December 06, 2009
Christmas Gift for Crabby
Bdaiss of Prairie Trails just sent me this nifty idea for a Christmas present. C'mon guys, it's only $25,000!
December 04, 2009
Foofy Friday: The Requisite Girly Post
Dude! That's totally me! Seriously!
DISCLAIMER: Please note that all products reviewed here have been funded by The Head Nurse/Cranky Fitness Girly Product Review Fund (ie, my paycheck). I have received no compensation or consideration from any maker of any of these products, though I wouldn't turn down samples of any of 'em, especially anything from Dogfish Head. No animals were harmed in the writing of this post, unless you count my shoving the cats off the keyboard as "harm". Do not use while bathing, driving, or operating heavy machinery. Side effects may include diarrhea, hypotension, hallucinations, and a craving for brownies. Tax, title, and license not included. Available to qualified buyers only. Offer ends December 25, 2011.
Even though I, too, wear Sensible Shoes, I am prone to fits of Girly. In fact, there are days when I'm downright feminine. Those days most often happen after I've had a muscle-tearing, horrid workout with Attila and have worked up the nastiest, funkiest, most toxic sweat you can possibly imagine.
My Girly Gene is expressed in things that get you clean, things that keep your skin healthy (especially during the winter--winters here are DRY), and things that make life a little bit easier for those of us who occasionally wear heels.
Therefore, in the tradition of Head Nurse, I present the Sun's Over The Yardarm Somewhere Edition of Foofy Girly Post-Workout Product Reviews!
First task when you're filthy and sweaty is getting clean. During the summer, I like Dr. Bronner's Peppermint or Lavender soap. Yes, it's drying. Yes, it's very concentrated. (Dilute! Dilute! OK!) Yes, the labels are complex enough that I used to read them as found poetry at Jim's Poetry Night at the diner. However, the Doctor will get you clean when nothing else will.
But in winter, what to do? You're horrid, you stink, you're oily and sweaty and not fit for human company, and yet if you use real soap, you'll end up cracked and dry and depressed. For those times, I recommend Bliss's Super Slough Scrub. It's 'spensive as all git-out, but it really, really works. It takes bumps away, moisturizes like a demon, and smells sort of like your dad's old Barbasol shave cream (ie, not flowery or girly, just clean). Plus, a little goes a long way, so even if you spend thirty-two clams on the stuff, you're getting an excellent return on your money. My bottle has lasted more than a month of daily to twice-daily use already.
How 'bout once you get out of the shower? If you're me, your skin is still dry and itchy. That's where Boots Amazon Forest Body Butter comes in. It's very, very rich. It moisturizes all day, and it smells like a cookie! Hooray for Team Cookie! I like to smear it all over any skin that'll be exposed before I go out in the cold to, say, do yardwork or galumph with Max, my half GSD/half Flying Flapdoodle buddy.
Your feet need a little extra attention during the winter months, too, since they're closed up in boots and running shoes and galoshes all the time. Mama don't play when it comes to her feet: because I'm a nurse, my feet are the foundation of my being able to work. For that reason, I have a trifecta of Foot Stuff that I swear by.
First are Birkenstock insoles. Again, spendy as a (redacted), but what price foot happiness? These things have kept me from having recurrances of plantar fasciitis and sesamoiditis, which is worth sixty smackers to me. It's not until you're lying in bed, sucking down narcotics and bourbon with equal abandon, that you really know what pain is. These insoles--and have them properly fitted by a professional, please--will cure what ails you. I move 'em from my work shoes to my workout shoes to my big clunky heels and wear them daily. (Well, except that they're currently in Abilene and I'm feeling their loss, but that's another story.)
Second is the fantastic Coconut Foot Creme put out by Burt's Bees. It's got lanolin, various oils, and glycerin in it, and it doesn't smell too much like peppermint. Instead, it's a pleasant summery smell, and it goes on warm and comforting. As with most Burt's products, a little goes a HUGE way, so don't get too excited with the application. If you do, you'll end up putting it on your elbows, knees, antique wood furniture, lips, eyelids, wood floors, dog, and boy- or girlfriend. Best of all, you can (and I say this from experience) slap this stuff on, put on your workout socks and shoes, and head out to run with no goopy after-effects.
