 

But not being fluent in Spanish can feel quite inconvenient and uncomfortable. Unlike many other destinations in Europe, even nearby ones like France or Portugal, English is not as widely spoken as you would think. We live in the third-largest city in Spain, in a neighborhood close to, but not in, the touristy historic city center. And yet we have to use our shitty Spanish all the time. Neighbors, repairmen, store employees, government bureaucrats,  receptionists, waiters... sure some of them speak a little English, but even many who do would prefer not to.

If you've learned Spanish as it's spoken in Latin America? Be prepared for vosotros, leísmo, a different accent at a faster speed*, and a ton of new vocabulary. (On the plus side, you can now use "coger" in a non-obscene context.) 

*I don't know if it's technically true that they speak faster in Spain, but I do know that unlike Latin Americans, Spaniards seem incapable of slowing down or speaking more clearly when addressing non-native speakers. They will repeat the same blur of sounds to you at the same blistering pace over and over until eventually you just nod and smile and pretend you understand and hope for the best. 

Oh, and let's not even get started with Catalan, Valencian, Galician, or Basque. If you live in certain regions of Spain outside of a big city, you may need to become familiar with one of these languages in addition to Castilian Spanish. 

Government 

Spain is well known for its delightfully quaint bureaucracy!

Okay, delightful isn't the word: it's a nightmare. It's infuriatingly slow and cumbersome, and to get necessary appointments you often have to pay someone to make it happen. There will be forms and fingerprints and special stamps and all sorts of hoops to jump through.

Politically, things have shifted a bit rightward, although their "right" and ours are not the same. Many regions have elected center-right leaders. And there is the threat of the growing MAGA-like Vox party. It's only a fragile coalition with separatists and the extremely cantankerous far left that keeps the socialist Prime Minister Sánchez in power instead of the center right party, the PP.

It's a surprise to discover, if you are a leftie in the U.S., that when super-progressive politicians are in charge for many years, sometimes things can feel a bit too lefty.

For example: the government favors the right to housing for everyone. Which sounds great! Unless you happen to venture away from your own house, even on a vacation, and someone breaks in and starts living there. Because guess what? Now it's now their house! (At least if you don't discover it and call the police with 48 hours).  Eventually, sometimes years later, you may be able to remove them, but it's expensive and meanwhile you're not allowed to cut off their gas or water, which are still yours to pay.

There are other similar policies: the refusal to arrest pickpocketers as long as they keep it under 400 Euros, the requirement that landlords not evict tenants who don't pay rent, the endless regulations and requirements and taxes that keep businesses from expanding or housing from being built or transferred to new owners, etc., etc.

Also, in order to pay for universal healthcare all the other great stuff that is "free" in Spain, you will likely pay a lot more in taxes--particularly if you are a wealthy American used to a government that lets you off very lightly. For example, there are national and local wealth taxes that will take a bite out of everything you own, every year, in every part of the world. It's not a huge problem if you live in Madrid or other "conservative" regions, because the national ceiling is quite high. But in many other regions, like Valencia, the threshold is much lower and the additional tax can be quite substantial. Plus, Spain is not an entrepreneurial-friendy country, so people who work for themselves get slammed with especially high taxes.

Some of these policies cause moderate citizens to flee the socialist PSOE party to vote for the center right party, the PP, which would be fine--except that the PP partner with the evil Vox, who are keen to enact a conservative, anti-immigrant, anti-women, anti-gay agenda. 

Food and Drugs

 

In general, the food here is cheap and fresh and safer than the U.S. But be forewarned: there is a lot less selection in the grocery store. Which I totally agree with, in principal. Who needs 15,000 different options for every box of cereal or snack food or yogurt or soda? American grocery stores are insane.

