tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post4585908470014484404..comments2024-03-15T04:01:53.036-04:00Comments on Cranky Fitness: The 7 Types of NiceCrabby McSlackerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12108791388350253344noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-34676934740741642752008-08-27T12:45:00.000-04:002008-08-27T12:45:00.000-04:00bluelikethesky, I just have to say I roared over t...<B>bluelikethesky</B>, I just have to say I roared over that joke. Being a recovering Southern Belle myself.Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12785796365378274088noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-460017013897277052008-08-26T18:14:00.000-04:002008-08-26T18:14:00.000-04:00reb has a great approachWay up there in the (sigh)...reb has a great approach<BR/><BR/>Way up there in the (sigh) PacNW, you're likely immune to a variety we specialize in around here: Southern Girl Nice That's Not So Nice At All.<BR/><BR/>These are best responded to along the lines of a favorite old joke (condensed version follows): Two girls are sitting on the veranda. One begins to brag about all the things her Daddy had done for her. The other responds to each escalating brag with "How Nice!"<BR/><BR/>After a while the first one says, "Listen to me, going on about all the things Daddy's done for me. How selfish to monopolize the conversation. What has your daddy done for you?"<BR/><BR/>"Well, he did send me to a fancy Swiss finishing school."<BR/><BR/>"Whatever did you learn over there?"<BR/><BR/>"Well, they taught me always to say 'How Nice!' instead of 'F*@%K You'."Kelly Hudginshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12236835357270869744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-43056805525680914802008-08-26T17:06:00.000-04:002008-08-26T17:06:00.000-04:00snicker I like that line, TK. I always wanted to t...<I>snicker</I> I like that line, TK. I always wanted to tell mean people to 'get a ladder and get over themselves', but I know if I <I>said</I> something like that I'd feel guilty.<BR/><BR/>Niceness without guilt, that's the goal.<BR/><BR/>Steph, to me that sounds like a sub-category of wannabe nice, but that's just my opinion. <BR/><BR/>Niceness without guilt, and knowing where to set boundaries. That's an even better goal. I like the idea of how liberating Jenn found it to say "no."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-67392262870408337842008-08-26T17:00:00.000-04:002008-08-26T17:00:00.000-04:00Brilliantly insightful and hysterical post, Merry!...Brilliantly insightful and hysterical post, Merry! <BR/><BR/>I am dealing with the P/A BS from my mom who is mostly Niceous DeRigeurei except for when she is a mean shit, and I really appreciate the coping mechanisms everyone offered for dealing with it in a way that lets my blood pressure stay normal and my inner kid not take it personally. I finally get that she's just really unhappy with her life and needs any excuse to dump on me, as I'm the only one who is "safe". I'm sick of being the "safe" target for alcoholics and bitter BPDs and Narcissists though; and I always forget to use the "Oh just climb off your fucking cross, someone else needs the wood" line on them, or to just go literal with them. So I'm working on changing my responses. <BR/><BR/>I am also liking Marste's "Bitch-with-a-Smile Nice", and although I hate being a bitch, it's better than Doormat Nice, I was mostly that for 50 years too many. I'd rather call it "Drawing Healthy Boundaries".<BR/><BR/>So I have been learning to do less and less for others (Doormat Nice) and take care of myself first. That should let me get back to being closer to Sincerely Nice.<BR/><BR/>I also lived with an emotional sniper-P/A Martyr for way too many years, it is so abusive, and I tried reasoning but there's no reasoning with an irrational person. I think I was dealing with a Borderline with Narcissistic AND Bipolar tendencies, and it was a complete nightmare. I grew up dealing with the same crap from my stepmother.<BR/>People like that, I say just run the other way. Or load up on silver bullets.TKhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15747390418220178858noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-28353362331736009682008-08-26T16:44:00.000-04:002008-08-26T16:44:00.000-04:00How about the nice-cuz-you-feel-bad-about-saying-n...How about the nice-cuz-you-feel-bad-about-saying-no, type? I suppose that kind of makes me passive-aggressive, but I usually don't hold it against the person, so just perhaps Passive Nice? Doormat to a certain point, I suppose. Working on that. <BR/><BR/>When I find Passive-Aggressive nicies, I generally either ignore them completely, or figure that if they said "Yes" (to a favor, or something), they can deal with the consequences!Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03584272535630167653noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-34006754714145991982008-08-26T16:23:00.000-04:002008-08-26T16:23:00.000-04:00I just don't call most of those people "nice"And I...I just don't call most of those people "nice"<BR/><BR/>And I find the best way to deal with passive-aggressive people is with a slap. No really. Advocating violence, right here.Christinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17816670347595063112noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-32235440978728556212008-08-26T16:10:00.000-04:002008-08-26T16:10:00.000-04:00Ooooh, that's an important point, Jenn.Can you say...Ooooh, that's an important point, Jenn.