Finally, and I know this sounds nuts but it's not, I love my Yoga Toes. I have foot problems in addition to those mentioned--I've got bunions, and cracked heels, and generally bad drag-queen feet--but Yoga Toes make my feet not hurt. I cannot express how important this is. The bunion on my right foot seems to be getting better, even, since I've been using these dudes. I put 'em on when I get home from work and walk around in my slippers with 'em in place (it feels weird at first, yes) and presto change-o, no foot pain in the morning! Considering that I used to miss either work or workouts because of foot pain, this is huge. Again, kinda spendy, but my set's lasted two or three years without incident.
Last but not least comes the Nurse Jo Threesome to relieve general aches and pains.
For chapped lips, there is nothing better than Carmex. The original and still the best, it'll protect your lips from thirty-mile-an-hour wind gusts, sun (if you get the stuff with SPF in it) and dry air, or soothe them afterwards. If you spend any time at all outdoors in the colder months, a buck or so isn't too much to invest in your overall feeling of happiness.
Icy Hot is one of those things that I never miss until I need it. Unlike Tiger Balm, which can get a little intense, Icy Hot can be applied over large amounts of skin to relieve muscle aches or strains. It can also go on very, very cold wet awful miserable feet to help warm them up. Again, it's three bucks at your local drugstore. Just be sure you take out your contacts and attend to any *ahem* personal hygiene issues before you smear the stuff around. Your hands will hold on to the menthol component of this stuff for a long, long time.
And, to finish this SOTYS session, my go-to relief for all aches and pains, mental, emotional, or physical, sustained at any time or anywhere: Dogfish Head's Burton Baton pale ale. A creamy, oak-finished pale ale with notes of vanilla in addition to the dry hoppiness that's a PA requisite, this 10% ABV booze is not for the uninitiated. It's a sip-and-savor, one-and-done beer that's equally good fresh or cellared (though, once you taste it, it's a sure bet you won't leave any to be kept for later). Be warned: at 10% alcohol per twelve-ounce bottle (wine is 12.5-13%) this stuff will, as the kids say, freak you up if you have more than a glass. However, if you have hamstring or rhomboid pain that just won't go away, eight ounces of this after a hot bath and before bed might just be what the doctor ordered.
That's all for this edition of Product Reviews. Turn in next time for things that go beep, things that go whee, and things that go bzzzzz!
December 03, 2009
Cold Comfort: Working Out In A Winter Wonderland
It's that time of year again when the sun becomes a mere smudge of color in a seemingly endless sky of gray and provides less warmth than Bill and Hillary at bedtime. Those of us who have the good sense that God gave us will have enough brain power to move our workouts indoors for the next few months by exercising at the gym, walking at the mall or bending, groveling and whimpering along to Frauline Jillian's 30 Day Shred DVD. And then there are the rest of us.
There are those hardcore athletes who insist on braving the wintery elements because they get stoked on that sort of challenge ("I love the smell of lip balm in the morning!") or, as is the case with me (a softcore slacker), I am a dog lover right up to the point of scarificing my own comfort for the sake of my furry little friend's exercise needs. Dogs need daily exercise...or else. Have you ever had your favorite chair's leg chewed by a dog with cabin fever? Or had him wipe out a hallway table because he couldn't get enough purchase on the hardwood floor to negotiate the corner when he got an attack of the zoomies? ("Zoomies", for the uninitiated - those of you who made a much smarter choice for a winter pet like a cat or goldfish or python - are when a dog hasn't had enough exercise and starts galloping at full speed around the house, demolishing everything in his path. The upside here is that your living room furniture can be completely rearranged without you lifting a finger provided you have an ample sized dog and prevailing westerly winds working in your favor.)
But back to humans and their outdoor winter activities. The athletes among us embrace the great outdoors - come hell or frozen water. The slackers are in it purely out of obligation to their pets and property preservation against the zoomies. I am a creature of comfort and would never willingly engage in anything that might compromise my current 98.6 degrees. I've worked darn hard to keep those degrees in line and hold onto them like grim death. But I am also a dog parent and will be spending more time than a reasonable person should outdoors this winter. I also like alpine and cross country skiing - more so for the cold storage benefits which I'm convinced counteract the ravages of age and gravity than the actual sporting nature of the activity. In any event, it makes sense to be prepared for exercising outdoors in the winter.