And yet, all the expats I know have their own list of favorites they miss from back home. Maple syrup. Vanilla extract. (Both possible but it's hard to find anything but the fake kind.) Mild green chiles, taco seasoning. Most of us have scoured the city to find the one vendor who has something we'd take for granted at home, like for me, kale and broccolini. And some things just don't exist here, like Diet Ginger Ale. (I don't have it often, but but I crave it sometimes, especially if I'm feeling under the weather.) So I make do with orange Fresh Gas, which makes me giggle every time we buy it.

Also that whole whole "Mediterranean Diet" thing?  It's sure not in evidence in the restaurants, where vegetables are often strangely scarce. The natives we've seen tend to consume lot of cured or grilled fatty meat, cheese, white bread, pastry, various sorts of battered and fried dishes, and beer. Yet they still live forever, so go figure.

The meat is weird here too, it's often tough and stringy, and requires a LOT of chewing. It's also hard to find ground meat that doesn't have a bunch of filler added to it already. I have heard that if you go to an Argentinian steakhouse you'll have better luck, but then you are paying restaurant prices and staying up past our bedtime so we have yet to test this out.

As for drugs, many over-the-counter remedies like ibuprofen, decongestants, cough suppressants, etc need a doctor's prescription, and you can't buy huge cheap Costco style quantities. And if you come from a U.S. state where cannabis is legal and regulated and available in standardized doses... you won't find that here. It's illegal, for one, although there are ways around that if you know someone who knows someone. But dosing is haphazard, and if you, like me, are a lightweight, you can be in for an unpleasant surprise when a piece of chocolate that's supposed to contain 5mg of THC turns out to have way, way, way, way more than that.

Lesson learned: for me, no more THC experimentation in Spain.

Personal Peeves Too Petty to Consider in Deciding Whether to Move to Spain

Grafitti: No, not the pleasant kind--there are lots of colorfully painted walls and garage doors all over the city. (Although they are shop entrances, not garages).

 

It's the other kind, sprayed everywhere, on people's homes, historic buildings, on top of other carefully created beautiful murals, etc. I'm old enough to find it supremely annoying.

 

Odors and Aromas: Sometimes it stinks in Valencia, perhaps because the city is ancient and the sewer systems are too. Plus, for some reason contractors don't often install those U shaped pipes under your sinks to help keep sewer smells from infiltrating your house.

Another annoying smell issue: Every product, from laundry detergent to grocery bags to floor cleaner to dish soap, comes with a very aggressive floral scent. I have to go to the German drugstore to find a truly unscented laundry detergent, because otherwise the options are Scented, Extra-Scented, and STAND BACK OR YOU WILL ABSOLUTELY CHOKE TO DEATH. 

Sidewalk Hogs: A friend of ours from another part of Spain says this is mostly a Valencia problem, and it pisses her off too: Natives will walk four or five abreast on the sidewalk, often at a snail's pace, refusing to adjust at all for oncoming pedestrians, let alone a cranky pair of old ladies coming from behind who would love to get to their destination eventually.  Ex-pats tired of flinging themselves into the street to avoid collisions eventually learn to play Sidewalk Chicken, yielding their share, but only their share, of the sidewalk, and suffering occasional bruised arms in the process.

Dog Balls: No, not the kind you throw for Fido to fetch. (And this has to be the silliest "pet" peeve ever). But from what I can tell, the Spanish do not neuter their male dogs. Do Spanish men find that castrated canines pose a threat to their own masculinity? And there appears to be some law making dog ownership mandatory--they're everywhere. I've never witnessed so many big ugly swinging testicles in my life. 

Smoking: Fortunately it's not legal indoors, but since outdoor eating is common, be prepared to breathe in a ton of cigarette smoke. It's like it's still the 60's or something, so many Spaniards light up. At first we thought Spain was super progressive because there were so many trans women living here. Until we realized that a lot of these women who sounded so much like men had probably just been smoking all their lives.

Of course there are plenty of petty annoyances in both countries. So we will keep weighing all the pros and cons, trying to pay more attention to all the Big Factors, and less to the small irritants. And we'll see what happens.

If you to consider moving to, or spending a lot of time in another country, what would be your dealbreakers?