<BR/><BR/>Can you say "no" and still be a nice person? I think you can, but the point is that you don't <I>feel</I> like a nice person if you say no.<BR/><BR/>(You can be a Nice Girl if you say "No," but that's rather a different subject... ;)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-49198425944237195132008-08-26T16:02:00.000-04:002008-08-26T16:02:00.000-04:00Ooh, passive agressive scares me. And I've found t...Ooh, passive agressive scares me. And I've found that if you do call someone out on it, even in a "nice" way, they still get really upset. So, no advice there. lol. <BR/><BR/>However, is it wrong that I'm actually trying to become less nice and doormat-like? As in, I'm loving the word, "no." Can you watch my dog this weekend? NO. Do you want to go with me and a bunch of co-workers to a baseball game? NO. Can you bring a dish to share for the group? No. No. NO! <BR/><BR/>God, it's liberating.Jennhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12985152906442560096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-11617013359088737032008-08-26T15:46:00.000-04:002008-08-26T15:46:00.000-04:00Oh, I'm usually the Sincerely Nice, but never Door...Oh, I'm usually the Sincerely Nice, but never Doormat Nice. If someone mistakes me for Doormat Nice, I become Bitch-with-a-Smile Nice, and that takes care of THAT pretty darn fast. <BR/><BR/>As for Passive-Agressive Nice and all those other types, like many other commenters, I either take them at face value ("You don't mind wrestling? GREAT!") or ask them directly ("Well, which is it? You don't mind wrestling or it makes you sick?"). <BR/><BR/>I don't "do" co-dependent (anymore), LOL.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-76127210555816542842008-08-26T14:12:00.000-04:002008-08-26T14:12:00.000-04:00ooof. i can definately be seen luriking around in ...ooof. i can definately be seen luriking around in some of the not-so-nice categories.Jennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05598452636322506330noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-37684459232644056872008-08-26T13:17:00.000-04:002008-08-26T13:17:00.000-04:00Wait a minute... now POD is Crabby? Hey, how's the...Wait a minute... now POD is Crabby? Hey, how's the vacation going? :)<BR/><BR/>(Very confusing to have all these different personalities de Crab. I mean,it's all very well being multi-faceted, but <I>oi vey</I>!)The Merryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09660495393832517684noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-24670381310977710462008-08-26T13:07:00.000-04:002008-08-26T13:07:00.000-04:00if you are crabby :)that made me laugh, POD.becaus...if you are crabby :)<BR/><BR/>that made me laugh, POD.<BR/><BR/>because this is crabby & merrys blog.<BR/><BR/>git it? <BR/><BR/>crabby?<BR/><BR/>no?<BR/>ok.<BR/><BR/>M.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-73663314137320423202008-08-26T12:55:00.000-04:002008-08-26T12:55:00.000-04:00I'm only nice if I am in the mood and if I am crab...I'm only nice if I am in the mood and if I am crabby, I will tell the person <I>nicely.</I>Levihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07369763028982948026noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-20901726067139773832008-08-26T11:18:00.000-04:002008-08-26T11:18:00.000-04:00Hmmmnnn... looks like a missed a few types. I like...Hmmmnnn... looks like a missed a few types. I like the idea of calling Tokaiangel's type niceous nieuamsterdamus. <BR/><BR/>And doormat nice... good point...<BR/>hmmmnnn....The Merryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09660495393832517684noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-49947932181164222662008-08-26T10:55:00.000-04:002008-08-26T10:55:00.000-04:00Depending on my mood and context, I'm usually a si...Depending on my mood and context, I'm usually a sincerely/expected/so long as it's not an effort nice. I try to be positive when I can, though sometimes it's just a front (because who can really honestly be that chipper all the time. I am usually chipper in the morning (maybe not on the way to work, but if I'm at the gym, people are usually looking at me like they'd like to cut out my tongue).<BR/><BR/>I was raised by a passive-aggressive emotional sniper, and I think that's the reason I try so hard to be nice and/or positive. It's the whiplash effect, that I don't want to end up the same negative way. All in all, I feel like even if the niceness isn't completely sincere, it's generally a better idea than being negative, since at least it has more of a chance of making people happier...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-21576226189634080172008-08-26T10:44:00.000-04:002008-08-26T10:44:00.000-04:00I am (I believe) a sincerely nice person (well mos...I am (I believe) a sincerely nice person (well most of the time). And yes, I wake up chipper.<BR/><BR/>Raised by a emotional sniper, I do have those skills and have had to work hard to cut them out. It changed dramatically who I am. <BR/><BR/>As for the passive-aggressive.. calling them on their behavior sometimes helps (though they often deny it). and sometimes simply not playing their game is the best move.