Paying attention to the very basics is a good place to start. Listen to the local weather reports to avoid getting caught in a proverbial Gilligan's Island "three hour tour." If temperatures are dangerously low, override that Ironman mentality and go jump rope in your basement - especially if the weather is further complicated by winds and/or some sort of precipitation. And if you're running or skiing, you'll be adding that much more wind to the equation. It's just not worth the risk of hypothermia, frostbite or an injury caused by slipping and falling. I've witnessed firsthand the chaos that can be caused when someone chooses to run or bike in the middle of a snowstorm on already treacherous streets. Dodging snow plows and fish-tailing school buses isn't as fun as maybe someone like Arnold Schwartzenegger could make it appear. Those are called "special effects" - not to be confused with "exercise". Keep yourselves safe and wait until the streets are cleared or find a more natural venue.
How to dress is another important aspect of winter exercise. Not that I consider myself much of a fashion maven, given my penchant for flannel and elastic waistbands, but what you wear in cold weather workouts can make a big difference in your comfort, as noted in this article. Ideally, you want three layers of clothing to protect yourself from the elements. The first layer that's closest to your skin shouldn't be skin tight and should be of a material that wicks moisture away from the skin, like polypropylene. You don't want a fabric that gets wet and stays wet against your skin.
The second layer of clothing should be for insulation, and fabrics such as wool or synthetics are good options. (Funny, I thought this is where the vaseline and plastic wrap came in but apparently I'm mistaken. Oh, sorry - that's "titillation", not "insulation".) The outer layer should be the protective shell for the whole outfit. Look for something that is wind- or water-proof and be sure to cover your hands and head. There are some nifty silver-thread gloves that can be worn under mittens to keep those vulnerable little digits nice and toasty. I use them for skiing and they work great. As to your head, it's a myth that 60% of your body heat escapes through it - it's just generally the last place people choose to cover up. Now let's get real here: You cannot be a serious winter athlete and worry about hat-hair at the same time. You must choose. Looks aren't everything - particularly in winter. Work on that personality your parents always told you was so important for the next few months. Anything that's not covered will cause you to lose heat.
And you're off!! There are a few pointers, too, for once you get started. You should be a little on the chilly side when you start your workout and the activity will gradually work up some heat. Starting off over-dressed will result in your heating up too fast. Weather that's too cold can diminish your performance as the optimal unscientific running temperature seems to be around 51 0r 52 degrees - what we would call "shorts and a tee shirt" weather here in New England.
Another variable that is still unclear is whether working out in the cold may cause more sprains or muscle pulls than more temperate weather. And people with heart problems need to check in with their doctor first before taking up any winter workouts. Body cooling can lower the threshold for the onset of angina. If you're relying on Team Cranky to give you the green light, then maybe fitness isn't your biggest problem.
Once you've finished your workout, get inside as quickly as possible or at least change into some dry clothes as your body will begin cooling once the activity portion of your program is over. You may find that you'll get used to the cold as time goes by (but who would want to? asks this total slacker). I will be straddling both the indoor and outdoor worlds this winter as I exercise the yellow lab who refuses to act his age and am drawn to the more civilized environment of constant climate control at my local YMCA.
Do any of you have plans to exercise outdoors this winter? And if so, what are your suggestions for keeping weather-proofed?
December 02, 2009
Plantar F-cking Fasciitis
Got Plantar Fasciitis?
It's a weird-sounding condition, and it has nothing to do with fascism or containers in which to put your geraniums. A medical dictionary describes it as "inflammation involving the plantar fascia especially in the area of its attachment to the calcaneus (heel bone) and causing pain under the heel in walking and running."
It's gotten very popular, at least in my neighborhood. The Lobster has dealt with this particular brand of foot pain; so has my sister; and so have a number of our other friends. The bad news: everyone said it was painful and they all had to cut back on their favorite forms of exercise for a while.
The good news: everyone I know eventually got better! Some got better slowly, and others got better even more slowly. But eventually, everyone seemed to return pretty much to their normal activities.
So one would think that when my the heel of my right foot started getting increasingly sore, oh about 2 months ago, it would have occurred to me that I might have it too.
Actually, it did cross my mind for a second, and so here's how I investigated the matter:
"Hon," I said to the Lobster, "When you had that plantar f.. fasc.. fash.. whatever the hell it's called, that foot thing, how did it start?"
"I think my foot started getting sore and then it just got worse and worse."
"Where did it hurt?"
"Mostly in my arch."
"Not the heel?"
"No, I don't think so. I think it started in my arch."
"Oh good! My foot's been a bit sore, but it's the heel. Probably just need to buy some new shoes. I'm sure it will just go away on it's own."
Of course, as it turns out, I never got around to buying new shoes, or cutting back on the running, and the pain just got worse and worse until I started limping and hobbling and cursing. Last week it got so bad I had to abort a neighborhood walk after two blocks, and I thought it might be time to consult Dr. Google.
And damn! Had I bothered to do that months earlier, I would have quickly discovered the likely source of my trouble. Heel pain is the most common symptom of plantar fasciitis--the Lobster's arch was a less common variation. And my heel hurt like the dickens first thing in the morning, but then got better throughout the day, but then worse again if I went for a long walk or hard run--pretty much a classic presentation.
Of all the things you can do to treat plantar fasciitis? Ignoring it until it gets a lot worse is not actually the best one to choose.
(Note: do not follow my example. I still have not been to an actual doctor, the foot kind or any other kind. Visiting a medical professional is the smartest thing to do when you have foot pain. I, however, prefer to go on the web and attempt to treat myself whenever possible because I'm
So what did I find out from Dr. Google about how to prevent and deal with plantar fasciitis?
Well, first off, courtesy of the Mayo Clinic, here are some of the risk factors, so you can figure out if one day you'll be hobbling and cursing like the crab:
Plantar Fasciitis Risk Factors:
Age: It's most common between the ages of 40 and 60.
Sex: When I first saw this heading I thought: What? Sex? How does having sex make the bottoms of your feet hurt? Have I been doing it wrong all these years? But reading a little further, the explanation was far more boring: "Women are more likely than men to develop plantar fasciitis."
Heel-Pounding Exercise: Yep, all that virtuous exercise you've been doing in order to treat your body well? It can come back to bite you in the ass. Or, more accurately, in the foot.
Apparently doing things that stress the heel, like long-distance running, ballet, aerobic dancing or playing professional football can be problematic. (And yes, weren't we just talking about the need for higher impact activities like jumping in order to prevent bone loss? Damn those trade-offs!)
Screwed Up Foot Mechanics: Flat feet, high arches, or walking in an unusual manner can put added stress on the plantar fascia.
Obesity: Yeah, it's yet another annoying complication--which then makes it hard to get enough exercise to lose weight!
On-Your-Feet Jobs: Factory workers, teachers, waitresses, street-corner drug dealers, prostitutes, construction workers and others who have to stand or walk on hard surfaces are at extra risk.
However, the consolation prize of a stand-up job? Your feet may hurt but you live a lot longer if you don't sit on your ass all day!
Silly Shoes: Apparently, you should avoid shoes that are thin soled, loose, or lack arch support or the ability to absorb shock don't protect your feet. And don't wear high heels all the time either, because it shortens your Achilles tendon, causing strain on the tissue around your heel.
How To Treat Plantar Fasciitis
Here's what WebMd had to suggest, so I thought I'd give some of these a try:
Rest: OK, I'm having a hard time getting this one into my thick skull, but numerous sources of advice seem to confirm: to the extent it's possible, you're supposed to STOP DOING THE THINGS THAT HURT. I'm trying to keep in mind that I will get better faster and get to do much more running and walking over the long haul if I chill on my normal routine for a while. I'm relying on the elliptical machine, and I'm hopping on a bicycle and pedaling up some hills in order to try to replace my normal foot-pounding cardio options. (Pity the poor Lobster, because as you might imagine, these modifications are generating a LOT of whining and griping).
Stretch: Stretching the achilles tendon and plantar fascia is supposed to be a really good idea; for example there's the towel stretch, the calf stretch, and what I've always called the heel drop. This arch stretch in particular gave me almost instant relief from the "first-few-steps-in-the-morning ouchies." I make sure to do it before getting out of bed or after sitting for an extended period of time. (However, stretching did not seem to work as magically and instantly on the "long walk" kind of pain).
Strengthen: Exercises to strengthen the muscles of the foot and ankle are supposed to help too; however, fewer people seem to swear by these, either because they're tedious or maybe the impact is more subtle and long-term. You can try the towel curl or the marble pick-up.
Wear supportive footwear. Normally, this is no problem for me as I conform to stereotype and tromp around in super-supportive trail runners and other clunky athletic wear whenever possible. However, over the summer I fell in love with a nifty pair of shoes meant more for splashing about on the beach, not walking endless miles on roads and sidewalks. But they were so cute and light and comfy! So I started wearing them all the time. Now I'm paying for this summer fling, big time. My advice: flirt if you must, but don't have an extended affair with a flighty, flimsy pair of shoes no matter how adorable they are. Eventually they'll just hurt you and make you cry.