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-47033403824925318752008-08-26T10:23:00.000-04:002008-08-26T10:23:00.000-04:00I cannot stand any sort of passive aggressive beha...I cannot stand any sort of passive aggressive behavior..grr..I just tell people to climb off their cross. Is that mean? Guess I am getting too old to beat around the bush!Missicathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03547671118679036352noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-32891061867221786412008-08-26T09:58:00.000-04:002008-08-26T09:58:00.000-04:00I think I'm a sincerely nice person but like Charl...I think I'm a sincerely nice person but like Charlotte, I had to learn to stop letting people walk all over me. I'm pretty good now about saying no and I don't even care if it upsets the person. Ok, I do, I really hate to upset them but I still hold firm to my no. <BR/><BR/>As for the passive aggressive types, I agree with the others about confronting it head on. That's the only way to deal with those types.Aprilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07632697136084854885noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-78124295593582753492008-08-26T09:53:00.000-04:002008-08-26T09:53:00.000-04:00The Bag Lady is not nice. Period. She is cranky. A...The Bag Lady is not nice. Period. She is cranky. And mean.<BR/>(and a really bad liar)the Bag Ladyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17434610508260994331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-76913223922782750632008-08-26T09:40:00.000-04:002008-08-26T09:40:00.000-04:00I'm passive aggressive nice... But I'm working on ...I'm passive aggressive nice... But I'm working on that. ^_^ Which wigs people out, because I have a mean streak... that used to be camouflaged by the "niceness".<BR/><BR/>But if you dig deep enough, I'm the sincere type.<BR/><BR/>...I'm onion/layers nice.Harmiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04458376755299153485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-53233847696352347472008-08-26T09:18:00.000-04:002008-08-26T09:18:00.000-04:00Hm. Of course I immediately tried to categorize m...Hm. Of course I immediately tried to categorize my own self--I guess I'm a cross between a Wannabe and a So Long type. <BR/><BR/>Lot's of people give me credit for being a <I>niceous sincerei</I> but that's a carefully fostered illusion. I remember once a good friend of mine who speculated about another friend's love life, to which I responded, I know people think I'm a nice person, but I'm really not, and I just really don't care that much.<BR/><BR/>By the way, don't you just love that Phoebe/Friends quote, "I'd like to help but I really don't want to."<BR/><BR/>And I love TA's new type! It perfectly describes the niceness of New Yorkers. Maybe we could call it <I>niceous nieuamsterdamus</I>.<BR/><BR/>As for the passive-aggressive types--well, any of the types at all--I cope using "the absolute taking at face value" trick. It works for everybody!!! Even my husband. And people stop pulling it on you, too. And it's so easy, you don't have to get into any stupid analyzing of somebody's hidden meanings or code. I don't do code. As my therapist always used to say, "Just be clear."Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12785796365378274088noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-64687189743817674612008-08-26T09:08:00.000-04:002008-08-26T09:08:00.000-04:00What about nice to the point of pain? I'm so "n...What about nice to the point of pain? I'm so "nice" (read: huge conflict avoider) that I let people walk all over me, which irritates my friends and family. Which makes me try and be nicer to them. Which ends up being more irritating... you see where this is going. <BR/><BR/>Good thing I have therapy tomorrow.Charlottehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04339643338071382257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-71816383146104695452008-08-26T09:05:00.000-04:002008-08-26T09:05:00.000-04:00After several encounters, I tend to assume that th...After several encounters, I tend to assume that the other person is following the golden rule (treat others the way you like to be treated)and give them similar backhanded compliments, etc. <BR/><BR/>Since the fake-nice people are way more likely to cry meanie, when they do, I'll usually reply that I assumed that's how they wanted to be treated, since that's how they treated others. Usually there's a stunned silence, after which they avoid me, or start trying to be honestly nice.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-76658260777299550962008-08-26T07:59:00.000-04:002008-08-26T07:59:00.000-04:00I find that a chipper "oh, good! Let's get on with...I find that a chipper "oh, good! Let's get on with it." works as a wonderful response to "oh, nothing *sigh*"Rebhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05318594769530526005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1704170106558126102.post-7750191788896276412008-08-26T07:30:00.000-04:002008-08-26T07:30:00.000-04:00Whiplash nice... *shudders*Just like messymimi, I ...Whiplash nice... *shudders*<BR/><BR/><BR/>Just like messymimi, I find that calling people on their concealed nastiness works very well. Same smile on, same overly unctuous tone.<BR/><BR/>Personally, I also often the use the "I can't hear you" method.Alicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00425148037615520256noreply@blogger.com