Oh, and lots of people emphasize that to get better, you gotta wear supportive shoes almost ALL THE TIME. Like even when you're just getting up in the middle of the night to pee! Barefoot is Bad, unless you're doing one of the tedious exercises listed above. On the other hand, some hold a contrary point of view, and say that running barefoot (or in those funny-looking vibram things) can strengthen foot muscles and actually help plantar fasciitis.
Consider Shoe Inserts. So I actually already have some prescription orthotics, which I got for my crappy knees, though this did not prevent me from getting plantar fasciitis. Meanwhile, all my friends are running out and getting these non-prescription (but still insanely expensive) inserts from a place called Good Feet, and finding them helpful. I scoffed and muttered and shook my head as all my pals went out and got these things... and then the Lobster joined the Good Feet cult too so I had to put a lid on it. (But inwardly, I still scoffed).
Well, now who is asking to borrow the Lobster's magic inserts? Yep, in another probably bone-headed, "don't try this at home" move, I'm wearing her orthotics, though in my defense, we have the same size feet and often borrow each others' shoes. Unlike my regular, mellow orthotics, these Good Feet inserts feel pretty much like you just stuck a giant golf ball in the arch of each foot. Yowza! And yet... they do seem to help. It makes no sense to me that these would work better than my carefully-fitted prescription orthotics, but they seem to stretch out my arch and keep me from putting as much pressure on my heel. Or, another theory: maybe they just feel so obnoxious I don't even notice if I have heel pain or not.
Ice: So I already ice my knees after running, and thought this would be no big deal. But wtf? Feet are more sensitive and icing them HURTS!! I blunt the effect by keeping my socks on, which may make it less effective, but what the hell, it's the only way I'm gonna stick with it. As far as I'm concerned, Bag of Ice Directly on Feet=Torture=Screw It, I'd Rather Have Heel Pain.
Anti-inflammatories: Yep. I do naproxen (Aleve) 'cause you don't have to take it as often as ibuprofen, aspirin, or tylenol.
Night Splints:
I've seen other suggestions online too, like massage, or rolling tennis balls or frozen juice cans or golf balls under your foot, taping the arch, getting acupuncture, wearing Birkenstocks, getting cortisone shots, or shockwave therapy, or evil-sounding surgery, or finding a cute little monkey and training it to do all your chores so you won't hurt your feet. (OK, perhaps I made that last one up, but wouldn't it be kinda cool to have a pet monkey?)
How about you guys? Have foot pain or other injuries that are complicating your fitness routine? Finding any good solutions?
December 01, 2009
Atilla's Most Torturous Moves, Version Two-Point-OW!
Ready? Get warmed up, and here we go!
1. Evil Step Squat Thingies She Just Made Up Last Night:
First, grab a pair of hand weights and a step. The hand weights don't have to be heavy (I used eight-pounders for the first two sets, then ten pounds for the last) and the step doesn't have to be very high.
Place your left foot--with your toes pointing straight ahead--on the step. With your right foot, step forward into a lunge. Then step backwards into a wide-stance squat and curl those hand weights up. Straighten your arms back down and step backwards into a reverse lunge.
That's one.
Do it nine more times. Start screaming at about rep seven. Switch legs and do it all over again, with screaming.
2. Nasty Tricep-Press and Bench-Press Combo
This is what you'll do as the second part of your circuit. Lie back on the step and have somebody hand you a bar with, say, twenty pounds on it (if you're me). Bend your elbows so the bar is slightly behind your head and your forearms are parallel to the floor, as though you were actually in a tricep-press machine.
Now press the weight forward until it's even with and above your nipple line.
Now press it up as though you're doing a bench-press. Bring the weight back down and press it backwards over your head again to the starting position.
That's one. You only have nineteen more to go... ... ...in your first set!
3. Foul Shoulder Horrors
After you've run as fast as you can for thirty seconds, grab a pair of fairly heavy-for-you weights.
Assume the squat position, feet shoulder-width apart. Bend over slightly while tightening your stomach muscles. Love this position, because that's where you'll stay.
Bend your elbows to a slightly-less-than-ninety-degree angle, and bring the weights up to even with your shoulders before you swing them back again, elbows still bent, in a controlled manner back to your sides.
Whimper slightly. Do nineteen more.
4. Aaaaand repeat!
I guarantee after this is all over that you'll feel wonderful. It's helpful to have somebody with you, because--and I can't say this strongly enough--it's *vital* that you have somebody to
I am now going to go eat a brownie.
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